Gf slept with someone else now wants to get back together

[harrybrown]

looks like you have two posts on the same question.

 

If you can't get over this, let her go.

 

I do not think you will get over this.

 

If you do figure out a way to stay together, make sure she has a test for pregnancy and stds, before you get together with her again.

 

You will not be able to handle, this.

 

Move on.

[d0nnivain]

Many men dont have a hard time to anything other than whats between their legs(same with a loose woman who cant keep the legs closed). It took me over a year before I gave my ex a simple kiss.

 

If anyone is only with someone for sex right out of the gate than it will never work. I'll bring a girl on a date, but that drop off at the door odd conversation thing for a kiss is for movies. Not real life. Not me.

 

I never slept, or even kissed, a woman i didnt know. I dated a bit in life, yes, but I never touched most of them. Just a date. Thats all.

 

I only sleep with women I care about and have built something....But I am human and we all made a mistake or two...But you get out fast when you see a flag or two.

 

Just me.

 

 

That's you. It's not everybody. Millions of people engage in casual sex. If you are not one them, you are absolutely right that you couldn't be with somebody who can have casual sex. It just wouldn't compute for you & would sully how precious you find that level of intimacy.

 

 

You say you waited a year to kiss your EX. She must be a very patient woman. When he was still my BF, my husband had not yet kissed me by our 3rd date. I was fully prepared to dump him because to me, his failure to initiate a kiss or even respond to my attempts to initiate indicated that he wasn't interested.

 

 

It really is all about compatibility. Both you & I are right in our respective views; we simply would not be good matches for one another.

 

 

My point to Panther is that if can get past it, great. But if he can't, reconciliation won't work.

[Panthers555]

 

 

If she was dating other guys while she was away from you, but didn't have sex with them, would you feel differently?

 

Did you want her to have sex only once and then realise that no one else would ever be as awesome in bed as you?

 

(I'm not trying to pick on you I'm trying to figure out your emotional directions.)

 

Honestly, yes....I've always seen sex as something symbolic. Call me old fashioned but that's the way I am. We didn't use to ****, I always seen it as making love to one another you have sex because you love that person. Like I said it's old fashioned and maybe simple minded at times but that's the way I feel.

[Panthers555]

Simple question I've been wanting answered and topics always fly off that should be into different forums.

Would you take back an ex after a 4 month break? Even after you found out she slept with someone? We were together at the time over a little over 3 years.

Also, small details, she broke up with me. Stating she was worried about my commitment issues, marriage, kids, etc. It was never a question whether I loved her or not. Calls me saying how much she messed up and realized that what she did was wrong and wants to be with me forever. We are currently back together but I can't get it out of my head she was with someone else. I see sex as it should be with someone you love and care about. Call it old fashioned but thats the way I feel.

M-29/ F-24

Edited August 18, 2017 by Panthers555

[basil67]

Whether or not I take them back would have to do with the original problems which caused the breakup and if they can be solved to the satisfaction of us both.

 

I have no issue with sex outside of love.

[knabe]

Honestly, yes....I've always seen sex as something symbolic. Call me old fashioned but that's the way I am. We didn't use to ****, I always seen it as making love to one another you have sex because you love that person. Like I said it's old fashioned and maybe simple minded at times but that's the way I feel.

 

 

Then break up. No woman deserves to wear a scarlet letter for life when she didn't even cheat!

[Try]

She broke up w me. We were not in a good spot at the time. She wanted to get our own place, she always talked about marriage kids, etc and it's not like I would brush it off but in her eyes she said she was worried about my long term commitment. She knew I always loved her but said she was doubting herself not that she didn't love me but the relationship

I think that in your gut you feel that her reasons for why "She broke up" with you do not ring true. The fact that she was so quickly sleeping with this other man makes you suspect that there was something going on between them before the breakup, and that this was the real reason for her dumping you. Based on what you said, this is a real possibility, and if true means that she cheated on you. You need to find out when her relationship with the other man really started. One possibility is that she emotionally cheated with him and broke up with you because she wanted to take it physical.

 

Regardless of the exact details, if her cheating was the cause of her breaking up with you, your doubt and mind movies make sense, and she may not be good marriage material.

[Sweetfish]

Women, keep thinking after a break-up having sex with another guy within months of the break-up will not have effects on the reconcile. Maybe, just maybe if women and society did not place a high value on female sexuality this wouldn't be an issue in the mind set of men.. but unfortunately many men value women based on her sexual past more than women do towards men.

 

I agree it is equally offensive for both genders to sleep with someone else, but dont back peddle later and say when a woman give her self up to a man its "giving up her self, mind, and blah blah blah and then shift into another thread and say oh the guy shouldn't feel bad that she screwed another guy. Give me a break!

[SevenCity]

The mods will likely merge this with your other thread....

