How can we fix our issues

[FailedFirstLove]

Hi all

 

I've written my breakup story in the breakup section before. To shorten things he had a lot going on. He basically lost himself

-loss of job

- uncle in hospital (still there)

- grandma had a stroke (still there)

- dog is old and it's his best friend

He has communication issue. He keeps things inside until he explodes.

 

My issue is:

-I'm impulsive

-stubborn. It's usually my way or the Hugh when when I'm pissed. It takes me a bit longer to understand

- I over think and when something is in my head. It's stuck.

- I can't let go of the past. My ex suicided/ the other cheated and lied.

-insecurities and anxiety

 

We've been broken up about 4 months now and went NC for 5 weeks because we were fighting everyday. We've started talking again but obviously neither of our issues have been fixed yet. I am seeing anpsycholgist who is helping. She's told me I have "only child syndrome" and all that is common but inneed to understand it. There's probably a lot of factors that contribute to the way I am.

 

For example. He has a best friend that's a girl. When we met a year ago he thought this wud cause issues so he didn't really talk to her much. I never met any of his friends cause he said he was scared we would fight. And I don't know any of this until now. Obviously I must have done something to make him feel like that. I'm not much of a going out person anyways in general.

 

Now he has a picture of her and him on display on his phone. That devastated me cause I felt like he was hiding her all this time. But he said his known here for years and nothing willl ever happen. He wud choose me over her but he wants me to understand that he has girls as friends. It just gives me a lot of anxiety. At times I feel like he chooses people over me. And I Dnt always have a reason to feel that way. I don't know why I do this.... I know I'm just selfish.

 

We're not getting back together this time cause it will just end the same way but I wish we cud fix it somehow. He won't see a psychologist cause he says it makes him feel worse. I'm seeing mine and it's helping me realise my issues and she doesn't sugar coat it like Others.

He knows he has his issues to work on but I dont know exactly how he is doing that. Going to the gym and trying to get his life back. He said he is going on a trip for a few months. When I heard that yes I died inside. But after he explained it to me I was ok wth it. I know I am hard work but why can't he just talk to me and explain everything. I just get anxiety and need to understand to calm down.

 

Sorry this is all over the place.

I don't know how to work through it... I guess I just wanted help

[Tracy.Pet]

It sounds like you just didn't work together. What were you fighting about? Do you talk to him about his hardships? Maybe his friend talks about that to him and consoles him and he is clinging onto her because of that?

 

I wouldn't enjoy the picture on the phone either, I mean, what?.. But after all, you're not together anymore? It's always the easiest to just break it off, but maybe you should put some more effort. You do sound to have a similar personality to me, sounds like you want everything here and now, maybe try giving him a little more time? Is your relationship with him purely platonic?

 

I don't know. To me, he sounds tired and hurt... And the friend comes as a consoler, try to talk to him more about it? Try to comfort him? But keep it friendly, no hugs, touches, be more laid back, relax, if it's real - it will come back.

 

Best of luck.

[FailedFirstLove]

It sounds like you just didn't work together. What were you fighting about? Do you talk to him about his hardships? Maybe his friend talks about that to him and consoles him and he is clinging onto her because of that?

 

I wouldn't enjoy the picture on the phone either, I mean, what?.. But after all, you're not together anymore? It's always the easiest to just break it off, but maybe you should put some more effort. You do sound to have a similar personality to me, sounds like you want everything here and now, maybe try giving him a little more time? Is your relationship with him purely platonic?

 

I don't know. To me, he sounds tired and hurt... And the friend comes as a consoler, try to talk to him more about it? Try to comfort him? But keep it friendly, no hugs, touches, be more laid back, relax, if it's real - it will come back.

 

Best of luck.

 

 

 

 

I don't know. His never done that before. Maybe his trying to get me to accept that it's healthy for him to have friends and he has friends that are girls. It just hurt me so much and his trying to get me to look at it all so I can accept it.

 

I Dnt know he keeps saying she's his best friend but we've been together for a year and he didn't see her or really talk to her much.