Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Guess, what, now that we females can get an education, make our own money and not worry about getting pregnant, we can use men too, like for just sex or hanging out or dating more than one and being "players". . Too many women do this too...use people. Lots of girls have guys on rotation, sleeping around, still on Tinder when they have a steady guy. I don't think it's a male or female thing. People want diff things and you have to find someone who is looking for the same thing as you. 1
Bastile Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 This reads like a woman wrote it. It has a "will you respect me in the morning" feel. It's hard to be that guy when the things you say and do have feminine undertones. Sends a subconscious message that you're definitely not that guy. You have to fix that and doing so would not be luck. I said the exact same sort of thing, at the exact same time, in the other thread he has going. That is the likely problem for him, I think. 2
SammySammy Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I said the exact same sort of thing, at the exact same time, in the other thread he has going. That is the likely problem for him, I think. It's a common problem. Too many of these guys really don't understand how men and women relate to each other on a base, subconscious level. And it's hard to explain around people who think it's sexist to say yin and yang are different. Who think men and women are the same because women sleep around too. smh 2
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 fred123 You are a nice guy, but you are a little too trusting & too naïve. Women walk all over you because you let them. You need to work on your self esteem & your self confidence. What your EX did to you was mean. She used you. But you knew all those red flags were there & we all told you they were there but you kept insisting that the sex meant something besides a mere physical release. If you want to be the guy who gets respect from the women he dates, have enough respect for yourself to dump the women who treat you badly. 5
Bastile Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 It's a common problem. Too many of these guys really don't understand how men and women relate to each other on a base, subconscious level. And it's hard to explain around people who think it's sexist to say yin and yang are different. Who think men and women are the same because women sleep around too. smh I consider feminism as a s**t-test, tbh. What prescription would you give the gentleman? I would say to multi-date, and just have fun. Settling into a relationship should be as simple as taking your foot off of the accelerator and finding yourself in one. Shouldn't be a massive effort, because women create the relationship frame for you just to recline back into. And I've watched them do it with an art that I can't match 3
CptInsano Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I have to admit that I didn't read all your threads. But I do get the impression that you are looking for validation through women, a lot. That has to come across as needy, especially if you start compromising to an unhealthy degree. I know it's a cliche, but do your own thing, find something that you are passionate about that has nothing to do with women. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 (edited) I don't believe anyone said that they're the same, but that it's not necessarily the issue, and that wanting a relationship or being needy is not exclusive to females. Even a person who approaches dating from a hardcore evo-psych lens has to concede that the woman sleeping with him could just not see him as an ideal partner for other reasons besides the fact he isn't sleeping with other women(exuding femininity, they would say).Maybe he just need to work on other aspects of his personality (like neediness) Edited August 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough
kortz Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I date women and yh they will hang out with me and kiss me and sleep with me and they will text me etc. What's the problem with this??? One day one of those women will end up doing all those other things with you, but until then don't worry about it and turn this first part into a positive and don't be so needy.
SammySammy Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I consider feminism as a s**t-test, tbh. What prescription would you give the gentleman? I would say to multi-date, and just have fun. Settling into a relationship should be as simple as taking your foot off of the accelerator and finding yourself in one. Shouldn't be a massive effort, because women create the relationship frame for you just to recline back into. And I've watched them do it with an art that I can't match I can't say what I want to say. Thinking about it from a yin and yang perspective, I would like for him to realize there are masculine and feminine energies. They are naturally attracted to each other. They complement each other. They need each other. If you are yang - want to be that guy - then it may be a good idea exhibit the qualities of that guy. That guy sees the world a certain way. Approaches life (and dating) a certain way. Certain energies from yang are naturally repulsive to yin. Some are mildly attractive. Some are strongly attractive. I would learn those distinctions and practice them until I mastered them. But, I'm tired of trying to help people who are not ready for help. And debating people who have no knowledge of, in this case, what it's like to be ... that guy. Reminds me of that old Buddhist proverb: "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." 2
Mike B. Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Being that guy, in my experience, requires a willingness to really date multiple people. I think those who tend to enjoy this almost seem to be born with a drive to do it. Personally, I have found it very exhausting, time, and financially consuming. How do you feel about always being stuck in traffic trying to get to dates? How do you feel about always ending up with a hefty lunch/dinner bills? How about partners with much bigger libido than you and you still have other obligations such as work and your other partners? One big conflict with a partner is draining but what do you think about having 2 or maybe even 3 big conflicts with your partners going at the same time? Even though I have had briefs stints with dating multiple people, personally, I didn't find it as appealing as I thought I would have when I was much younger. It really is emotionally and physically draining. Those who enjoy it I think are sort of born to do enjoy it like how some athletes seem to be born to play certain sports. That just my take on it. Take from it what you want.
