In a relationship but in love with soulmate

[itzama]

My ex and I dated 2 years ago. I went on dating another man, but never stopped loving my ex he's like my soulmate, so I cheated with him. I confessed my cheating, tried fix things then eventually broke up. After my breakup, my ex tried to get with me but I was too vulnerable going thru the breakup I rejected him. 2 months went by, I reached out to him and he said he waited so long for me to want to be with him but now hes dating someone so we cant be together. I respect it, so I continued being single dating others. I recently got into a relationship with a great guy, he gives me alot i'm looking for in a partner. However, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much he gives me, at the end of my days my heart belongs to my ex of 2 years ago. I love him unconditionally and it's first time I feel that for anyone.

 

I dont know what to do anymore, I want to move on with my life, I have a great man with me now. I dont have contact with my ex, I put alot time into my current relationship but nothing seems to be doing it for me.

 

how do you stop loving someone you can't have?

[d0nnivain]

You repeatedly remind yourself that he doesn't think you are his soulmate & that he is choosing not to be with you. When you look at the hard reality that you broke up once, that neither of you have great morals (because you cheated with each other) and that he is rejecting you again in favor of his current GF, how can you continue to want somebody who routinely throws you away?

 

 

Harden your heart & move on. He's not good for you.

[DKT3]

Being in love with someone doesn't mean you should be with that person. You guys have had two go arounds and both failed for whatever reason. Honestly, it sounds like a very immature toxic relationship loaded with red flags and game playing. Sounds like alot off drama. Drama can be addictive, holding on to this very sophomoric idea of soulmates can create idealistic fantasy of a person. Clearly your ex is an ex for a reason. But holding on to the thoughts that he is your one and only is very unhealthy and can lead you to ignoring his flaws. I see several in just the small amount of information you provided.

 

Sadly, I feel you will ruin your current relationship and any that follows because no one can compare to fantasy.

[Michelle ma Belle]

You repeatedly remind yourself that he doesn't think you are his soulmate & that he is choosing not to be with you. When you look at the hard reality that you broke up once, that neither of you have great morals (because you cheated with each other) and that he is rejecting you again in favor of his current GF, how can you continue to want somebody who routinely throws you away?

 

 

Harden your heart & move on. He's not good for you.

 

I second this post.

[mikeylo]

<snip>

 

I dont know what to do anymore, I want to move on with my life, I have a great man with me now. I dont have contact with my ex, I put alot time into my current relationship but nothing seems to be doing it for me.

 

how do you stop loving someone you can't have?

 

 

You answered your own question. Move on with your life.

Edited August 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[Steve51]

There is no such thing as a soulmate. Does anyone think that their soulmate just happens to live near them rather than in China or some other country? Soulmate or not, you still have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced if you get married. Every marriage starts off with soulmates and a strong relationship. We all know that half are mistaken.

[whichwayisup]

There are reasons why your R with him ended in the past and it didn't work out. If you two were soulmates you two would still be together.

 

Bottom line is, he isn't your boyfriend anymore, he's moved on and you have no choice to grieve and really let him go. You're wasting time with the current guy. If he doesn't do it for you then be alone and on your own! It's unfair and cruel to keep another guy in your life if you're not really into him.

[BetrayedH]

Perhaps you need to be comfortable just on your own for a while. I had a hard time keeping up with how many men you've been with in two years...the man you cheated on, the man you cheated with, and others besides the current man that isn't doing it for you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

There is no such think as "A" soul mate. Planet Earth is waaaayyyy too large for us to each only have one "soul mate." That is a ridiculous notion. Can we become "soul mates" with our lovers, our mates, our partners? YES! It often requires work and dedication, but it can happen; and therefore, we can have more than one "soul mate" in our lifetime. (Not to be confused with more than one at a time! )

 

OK, stepping off my soap box .

[Darren Steez]

He's your soulmate and yet he's not with you and doesn't want to be with you, and thus logically speaking without the flowery language he's not your soul mate.

 

If your current relationship is not doing it for you then why not tell the guy and let him find happiness with someone else, because it seems like if this ex contacts you again you'll have no qualms about cheating, since you've done this before.

 

You seem to be brutally honest with your ex yet you're dating someone and your heart is with someone else.

 

As long as this current relationship isn't serious then have fun, but if it is be honest with the guy before you break his heart.

[bminusredd]

He probably was just there to teach you a lesson but he's not the person for you. I think if you were supposed to be together, he would have chosen you over other women and the same thing with you.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Perhaps you need to be comfortable just on your own for a while. I had a hard time keeping up with how many men you've been with in two years...the man you cheated on, the man you cheated with, and others besides the current man that isn't doing it for you.

 

Agreed.

 

Jumping from one relationship to another or even before one ends isn't healthy. It sounds like you're petrified of being alone so you concoct these romanticized notions that keep you in this toxic vortex.

 

Stop. Breathe. Get a hobby. And learn to be alone. I promise you won't die from it.

