Girl blew off first date but tries to keep talking to me, why?

[Breakingthechains]

I've been talking to a girl for a couple of weeks. We texted and called each other all day everyday so I tried my luck and asked her out. She said yes and we agreed on a specific date and time. Then the day before the date, I asked her if she was still available. She said she would let me know. The next day, we texted and talked like normal but she stopped talking to me like 3 hours before we met up. So I go to our meet up place and wait 30 minutes after our agreed time. Nothing.*

 

I wouldn't be disappointed if she cancelled but it's straight disrespectful just blowing me off. The next day after she blew me off, she sent me the usual good morning text. I didn't mention anything and pretended like nothing happened but I did act distant and uninterested in what she had to say. But she keeps trying to contact me and keep talking. I don't want to say anything about our "date" because she knows damn well what she did. We're both 22, so I'm not trying to play any games.

 

I'm fine with being only friends, I'm just a bit disgruntled that she would waste my time instead of letting me know before hand that she is not interested or couldn't make it. Why would she still have the nerve to talk to me still?

[Miss Spider]

Oh wow. She said she would let you know.. Did she tell you she could make it? Sounds to me just likes talking to you for boredom/attention

[2much4]

This is pretty easy. I've been the woman in that situation (though I usually cancel).

 

She talks to you because she's bored. And she likes talking.

She continues because you let her.

 

I dont think she's interested in any more than that.

[HarmonyDriven]

You both agreed on a date/time. And she is a no show. Yet, the next day you both are texting like nothing happened...which I guess is correct - nothing happened.

 

OMG!!! Sounds like a game player to me.

 

Nothing is real until you meet. Clearly, it's still not real.

 

IMO, time to block number, drop contact and move on. Based on the info you have provided, this is a no brainer..... you don't need people like this in your life. Time to take the high road on this one.....good luck

[JS84]

If you're not trying to play games, then stop playing games.

 

Stop talking to her. Stop responding to her texts. No you do not need to be her friend.

[GemmaUK]

I could be wrong but maybe she suffers some anxiety?

 

It would explain why she went silent just before the date but then picked right back up after the anxiety of it would have passed.

 

I've seen many posts from both men and women claiming they have anxiety and acting like this or rapidly running off, cutting dates short etc.

[guest569]

I think you should not be talking all day everyday when you have had no dates (had you ever met?) and also I feel that asking beforehand "are we still on" gives her an out and makes you sound insecure.

[kortz]

Why didn't you ask her? If someone blew me off like that and messaged me the next day I'd straight up ask them where the f they were and then probably stop speaking to them.

[Erik30]

Why would you even want to be friends with someone who stood you up? That's a really crappy thing to do to a person, I would have blocked and deleted her that day. It's even worse that she pretends it never happened.

 

My guess is she's feeling lonely right now so she likes your attention, but once she finds a new guy who she actually does want to date, she'll stop contacting you and disappear.

[basil67]

The next day after she blew me off, she sent me the usual good morning text. I didn't mention anything and pretended like nothing happened but I did act distant and uninterested in what she had to say. But she keeps trying to contact me and keep talking. I don't want to say anything about our "date" because she knows damn well what she did. We're both 22, so I'm not trying to play any games.

 

But you are very much playing games.

 

The correct response from you after this would have been to a) ignore her or b) call her on her behaviour. But your game playing is just going to make you more confused.

[act00]

Why not say something? You were supposed to meet and she stood you up. She needs a dose of guilt for treating you badly. It's called consequences. Maybe if she gets called out, she won't do it again...big maybe here. Without an apology and a relevant excuse, which is too little too late at this point, she's not worth your time and attention. Your first clue that things were headed south was when she went from planning to meet you to "maybe." She had other plans cooking up at that time, and if those fell through, she might have still met you. Her plans came together and were her priority. You were not. You weren't even priority enough to call or text with an apology and (valid) excuse that she needed to cancel. She didn't even suggest an alternate day. Instead she left you waiting at the restaurant. Not cool.

 

Keep talking to her if you want. Just don't get too invested. Maybe something can come of it, maybe not. And I would suggest that if she initiates meeting, you bring up the fact that you want a solid plan first because you have no desire to be stood up twice.