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 (edited) Fred123: I will tell you what I told you in everyone of your threads. You need to cut off these women early and STOP giving them MONTHS when they treat you badly. When you start dating someone and she is nice that's great but after a couple of weeks or a month when she starts ignoring you and starts using you YOU need to cut her off!! and go meet someone else!! and you do that until you finally meet a woman that treats you right! The 7 months you WASTED with this last woman you called a gf could have been time spent with a NICE woman if you had cut her off right at the beginning after 1 month. If you want a woman to treat you right then find one that is actually treating you right!! No more giving chances!! No more 'what ifs'. If she does not treat you right then BOOM GONE!! Edited August 10, 2017 by Gaeta 1
knabe Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I don't even know what PUA means, but I do know what quality women want, and just being a "good guy" that's "nice to women", will likely not get it done.. TFY I never said that. Being "nice" and holding doors open and smiling at that girl in your class won't net success. But if you're an awkward guy with a chip on your shoulder who is full of angst because you can't get a girl/woman....a new outfit and going to a club one night ain't gonna fix it. A man with confidence that comes from within (i.e. not dependent on others for confidence) with actual strength of character (i.e. not manipulative "niceness") will have more success, even if he doesn't go out and buy skinny jeans. I'll be specific. 99% of the guys who I see whining and in some cases ranting in agner online about how they can't get dates because they are too nice: A. Aren't actually nice at all B. Are just...emotionally uninteliigent to the point of weird and refuse to learn C. Have a giant. woman-hating chip on their shoulder And THOSE are the reasons they can't get a woman. Because all the above make them unattractive. PUA means Pickup Artist. It's what men who think like the RedPill use so that they can still use the gender they hate for sex To use you as an example TFY, I would bet your success with women has nothing to do with hair gel or your choice in jeans. It is that you ooze easygoing confidence, and you actually LIKE woman as people. You could probably wear highwater plaid pants and still get a date. 4
Chilli Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 (edited) l've always been a had that guy. l get the serious ones that wanna have babies and get married and pin me down and stuff. But that's only because l've got good taste in women. l won't go for anyone dating dating dating aimlessly and out screwing around and l've got an idea for you. Raise the bar a bit and find yourself a quality girl. Your going for the wrong women,use your picker. Good luck. Edited August 10, 2017 by Chilli 2
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 There also might be something wrong with Fred's 'picker' 2
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 (edited) I'll be specific. 99% of the guys who I see whining and in some cases ranting in agner online about how they can't get dates because they are too nice: A. Aren't actually nice at all B. Are just...emotionally uninteliigent to the point of weird and refuse to learn C. Have a giant. woman-hating chip on their shoulder And THOSE are the reasons they can't get a woman. Because all the above make them unattractive. PUA means Pickup Artist. It's what men who think like the RedPill use so that they can still use the gender they hate for sex . And many TRP guys are reformed "nice" (never really nice or rational)guys who found refuge in the ideology which rationalizes their bitterness at their ploy not working. Rearranging the deck chairs on a sinking ship... Edited August 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I date women and yh they will hang out with me and kiss me and sleep with me and they will text me etc. But i want to be that guy where the girl invites me to stuff and wants to go on holiday with me and wants to spend new years with me and go on a spa break with me and have pictures with me and asks me to do stuff and does sweet cute things for me. I want a girl who wants to see me twice a week and makes plans in advance with me without looking like i want more or it being too needy. Any guys here had this or have that? How did you become so lucky to be that guy? Is it just luck? I hate being just a guy that women talk to or just sleep with. I want to be more than that I think to answer Fred it's better to be familiar with his threads. He did not developed his thoughts enough here. Fred is not looking for a woman to lead. He is very capable to come up with dates ideas and to organize them. What he wants is a woman to reciprocate and it has not been happening. He takes them out numerous times, treats them, render services, goes out of his ways to be a gentleman ...and women abuse of his naivety and good heart. They put him on the back burner and use him without scruples. He needs to develop better judgment and to stop giving these women chances after chances after chances in the hope they will reciprocate eventually. 3
CptInsano Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 [...] He needs to develop better judgment and to stop giving these women chances after chances after chances in the hope they will reciprocate eventually. Or he needs to develop a better idea of how to avoid these women from the start. Maybe they challenge him, and he responds to that. I have no idea, but I was able to avoid them since my late teens. 1
Author fred123 Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 I guess you guysbare right. I have a bad picker and poor boundaries. I guess im just jealous of this new guy of my exes. They are on holiday together in spain. Its just my mind is like this at the moment " why didnt we go on holiday? Why didnt she ask me to make plans togethrr? She must have planned this trip months ago but never wanted to plan things in advance with me as she told me she didnt like to plan. How did she get time off work because she told me she couldnt get time off work when i asked her to go on spa trip. How she have money all of a sudden to pay for holiday etc?" I guess i wanted to know how come he is the lucky one. I mean i was with her 7 monthw and he barely knows her few months
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Maybe the main way you are reason you ate feeling this is because you have seen your ex is now in a happy relationship and traveling with her bf ?
