Welp, he finally tells me that he is in another relationship... :/

[Ladiixmk]

So he and I both live in different states, though we've seen each other in person multiple times (and I'm going down there next week). We've also known each other since March however things didn't start to get serious between us until May.

 

Well last month, he told me that he didn't want anything serious at the moment because a lot was going on in his life. That kinda pushed me back, and I guess he realized because he texts me later saying what he really meant was that he didn't want to have anything too soon, however he does have deep feelings for me.

 

So we had this discussion about 2 weeks ago, and ever since I've been putting my guard up since I was developing deeper feelings for him. Then two nights ago, I came to the conclusion that I should end it since we were on different pages.

 

Well plot twist - before ending it, he confesses that he misspoke and just meant he didn't want to rush, and actually for the past few weeks he has been thinking about making us official. But then he finally breaks out his secret - he is currently in a long-distance (countries apart) relationship that has been going on for 7 years. He and the girl used to meet up 1 or 2 times a year however the last time they met up (which was a year ago), the girl brought up moving to the states and getting married... and he's not ready mainly because his feelings for her aren't the same. Yes they still communicate. He says he likes me more since we have much more in common and we get along better, and he has never met a girl like me before. However he was stuck between her and I.

 

I immediately told him that I do not like being a choice - it's all or nothing. So I believe that we should stop talking so that he can make up his mind, and I can move on in the process. He didn't like that response, and told me to give him some time to think.

Then yesterday morning he texts me asking to speak later. We talked on the phone for a while, then we finally have the talk - he first asks if I'm still interested in being in a relationship.

 

I tell him yes however after last night there's a lot on my mind. Then he says that he's been doing a lot of thinking, and basically he most likely will break up with the girl since he was thinking about doing so for a long time anyways. So then I ask him - if I never came to the picture, and/or this girl decided to come to the US, would you still have made the same decision? And he said yes because his feelings for her were drifting either way. After the conversation I let him know that I still have a lot to think about.

 

Anyways, idk what to do. While I REALLY like this guy, I keep thinking - what if the same happens to us? Or what if down the road he realizes that he made a mistake? I mean 7 years is a longggg time, especially if they've gotten so close to the point that the topic of marriage came up... I'm not worried about us being long-distance since he did mention that he was planning on looking for a job in my state anyways.

Edited August 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[LivingWaterPlease]

I once became involved with a guy who was in a similar situation. Except I didn't know it until we'd been dating a few weeks and his fiancee called while I was at his house having spent the night there.

 

I'll spare you the details but he had overlapped his relationship of a couple of years with her and the new relationship with me.

 

What happened with us is that he also proposed to me and our relationship ended the same way; by him beginning a relationship with someone else while he was involved with me. Before I found he was involved with another woman I ended the relationship by giving him space because I could tell things were not the same between us. Sure enough, he married her shortly thereafter. However, true to form, he did the same thing to her so they divorced and he married someone else. Have heard he's cheating on that wife now,

 

All that to say that you're wise to be skeptical. In your place I'd back off until he at least is totally broken up with her. Yet, seven years with a woman and he's been thinking of breaking up with her for awhile? Wonder why he hasn't done so by now?

[somanymistakes]

well, seven years 'with' someone if he only actually sees her twice a year is a fairly weird relationship to begin with

 

i mean i would more assume that if he only saw her once a year it was just a side thing and he probably had other relationships going on closer to home

 

the idea that she would be talking marriage and he hasn't seen her in a year is strange. does this girl even exist? that would be my next question.

[Ladiixmk]

Thanks you guys for the responses!!

@LivingWaterPlease - I'm so sorry that happened to you! Yeah that's also something that has been in mind, if the situation repeats except when we are in a relationship... Hmmm...

 

@somanymistakes - I think it's because the girl lives in a different country (I won't say the name) and he even told me that air flights cost a lot of money - like $1000-$2000 per trip. I also do think that girl exists because not only would he tell me about his trips to this country (without mentioning her), I did come across his Youtube page and he had videos with both of them, but they were from 5 years ago.

 

 

Also - and this is starting to worry me - but he hasn't really been talking to me this weekend :/ I finally booked a trip to see him this upcoming weekend, and once I finally told him, he gives me a "blah" response, then didn't text back all day... and he hasn't texted me today at all.