 

Instead of saying, "Are we still on," maybe say, "Looking forward to tomorrow, 7 o'clock," or something along those lines. Don't leave the door open for another bail. Her excuse at this point is going to be that you didn't have a solid plan, which after her "maybe," is partially true.

[Miss Spider]

"I'll let you know" means the date is not still on until she let's you know. Next time you get that, don't show up until they confirm

 

That said, it's a messed up thing to do, she's playing games, and you should delete her.

[The411]

I've been talking to a girl for a couple of weeks. We texted and called each other all day everyday so I tried my luck and asked her out. She said yes and we agreed on a specific date and time. Then the day before the date, I asked her if she was still available. She said she would let me know. The next day, we texted and talked like normal but she stopped talking to me like 3 hours before we met up. So I go to our meet up place and wait 30 minutes after our agreed time. Nothing.*

 

I wouldn't be disappointed if she cancelled but it's straight disrespectful just blowing me off. The next day after she blew me off, she sent me the usual good morning text. I didn't mention anything and pretended like nothing happened but I did act distant and uninterested in what she had to say. But she keeps trying to contact me and keep talking. I don't want to say anything about our "date" because she knows damn well what she did. We're both 22, so I'm not trying to play any games.

 

I'm fine with being only friends, I'm just a bit disgruntled that she would waste my time instead of letting me know before hand that she is not interested or couldn't make it. Why would she still have the nerve to talk to me still?

 

Pro tip: Stop spending all day texting. Text a little bit (a few lines) set up date time and place then stop texting. Confirming can come off as weak, but it depends on the girl and how much time from when you set up the date.

[Redhead14]

I've been talking to a girl for a couple of weeks. We texted and called each other all day everyday so I tried my luck and asked her out. She said yes and we agreed on a specific date and time. Then the day before the date, I asked her if she was still available. She said she would let me know. The next day, we texted and talked like normal but she stopped talking to me like 3 hours before we met up. So I go to our meet up place and wait 30 minutes after our agreed time. Nothing.*

 

I wouldn't be disappointed if she cancelled but it's straight disrespectful just blowing me off. The next day after she blew me off, she sent me the usual good morning text. I didn't mention anything and pretended like nothing happened but I did act distant and uninterested in what she had to say. But she keeps trying to contact me and keep talking. I don't want to say anything about our "date" because she knows damn well what she did. We're both 22, so I'm not trying to play any games.

 

I'm fine with being only friends, I'm just a bit disgruntled that she would waste my time instead of letting me know before hand that she is not interested or couldn't make it. Why would she still have the nerve to talk to me still?

 

I'm fine with being only friends -- Do you need a friend who treats you this way?

[d0nnivain]

I never knew there were people like this until I read about it on message boards.

 

Some people have such high levels of social anxiety that they are incapable of even the most basic courtesies. They have managed to hide behind their keyboards & other devices to fake interest/ connections with others but when push comes to shove they can't do it. They blame their "anxiety" for their rude behavior & ghost. I think they are just rotten people -- at least have the courtesy to cancel rather than have the person (you) waste time, gas & money to get there only to stand them up.

 

 

I'm not usually one for telling people off but since she continues to pester you, I'd be straight with her:

 

Stop talking to me. We had plans to meet. You blew me off without even the courtesy to cancel. I don't date rude people who waste my time & my gas.

 

 

If she cancelled with a call or text even minutes before, I'd be kinder & more sympathetic toward whatever her issue was / is. Her ignoring you does not merit a second chance.

[fred123]

I never knew there were people like this until I read about it on message boards.

 

Some people have such high levels of social anxiety that they are incapable of even the most basic courtesies. They have managed to hide behind their keyboards & other devices to fake interest/ connections with others but when push comes to shove they can't do it. They blame their "anxiety" for their rude behavior & ghost. I think they are just rotten people -- at least have the courtesy to cancel rather than have the person (you) waste time, gas & money to get there only to stand them up.

 

 

I'm not usually one for telling people off but since she continues to pester you, I'd be straight with her:

 

Stop talking to me. We had plans to meet. You blew me off without even the courtesy to cancel. I don't date rude people who waste my time & my gas.

