Serendipity55 Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Can I ask, did you end it with him or vice versa? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonlight_coffee Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yes we had unprotected sex. I guess I'm just hesitant to tell because I'm not 100% sure about him and the other female. Though I'm almost sure of it. I just lack physical proof. Yes I didn't tell his wife before because he said they were not having sex. But now when he's getting the sex and still went ahead to be with someone else while we were involved, I figured he's just a very dishonest man. And realized that there may be more than 2 OW and for that reason I would like to tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonlight_coffee Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Can I ask, did you end it with him or vice versa? I ended it because I found out about him and the other woman. He continues to deny being involved with her despite the unsurmountable evidence. Only thing lacking is seeing them in the act Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 As a BS, I wanted to know. The OW told me. He would never admit to that. Never. I would have went my life never knowing and he was happy as hell to keep it that way. Sometimes I wish I could back to being clueless. I knew something wasn't right. He was being awfully protective of his phone and that was never something he did before. But that was my only clue. Otherwise, he was the super attentive, loving, doting, affectionate husband I always knew. It is best to give her the proof of your affair and this one if you have it. Otherwise, he will quickly throw you under the bus. Give her the information as gently as possible. Make sure she won't be getting the info while at a kids' event or something similar (if you email). Be kind. Be compassionate. Apologize for your part in hurting her. Be prepared for her backlash, don't respond to it except to say you are sorry. And then leave her alone, don't judge if she stays around, and peace out of their lives for good. Close that chapter. This is how you can make right what has happened. At least on your part. She may thank you, I did. She may call you names. She may be nice and then later turn on you. Understand the information you will give her may very well turn her life upside down. But I would want to know. The OW still taunts me. Don't be like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Origin Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I ended it because I found out about him and the other woman. He continues to deny being involved with her despite the unsurmountable evidence. Only thing lacking is seeing them in the act These are usually the worst. Unless you have 100% proof they will deny. They just can't accept they did something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 You only was to tell bc you're out. Take some time, allow yourself to grieve your life's mistake. Own that he couldn't have done this to you, of you had never put yourself in that position. I'll never understand this logic of not taking full responsibility for one's actions & when the A blows up in the AP face, all of a sudden the BS is such a worry but not one's own actions. Worry about yourself & your life bc not having personal boundaries is what got you into this mess. You'll look no better than him if you tell & will be bringing yourself under scrutiny. Why bother putting yourself through that, just to get him? Let it go & change yourself, his life is non of your business. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) Why didn't you tell his wife while you were in the affair? It sounds like you are just jealous of his new affair partner by wanting to do this now. It's funny that now he seems like a dishonest man to you but didn't you realize that when he was dishonest with his wife when in the affair with you? Edited August 14, 2017 by stillafool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 From your other threads, it sounds like his wife has already found out about your exploits with him, once or twice before. What are you going to say: "now its officially over". If she knew once, she knows already let it be, move on, and ask yourself what you need to do to prevent yourself from getting into another relationship like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 From your other threads, it sounds like his wife has already found out about your exploits with him, once or twice before. What are you going to say: "now its officially over". If she knew once, she knows already let it be, move on, and ask yourself what you need to do to prevent yourself from getting into another relationship like this. Good point. Hasn't he already had two d-days? If that is true, and she has clearly made an informed decision to stay, why would this disclosure be any different? You have no proof that he is engaged with another woman, he denies it... She has already known about you, so she should be thrilled to hear that you have finally ended your involvement. I would move on... It's not worth the stress. Leave them to their own sorted affairs... