Two Married People Affair and Divorce

[SweetBabe83]

SweetBabe, who diagnosed you as bipolar and having PTSD and OCD?

Irrelevant. I'm dumpimg him.

[Steve51]

The strangest thing I saw was with our best friends in a new City after we moved. The husband was having an affair with a neighbor who left her husband for him while his wife was having an affair with her married boss. They also belonged to a wife swapping club. They divorced 3 years after we met them. He is a chemist and she was a working mom with two kids to take care of. They were the picture of a conservative family. You never know what goes on in a couple's life.

 

Appearances can be deceiving and you only hear all the problems, cheating and abuse that occurred in their marriage after they divorce.

[Bufo]

If you have the time and interest, I suggest you google the topic of "exit affair" and see if what you learn can be applied to him.

 

His having you drive him to his doorstep makes me think he's on the cusp of an exit affair. If so, your relationship with your husband is essentially irrelevant to him.

[5x5]

My mental health is fine.

 

I am bipolar and have PTSD and OCD so I understand depression.

 

Colour me confused.

[pheonixrisen]

Before you judge just hear me out.

 

My husband has physically and mentally abused me for years. Recently, I met a man who is a fireman after my mother's home caught fire. A few weeks later he contacted me and asked how she was. We started talking about some things and found out we have a lot in common. A month went by and he told me he was married but unhappy and had depression for years. He said for the first time in about 3 years I aroused him.

 

It has been three months and I believe I love him. He told me he had fallen for me about a month ago. He mentioned we have a lot of changes to think about soon. He has a 25 year old child so no kids are involved. I have read men rarely leave for a mistress. But I dont know if I am his side chick and he is my side dude considering. I am 16 years younger than him but I love it. I am in my 30's so I am an actual mature woman.

 

All I know is he has had me in his home several times and I have dropped him off at his doorstep with the wife home. He said he did not care if she seen it. He mentioned to me he wants to get caught so he can just be out with it and get kicked out. He comes to my home when my husband is away for work trips.

 

Is this typical cheater behavior for a man who does not plan to leave. He has also told his co workers and friends about me. And he wanted to meet my mother. He did. And she likes him. Ahe also lnows what is going on and is just glad I am happy.

 

I feel safe. I have his number in case my husband abuses me again and he said he would be there and help. I am divorcing anyway but I am waiting on my raise to hit.

 

Why is he waiting to get caught?

 

What ever happened to sitting a person down and telling them I want out of the marriage as I am in love with someone else ??????

[pheonixrisen]

Sadism? I am a dominant female and typically I prefer to be a sadist. He is quite submissive. But I thought it would be nice to see if he had it in him.

 

Dominant female !

 

Victim of physical and mental abuse

 

The 2 above statement does not go hand in hand .

[SweetBabe83]

They can exit with someone else.

[harrybrown]

Why don't you invite your soon to be ex lover and his wife over for dinner?

 

Have your abusive H get intimate with his wife.

 

Then file for D on your rich abusive H and get him to pay you alimony?

 

I

one other option is to go to your stbx lover's house and trip on the stairs.

 

Sue him and his wife for your pain.You are smarter than I am, but you should be able to figure out how to get money from both your H and your lover.

[SweetBabe83]

That second idea is not bad.

 

I am just going to stop seeing this person and keep draining my husband of his money. Maybe he will die and I can get the insurance.

[SweetBabe83]

Nobody hates their spouse enough that they wish they would die? Because I do. Every day.

[deadsoul]

Nobody hates their spouse enough that they wish they would die? Because I do. Every day.

 

This makes me sad...

 

OP, what exactly are you looking for here? Do you need advice? Do you just need to tell your story? I'm not sure what you want here. Your original post said not to judge and I'm trying hard not to, but your follow up posts are kind of all over the place.

 

Here's my advice (even though you haven't asked): get some counseling. You've mentioned you have some diagnosed issues... I have a feeling you have a lot of deeper things going on than a message board like this one can handle.

 

Good luck, OP.

[BTDT2012]

Nobody hates their spouse enough that they wish they would die? Because I do. Every day.

If I felt that way, I would leave my spouse.

[BaileyB]

Indeed, off-balance is a good word.

 

I would also suggest that you see your doctor and/or get some counselling. The issues you are having can not be solved on this message board.

 

Best wishes.

[ladydesigner]

He told me about two years after marriage he just stopped liking her and he has had 2 affairs over a ten year span. I had an affair for two years prior but he was single.

 

I plan to tell him no sex once I get to where I am divorcing. I hardly see it is fair for me to demand he leave his wife while I am still married.

 

The bolded would have me running for the hills!

[ladydesigner]

My mental health is fine.

