Popsicle Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Do they like to do this? If so, why would they want to take things slowly? For what reasons? Would love to hear directly from some GUYS about this. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 IME, most guys do not take things slow, at least in my generation. By that I mean they progress intimacy quickly, or push boundaries of intimacy quickly, both in the realm of the personal and the sexual. I heard this directly from a fair amount of women when young as a reason for moving on. My main reason when young for going slow was getting burned a few times by women lying about their relationship status. I don't mean BF/GF stuff rather fiance and spouse stuff. Hence, I let time take its course and verified their relationship status before getting invested or sexually involved. Unlike nowadays, it wasn't an information paradise back then so took a bit longer. Guys who didn't care about that kind of stuff were more successful. I ultimately had to become like them to date successrfully, have GF's and eventually a wife. Like is so often shared here, the women choose and the ones I encountered in life apparently desired a man who moved more quickly than my natural style. I like that style so went back to it after getting divorced and doubt I will change it. I expect that will cause misses and I'm good with that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 If I take things slowly, it's always calculated. Done for a reason and a purpose. Even if that reason is to merely entertain myself. Everything I do is calculated though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 It's not cut in stone. If a guy finds a catch , he will claim her and lock her down but even then take it slow. Meaning, he takes her off the market quickly but develops the relationship slowly. It works if they both want to build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship that is long term,not that fizzles out after the initial thrill is done and dusted. Mine was fast. My wife and I married in the first year ! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 IME, most guys do not take things slow, at least in my generation. By that I mean they progress intimacy quickly, or push boundaries of intimacy quickly, both in the realm of the personal and the sexual. I heard this directly from a fair amount of women when young as a reason for moving on. My main reason when young for going slow was getting burned a few times by women lying about their relationship status. I don't mean BF/GF stuff rather fiance and spouse stuff. Hence, I let time take its course and verified their relationship status before getting invested or sexually involved. Unlike nowadays, it wasn't an information paradise back then so took a bit longer. Guys who didn't care about that kind of stuff were more successful. I ultimately had to become like them to date successrfully, have GF's and eventually a wife. Like is so often shared here, the women choose and the ones I encountered in life apparently desired a man who moved more quickly than my natural style. I like that style so went back to it after getting divorced and doubt I will change it. I expect that will cause misses and I'm good with that. Good info. I love it. Thanks. But what style are you going back to? Fast or slow? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 (edited) Deliberate. I'm not worried about beating out some other guy for reproduction rights. That's all over now. As example, a lady from SoCal moved in across the street where I'm living now and, given there are very few people around in my neck of the forest, I find it interesting that she remembers my name. I think I might take a plate of ccokies over to welcome her to the neighborhood. That kind of slow. Edited August 4, 2017 by carhill 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 It's not cut in stone. If a guy finds a catch , he will claim her and lock her down but even then take it slow. Meaning, he takes her off the market quickly but develops the relationship slowly. It works if they both want to build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship that is long term,not that fizzles out after the initial thrill is done and dusted. Mine was fast. My wife and I married in the first year ! I think I'm like you and your wife. In the past I mean, it's always been they way. FYI I'm asking because a guy my friend started dating told her this, but little does he know that he is just giving her lots of time and space to see other men. (She's notorious for cheating) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 Deliberate. I'm not worried about beating out some other guy for reproduction rights. That's all over now. As example, a lady from SoCal moved in across the street where I'm living now and, given there are very few people around in my neck of the forest, I find it interesting that she remembers my name. I think I might take a plate of ccokies over to welcome her to the neighborhood. That kind of slow. Omg do it!! That would be so awesome Carhill!! I think that sounds really romantic and sexy (but we should probably remove the sexy part, right? To take it slow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 I think I'm like you and your wife. In the past I mean, it's always been they way. FYI I'm asking because a guy my friend started dating told her this, but little does he know that he is just giving her lots of time and space to see other men. (She's notorious for cheating) He told her that it's ok if they don't talk everyday. (His idea not hers) So she just talks to other men in those times. I know her and I'm not sure if she's capable of being with just one man, let alone one who wants to have intermittent interaction. I was just wondering WHY a guy would say that if not for any reason other than being lazy, or not into her? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Most men with high interest level won't take things slowly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I used to be in a terrible rush when I was younger, but even then I enjoyed dating in itself. It was possible for me to just get caught up in the moment and enjoy the company without the need to push things along, but it strongly depended on whether the connection was more sexual or emotional (or both). I never had a particular schedule in mind as long as things progressed in some form and I was enjoying myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 Most men with high interest level won't take things slowly. This is my experience and thought as well. But I think they do take it slow if they think she's not going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I hate to give this canned answer, but it just depends...I guess you would have to be more specific about what is considered "slow" when comparing to your expectations...Like give an example... I'm generally pretty decisive...If I want something, I'll get/welcome it..... I am generally not that wishy-washy...Other guys may be different... But there are variables...Like maybe a guy may be interested in only sex and not a relationship...So he may not be all that enthusiastic, but hang around for some adult fun....I dunno... Trying not to be wishy washy with my answer now... