mrada34 Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Hey Loveshack community. I think I was obsessed with my now ex-gf. I mean, it's the only way to describe why I'm still lamenting over our breakup. We were together for maybe 6 months. First relationship too if that has anything to do with it. It's been a year and a couple of months since the breakup, but I still don't seem to be over it. I'm on friendly terms with her...ish. And I'm remaining out of contact with her because I know it would send me back if I even text her one thing. But I'm still fighting urges to do so. Just to give some background, we were friends beforehand for quite a few years. And it's paining me to see that such hard feelings have to exist between us still. But, I don't know, I'm just feeling like my feelings for her have definitely outrun their course and I really need to move on. This whole experience has stopped me from being able to be vulnerable around other people. Even people I know! I've become somewhat of a social recluse. I'm just ready for it to be over. If anyone would have any advice or anything to say towards the matter, I would definitely appreciate the help. Thanks if you were able to make it this far and thanks in advance if you reply. Hope you all are having a wonderful day Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Your longing for her has now continued for 3 times as long as your whole relationship lasted. That is not good. What is tying you to her? Have you tried dating again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrada34 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Your longing for her has now continued for 3 times as long as your whole relationship lasted. That is not good. What is tying you to her? Have you tried dating again?[/QOUTE] Now that I'm out of that "panicky" mood I get into when I think about it all, as I was when I wrote this thread, I can say I honestly think it's just a culmination of many things. I still blame myself for everything that went wrong. I still have a feeling that we could have worked had things been done a little differently, almost all on my end. As I said, we were friends for quite a few years beforehand. So, though we only offcially dated for 6 months, we've known each other a little longer than that. I had quite the crush on her and thought to just give it a shot one day when I was feeling like I was needing to act on it. To my surprise, she said that she had some feelings too. Then we started dating and I turned into a mess. I was taking a medication that caused me heightened anxiety and insomnia. (Didn't realize it was the medication until experimenting with it and researching around about the drug's side effects). So, I was always tired, anxious, and therefore, empty-minded anytime we'd meet up. Which would make for some awkward and quiet dates. I wasn't myself at all. I was way too overly anxious and I think I let it show. I just honestly didn't know what was going on with me at the time. I don't blame it all on the drug though. It was my first relationship. I know that relationships aren't a one-person affair, but I just didn't even give it time to grow. Made a lot of amateur mistakes that I'd correct nowadays. I know this is getting a little long, so I'll try to shorten it. I guess I just don't feel like I conducted myself right during the relationship. That I was never able to act as myself during that time period because of the lack of sleep and anxiety I had. We're a lot of the same person me and her. A few differences, but that's what makes us unique human beings. Idk, I just kinda wish that I could do it all over again. I just hate that I had to be that way around her. Bring us to the point where we are at today. It wasn't me, but of course she won't believe me if I told her that. Anyways, this went on forever, but it felt good to kinda spill it all out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Hey, Are you still on the medication? Are you still anxious and not sleeping? Avoid the guilt-trip and turn it around into concrete actionable items. 1. Taylor Swift, we are never getting back together. Chant it as a mantra if necessary to remind yourself that you will NOT work it out and it is over. Pick a better song, but the lyrics summarize well what she's thinking. Find something to snap your brain out of fantasy dreams of her anytime they come up. Make it a consistent habit to snap out of it. 2. How have you tangibly grown since it ended? Do you work out? Did you read some self-help books? Do you treat friends and others better and can control the fog of anxiety? 3. You got one messy relationship under your belt. Time for some more experience. Where are you and how ready are you for at least some casual dates perhaps through OLD? Your fantasy about doing it all over again should be re-directed. You can. Just not with her. Again, if you've addressed the above, and can look at yourself honestly and say you are better today than when you were with her in terms of being a capable partner, than you're making good progress. Focus on how you will act better in those awkward past situations, and practice or take steps to ensure you do it with future dates. Snap yourself out of your head when you drift back into dwelling or feeling guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts