Asking Out The Grocery Cashier Girl

[TheTraveler]

OP here. I appreciate all the constructive feedback. I'd have to admit the only reason I gave my number instead of asking for hers is the level of pressure and awkwardness that would impose on her, someone I don't really know yet, have had a hard time getting to know, and would like to get to know better at a coffee shop where neither of us are being watched by a dozen people at any point in time. She works afternoons part time at a local Whole Foods-esque grocer - during her shift it's always busy.

 

I understand that social work dynamic, working at a bar, and was decidedly short, sweet and to the point with efforts not to make a show. I'm just curious what could be so bad about going back and playing it really safe apologizing for any sense of awkwardness I made her feel and ensuring I wasn't unwanted before giving it a second try. FTR I haven't been stalkerish at all so far. Those few times I passed through and said hi were mixed amongst a dozen or more other visits where I waited in another line. Didn't want to put off any pre-meditated, pre-planned vibe. So I'd say I'm probably good to go back and try again and put our last encounter in a little context for her. What do you all think?

 

Apologize for what? The silence is your answer...and it's only been two days.

[JH123]

Apologize for what? The silence is your answer...and it's only been two days.

 

So I understand the "silence is my answer" part, but only two days meaning? Wait it out? Or all hope is lost?

[tetrahedral]

So I understand the "silence is my answer" part, but only two days meaning? Wait it out? Or all hope is lost?

 

All hope is lost? We're not trying to keep the Holy Grail away from the Nazis here.

 

A lot of people are too afraid to make a move. You went and did it.

 

You made your move. You gave her your phone number to call/text you.

 

Maybe if you had a do-over, you would have done it differently, but that's beside the point. You did it, and the ball is in her court now.

 

Relax.

[preraph]

Although I don't often disagree with you, here I think it's OK for the OP to go back to the store & get her phone #. I really think that it's the idea that he wants her to call him that's preventing her from taking action.

 

If he doesn't get her phone # or if he calls / texts & does not get a favorable response, at that point she'd definitely not interested & pursuing her further makes him a creepy stalker type who can't take no or buzz off for an answer.

 

I agree except why didn't she already give it to him when he gave her his? I guess she could have just been caught offguard.

[kazen]

Go back. Tell her where you tend bar. Let her know when your next shift is. Invite her to pop by. See if she shows up

 

You can even make a joke about it. "Since I keep bugging you at work, I thought I'd give you a chance to get even."

 

She has his phone number. If she is not willing to txt him, she would definitely not going to show up at his job.

 

OP, look, I worked with girls who get hits on a lot, and one thing they hate is when someone bugs them too often, esp when they don't know them too well. So if you try again, she will start thinking you're a creep. I personally think you should have waited before asking her out, you have to build a better connection with her. Live and learn.

 

Seems like you're determine to approach her again, well go for it. You can at least put the doubt away from your mind if she doesn't contact you. By the way, she's going to be telling her co-workers about you hitting on her. They will be watching you from a distance.

Edited August 7, 2017 by kazen

[rushed]

Go back, hand her a piece of paper that has your name and number already written on it, and with your most charming smile say, "Here, I think I may have written my number down wrong the first time, because I haven't heard from you yet." Then be on your way.

 

This shows her you're really interested and ensures that she does have the right number. If she's interested in you at all she will contact you. And if you don't hear from you, maybe stop going to that store because she'll now think you're a creepy stalker.

[JH123]

OP here. All good advice. I intentionally put the ball in her court because for a lack of familiarity I would definitely make myself look like a creep asking for hers right off the bat. I suppose I may have caught her off guard with the whole asking out deal, but I don't think I've established myself as creepy or threatening, actually I've done the opposite. I'm always friendly with all her coworkers as I know a good deal of them from back in high school. I often stop by the market picking up meat from the butcher and ingredients for the bar's kitchen, most of the time in branded work attire. So to clarify I'm not exactly walking in there wearing sunglasses and a trench coat. There's no anonymity. I'm some at least remotely handsome guy who has won the comfort of all her coworkers, who has now given her his name and number and has clearly established himself as working at a well-known local drinking hole named such and such.

 

Keep the good stuff coming, it's all helping me get some perspective (of my own and hers) that will help me next time round.

[JH123]

OP again. Going back on an earlier discussion, would it be petty to have one of my coworkers-grown-friends who claims to have known this girl of interest closely - would it be petty to have him drop her a word? Something innocent like "hey I was catching up with my buddy (OP) and asked if he was seeing anybody and he told me there was a girl he had asked out who believe it or not is you, he said he left his number" or something like that delivered casually just to kind of give reassurance of me (the stranger) by association with one of her longtime friends of the opposite gender.

