Older guy/younger woman

[R.J.]

Do relationships between older guys and younger women really work? I am 37 and she is 20; we have a great relationship in every way, but there is still some worry as to whether or not this will work as a long term thing. We are great together and I love her very much, however the last thing I want is for anyone to get hurt! Tell me what you think...

[Tony T]

It depends on the maturity of BOTH people. There are 37-year-old men with the maturity of a five-year-old. And there are 20-year-old women with the wisdom of a 60-year-old.

 

There is also the matter of life experience you must consider. If the younger woman is settled, stable and mature, you'll be fine. If she seems to need more time to experience the world and "see what's out there" there could be a problem.

 

The age thing has very little to do with it. It has to do with readiness, timing, maturity, stability, etc. If both parties are ready for a long term relationship, it will work just fine. If the female seems the type who may feel she has missed out on some life, there could be problems.

 

There are a lot of dynamics that can work in the background to promote success or failure. For instance, a young girl may have had a passive father or none at all and could be looking for a father figure. Or she may be mature and intellectual and looking for mental stimulation that men her age can't give her. She may also be looking for a more financially stable man who can take adequately take care of her and her children...and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Men are instinctually attracted to younger women because they may be more fertile and able to have children to continue the species. Or it can be an ego thing. As men get older, they may be looking for an ego kick that a young chick on the arms can bring. An older male may also be looking for a bearer of his children and a young lady may seem a better candidate. A lot of this is instinct and works in the subconscious. There are also men who are controlling and feel they will weild more authority over a much younger girl. They got a lot to learn on this point.

 

The best thing to do is give it time...yes, take a risk just like you would with any other relationship. If it's working well, you don't just say goodbye because of the age difference. Any relationship is a risk and one with such an age difference, if all things are considered initially, is no more of a risk than any other...in my opinion.

 

As both parties to a relationship get older, the age spread seems to be less of a factor. There will always be a more inherent risk if the female is under 25 than if she is older. But I personally know of an 18 year old girl who married a 38 year old man in 1974 and they are still married today.

 

Your, actually HER, biggest problem is when you are 100 she will be 83 and there's a chance you'll want a younger chick at that point. You need to advise her of that possibility.