The consequences of divorce

[AndyMate30]

This is what I think about divorce.

The kids are the offspring of both parents, so you really can't say. "my kids" casually in a divorce.

That conflict of interest alone makes it a problem.

 

How do you solve it without splitting the kids up or enforcing a legacy of the old marriage onto the parents?

 

And when one parent gets the kids and the other doesn't...

You further create problems.

Because they are not the offspring of either parent individually.

 

Visitation is an enforced legacy of the marriage, child support payments is another, shared custody is another.

 

And unless the kid is under 9 or 10 years old, a step parent is just that.....

And the concept of a step parent is disrespectful... Unless the child is being relieved from abuse by the step parent.

Or one of the kids parents are dead.

 

But that has life lessons....the idea that disrespecting and disowning their parents, whether or they are abused by the birth parent is acceptable.

 

 

Then we get into property....

Which parent, or kids should be evicted from their home ?

Independent of whether or not kids exist in the marriage.

 

Which spouse should risk being homeless in some cases ?

 

In my case, I could sue for alimony...

But I would definitely lose the kids...unless they are truly mine and not ours...

 

The consequences of divorce is highly underrated...

 

 

I think that once you get divorced, that should be the last time a marriage license is issued.

 

It should be a one time shot.

No more victims should be made.

 

It should be deterred.

Bottom line.

 

And there should not be a no fault divorce, unless no fault exists.

The victim of the failed relationship (in at-fault based divorcees) should have rights to punitive damages.

[AndyMate30]

My sister asked me what happens if me and my wife get divorced.

 

I answered back....

 

This marriage is based on a culture of education, knowledge, expertise, understanding, well played out roles, ground rules and respect...

And animal love Between two specialty items.

 

With that said, the judge simply has no ties to this...

 

I will lose everything as a consequence to how and why this marriage is formed.

 

I get married for free.

But for that....I lose everything no questions asked.

 

She wouldnt even a lawyer...

 

Crazy cat lady blabber would be enough to take away my kids, my house, everything.

 

 

The only good thing is I wouldn't owe child support...

But once again, there is a price to pay.

 

I lose my parental rights.

 

 

That's what I'm talking about.

[littleblackheart]

My sister asked me what happens if me and my wife get divorced.

 

I answered back....

 

This marriage is based on a culture of education, knowledge, expertise, understanding, well played out roles, ground rules and respect...

And animal love Between two specialty items.

 

With that said, the judge simply has no ties to this...

 

I will lose everything as a consequence to how and why this marriage is formed.

 

I get married for free.

But for that....I lose everything no questions asked.

 

She wouldnt even a lawyer...

 

Crazy cat lady blabber would be enough to take away my kids, my house, everything.

 

 

The only good thing is I wouldn't owe child support...

But once again, there is a price to pay.

 

I lose my parental rights.

 

 

That's what I'm talking about.

 

No one looses their parental rights after a divorce, and getting married doesn't give a partner licence to treat you badly without consequences.

Sometimes emotional health and the welfare of the children involved are more precious than material things.

 

It's okay to have opinions like you have on this, but they are not universal, nor are they factual.

[AndyMate30]

No one looses their parental rights after a divorce, and getting married doesn't give a partner licence to treat you badly without consequences.

Sometimes emotional health and the welfare of the children involved are more precious than material things.

 

It's okay to have opinions like you have on this, but they are not universal, nor are they factual.

 

Oh they're definitely factual.

I know "no fault" era divorcees.

 

I'm just glad I'm not one of them.

[PegNosePete]

The victim of the failed relationship (in at-fault based divorcees) should have rights to punitive damages.

The problem with that is burden of proof. If the "victim" will be awarded damages then who would agree to an at-fault divorce? Suddenly an at-fault divorce becomes serious business rather than simply an ego hit. All at-fault divorces would become contested, and therefore a lot more stressful and acrimonious. How do the children benefit from that?

 

And even if it does go to court for damages, how do you overcome these obstacles? Let's say for example the wife has an affair.

• How do you define cheating? Is it full sex? How about other sexual acts? How about inappropriate touching, flirting, or emotional cheating? If you're talking about punitive damages then "the line" needs to be drawn somewhere.
  
• How do you prove that the affair took place? If the wife denied it, or denied that it crossed the "line" as defined above, then you'd need to have proof. Some emails or text messages or phone GPS logs aren't enough to prove sex took place. It's extremely difficult to prove to the level required by a court.
  
• How do you counter the defense of "yes I cheated, but I am the victim of this divorce, because he XXX first"? Where XXX can be anything from physical and emotional abuse, substance abuse, neglect, tight-fistedness, controlling behaviour, inappropriate behaviour with another woman, not spending quality time together, not having enjoyable sex or sexual dysfunction, not inviting her mother round often enough, not helping with the cooking and cleaning, leaving the toilet seat up, etc etc?
  

[AndyMate30]

The problem with that is burden of proof. If the "victim" will be awarded damages then who would agree to an at-fault divorce? Suddenly an at-fault divorce becomes serious business rather than simply an ego hit. All at-fault divorces would become contested, and therefore a lot more stressful and acrimonious. How do the children benefit from that?

 

And even if it does go to court for damages, how do you overcome these obstacles? Let's say for example the wife has an affair.

• How do you define cheating? Is it full sex? How about other sexual acts? How about inappropriate touching, flirting, or emotional cheating? If you're talking about punitive damages then "the line" needs to be drawn somewhere.
  
• How do you prove that the affair took place? If the wife denied it, or denied that it crossed the "line" as defined above, then you'd need to have proof. Some emails or text messages or phone GPS logs aren't enough to prove sex took place. It's extremely difficult to prove to the level required by a court.
  