[knabe]

Being in love with someone doesn't mean you should be with that person. You guys have had two go arounds and both failed for whatever reason. Honestly, it sounds like a very immature toxic relationship loaded with red flags and game playing. Sounds like alot off drama. Drama can be addictive, holding on to this very sophomoric idea of soulmates can create idealistic fantasy of a person. Clearly your ex is an ex for a reason. But holding on to the thoughts that he is your one and only is very unhealthy and can lead you to ignoring his flaws. I see several in just the small amount of information you provided.

 

Sadly, I feel you will ruin your current relationship and any that follows because no one can compare to fantasy.

 

A million times this. When I began seeing my current fiance, I was still ridding myself of the ghost of my so-called soulmate ex. But I decided firmly that I was NOT going to allow him not only to be the cause of hurt in my past, but also have a say in my future. And because I knew how amazing my fiance is, I went all in.

 

A funny thing happened.....my fiance eclipsed the ex in every way. Every way. And I hardly even think about ex, unless a story that is similar (like your OP) comes up.

 

Continue NC, and if this man is good for you, let go. You are holding back BECAUSE of the ex. Choose not to hold back. I am so very thankful I did so because I am going to spend my life with the most incredible man I've ever known.

[Mysterio]

What is a Soulmate. Can you divorce your Soulmate or be dis contented with them in some way?

 

I think that all this Soulmate stuff is made up. Its just to make things more gooey and fluffy in a relationship. The dynamic of life is dynamic. Only in the afterlife are we at peace.

[JuneJulySeptember]

My ex and I dated 2 years ago. I went on dating another man, but never stopped loving my ex he's like my soulmate, so I cheated with him. I confessed my cheating, tried fix things then eventually broke up. After my breakup, my ex tried to get with me but I was too vulnerable going thru the breakup I rejected him. 2 months went by, I reached out to him and he said he waited so long for me to want to be with him but now hes dating someone so we cant be together. I respect it, so I continued being single dating others. I recently got into a relationship with a great guy, he gives me alot i'm looking for in a partner. However, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much he gives me, at the end of my days my heart belongs to my ex of 2 years ago. I love him unconditionally and it's first time I feel that for anyone.

 

I dont know what to do anymore, I want to move on with my life, I have a great man with me now. I dont have contact with my ex, I put alot time into my current relationship but nothing seems to be doing it for me.

 

how do you stop loving someone you can't have?

 

Reminds me of an old erotic Cinemax movie I used to watch when I was a kid...

[maxi105]

if you are not in love: (however much you convince yourself you need to be, or would like to be for the sake of others who know you), then you are not in love.

 

you have invested more time in this man and sadly it still isn't enough for your heart; if this person is your soul mate? then you are never going to be with him whilst you are with your current partner! and what'

s more, the soulmate is very probably aware of that factor too!!!!!!

 

I'm not sure though why you would cheat on a soulmate in the first place?

 

maybe you thought you could do better that this soulmate and went around wanting to experience love from different people who you also felt a strong connection with? or your idea of love back then was a bit more immature and it was only when you realised that you had more than you ever valued in the first place but didn't recognize or appreciate what you had that the problems started to sink in..

 

.. and unfortunately for you now: someone else (whom i expect does love this ex of yours) - has realised what a great catch he is !!! and whatever you are feeling now, i suspect your chances are pretty slim (to say the lest!!!!!)

 

i think you should at least be honest and kind to your current partner and if you do not think you will ever feel anything more for him let him go in the kindest possible way.

 

i would agree with whoever said it would probably do you some good to be alone for a while to get your perspectives back in order and to learn to not need the company of a relationship or habits they bring; and maybe rebuild a stronger sense of self again - as that is probably when you will attract someone back into your life in a more healthier way!

 

if the soulmate and you end up together then it will be because it will have been meant to happen and that you can have another chance with him, but it wouldn't be fair or realistic to go out of your way to entrap them, if the feelings are still there it will happen without interference or scheming.

 

besides, how could you possibly have a relationship with someone you are not talking to!!!!!!!!!!!

 

does the soulmate feel the same way about your recent feelings or is this about how you feel and the regret that you didn't give someone good a chance?

 

what was it that made this person so good to you then, and what makes him so good or important now?

 

be honest with yourself, could part of the attraction be for you that you cant have him now, when he was free you cheated!!! now he is taken you want him to cheat!!!!

 

take some time out and have some fun meeting others who like the same kinds of things that you do whilst the days are still occasionally dry and warmer if the sun shines,

 

what is it that you are looking for in a man, you don't say. maybe that is the problem? what you thought you wanted wasn't making you happy with the new one, or content with the old one.

 

how are the 2 men different? and how long have the soulmate and his partner been dating? are they soulmates, do you ever see them together?

 

either way, it might be time to stop to think alone with the sort of person that is going to make you content. how could you be certain that you would be happy with the soulmate if you got together again?

 

good luck, its time for me to take some time out now. have a nice weekend, you sound as though there will be more than enough time for you to meet mr right. just enjoy things when you can and you never know, you may feel that connection when you stop looking so hard for it!

 

and remember, you have to consider once you start entering a relationship with others, you have to account for the fact that others have feelings too and that you have to talk things over - and not just go running into another mans arms when you feel you've had enough!

 

you say you want the soulmate, but what would he say / does/did he say about you before you stopped speak?!

 

ok, i am mega tired now!!!!! see ya.maxi