Love or Money?

[JHandy]

The last years of my 1st marriage was loveless. It was convenient for my ex as she didn't have to work, I made good money and managed the kids when I got home. Being in a loveless marriage was gawd awful in my experience.

 

My experience was the same.

[SammySammy]

I seriously considered a "marriage of convenience". She had the money and all of the trappings. We worked well together and she would have advanced my career considerably.

 

She just had a low sex drive. And was disrespectful.

 

In the end, I thought I could deal with the low sex drive, but the disrespect was the ultimate deal breaker for me. I refuse to bow. Back stiffens. Jaw clenches. My dignity can't be bought.

 

I walked out one day and never looked back. Glad I did, because, when I look back on it, the low sex drive should have been a deal breaker also.

[knabe]

Well... like I said there is a reason... but not one I wish to discuss on forums. For fifth amendment reasons.

 

I'd say if there's anything illegalish about this, don't do it.

[hptalbot]

Pardon me for sounding cynical but how old are you? More of the point, how old is she? This proposal or rather business plan, could be the result of her desire to have a child. A perfectly respectable thing to do if married. Some cultures don't care about the marital status, but most do. Where is she on the spectrum?

 

I answered some of this above, but will do so again. She would have a difficult time having children, and from what she has told me over the years would not want any. She has ovarian issues that make her sick all the time and give her high testosterone. She has a niece she adores and says its enough for her.

 

To answer the other question: I am 31 and she is 26.

 

One other possibility is that while you see your relationship as FWB, she has developed feelings for you. But won't express them and hopes you'll learn to love her as she loves you. (See any number of OW posts for anecdotal proof of how often this happens). And this scenario doesn't conflict in ant way with the biological clock scenario I mentioned earlier.

 

Yeah see my posts above about her emotional intimacy issues. This could be her way of telling me.

 

Final point. Would you feel cheated out of your chance of romance? How important is romance to you? Before I was married I had a couple of FWB's. Those arrangements didn't last long after I met my wife. Could you avoid temptation into romance if you were married to her?

 

I admit I am a romantic, and I know this woman very well. She hides her feelings but I know they are there. I have not allowed myself to have feelings for her because of our past. (her running, again see above) I consider myself a betting man to answer your above question and I would bet feelings would happen down the line (and honestly I am not counting on the outside sex thing.) So I would be risking a life without romance sure, but the risk seems somewhat low.

 

Unless she is one of the lucky ones, there is no guarantee that she will end up wealthy and stay that way. I have been rich, and I lost it all within a couple of years, due to a bad economy. I owned my own business that was predicted to explode, and it didn't. Actually it imploded, and left me in substantial debt.

 

Had not considered this. Very valid point.

 

OP, if you take away the financial incentive, do you still have enough reasons to marry her?

 

We have a lot of history, and there is chemistry and love there even if we choose to repress it\ or at least hide it in her case, or turn it into something more than plutonic but less than romantic in my case. I have a unique love for this woman that I cannot catagorize. It's plutonic, but more than that; I don't have the giddy butterfly feelings I associate with my ex girlfriend, but I have almost a feeling of familiarity for this woman. I don't want to say she is like a sister to me because that would be weird and not the correct kind of love either. She actually took my V-card when I was younger, and we have both stayed good friends and FWBs when we are between relationships.

 

I'd say if there's anything illegalish about this, don't do it.

 

Not crazy illegal... there might be fines... from the IRS... if we got caught. It's more legally gray than anything. It's not laundering or anything crazy like that.

Edited August 4, 2017 by hptalbot

[d0nnivain]

If she's 26 & proposing a loveless marriage to you, she will go through with it until she finds some guy who sets her motor running & then she will drop you like yesterday's fish.

 

 

Don't do it.

[Chilli]

Yeah , sh@t ,pretty young to be willing to do that.

Is it possible she has a real thing for you deep down?

[georgia girl]

Marriage is hard. The most rewarding experience of your life if you choose right, but also hard. if you have never been married, it's solely a concept to you right now. But believe me, real marriage that lasts forever takes incredible commitment, a willingness to compromise, constant communication, and a shared vision of the future. You both need to really love each other, stay individuals while valuing your marriage above all us and you need lots of compassion, generosity and humor.

 

Saying all that, choose love every single time. Marriage with money could be fun for a little while; marriage with love will be fun for a lifetime. Money makes a few things easier. Love makes nearly everything easier.

 

You both should hold out for the loves of your lives. You owe it to your friend and to yourself.

[Popsicle]

Start making your own money to support yourself comfortably and then ask yourself this question if you'll settle for a lady just for money.

 

Put this decision off for a couple of years until you get on your feet financially. And, forchrissakes, use condoms and don't let her get pregnant.

[hptalbot]

Yeah , sh@t ,pretty young to be willing to do that.

Is it possible she has a real thing for you deep down?

 

 

It's possible, she hides her emotions from me.