• How do you counter the defense of "yes I cheated, but I am the victim of this divorce, because he XXX first"? Where XXX can be anything from physical and emotional abuse, substance abuse, neglect, tight-fistedness, controlling behaviour, inappropriate behaviour with another woman, not spending quality time together, not having enjoyable sex or sexual dysfunction, not inviting her mother round often enough, not helping with the cooking and cleaning, leaving the toilet seat up, etc etc?
  

 

Yes there should be proof.

[PegNosePete]

Yes there should be proof.

And how would you acquire this proof?

[AndyMate30]

And how would you acquire this proof?

 

Police reports of abuse, photographs of property damage...

Letters to and from an extramarital affair...

Photographs of the affair...

 

And so on.

[PegNosePete]

Just because those acts may have occurred, doesn't mean that is the cause of the marital breakup. How do you prove that those events are the cause of the divorce?

[AndyMate30]

Just because those acts may have occurred, doesn't mean that is the cause of the marital breakup. How do you prove that those events are the cause of the divorce?

 

People with a choice don't stay with abusive aholes...

Especially the way women are being raised especially my generation.

 

My wife is only 6 years older than me.

1980 when she was born isn't the Stone age compared to 1986 when I was born.

 

And it wouldn't have to be the reason.

[PegNosePete]

Umm, good luck using that logic in court.

[littleblackheart]

Police reports of abuse, photographs of property damage...

Letters to and from an extramarital affair...

Photographs of the affair...

 

And so on.

 

Some forms of emotional and mental abuse (not all divorces end because of an affair) are too difficult to prove in courts (eg gaslighting or manipulations).

 

Are you saying you should be staying married despite abuse when there's a 'he says she says' type of situation?

[AndyMate30]

Some forms of emotional and mental abuse (not all divorces end because of an affair) are too difficult to prove in courts (eg gaslighting or manipulations).

 

Are you saying you should be staying married despite abuse when there's a 'he says she says' type of situation?

 

Emotional, verbal and mental abuse is harder to prove, but not impossible.

And I never said that one should need proof to get a divorce....

Just proof to be compensated.

[AndyMate30]

Sexual dysfunction shouldn't be a valid reason.

The partner with the sexual dysfunction should be considered the victim of bigotry by an unsatisfiable partner who refused to accept other reasons to be married.

[AndyMate30]

The bottom line...

There is no good reason for marriage, other than love period.

[SammySammy]

"God hates divorce" is a common saying among some Christians. And so should we. It's an evil institution.

 

We should be teaching people how to makes better choices. Teaching them how to have a strong marriage. Giving them the tools and support to maintain a marriage.

 

Rather than letting anybody jump in and out of and make trivial an institution that should be so sacred.

[somanymistakes]

There are jurisdictions where fault affects alimony payments, if you can prove it, even if the state is otherwise a no-fault state.

 

The kids are the offspring of both parents, so you really can't say. "my kids" casually in a divorce.

 

Which is why nowadays 50/50 is the expected default in many jurisdictions. Not all, of course, nothing's ever the same eveywhere.

 

How do you solve it without splitting the kids up or enforcing a legacy of the old marriage onto the parents?

 

What's wrong with enforcing a legacy of the old marriage? You got married. It has consequences. Even if you don't get married, getting pregnant or fathering a child has consequences.

 

 

And the concept of a step parent is disrespectful

 

This statement is disrespectful to millions of families and caring parents.

It is not bad for children to have more caring adults in their lives looking out for them. Even children whose parents are still together sometimes have more adults involved in raising them, if the extended family is closely involved.

 

Then we get into property....

Which parent, or kids should be evicted from their home ?

 

This is decided by the couple, but in some cases BOTH parents have to leave the original home, to sell it and split the proceeds.

[SammySammy]

The bottom line...

There is no good reason for marriage, other than love period.

 

Love is not enough. It takes more than love to sustain a marriage.

[AndyMate30]

There are jurisdictions where fault affects alimony payments, if you can prove it, even if the state is otherwise a no-fault state.

 

 

 

Which is why nowadays 50/50 is the expected default in many jurisdictions. Not all, of course, nothing's ever the same eveywhere.

 

 

 

What's wrong with enforcing a legacy of the old marriage? You got married. It has consequences. Even if you don't get married, getting pregnant or fathering a child has consequences.

 

 

 

 

This statement is disrespectful to millions of families and caring parents.

It is not bad for children to have more caring adults in their lives looking out for them. Even children whose parents are still together sometimes have more adults involved in raising them, if the extended family is closely involved.

 

 

 

This is decided by the couple, but in some cases BOTH parents have to leave the original home, to sell it and split the proceeds.

 

 

Why should a stranger be raising my kids ?

I'm the father...in the case of my family.

[AndyMate30]

Love is not enough. It takes more than love to sustain a marriage.

 

Then you shouldn't be married.

Because with that idea, you're looking for problems.

At some point, for any reason.

Edited August 8, 2017 by AndyMate30

[SammySammy]

Then you shouldn't be married.

Because with that idea, you're looking for problems.

At some point, for any reason.

 

Tell me about it.

 

I learned the hard way.

 

That's why I believe people should be given the knowledge and skills they need early. To help mitigate some of these unfortunate and disastrous decisions.

[PegNosePete]

The kids are the offspring of both parents, so you really can't say. "my kids"

Why should a stranger be raising my kids ?

Just sayin'...

[road]

You should not get married for there are no marriage

guarantees.

 

Use to be said that life has no guarantees except birth

and death.

 

Now thanks to the Supreme Court people can no longer

be guaranteed even to get through their birth before

death.

[somanymistakes]

People were never guaranteed that. Let's not uneccessarily bring up subjects which are probably personal tragedies to a number of people on this board.