manders_01 Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 I would like the female perspective on this question only, please... My friend is getting married next summer. I am a bridesmaid. She asked my sister, on what I can only assume was a whim cause she never asked me how I might feel about it, if my neice - my ONLY neice - could be her flower girl. It upsets me and I don't want my sister to let her cause A) She is 19, I am 27 and no where near being married and B) it's like she's rubbing it in my face that I will never get to have my neice (or nephew for that matter) in my wedding in a child capapcity. Has anyone else dealt with this before? I know this is a TOTALLY girlie thing and I am sure I am overreacting, but part of me feels like I have every right to be hurt. I'm especially hurt because my sister didn't understand where I was coming for AT ALL. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 I don't get it either. What right do you have to dictate to her what she can or cannot do based on what might happen to you in the future? Should she tell her fiance she doesn't want to get married because you may never get married? You're being ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Sorry I have to agree - I don't understand what you are upset about. Your niece can be your flowergirl too - there's no limit to how many times a little girl can be a flower girl. I think you need to be happy for your friend and happy she is including your family in her special day and do everything in your power to make sure the day is wonderful for her. Who knows perhaps she'll do the same for you when it's your turn. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Obviously you and your sister have a strained friendship right???? This could be the only reason why she wouldn't let her daughter be part of your wedding in the future? Are you close with this niece, or are you jealous of her? OK, from where I sit, it doesn't matter how old your niece is, age should have nothing to do with being in a flowergirl. Yes, most flowergirls are younger and most I've seen are little girls... This should mean alot to you, that your friend wants YOUR niece to be part of her special day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author manders_01 Posted August 10, 2005 Author Share Posted August 10, 2005 I am actually very happy for my friends and not at all incinuating that they should call off their wedding because I do not want my neice to be their flower girl. I live the closest of all the bridesmaids (we live right next door to each other in fact) and she has come to me in most of her "times of need" and I have been there to support her. I have given her a lot of ideas for her wedding. Yes, I will admit without hesitation that I am jealous of my friend getting married. I'm not jealous of my neice, she's 2. And my sister and I actually have a great relationship, she's one of my closest friends. My sister never said my neice couldn't be in my wedding, I said she would probably never be in my wedding as a child. I think what I left out that's probably important to mention is that my friend has had little interaction with my neice. She see's her when she comes to my house. She has only know my neice for about 6 months. My friend asked my sister to have my neice in the wedding because she thinks my neice is adorable (which she is). My friend had already asked her cousin to have her daughter be flower girl but my friend wants to take that invitation back because - in her own words - "My cousin doesn't take care of her kids and they are nasty. They have boogers and eye boogers all the time, there clothes are all stained", etc. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 Your OP sounded a bit silly but now I see the real reason she asked your niece. It sounds as though her wedding will be all about how the wedding party "looks". I don't think I would let my daughter be a part of a facade like that. Maybe if your sister knew the real reason, she would say no. You don't just ask someone to be a flower girl because they are cute. Either ask someone close to you or don't have one at all. Sounds like this 19-yr old bride to be has alot of growing up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 Bottom line is it's her wedding and none of your business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author manders_01 Posted August 10, 2005 Author Share Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Bottom line is it's her wedding and none of your business. Except that she asks my opinion and for help on a regular basis - then it does become my business. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 Well, I wouldn't want some crusty-faced kid in soiled clothes skipping down my wedding isle either! If your friend comes to you for help or suggestions, suggest that you be in charge of preparing the flower kids (there can be more than one) and you take over making sure the kids are cleaned and prepared, take charge of their clothes & rehearsal, etc. ---that way she doesn't have to disappoint her cousin's kid(s) and your neice can participate too. Its normal to be envious of someone else getting married when one is single, but don't let it overwhelm you or impact your own self-confidence. Her marriage has nothing to do with you and is no reflection on you being single. There are lots of people older and younger than you who are single too and some people never get married and others marry the wrong person and get divorced. Don't compare your life to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 sounds a bit like you're angry about the idea of your GF getting to use the niece in her wedding and not you, from the tone of your original post. it also sounds to me that your GF wants to include your niece because (1) she feels like the child would be better suited to being a part of the wedding party and (2) she's including what she considers her "family" (as in you and your little niece) in what she wants make the most joyful event in her life. I think I'd be flattered, myself, had one of my friends asked one of my nieces or nephews to be part of their wedding party, simply because I know they don't *have* to have them. swallow your misplaced anger and help your friend plan the wedding of her dreams. Your niece might be the better pick of potential flowergirls, and may just do you proud. It has nothing to do with whether or not you get to have her in a wedding of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
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