I do not know if I should get back with him or if he even wants me!!!

[Sweeti29]

I have been with someone for the past three years. I am 20 and he is 21. He was the love of my life. About a month and a half ago he told me he needed sometime to himself and that he would let me know when he ready to be with me again. Then 10 days ago he told me that he had to stop himself from purposing right then and there. Then the next day he broke things off completely. We were not going to see each other for two weeks, at my sister's wedding. We agreed to talk to each over the phone but that would be it. That happend on a Sunday and the following Friday I just showed up at his house on my lunch break to get my suit and that was it I then left. Then two days later on Sunday I went to his house to give him some clothes that he let me have for awhile. I showed up and he was acting kind of wierd. I put two and two together and realized that this girl he meant a couple of weeks ago at the pool of his apartment complex was there. I was so mad and hurt. When I first saw them talking at the pool I asked him about it and he said it was nothing and now they are hanging out behind my back. We may not be together anymore but there was still a chance we were going to get back together at my sister's wedding. I told him when we first broke it off completely on that past Sunday that I wanted an answer at my sister's wedding about if we were going to get back together then or not. I told him if not then I would move on. Now after I caught him hanging out with her behind my back I asked him if anything had happend physically between them and he said no, that this was only the third time hanging out with and they are just friends. Needless to say my heart was broken all over again. Then after that I found out from his best friend that he kissed someone else a year and a half ago and he never told me. The only reason the best friend did was because he thought I already knew. When I asked my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend about it he told me he did not remember. I told him that the chick told me that he his best friend would not get into trouble. I told him that I believed he did kiss her because if he did not then he would say no and not I don't remember. I saw him again that night and gave him back everything including the promise ring he had given me. I saw him last night and we talked for a little bit and I gave him the other things I found of ours. He told me that things had not been right for the past year and a half, but h stayed because he thought things would get better. He told me that if felt like I was always mad at him for something and that he was always doing somethign wrong. I told him that was not true and that he was the perfect man for me. I told him that I was not willing to give up so quickly after three years and that every relationship has it's problems, that we just had something to work on and that is all. He told me he would think about giving our relationship another chance and would let me know Saturday after my sister's wedding. Then he said if we do start over I want everything to be out in the open and I said me to. He then told me the girl he has been hanging out with, the one he originally meant at the pool, the one who lives in the same apartment complex with him, was a striper. That sucked to hear. That told me that not only is she seeing my man more then I am and on better terms, but she also is a stripper, and she must be pretty good looking. I asked him to promise me that nothing has happend between them and he said nothing has I promise. I then asked if she offered to strip for him and he said no besides strippers don't date guys like me. I asked him if she had a nice butt and legs and he said yes. I said you looked and he said yes you can't help it but I have not touched. He then said he just wanted everything out. I told him that I did not want him hanging out with her until after Saturday and if we get back together I would not be too happy about them being friends. He just looked at me like that was too much too ask and that I did not have the right to ask that of them. He aggreed to not hanging out with her until Saturday but it was not place to say if they could be friends even if we get back together. I said well I could work on it. The truth is I would hate it if they were friends. Now that you know everything that has happend, what should I do? Do you think we will get back together? He told me he loves me with all of his heart and that I was the best person he ever dated and he never loved anyone as much as he loves me. Heck he almost purposed. So what should I expect Saturday and what should I do about all of this? Help please I need it.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

He needs a break. Give him one - permanently. Uninvite him to your sister's wedding, you don't need him there and he has no need to be there with the way he has been treating you.

[crazy_grl]

It sounds like you were grilling him when, realistically, you two weren't still together. And some of the things you ask of him don't need to be asked. What's the point of asking whether she has a nice butt and legs? A more appropriate and useful question would be if he was attracted to her or interested in her (and it doesn't matter what her job is). Plus, that doesn't get him thinking about another girl's butt.

 

You said there was still a chance of the two of you getting back together, but you were still broken up. That means you give him his space and don't grill him about other girls. That's unreasonable, and it'll only push him away. Instead of worrying about what he's doing and who he's talking to, you should be using this time to think about the relationship and see if you really want to stay in it yourself.

 

You two both said you wanted to get everything out in the open, but to me, it still seems like there's a very big something still unsaid. You need to talk about why he wanted to break up and what made him change his mind from marriage so suddenly. Even if you aren't getting back together, you should talk about it so you can get closure.

 

And if you two do get back together, you have every right to ask him not to spend alone time with brand new female friends, especially those who you've never met. Maybe you should ask to meet her and give her a chance before you say he can never speak to her again. Then you can decide what you want to do from there.