15 Years Later ***Updated***

[InvisiBlonde]

Nothing like what it was by any means, but my thoughts kept gravitating to him today. I felt the urge to unblock. I felt the urge to contact, to reach out, but I didn't. When does that urge go away? I know it's useless and it would certainly put me right back at square one. This is officially day 4 with absolute NC and no social media-absolute silence, absolutely out of his life and him out of mine.

 

I'm still talking to Jay. He takes the edge off. It's just nice I guess to feel some kind of validation. I don't know where this will go, if it even will go anywhere. I'm not pushing anything at this point. I'm still too hurt and guarded by what T did.

 

I guess I'm just venting, reminding myself of what a bad idea it would be to unblock or to contact.

 

 

I was gonna post a quick note to see how you are.

 

Glad you're doing so well

 

How long is different for everyone, which I know is not probably not what you were hoping to hear!

 

The best analogy I have about that is that it's like a road trip: Some days you can drive for twelve or fifteen hours, and some days you barely make eight.

 

What matters is that you keep going in essentially the same direction.

 

Watch yourself about Jay, though. It's so great to have a friend who really gets you. Just make sure you're being scrupulously honest with yourself about what he / "that" is all about.

 

If you unblock the dick***, he wins. Imagine him gloating, very possibly to his new supply, about how far under manners he's got you.

[Samantha.Leo]

I was gonna post a quick note to see how you are.

 

Glad you're doing so well

 

How long is different for everyone, which I know is not probably not what you were hoping to hear!

 

The best analogy I have about that is that it's like a road trip: Some days you can drive for twelve or fifteen hours, and some days you barely make eight.

 

Good analogy!

 

What matters is that you keep going in essentially the same direction.

 

Watch yourself about Jay, though. It's so great to have a friend who really gets you. Just make sure you're being scrupulously honest with yourself about what he / "that" is all about.

 

If you unblock the dick***, he wins. Imagine him gloating, very possibly to his new supply, about how far under manners he's got you.

 

I won't unblock T just because I'm so darn stubborn and I refuse to let him win. I refuse to let him think for a second that I'm crawling back to him because I won't. Not after FINALLY feeling better about myself and what happened. Simple fact is that I was taken advantage of while I was weak. It takes an awful big ***hole to do that to someone, ESPECIALLY someone who that ***hole supposedly cared for at one time. Do I miss him? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it was the companionship that he gave me for a short time. Jay is giving me that now (without the sex). I'm not so sure I really miss T at all. It had been 6 years of me being alone and had it not been that long, who knows if I would have even taken a chance with him. I don't know and I still can't place what exactly made me go back to that toxic relationship in the first place.

 

Jay and I also have a history (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/633486-fwb-6-years-later

But our history wasn't like mine and T's. He lives 12 hours away, which is good for me. I just need to be validated I guess. I'm not trying to get into a relationship with him, he just reminds me of a different time, we were comfortable. I don't know, I guess I should think more about what exactly I'm doing with him.

[Samantha.Leo]

Jay told me he loved me tonight. WTF?! I don't get it. I'm not trying for anything and he's so far from me. What happened here? He told me he always felt this way about me and that we had a connection that only few experience. I'm not sure how to take anything right now.

[InvisiBlonde]

Jay told me he loved me tonight. WTF?!. . . He told me he always felt this way about me and that we had a connection that only few experience. I'm not sure how to take anything right now.

 

If I were you, I'd read everything I could find about Love-Bombing!

 

The long distance between you; the reappearing / reconnecting after years; the "connection that only few experience" (if it were so special and rare, why did he let it get away in the first place?); that you are hurting and vulnerable and he knows exactly how and how much.

 

Don't be surprised if tomorrow, or next week, he's hinting at or just outright talking about marriage / the wonderful life you'll share / other happily-ever-after stuff.

 

Just as soon as ____________________

 

When ____________________________

 

If only _______________________

[Samantha.Leo]

If I were you, I'd read everything I could find about Love-Bombing!

 

The long distance between you; the reappearing / reconnecting after years; the "connection that only few experience" (if it were so special and rare, why did he let it get away in the first place?); that you are hurting and vulnerable and he knows exactly how and how much.

 

Don't be surprised if tomorrow, or next week, he's hinting at or just outright talking about marriage / the wonderful life you'll share / other happily-ever-after stuff.

 

Just as soon as ____________________

 

When ____________________________

 

If only _______________________

 

Here I was thinking that it was because he was recently divorced and we have a history. I'm still talking to him, but I will be careful in this. He was the last before T showed back up in my life. As far as reappearing, I was the one who contacted him, if that even matters. He tried to keep it going after he moved, but I was the one who removed myself from the situation. He was giving it another go with his ex and I didn't want to be part of it, so I stopped all contact.

 

I'm just enjoying having him around again. It's not at all like it felt when T showed back up.

[Samantha.Leo]

So I decided to check back in on here. Still not talking to T and it feels good. It feels really really good. I have him blocked and deleted on everything, so there will be no breadcrumbs either.

I'm still talking to Jay. I feel like that's another post though. I don't think his story deserves to be shared with T's story. So this is where T's story ends. I have decided that I will no longer post about T. He really doesn't deserve another second of my time. Thanks to all who have listened and responded. You helped immensely.

[coolheadal]

Where to even start...

 

T. Love of my life. Worst choice ever for a boyfriend. We had a very rocky but intense relationship. We fit like a puzzle. I loved him and he loved me. Before certain things got in the way: his drug habit, his being in and out of jail, not trustworthy in his twenties. Long story short, I joined the military to get away from him. He did not go easily. We met up again about a year later just for a day. He had not changed. He ended up moving out of state and I didn't hear from him again.

 

Fast forward to July of this year. I get a phone call from him. It had been so long since I had spoken to him, I forgot his voice. Once he said who he was, I hung up. Complete knee-jerk reaction. He called both of my numbers, one was my unpublished cell phone number, and left messages. I waited two weeks and decided to call him back. I mean, it had been 15 years since I saw the guy, what the hell had he been up to all this time? Turns out, after he left the state, he ended up in a lot of trouble and went to prison for 10 years. He got out and looked me up. He hadn't been out more than a month apparently. He apologized for everything and said he was a changed man. He wanted to talk to me, and see me, and see how I was doing. Weeks go by of me and him talking on the phone for hours, texting, and making plans to meet up the first weekend in August. Those weeks of talking made me think he was different. He certainly seemed like he was a changed man. So I decided to meet him. We both still felt those intense feelings for the other (or at least he said he did) and wanted to see each other.

 

Long story short, we meet up and make up for lost time for two nights. On the first night, he tells me he had been talking to his ex-wife and she said she was getting a divorce from her current husband of 14 years. OK, well, I won't play second fiddle. The second night, he is cold towards me and tells me that him and his ex-wife had decided to give it another go. She's leaving her 14-year marriage for him and that they had been talking while he was in prison. She's not even in the country. They were divorced before we were together the first time. What?! Where was this in the conversations we had for hours the weeks before?! To say that I was hurt is an understatement.

I come back home and I am destroyed. I have been having so much trouble getting past this and I cannot figure out why this is so different than the other relationships that have gone sour. I am seriously depressed over this. He won't even talk to me now. I feel so used, and I am sure that's what I was. I just can't get past it and I need someone to talk to. I can't talk to my friends because they have no idea that this even happened. I guess I just need advice on where to go from here. How do I cope? What do I do?

 

Your a brave solider we're all proud of what you have done for our country. Now we need you to pull it together and forget this jerk. You have been dupe and you need drop this from your mind. Can we count on you to do so soldier?