Do any other guys get like this when it comes to girls they actually like?

[ZayKayWill]

So I'm talking to a new girl, and oddly enough I have zero intention on sleeping with her at the moment. As a matter of fact I am quite against it at this very moment. I guess since it's a girl who I actually have serious feelings for I would rather get to know her on a serious level before getting sexual...and honestly I like that so much more than casual sex with random girls I don't have serious feelings for. Anyone else get like this?

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't........and just about any man I know wouldn't....

 

Guys generally engage a woman because they are interested romantically/sexually....the other stuff comes along the way..Doesn't mean they wouldn't wait a pre determined amount of time, but that's the end game...

 

Sounds like you have it backwards...I think....but hey, if that works for you, then go for it.....Just don't be surprised if the girl ditches you for not making a move..

 

TFY

[ZayKayWill]

I don't........and just about any man I know wouldn't....

 

Guys generally engage a woman because they are interested romantically/sexually....the other stuff comes along the way..Doesn't mean they wouldn't wait a pre determined amount of time, but that's the end game...

 

Sounds like you have it backwards...I think....but hey, if that works for you, then go for it.....Just don't be surprised if the girl ditches you for not making a move..

 

TFY

 

Hah well I mean I didn't say I didn't wanna do other stuff with her! We've liked each other for a while but she's a Nursing student and is always super busy but since she finished school we have time to hang out now. Took her to a Metallica concert yesterday and was hoping I could get a chance to cuddle with her during a movie after, but didn't have time :/ if she wants to get sexual I guess I won't say no but I really like her so I wanna get to know her on a deep emotional level first I guess.

[Cookiesandough]

It sounds a little like a madonna/whore complex thrown in there

[ZayKayWill]

It sounds a little like a madonna/whore complex thrown in there

 

I'm not following ya?

[camillalev]

I'm not following ya?

 

Google is free and exists for a reason

[ZayKayWill]

Google is free and exists for a reason

 

That's no fun, though. I like being social.

 

Besides sometimes one's perspective is a lot more informational and insightful than what you get from a computer.

[CptInsano]

So I'm talking to a new girl, and oddly enough I have zero intention on sleeping with her at the moment. As a matter of fact I am quite against it at this very moment. I guess since it's a girl who I actually have serious feelings for I would rather get to know her on a serious level before getting sexual...and honestly I like that so much more than casual sex with random girls I don't have serious feelings for. Anyone else get like this?

 

No, definitely not. In my experience the patterns you establish early in a relationship will be defining. Friendship first leads to friendship later.

[5x5]

Having serious romantic feelings for a woman who you do not want to have sex with at the moment, is a recipe for a miserable sexual relationship or no sexual relationship at all.

[somanymistakes]

Basically I think it comes down to - are you saying:

 

"I don't want to sleep with her right now / on the first date, I want to get to know her a little first!"

 

or are you saying

 

"Right now I don't want to sleep with her, I just want to be in her presence, and I think the sexual attraction will come later"?

 

 

Neither of these is horribly wrong, but it feels like some people are responding thinking you mean one thing and some people are responding thinking you mean another.

 

Madonna/whore complex stuff IS a problem if you think "she is too good too pure to have sex with, i love that about her" because that is going to get messed up further down the relationship... if you romanticise not-having-sex then if you ever actually do have sex it may mess you up. You might start to hate yourself for damaging her saintliness, or to hate her for not being a saint. It's a bad road to go down.

 

But not having sex on the first date doesn't mean that you're going into madonna/whore! Not having sex on the first date doesn't mean there's something horribly wrong with you and your sex drive is damaged and your future relationship is doomed!

 

Look, sometimes you ARE just trying to pick up a girl to go home and have sex and you're not interested in a relationship and as long as both of you know that, that's fine. Sometimes you don't want to know about her family and her pets and her career dreams and you just want to bang.

 

And sometimes you're looking for a relationship and you want to chat and flirt and be sure you're compatible and build up the sexual tension a little first.

 

However, if you're like "This woman is important so we must wait a year before having sex" then... that would be getting really weird and starts getting into the whole madonna/whore territory, where you're building it up too much.

 

Or, if you're thinking "I like her as a person but she doesn't turn me on, maybe that will come later" this is probably a bad sign unless that is your NORMAL attraction pattern. Some people aren't as horndog as others, some people need to get to know someone before feeling sexual urges for them. And that's normal for them, but if it's not normal for you then it's a big warning sign if you're not attracted to this woman.

[ZayKayWill]

^You pretty much nailed it I'm not trying to wait a year or anything I'm just not trying to jump on that immediately. We haven't even kissed yet or anything I wanna build up to it slowly is all I'm saying. Most other women I would have banged on the first night.

[somanymistakes]

How much time have you spent 'dating' though? If you've gone on actual dates and haven't kissed her, unless you've talked to her about why, she may think you're not interested at all.

[ZayKayWill]

How much time have you spent 'dating' though? If you've gone on actual dates and haven't kissed her, unless you've talked to her about why, she may think you're not interested at all.

 

She just finished Nursing school so we've only been 'dating' one night but we've been talking before that. Oddly enough we did kiss a few years ago and I'm pretty sure she knows I still like her I've made it pretty clear.

[elaine567]

I think it may be more to do with the fact you are still posting here today about your ex and what can she possible mean by liking one of your posts on FB a few days ago.

[ZayKayWill]

I think it may be more to do with the fact you are still posting here today about your ex and what can she possible mean by liking one of your posts on FB a few days ago.

 

Yeah definitely not.