Will this come across as creepy or will she be flattered?

[metoyou121]

Okay, here goes nothing.

 

So two years ago, the (then) love of my life broke up with for another man shattering me to pieces in the process and adding insult to injury. We had a mutual friend, who prior to the breakup and at the time of the breakup played devil’s advocate with my ex to attempt to make her understand and realise how much I meant to her. Unfortunately this failed and the next year was initially spent moping, crying and feeling sorry for myself. After that initial year, I started working my ass off at work, in my academics and at the gym. I finally tasted success and felt so much better about myself. I genuinely felt that breakup made me a stronger person.

 

Fast-forward two years on from that breakup. I’m in a fantastic graduate job, have decent career prospects, about to buy my first property, etc. I still speak to this mutual friend from time to time. My ex is never brought up in these conversations; they revolve around formalities such as food, holidays, congratulating each other on successes, etc.

 

Anyways, due to the powers of social media, I often see her ‘liking’ pictures of this girl’s profile that has happened to have caught my eye. I am guilty of doing some social and professional media stalking and have found out they went to school together. Just by looking at her profiles, she seems to have a bubbly personality, we sort of have similar interests and she is drop dead gorgeous.

 

Here is where the problem arises. If I didn’t have a mutual friend with her, I understand it would be extremely creepy if I approached her online. However I do have a mutual friend. I would like an honest opinion, would it be creepy, stalkerish and downright weird if I contacted my mutual friend regarding her friend asking if I could have her number? Secondly is that the way I would go about trying to ‘woo’ her? Would it be best if I contacted her directly?

 

I know I’ve asked many questions – I am confused. Do I bite the bullet and ask either of them and risk my mutual friendship as I would come across as ‘stalkerish’? Or do I die wondering?

[basil67]

You could ask the mutual friend for the number, but if she's got good sense, your good friend will first have to ask this other woman for permission to do so. If this gorgeous girl gives permission for you to have her number, then you're in with a chance.

[Imajerk17]

I agree w basil7. Also, Most women would rather meet via a mutual friend than via cold-approach (in-person or online) so you may have a decent in.

 

Ask your mutual friend: "So who is this so-and-so"? Your friend will know what is up. If she talks expansively about This Gorgeous Girl then see if she could get her contact info for you.

 

If you do get this woman's number then she will be expecting to hear from you. Just give her a call and set up the first date.

Edited August 2, 2017 by Imajerk17

[d0nnivain]

I came of age well before the advent of social media so I can't speak to the etiquette of befriending friends of friends on line. As a woman, I'd be a bit leery of this but it is the premise of on line dating.

 

I agree with those who recommend asking the mutual friend for a face to face intro.

[OatsAndHall]

I'm a bit biased here as I cannot stand it when people use social media as an avenue for dating. I have many female friends on Facebook and it's not hard to pick out the guys that have friended them to try and develop a relationship. I find it creepy.

 

It sounds like you're pretty close to this female friend of yours so I don't see anything wrong with approaching her about this. But, I'd do it in slower, subtle manner.

 

"Hey, I've seen So n' So posting on your Facebook page. She's cute, what can you tell me about her?"

 

Let the conversation roll from there and then try to set something up. This way, you're not asking to get in contact with someone you know nothing about.

[ChatroomHero]

"Hey, I've seen So n' So posting on your Facebook page. She's cute, what can you tell me about her?"

 

 

This right here, not creepy at all...She's cute, do you know her well...is she single...you think she might be interested in meeting me if we met up as a group...?

 

 

I think any other way of going about it probably would be creepy.

[preraph]

Why would you go around your mutual friend instead of just asking her about the person? Then if she thinks there's any hope there, she can tell her friend about you or invite you both to a happy hour with other people so it's not awkward.

[OatsAndHall]

This right here, not creepy at all...She's cute, do you know her well...is she single...you think she might be interested in meeting me if we met up as a group...?

 

 

I think any other way of going about it probably would be creepy.

 

Not as creepy as sending her a friend request along with a message saying the same ****.

[metoyou121]

You could ask the mutual friend for the number, but if she's got good sense, your good friend will first have to ask this other woman for permission to do so. If this gorgeous girl gives permission for you to have her number, then you're in with a chance.

 

I would eventually lead up to this request with the mutual friend. But its just what I need to say in between so that I don't come across as a stalker. I'm pretty sure "I've checked out her social media profiles and I think she's cute" won't quite cut it....But then again aren't we all guilty of social media prowling?

 

I agree w basil7. Also, Most women would rather meet via a mutual friend than via cold-approach (in-person or online) so you may have a decent in.

 

Ask your mutual friend: "So who is this so-and-so"? Your friend will know what is up. If she talks expansively about This Gorgeous Girl then see if she could get her contact info for you.

 

If you do get this woman's number then she will be expecting to hear from you. Just give her a call and set up the first date.

 

That bodes with me a bit more confidence. Me and the mutual friend already have a very good level of respect for each other, so therefore hopefully she can debunk any creepiness I would have portrayed.

 

This right here, not creepy at all...She's cute, do you know her well...is she single...you think she might be interested in meeting me if we met up as a group...?

 

 

I think any other way of going about it probably would be creepy.

 

The whole situation is creepy in general...it's just about making it as not as creepy as possible.

 

Why would you go around your mutual friend instead of just asking her about the person? Then if she thinks there's any hope there, she can tell her friend about you or invite you both to a happy hour with other people so it's not awkward.

 

Not sure I understand what you are saying? I am planning on asking the mutual friend as it would almost come across as disrespectful if I didnt let the mutual friend what the score was regarding her friend.

 

--------------------

 

But anyways thank you for your responses everyone. You've all definitely helped to clear what I need to do. Question for any ladies out there or anyone who wishes to input their voice. How would you feel if:

 

1) You were the mutual friend and you were asked this? Piggy in the middle?

2) You were the girl?

 

I know as a dude, I would be somewhat flattered if I found out a girl found me desirable through social media (about 10% weirld/creepy 90% flattered). But I understand its totally different for girls.

[d0nnivain]

As the mutual friend I would not feel anything but I would tell you straight up if I thought you were wasting your time.

 

As the girl, I'd be flattered but if I didn't think you were attractive / my type, the fact that you were introduced to me by a mutual friend would not cause me to go out with you.

 

All you can do is put it out there.