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I wouldn't. Your motives for telling her are possibly out of spite because he's with someone else. I wouldn't believe you, if I were the BW. Your best bet is to heal yourself and focus on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I know you are hurting. I am so sorry. Now you must think deeply before you choose to contact her--or not. It appears, to me, she knows what he is. There is so much to consider here. Most people posting on this thread, including you and myself--know hurt and have had people impact us, and we have made bad choices that impact others as well. There is suffering here. We have made choices that forever change us, and hopefully-in the end--evolve us. If you can learn from this, grow, RECONCILE all the hurt and pain and move on--that is the goal. We all hurt. We've made poor decisions. It's the human condition. The key is not to beat yourself up over them. It's about forgiving yourself and loving yourself. Knowing you are wiser, stronger and resilient. You learned the lesson the universe set out to teach you. There are people who crush our souls but we must get up, move on and learn the lessons that they came into our lives to teach us. Hopefully, we move on stronger, clearer, smarter and more capable. Release the anger, own your share in it and move on. I know it's easier said then done. But you can do this--you are free. They are not. Be kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonlight_coffee Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Release the anger by telling her? Yes I do feel like there is some pent up anger there waiting to explode and it's preventing me from moving on. He n I are no longer on speaking terms. I just feel to tell both of them a piece of my mind n then move on Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Release the anger by telling her? Yes I do feel like there is some pent up anger there waiting to explode and it's preventing me from moving on. He n I are no longer on speaking terms. I just feel to tell both of them a piece of my mind n then move on Why do you need to release your anger on his wife? Why do you need to give HER a piece of your mind? She did nothing to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonlight_coffee Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Why do you need to release your anger on his wife? Why do you need to give HER a piece of your mind? She did nothing to you. Sigh. It's like taking 2 steps forward and then 3 steps backwards into my misery. He just doesn't get how much he hurted me and I just want him to feel an inkling of my pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Sigh. It's like taking 2 steps forward and then 3 steps backwards into my misery. He just doesn't get how much he hurted me and I just want him to feel an inkling of my pain. But his wife did not hurt you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Sigh. It's like taking 2 steps forward and then 3 steps backwards into my misery. He just doesn't get how much he hurted me and I just want him to feel an inkling of my pain. The focus of your anger should not only be on him... No doubt, he is a bad man. But, you chose to become involved in this affair. You allowed him to use you - quite happily, until it wasn't in your best interest anymore... It's easy to be angry or strike out at another person. It's much harder to do some self-reflection and take responsibility for your own decisions and actions. His wife, has done nothing to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Release the anger by telling her? Yes I do feel like there is some pent up anger there waiting to explode and it's preventing me from moving on. He n I are no longer on speaking terms. I just feel to tell both of them a piece of my mind n then move on No-- release the anger within yourself. For you. This will take time. This is not about her, it is a gift you give yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Personally, had my DH cheated on me, I'd want to know and I wouldn't care what motivated the OW to tell me so long as she told me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonlight_coffee Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 Well I told her. Sent her an email, not anticipating a response. Just saying that he's Still cheating and for how long. Etc. Did not Include any proof. Yes she may not believe me but given that she has already found out about it twice, the choice to believe is really up to her. Then again he's a very good liar so I suppose the two times she found out he was able to spin some lies to tell her. The second time there was proof of the affair in our text messages so idk what he could've told her then. Still I told her and now I will move on. And yes I have accepted my part and taken responsibility for my choices. It goes without saying that I'll never be with a mm again. The pain is just not worth it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonlight_coffee Posted August 26, 2017 Author Share Posted August 26, 2017 I keep getting strong urges to message him. I've been able to hold firm for two weeks. Then I caved and messaged him! He didn't respond. I mean if this were any normal r.ship I would've been able to just let go and move on. Yet here I am still thinking of this POS Xmm. Some days are really good and then some not so good I mean he's the one that did me wrong and he's acting as if it was I. I don't even know what I want from him. I don't know why I messaged him. I blocked him before but unblocked after a while. Now he's blocked again. Seeing him at work daily doesn't help either! Why can't I just let go and move on?! I really am trying. Sigh Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonlight_coffee Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 Hi everyone, Reading over my old post and literally DWLLL. I don't know who was that person who wrote that post, cause it surely wasn't me. It just goes to show how affairs change you and make you crazy! I'm in a really better place now, been NC with xmm for a couple weeks now. I no longer think about him that often, zero urge to contact him. When I do think about him it's just for a fleeting moment. Definitely never going back down that path. I'm here to tell you all that it does get better! So trod on my friends....there is a light at the end...afterall. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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