 

To answer your question, it depends. But the real question isn't what we would do, it's what YOU would do.

 

It's very possible the sex meant nothing - is that your issue? Or is it that she slept with another guy and you can't forget about it?

 

This is one of those things you either have to deal with or forget. There is no middle ground. If you can't put it out of your head (like you did for her past sexual encounters) then I would not get back together.

 

You seem to have a rather old fashioned view of sex. It's not a big deal to many people (including myself). What is a big deal is emotional intimacy. She obviously wasn't in love with the guy.

 

I had meaningless sex with several women after my ex dumped me. At the time I would have gladly taken her back and not even thought about the women I slept with. Her sleeping with someone else would bother me but I would either deal with it or not.

[Sweetfish]

She broke up w me. We were not in a good spot at the time. She wanted to get our own place, she always talked about marriage kids, etc and it's not like I would brush it off but in her eyes she said she was worried about my long term commitment. She knew I always loved her but said she was doubting herself not that she didn't love me but the relationship

 

OP... get your ducks in a row.

 

Marriage and kids does not equal stability... it just means you have a family and maybe if that.. and later on the load of stability will fall on you mentally. You don't know the real reason everything is going down and it could just be a smoke screen because she is complacent in the relationship as you were too.

 

You need to understand is unless she was a virgin... she has had sex with other guys before and also you do not own her.. so you need to get pass this not for just this relationship... but future ones.

[Panthers555]

The mods will likely merge this with your other thread....

 

It's very possible the sex meant nothing - is that your issue? Or is it that she slept with another guy and you can't forget about it?

 

 

Its like at random times I get that image. Its her being intimate in that way with someone else. Her naked body all over his. I know its completely up to me. I just want some opinions, if Im being blinded by love or if I'm rushing back into things or if I should just leave it be. I do love her very very much. It just feels like a wedge now that I have found out this information, not on her end but my own, and I feel awkward bc shes now always asking me whats wrong, whats going thru your head, and she keeps assuring me it meant nothing to her and that it was only a crutch for our breakup.

[SevenCity]

Its like at random times I get that image. Its her being intimate in that way with someone else. Her naked body all over his. I know its completely up to me. I just want some opinions, if Im being blinded by love or if I'm rushing back into things or if I should just leave it be. I do love her very very much. It just feels like a wedge now that I have found out this information, not on her end but my own, and I feel awkward bc shes now always asking me whats wrong, whats going thru your head, and she keeps assuring me it meant nothing to her and that it was only a crutch for our breakup.

 

I completely understand. Like I said, the only way is to forget about it.

 

Think of girls from your past. Do they mean anything to you now?

 

That said, if this is something you can't handle you are better off leaving her. I would say give it a month and see if it still bothers you.

[elaine567]

Its like at random times I get that image. Its her being intimate in that way with someone else. Her naked body all over his. I know its completely up to me. I just want some opinions, if Im being blinded by love or if I'm rushing back into things or if I should just leave it be. I do love her very very much. It just feels like a wedge now that I have found out this information, not on her end but my own, and I feel awkward bc shes now always asking me whats wrong, whats going thru your head, and she keeps assuring me it meant nothing to her and that it was only a crutch for our breakup.

 

If she is noticing and if there is a huge wedge between the two of you then you know exactly where this is going to go, don't you?

She split up with you before because you would not commit, so she is hardly going to stick around now if you are going to keep bringing up this trouble.

YOU either decide that it doesn't matter and get on with trying to mend and improve your relationship or you decide it does matter and you need to split up.

[Try]

She split up with you before because you would not commit, so she is hardly going to stick around now if you are going to keep bringing up this trouble.

You state that "she split up with" the Op because he "would not commit", as if the OP knows this to be a fact for sure. The truth is that the OP does not know this for sure, because if she was cheating with this other man, this is exactly the type of excuse that she would give for the breakup. All that the OP knows for sure is that after begin together for 3 1/2 years she dumped the OP and immedaitly started sleeping with this other man. This indicates that it is possible that she started seeing the other man before breaking up with the OP, and that the OM was the cause of the breakup. If her cheating was the cause of the breakup, then him sweeping this under the rug without finding out more is not the smart thing for the OP to do.

[Been]

I feel for you. I think the bigger question that you have is was this man on her radar while you two were a couple ?

And I think most posters missed his point. They were together for almost 4 years and in a very short time she was giving it up to someone else while he was missing her. And make no mistake a month is not that long.

Throw in that unless she just hooked up with a random man they were first talking/hanging out before having sex which if the case was only WEEKS after breaking up.

You need to sit down and talk with her. I think honestly your gut is telling you her story isn't matching up.

I once dated a woman. We broke up and a DAY latter she was with someone. You think that person just "appeared" the next day?No. She had him on her radar.