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 I hate to give this canned answer, but it just depends...I guess you would have to be more specific about what is considered "slow" when comparing to your expectations...Like give an example... I'm generally pretty decisive...If I want something, I'll get/welcome it..... I am generally not that wishy-washy...Other guys may be different... But there are variables...Like maybe a guy may be interested in only sex and not a relationship...So he may not be all that enthusiastic, but hang around for some adult fun....I dunno... Trying not to be wishy washy with my answer now... TFY He told her it was ok if they didn't talk everyday because he wanted to take things slowly because there may be long term potential there. She thinks it sounds great but I think it sounds weird. (FYI they have not had sex) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 At my age, I wish more guys would take it slow... Not a guy but I'm reading this thread with interest! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 He told her it was ok if they didn't talk everyday because he wanted to take things slowly because there may be long term potential there. She thinks it sounds great but I think it sounds weird. (FYI they have not had sex) How long we talking about?? Never made a move on her??...Eh...He's probably not that into her..... I dunno....That doesn't sound typical of any guy I know.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 (edited) Depends on the woman (that's a broad answer I know) If we are talking intimacy, trust me, some women love to move fast! And so do I, I want to know if we are compatible enough, sexually speaking. Online dating for me means talking for days, weeks to a woman before we meet and that itself is patience... now the farer she lives and I am inclined to meet her and make the ''trip'' every week, means I am motivated enough. Current girlfriend lives two hours from me and you couldn't believe how horrendous the traffic is. A man who's very interested will move fast and make tremendous efforts to see his girlfriend. Edited August 4, 2017 by Shanex Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 He told her that it's ok if they don't talk everyday. (His idea not hers) So she just talks to other men in those times. I know her and I'm not sure if she's capable of being with just one man, let alone one who wants to have intermittent interaction. I was just wondering WHY a guy would say that if not for any reason other than being lazy, or not into her? Like you say, if he wants to take it slow, there is no reason she has to be happy with that. Though I think she should tell him if it is too slow for her rather than just cheat. If a guy is not interested enough to keep in touch regularly or spend time with her, why should she wait around bored? It is his choice to be distant. It is a shame she cheats because that is no foundation for anything in life, but that is a separate issue in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I've never actually declared to "Take it slow", but I have learned that you can get caught up in the heat of the moment and before you know it you feel smothered by having a locked in Fri-Sat-Sun night standing date with the girl. It's good practice to see what someone is all about before deciding you want to be long term. In this case, whether he takes it slow or nails the gas, she is a cheater and will cheat on him regardless. If he is smart, he is going to use her actions as a barometer of whether or not she is LTR material. If a girl complains about not talking everyday it is a good indication she is needy and insecure and therefore would not make a good LTR partner. I don't see the point in waiting for sex though. That is a huge determination in whether or not I want to pursue a LTR with her. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Like you say, if he wants to take it slow, there is no reason she has to be happy with that. Though I think she should tell him if it is too slow for her rather than just cheat. If a guy is not interested enough to keep in touch regularly or spend time with her, why should she wait around bored? It is his choice to be distant. It is a shame she cheats because that is no foundation for anything in life, but that is a separate issue in a way. This implies that a woman has no life outside of her man. You should have a life all on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Like you say, if he wants to take it slow, there is no reason she has to be happy with that. Though I think she should tell him if it is too slow for her rather than just cheat. If a guy is not interested enough to keep in touch regularly or spend time with her, why should she wait around bored? It is his choice to be distant. It is a shame she cheats because that is no foundation for anything in life, but that is a separate issue in a way. I don't even know if that would qualify as actual cheating....Sometimes in life(and this holds true for a lot of scenarios), you snooze, you lose.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I don't even know if that would qualify as actual cheating....Sometimes in life(and this holds true for a lot of scenarios), you snooze, you lose.... TFY OP stated the girl is a serial cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I think I'm like you and your wife. In the past I mean, it's always been they way. FYI I'm asking because a guy my friend started dating told her this, but little does he know that he is just giving her lots of time and space to see other men. (She's notorious for cheating) I'd tell this guy to run. I mean no offence but your friend does NOT sound like "girlfriend material". Women who cheat are a serious no-no. To answer your question in the hypothetical, while "guys" are not a hive mind, if we do see a girl we are really into, we do want to lock her down so to speak. We don't want her to keep going on dates with other guys, that is for sure. We may not be rushing engagement or marriage, but we are more likely to rush exclusivity/sex (not just because we are physically attracted but also because we instinctively get that the guy who gets the girl is often the first guy who sleeps with her). Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Sex fast, and relationship slow. Ever since doing that, my relationships have improved 10 fold. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I tend to move quickly to the bedroom and move slowly to a committed relationship. I know a woman is sexually attractive early on. I don't know if she's relationship material until some time has passed, hence the need to move slowly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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