 

Opinions? And I realize this is a big convoluted mess but I just saw something in her backed up by my friend's description of her and I'm of the "if you never try you never know" type. All I want for definite is a coffee or an honest "no" and from there the rest I'm okay figuring out later down the line.

[d0nnivain]

It would not be petty. The definition of petty is akin to mean.

 

It would be juvenile & immature to get a third party involved at this point. But then again, networking may help you. At present you are some random customer. Assurance from someone she knows that you aren't an axe murderer might help.

[morrowrd]

I always joke about the poor cashier girls whose job it is to be polite, smile, make eye contact....and get stalked by introverted guys who misinterpret their behavior for "liking them."

 

If you are hurt, don't be surprised. You'll join the huge internet club of guys posting about the "cute cashier girl."

[FastHands]

Giving women your number works, but I don't think it does often enough to do it except when there is a huge, gaping, obvious opening there. A few months ago I started a conversation with another customer at a coffee shop around the corner from my house. She was friendly and answered my questions, but not much more. Nevertheless, I left her my number and told her to call me if she wanted to grab dinner later. Then I left immediately. She texted me that evening, and we ended up going out a week or two later, and making plans to go out again. I didn't really follow up, but there ya go. Encouragement you probably don't need, lol.

 

All you can do is wait, and do nothing more! Continue to be friendly and make very little small talk, never mention going out again, and consider shopping at a different supermarket in the future. You kinda messed up by hitting on a woman at a place you frequent... if you keep going in, looking all expectant and being corny and over-friendly, it will be just as obvious as if you asked her out again. You don't want to be a pest, thirsty, or worse do you? Don't make her uncomfortable. I have dated and known lots of women who like attention, and who like nothing more than the ego boost of shooting down a nice guy who hits on them in a polite but thirsty way. Of course all of them would deny it emphatically if you accused them of being this way.

 

For the record, the percentage of women who are friendly and oh-so-slightly-flirty is fairly high. The percentage of women you hit on at work, during a busy time in their shift (thirsty as heck) and who will call you back is much, much lower. I ruined a bar I loved by doing that in college, it creates an awkward situation. Don't be that guy/me, lol.

 

Spoken from experience.

 

Still though... The opportunity is there, just didn't make sense why she didn't call back? I guess moving on and playing the #s is the only thing that makes sense-like fishing.

Edited August 7, 2017 by FastHands

[fiskadoro]

You are spending a lot of time and thought on this, guy.

 

It makes me think that maybe you aren't chill enough to pull it off no matter she does, sorry. I mean, you gave her your number just three days ago. Yet you floated the idea of asking a third person to go into the supermarket on your behalf?? You have been asking online, ruminating about it, and getting friends involved. Ease up a bit.

 

It sounds like it could get a bit creepy at this point, all this need for a definite "no". By demanding certainty that meets your time frame, are you really giving her the space to make a decision (or not make one) at her own pace? None of us have any idea if she feels uncomfortable with your interest or not, but we have certainly heard from several female posters who say they have been made to feel skeezed out by overeager suitors. How might she feel if someone she knows comes in pressuring her to respond to a guy who hit on her at her place of work a couple of days ago?

 

I know that kinda stuff looks good in romcoms, but that's not the path to take.

[stixx]

So here's the situation: I slipped this super pretty cashier girl at my local supermarket the "hey this might be a long shot but I was wondering if you'd like to grab a coffee sometime" line and she (seeming sincere) said sure.

 

To paint the picture, this was two days ago and about the fifth or sixth time passing through her line and making pleasant small talk (busy supermarket so little chance to grab her attention).

 

I've seen something in her eyes that just sort of compelled me to ask her out but the unfortunate note was my delivery. It was a busy afternoon and the thought of thrusting her or myself under the spotlight of an onlooking store and an impatient line all made me lose my cool a little. I sort of slyly popped the question (quoted above) and asked for a pen and paper to write down my number and did so with little animation (by now the line was getting busy and I didn't want to put on a show).

 

Now two days later - just about - I've yet to receive a call from her. I'm looking for some insight as to where I stand. I'm a bartender and consider myself fairly confident and well spoken, at least an on-my-toes thinker and adaptive. I do a fair job of making people laugh but have held out on her to try and not make her job harder. She hasn't shared anything about herself and in such a fast-paced service setting it's hard to insist on getting to know her - my only in is having friends who went to school with and were "goodish" friends with her. Even so, I don't want my friends to pull strings for me in light of me already making my own move.