 

I am just going to ghost him. Basically I have been sleeping with him when his wife was at work.....in their house. But I really do not feel any connection. We both find it funny though to sleep in the bed she sleeps in.

Since I really do not care for him I dont want him to get caught and kicked out.

 

There is something wrong with this thinking. You should talk with a counselor asap!

[sandylee1]

Whilst I am skeptical, I'll continue to contribute.

 

I still think you sound off balance and more so with each additional post.

 

The abuse you accused your husband of, doesn't quite add up with the personality you display here. If anything, you seem to have abusive tendencies. It might be that you've been a victim so long and have developed similar characteristics as you husband.

 

I don't quite see how OCD and Bipolar aren't mental health issues either.

 

I wish you well in whatever choices you make.

[LivingWaterPlease]

He started the abuse...I just refuse to take it. Call me abusivr if you want.

 

I am bipolar and have PTSD and OCD so I understand depression. I also understand how no or low sex drive goes with it.

 

My mental health is fine.

 

I am just going to ghost him. Basically I have been sleeping with him when his wife was at work.....in their house. But I really do not feel any connection. We both find it funny though to sleep in the bed she sleeps in.

Since I really do not care for him I dont want him to get caught and kicked out.

 

SweetBabe, who diagnosed you as bipolar and having PTSD and OCD?

 

Irrelevant. I'm dumpimg him.

 

Op, nothing personal but given that you seem to be somewhat inconsistent in your posts it seems to me it would helpful for posters to understand whether you've been diagnosed by an MD, a psychologist, a friend, or yourself, in order to help you process this issue or give you opinions on it.

[SweetBabe83]

Op, nothing personal but given that you seem to be somewhat inconsistent in your posts it seems to me it would helpful for posters to understand whether you've been diagnosed by an MD, a psychologist, a friend, or yourself, in order to help you process this issue or give you opinions on it.

It is nobodies business. And if I wanted advice on mental health I would ask a health professional. I dont want any advice. I just wanted to know if ir was common for a married man to be so open about his affair.

 

As for dominance. I am SEXUALLY dominant. If people do not understand BDSM that is their problem.

 

My options are quite simple. I can stop banging him or I can keep on. I don't want to get married again and I don't want to "move in" with a man unless I move him in so I can also move him out if he gets on my nerves. There are no "options". And I frankly do not mind if he stays married.

Edited August 25, 2017 by SweetBabe83

[BTDT2012]

It is nobodies business. And if I wanted advice on mental health I would ask a health professional. I dont want any advice. I just wanted to know if ir was common for a married man to be so open about his affair.

 

As for dominance. I am SEXUALLY dominant. If people do not understand BDSM that is their problem.

 

My options are quite simple. I can stop banging him or I can keep on. I don't want to get married again and I don't want to "move in" with a man unless I move him in so I can also move him out if he gets on my nerves. There are no "options". And I frankly do not mind if he stays married.

 

Married men/women are generally open about affairs with people who are accepting of affairs. They hide it from people who aren't.

[GorillaTheater]

Your posts are quite confusing. In your first post you say don't judge you because your husband is physically and emotionally abusive.

 

Then you say that you abused him (screwdriver incident)

 

Then you say you're only with him for money.

 

Then you say you're a dominant woman.

 

Just confused here about all this?

 

 

I think if anyone's getting abused around here, it's us.

 

 

[SweetBabe83]

Married men/women are generally open about affairs with people who are accepting of affairs. They hide it from people who aren't.

 

They usually do not let you drop them off while the wife is home and kiss you in front if the door. You would hide it from your spouse, I think. This has happened several times and on a few days the wife was out he asked me to come get in the pool. But she came back later so I had to leave early. I know she came back because I heard her when I was on the phone.

I asked why he was not worried and he said he just did not care if she kicks him out.

[BTDT2012]

They usually do not let you drop them off while the wife is home and kiss you in front if the door. You would hide it from your spouse, I think. This has happened several times and on a few days the wife was out he asked me to come get in the pool. But she came back later so I had to leave early. I know she came back because I heard her when I was on the phone.

I asked why he was not worried and he said he just did not care if she kicks him out.

 

Sounds like an exit affair.

[deadsoul]

It is nobodies business. And if I wanted advice on mental health I would ask a health professional. I dont want any advice. I just wanted to know if ir was common for a married man to be so open about his affair.

 

As for dominance. I am SEXUALLY dominant. If people do not understand BDSM that is their problem.

 

My options are quite simple. I can stop banging him or I can keep on. I don't want to get married again and I don't want to "move in" with a man unless I move him in so I can also move him out if he gets on my nerves. There are no "options". And I frankly do not mind if he stays married.

 

In answer to your question, no, it is not very common and he's a coward because if he wants out of his marriage, he needs to just say so. His actions suck. My question to you is, Why do you want to be a part of that?