lilstuff26 Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Hi everyone, i'm new to this, but i could really use some advice... I'm 26 years old and live in Germany. I'm in the Air Force and stationed at Ramstein. I met my husband my second day here and instantly fell in love. We've been together for over 4 years now. We've been married for 2. He's military as well. Well, about 6 months into our relationship, i got into his e-mail account and discovered that he had been e-mailing/talking on the phone to a girl in Florida. This girl was a cousin of his friend that he had started talking to before we even met. It was personal, though. She didn't know i existed. I caught him and we went through all the drama and moved on. Again, about 3 months into our marriage, i saw a charge for imatchup.com on out statement. I called them up and managed to get his "secret" e-mail account, password and everything from them. Once i got into his account, i saw that he had been having an "affair" with a woman in the states. This was a very graphic affair. I mean, it was like right out of a XXX porn. He had also told her that he lived in Miami and was a lawyer, and it was all this stuff that was absolutely not true. Needless to say, i freaked on him again, and he promised it wouldn't happen anymore. Around that time, (and also because he deployed to Iraq), i began to get anxiety attacks and then was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I've been on medication for anxiety for about 2 years now. Thus, i've been seeing a therapist for as long, too. I've told her everything about all this, but she never has any sound advice, she just listens. I think because this is such a new "addiction" thing, alot of people don't know what to make of it. Things were fine for a while, and then we got a computer in our home and i noticed he was acting a little shady. I decided to download a spyware that tells me every website that the user goes to, logs every key that's typed, and even gives you screen shots from every 30 seconds that person was surfing the internet. He wasn't going to any dating services anymore, but still looking at porn. A few weeks after downloading that, he had accidently left his cell phone in my friends purse over night and had received almost 30 phone calls from a girl that he had been corresponding with over the phone. He was also getting all sorts of ads on his cell phone from a dating service that he had subscribed to over that. I have now filed for divorce and moved into my own place. This has all happened in the last month. The wierdest thing is.....besides everything that has happened, he has always been an amazing husband. Always complimenting me, doing anything for me, wanting me in bed......everything. I almost feel like he has split personality or something. Like this whole other person comes out that i don't know about. All he can say is that he was living in a fantasy when he did that stuff and that he would never physically cheat on me. I miss him like crazy, and last night i had a weak moment and invited him over. It was absolutely wonderful, and i haven't felt that comfortable and happy in a long time. He's trying to prove to me that he'll never do anything like this again, but i don't know if i can believe him. I don't know what to do. I still love him so much. Should i move on? Please help me. Thanks, Jenelle Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Your guy sounds like a cakeman. Do a Google search on 'cakeman' and an interesting article will pop up on a divorce support site (should be the first link you see). Unless he gets some serious help for what it is that causes this compulsive behavior, there is absolutely no reason to trust him. He will continue not because he doesn't love or respect you, but because he has a serious problem from the sound of it. It sounds almost compulsive. The key is, he has to want to get help for it and he has to be serious about committing to changing his life. If he isn't, you will not be able to take him on his word and you would be best just moving on and healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilstuff26 Posted August 10, 2005 Author Share Posted August 10, 2005 Wow, i googled "cakeman" and it really makes more sense to me. All i've been doing is racking my brain trying to figure out "why?why?why?" That article kind of shed some light on everything. I'm so up and down from one day to the next. One minute i want to still be with him, and the next i don't. I sent this article to him to see what he thinks as well. Thanks so much for the advice. It really helped alot! Link to post Share on other sites
gibbernut Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 my boyfriend and i have been going out for awhile and the other day i was on his laptop when his history popped up. the list was long and i happen to glance at what he was looking at there were a million things of porn. that didnt bother me so much. than i saw this thing hotmatchup. so i clicked into its were ppl go to look for romance and in his profile it said single. this really bothered me. should i be mad at him. i dont know what to do. he said he was only looking at pics because when were apart he misses me. meaning he gets horny obviously but what should i do. there were yahoo profiles of girls. the worst thing was he wasnt looking at a porn site. girls who are perfect and pose for money. these were real girls who were also looking for guys. what should i do.... Link to post Share on other sites
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