 

I wonder if I should go back and when, whether I should insert "I think in a rush I may have jumbled up my number, let me give you it again" or perhaps find her at a better, slower time and apologize for making it awkard last time round and try plan B asking "if I'm not being overbearing, do you mind if I ask for your number?" Or should I just wait? What are the conventions on return time when giving someone your number and expecting feedbac

 

Hmmm. Well, there is this great gal that works in a store up the street from me I got to know that I go in all the time. Just a great nice gal and single and very simple going. I been wanting to ask her out for a bit. I was in the store last week and was about to do so in small chat then she told me her age. 24. Yikes! I thought she was older considering our small chat and she just finished undergrad college and is in the midst of her MA transfer,,,, and she went on to say she really likes older guys.

 

.....buzzer ring. Sorry....I won't date a gal that young. I just got a round of goosebumps just thinking about it.

 

Wowie. She might not have a problem with middle age guys but thats a bit young for me.

 

Young gals kinda hit on me a bit at times. Why does any younger gal wanna date an older guy? Its just creepy to me.

[RecentChange]

I always joke about the poor cashier girls whose job it is to be polite, smile, make eye contact....and get stalked by introverted guys who misinterpret their behavior for "liking them."

 

If you are hurt, don't be surprised. You'll join the huge internet club of guys posting about the "cute cashier girl."

 

Totally! Topic of discussion last night with my hubby at the grocery store.

 

I was at the grocery store, and in a rare show my husband joined me.

 

The man in the checkout line ahead of us was hitting on the checker – he must be a “regular” and was saying how he was “worried” as he hadn’t seen her in a week. Proceeded to compliment her looks etc.

 

On our way out we both commented how creepy that guy was, and how retail workers are probably right up there with news casters for attracting stalkers.

 

I was also mentioning how its soooo awkward when you get hit on while in a place of “no escape”. I equated it to the scummy guys who like to hang around the line to the ladies room at bars and clubs. “Look dude! I gotta pee! Otherwise I would be doing my best to get away from you, but apparently you know how to find a captive audience” (UGH!!)

 

I worked high end retail in college (the kind of place you would do “personal shopping”). Oh man, yeah we had our creepers. Guys who would come to simply hit on you. Guys who would come weekly just to waste your time and “talk up the ladies”. Mean while we had no choice but to fake smile and put up with their unwanted advances.

 

I actually enjoy flirting and attention – but NOT when I am at work. Not when I have no choice but to put on an act and be friendly.

 

These days I work in a very professional field – I have a private office, I don’t deal with “the public” but it still happens. That weird client that hugs you too tight for every greeting. That guy who says something about your eyes when you are trying to go over a contract. Its BS…. Keep that stuff for after hours, not when I am forced to remain polite to you.

[JH123]

You are spending a lot of time and thought on this, guy.

 

It makes me think that maybe you aren't chill enough to pull it off no matter she does, sorry. I mean, you gave her your number just three days ago. Yet you floated the idea of asking a third person to go into the supermarket on your behalf?? You have been asking online, ruminating about it, and getting friends involved. Ease up a bit.

 

It sounds like it could get a bit creepy at this point, all this need for a definite "no". By demanding certainty that meets your time frame, are you really giving her the space to make a decision (or not make one) at her own pace? None of us have any idea if she feels uncomfortable with your interest or not, but we have certainly heard from several female posters who say they have been made to feel skeezed out by overeager suitors. How might she feel if someone she knows comes in pressuring her to respond to a guy who hit on her at her place of work a couple of days ago?

 

I know that kinda stuff looks good in romcoms, but that's not the path to take.

 

Hey thanks for the feedback. I tend to ask a lot of questions in all that I do. That's just my nature. I don't really live to be superficial. Naturally I should be eager to hear the response of a girl this gorgeous and part of that shows itself through this thread I suppose. Don't blame me for seeking expert advice regarding a situation I've never found myself in, I just like to get opinions to help guide my thinking and actions.

 

Going back to an earlier comment I made, I never suggested sending a friend in to ask on my behalf. My friend has been longtime friends with her and I was wondering whether without going out of his way perhaps when they next saw each other he could do some storytelling. The only friendly intervention so far has been of the "hey do you know who that girl is" type, which has led me to discover she and I have a mutual friend. No harm in getting an insider scoop. In fact it'd be stupid not to. Networking.

 

As it turns out, I visited her this morning when it was quiet and lightly apologized for making her job harder on the day I slipped my number, especially with how busy it was. She excused it as no problem and told me she'd wanted to call last night but has been going through some ****. We talked about that for a bit and I comforted her and reminded her she had my number when she had gotten past the other issues she was dealing with. We smiled and we shook hands before I left.

[d0nnivain]

It sounds like a positive interaction.

 

 

Why didn't you invite her to come visit you at work?