lizzyhenson Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Long story short (or somewhat condensed) I had an affair with with my husbands co-worker (who i grew up with) that began as emotional and then became full-blown, in love and planning our exit strategies. AP was married as well. We ended up getting caught and the last time we had any contact was on d-day. He lost his job ( and vehicle that was company issued) and has no relatives in the area (which is why he was saving up before he left his wife). He ended up staying with his wife, whether out of his choice or not having any job/veh/place to go I will never know because we went completely no contact after blowup. It has now been 5 months. I originally left my husband for 2 months but after constant harrasment (narcissist) and being heartbroken I ended up letting him move back in with myself and kids. Fast forward 3 months and my husband was told by a mutual aquaintance that the AP told him that we are still talking. What the what??? I am floored. I have spent every waking moment with this man on my mind and in my heart but have not had any contact with respect to his decision to stay with his wife. Why on earth would he lie and tell someone that we are still talking? Especially knowing it could get back to his wife and to my husband? What could it mean? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 If it's true (and not someone else stirring up trouble, or your husband fishing to see if you still have feelings) it sounds like he might be trying to punish you for going back to your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Are you sure this is true? I wouldn't be inclined to believe anything that could best be described as gossip. Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 I wouldn't be so quick to believe that. Right now your husband doesn't trust you at all and I wouldn't be surprised if he was lying to you to try and get a truth out of you i.e. Lying that he heard y'all are still talking so that you can confess that you're still in contact. My MM's wife did something like that- she told him that I contacted her to tell her he and I were still seeing each other when at that time, we weren't even speaking and I definitely wasn't reaching out to her. Yes there's a chance that your AP did say that but I don't really see what his purpose for that would be. Unless it's an attempt to just cause trouble or get you to reach out to him? But even so, there are other, better ways to do that. I just don't think your AP said that- if he stayed with his wife, he wouldn't be making up lies that would hurt him. I'd be more inclined to believe this if the lie were that you were constantly reaching out to him but he didn't want to speak to you. At least in that scenario he's just an innocent little victim and it damages you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 My guess is that this is not true. Your husband is using an interrogation tactic. He suspects you are still in contact and is pretending to know this for a fact. Your AP has zero motivation to say this because it will get him in to as much trouble. Seems to me you need to work out what you want to do with your marriage. Either commit to reconcilliation or commit to separating in the best way possible. Goid luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 If I read your post right and your husband is narcissistic then that is exactly te kind of manipulative thing that kind of a person would do to upset you and try to find out if you were still seeing the OM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzyhenson Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 I'm sure its true as it came from a reliable source. I just don't know why he would do it as a sort of "punishment" to me for being back with my husband when he stayed with his wife. Unless he only stayed because he lost pretty much everything and now that he's got a new job and getting back on his feet he is upset that I let my husband back. But still doesn't explain why he would risk it getting back to his wife? We live in a pretty small community. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 I'm sure its true as it came from a reliable source. I just don't know why he would do it as a sort of "punishment" to me for being back with my husband when he stayed with his wife. Unless he only stayed because he lost pretty much everything and now that he's got a new job and getting back on his feet he is upset that I let my husband back. But still doesn't explain why he would risk it getting back to his wife? We live in a pretty small community. Have you actually spoken to the mutual acquaintance yourself about this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 If I read your post right and your husband is narcissistic then that is exactly te kind of manipulative thing that kind of a person would do to upset you and try to find out if you were still seeing the OM. ^^ Completely agree! What does your AP have to gain by doing so? Ruining the little that he has left of his reputation, farther damage his chance of reconciling his marriage. The fact that he has not contacted you, should be clear sign that he wants to work on his marriage--not jeopardize it farther. On the other hand, what does your husband have to gain by cooking up a fake story? A lot; phishing for more info. Punish you by stirring up false accusations. And especially as you said, if he is a narcissist, what better way to torment you farther than this, knowing that you were planning on starting a new life with your AP? The option of a life with your AP is gone--but whether or not you should stay with your husband is something you should consider carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
rumblefish12 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 I agree with the others that I would not take this at face value. Even if it wasn't a means of manipulation by your husband or XMM's BS, it could have been some ****-stirrer out there. There are lots of those. Or it could've just been a misstatement about something else that was said (telephone game). The more important issue is are you changing your mindset to move on from the A? As someone who feel back into an A pretty easily after an 8 month NC, I'm here to tell you that the quicker you change your mindset the quicker NC works. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 What struck me as odd ---> you say you let your H back in the house - yet YOU were the one cheating. You stated it like you did him a favor - yet you are still pining for the OMM... Why aren't you focusing your energy, time and attention on your husband ONLY? Link to post Share on other sites
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