 

 

If she cancelled with a call or text even minutes before, I'd be kinder & more sympathetic toward whatever her issue was / is. Her ignoring you does not merit a second chance.

 

Its probs not anxiety. She just not into him

[kendahke]

Time to break some chains.

 

I've been talking to a girl for a couple of weeks. We texted and called each other all day everyday so I tried my luck and asked her out. She said yes and we agreed on a specific date and time. Then the day before the date, I asked her if she was still available. She said she would let me know. The next day, we texted and talked like normal but she stopped talking to me like 3 hours before we met up. So I go to our meet up place and wait 30 minutes after our agreed time. Nothing.*

 

She demoted the importance of this and you didn't even call her on it. I wouldn't have spent the day of the date texting her after she told me she'd let me know--AFTER she'd said yes and you agreed on a date and time. I'd have assumed that her not letting me know after she gave a definitive "yes" meant she was going to not show.

 

 

I wouldn't be disappointed if she cancelled but it's straight disrespectful just blowing me off.

 

To be fair, you had a heads up when she did the demoting, so...

 

 

The next day after she blew me off, she sent me the usual good morning text. I didn't mention anything and pretended like nothing happened but I did act distant and uninterested in what she had to say. But she keeps trying to contact me and keep talking. I don't want to say anything about our "date" because she knows damn well what she did. We're both 22, so I'm not trying to play any games.

 

Yeah, she knows damn well what she did and she clearly doesn't give a rip how it comes across to you. She's going to keep to the script and you seem more than willing to play your part instead of reading her the riot act and blocking her silly behind.

 

I'm fine with being only friends, I'm just a bit disgruntled that she would waste my time instead of letting me know before hand that she is not interested or couldn't make it. Why would she still have the nerve to talk to me still?

 

I wouldn't accept this disrespect from friends, either.

 

Again, to be fair, you should have said something the minute she demoted the date. Being the "silent irate" does nothing but drive up your blood pressure.

 

But she does it for two reasons:

 

1. she can

2. she knows you're not going to check her.

 

So she'll continue to do this. You are the one with the choice and the power: you can either speak up and put your foot down or you can keep letting her treat you like Bobo the Fool.

[OnlyHonesty]

When you continue talking to someone that disrespected you, what message do you think you are sending them?

 

You'd be happy being friends? WHAT?

 

I don't know what goes wrong with guys when it comes to girls, she disrespected you and continues to contact you. Most likely, her contacting you gives your ego some food, so you try to rationalize it by saying you don't mind being friends. When in fact, a part of you that should be your back bone wants to call her out and stop talking to her.

 

Guys, stop being doormats. I don't care how hot they are,it's never worth it. They disrespect you,and they are gone. Stop giving them your time for treating you like crap and wake up.

[fred123]

When you continue talking to someone that disrespected you, what message do you think you are sending them?

 

You'd be happy being friends? WHAT?

 

I don't know what goes wrong with guys when it comes to girls, she disrespected you and continues to contact you. Most likely, her contacting you gives your ego some food, so you try to rationalize it by saying you don't mind being friends. When in fact, a part of you that should be your back bone wants to call her out and stop talking to her.

 

Guys, stop being doormats. I don't care how hot they are,it's never worth it. They disrespect you,and they are gone. Stop giving them your time for treating you like crap and wake up.

 

i agree with this as I'm learning form being a doormat. but my question is why do girls do this knowing a) she is disrespecting him and b) she knows she wouldn't act like this with a guy she's into

does she think this guy is below him is that why? bet she wouldn't do that if he was brad pitt right?

[kendahke]

but my question is why do girls do this knowing a) she is disrespecting him and b) she knows she wouldn't act like this with a guy she's into

does she think this guy is below him is that why? bet she wouldn't do that if he was brad pitt right?

 

Because they let her get away with it. Plain and simple.

 

They are more afraid of being alone for an undetermined length of time before they find someone new than they are of how their spinelessness looks to that woman, so they say nothing, but indulge the "silent irate", because at least they've got the scattered, inconsistent attention of a girl, even if she's bottom of the barrel when it comes to how she treats them.