Author fred123 Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 Maybe the main way you are reason you ate feeling this is because you have seen your ex is now in a happy relationship and traveling with her bf ? Yes i am you are right. Also i guess im suprised cos when we were together she told me she hated doing coupley things etc and always said she couldnt get time off work etc. I wish i could be her new guy. How did he get her to do all this stuff with him and i couldnt and i was her bf and knew her 6 months?! They barely know each other!
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Yes i am you are right. Also i guess im suprised cos when we were together she told me she hated doing coupley things etc and always said she couldnt get time off work etc. I wish i could be her new guy. How did he get her to do all this stuff with him and i couldnt and i was her bf and knew her 6 months?! They barely know each other! She was lying when she said she didn't like doing couple-y things & couldn't get time off. She actually likes couple-y thing but didn't want to do them with you. She could have gotten time off if she asked. She never asked because she didn't want to travel with you. She preferred to hide you. I do understand that from your perspective you think you did everything right: you were thoughtful, you respected her stated boundaries etc. Unfortunately you were a doormat about it & let her walk all over you. Sadly, she did & now you see the result. When she wants to do all the things she denied you, she's perfectly happy to do them.
anduina Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I guess you guysbare right. I have a bad picker and poor boundaries. I guess im just jealous of this new guy of my exes. They are on holiday together in spain. Its just my mind is like this at the moment " why didnt we go on holiday? Why didnt she ask me to make plans togethrr? She must have planned this trip months ago but never wanted to plan things in advance with me as she told me she didnt like to plan. How did she get time off work because she told me she couldnt get time off work when i asked her to go on spa trip. How she have money all of a sudden to pay for holiday etc?" I guess i wanted to know how come he is the lucky one. I mean i was with her 7 monthw and he barely knows her few monthsIf the new guy paid, she would lose less from taking time off work. Was she living a hand to mouth existence or was she frugal?
RecentChange Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Simple, she's more into him. Doesn't really mean that he is a better person etc. Attraction, compatibly, etc are nuanced things. Maybe they have it, while you two didn't. I was dating a guy when I met my now husband. He was successful, had a great job at Google. Good looking, kind, fun, we got along just fine - but I was never CRAZY about him, and tended to make time together a low priority. Meanwhile soon after meeting my now husband I would move heaven and Earth to be together. We moved in together six months after meeting. He didn't have a better job, he wasn't taller or more built, etc - but we are compatible in a way I can't describe. These things are fickle, and comparing yourself to her new beau probably won't do much good. If my ex met my husband he would probably be scratching his head asking "why"? I don't have a good answer! Just "because". 3
Ruffian1 Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 (edited) I don't think it's a male or female thing. Thank you Cookiesandough. This was the whole point of my post. You got it. And for the record, I have never used a man or been anything close to a player. The OP wants a "quality relationship" with some one, that is all I got from his post, someone that really "gives a sh*t" about him. That is both a male and female thing. (but he was told he sounded like a woman) Edited August 10, 2017 by Ruffian1
kazen Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I'm a woman. For me, pride doesn't come into it. I'm more about wanting a man I respect. What is in a man that you respect? Can you elaborate?
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