Partner just lost his friend to suicide. How to best support?

[babybrowns]

My LDR boyfriend recently lost a close friend in his friendship group to suicide. The friends are shocked because there weren't any warning signs as such. I am trying to support him but would like some advice on how best to do this. I've never gone through sudden loss like this before or had friends go through it so it's my first time in a way. Would really appreciate some advice. Many thanks

Edited August 7, 2017 by babybrowns

[d0nnivain]

Make whatever sacrifices you have to so that you can get to your LDR BF & actually wrap your arms around him.

 

Ask him how he's feeling. Tell him you are happy to listen & do listen. Ask about the person who passed. Ask about the happy memories. Let your BF cry or rage or whatever. Don't tell him it's going to be OK. The best comfort you can offer is to let him experience his emotions unencumbered.

[salparadise]

^Yes. Let him talk as much as possible about his friend. Make it feel safe for him to cry, be angry and go through the full range of emotions. He will be experiencing grief plus trauma. It will take awhile to normalize. Let him know you care for him deeply and will be there for him. Don't try to problem solve or tell him what to feel. Affirm and validate and make him feel safe and connected.

[zinnia9876]

So sorry to hear what your LDR friend is going through. We have had several suicides in our family. All men. I found an article online that gives help for people who have lost someone to suicide. I hope it helps you and your friend.

Reaching Out to Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One Through Suicide | Focus on the Family

[HarmonyDriven]

OP,

 

Soooo sorry to hear about your BF's loss of a close friend. Suicide is tragic, no two ways about it.

 

My brother committed suicide in 2007. My close friend's father committed suicide when she was in her early 20's. People handle the outcome of suicide differently. I needed to talk about. She did not, at least not for awhile.

 

IMO, let your boyfriend know you are there for him. Just listen. He may or may not want to talk about it. He might be willing to open up and share his feelings or may need his alone time a little more than usual.

 

He may find great comfort talking/hanging out with his friendship group more now than ever.

 

You be his rock when he needs you.

[babybrowns]

Thank you all so much for your insights and advice. Reading each individual answer has really helped me a lot. I feel much more prepared and knowledgeable now on how to deal with this.

 

So sorry to hear what your LDR friend is going through. We have had several suicides in our family. All men. I found an article online that gives help for people who have lost someone to suicide. I hope it helps you and your friend.

Reaching Out to Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One Through Suicide | Focus on the Family

 

OP,

 

Soooo sorry to hear about your BF's loss of a close friend. Suicide is tragic, no two ways about it.

 

My brother committed suicide in 2007. My close friend's father committed suicide when she was in her early 20's. People handle the outcome of suicide differently. I needed to talk about. She did not, at least not for awhile.

 

IMO, let your boyfriend know you are there for him. Just listen. He may or may not want to talk about it. He might be willing to open up and share his feelings or may need his alone time a little more than usual.

 

He may find great comfort talking/hanging out with his friendship group more now than ever.

 

You be his rock when he needs you.

 

Dear zinnia and harmonydriven, I am so incredibly sorry to hear about the suicides in your family that you have had to face. It must have been and still be so difficult. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Thank you also zinnia for the link, it is very helpful.