I live a lonely life

[BaileyB]

I'm fine. I'm just tired of being sad and upset all the time. I did go see counselling when I was in college when I was student so it did help a bit. But I don't have access to counselling anymore so yea. I'm poor so there's not much I can do.

 

I would say I'm lucky enough to have supportive parents that are understanding but I still feel like I'm not enough for them. It's like I don't deserve them, you know? It's like they deserve a better son who's perfect and have no flaws or anything and they would be very much prouder parents.

 

BaileyB, you are right I never learned sign I had to learn to speak and yea. I wear cochlear implant on my right ear which I hate and unnatural and basically it makes me a cyborg but yea lol it's like being a half human half machine 'cause I got magnet in my head that I can attach it to and electrical tubing sitting next my brain.

 

Anyways I guess the point is I'm still struggling to find passion or purpose in life but it's still not enough. However I will emphasize that I do appreciate your support, guys. Thanks for your concern, I never thought this place would have so many mature members. Thanks for your maturity.

 

Look, we all have times in our lives when we feel sad and lonely. You are not alone in that. Nor are you alone in feeling like you have disappointed your parents.

 

The thing is - you have a cochlear implant. You may see it as unnatural but watch a video of a child who has just received a cochlear implant and heard their mother's voice for the first time and you will see that to someone else, this is a gift. You have had an advanced education. You have loving and supportive parents. You have many things to be thankful for in your life.

 

Do you have everything hat you want - no. But, none of us do. Someone else may have an amputation, or be battling cancer, or be infertile, or has lost a loved one. If you think you have the market cornered on "unfair and bad things that have happened to me" you are sadly mistaken... You won't have to walk far down the street to find someone who is struggling with much more in their lives.

 

So, here is the tough love... Enough with the pity party. Get yourself some counselling - talk to your doctor and tell them that you feel depressed - and do what you have to do to start building the life you want to have. Nobody can do it but you. And, threatening suicide time and again gets old and it is an immature and irresponsible thing to do.

 

Good luck!

[Steve51]

You did not tell us what your condition was so it is difficult to reply. I came back from Vietnam suffering from PTSD. I was on sleeping pills, tranquilizers, pain pills for my degenerative disk disease and basically have four shelves in my medicine cabinet filled with bottles of pills. I have limited motion and cannot lift more than 10 pounds. I married a women who never had a boyfriend and at 20 was a virgin. I have had a fantastic 45 years of marriage and despite my handicaps, ( I do have handicap license plates) I was able to have a rich and wonderful life with a woman I adore. She put up with me attacking her in my sleep and various problems. I always tell others to not let their handicaps be an excuse not to do the most you can do. There are those who give in to their handicaps and others driven to overcome them. Be the latter.

 

I became one of two worldwide experts in my field and even though I had problems, I found ways to overcome them and took pleasure in advancing past those with no handicaps and/or better education. Everyone underestimated me until I became their boss. Do not let your handicap hold you back. I have three or four different kinds of pain pills and still I am ambitious as heck and driven to win.

Edited August 11, 2017 by Steve51

[SammySammy]

Interesting.

 

I know a guy who was born with a debilitating illness. His illness also caused him to lose about 40% of his hearing in both ears. Since he was so sick during his developmental years, he didn't develop effective social skills because he spent so much time alone. In and out of the hospital. Sick and bedridden at home. Reading tons of books, but not speaking much to children his age.

 

This guy's mother helped him get through high school by talking for him. Interacting with people for him.

 

However, once he got to college he faced a whole new world. Had to learn to speak for himself. Interact and socialize with people much more socially developed than him. Maneuver through the dating world.

 

Despite his limitations, one thing this guy had was an indomitable spirit. An unshakeable will to win despite the odds. The willingness to work on his flaws. I remember him working on his speech day after day for years. Joining Toastmasters. Doing whatever he could to overcome.

 

I also remember the day he was preparing a client's taxes. The client learned the guy's story and shook his head in disbelief. He's left the session, went home to get his 9-year old daughter who also had hearing loss. Who was that familiar quiet, shy little child that didn't speak. Uncertain. Embarrassed.

 

He wanted his daughter to see what was possible. To know that she COULD excel at school. She COULD learn to socialize with others. She COULD graduate from college and have a successful career.

 

I also remember him working with a retired doctor. He doesn't make excuses and doesn't like to tell his story, but the doctor sensed something was different about him. He told her his story and the doctor just shook her head. Amazed at what he had accomplished in his life despite the odds. Knowing that his illness cost many people their lives. Few went to college at all much less had a successful career.

 

I've just scratched the surface of his story here because it's already too long. He has moved on to even bigger and better things.

 

I just wanted to make the point that our lives are not about what happens to us. It's about how we happen to life.

 

There's something to be said about an unyielding belief in yourself and an unquenchable desire to win. Because with positive expectation, grit, and fight we can accomplish almost anything.

[bummer]

I mean, I guess the reason I keep talking about it is because it bothers me, you know? Like, it can't stop bothering me because it's the reality I face on a daily basis.

 

For example, I met this girl from dating site and I really liked her and we would text with each other a lot and everything until we meet in person and she drops her interest. Why? Because of the way I speak and hear.

 

Great! You tried! That's a great start! May I suggest you find a way to work your hearing and speech into initial texting? Just say it, own it, then move on to the fun stuff! Someone who is genuinely interested won't run away. That's who you take out on a first date. I admit, you will have a harder time than the average joe, but you can handle it.

 

I strive so hard to be perfect and I've been considering to join a military where I may be able to do the work and keep me busy. I don't know if they'll take me in or accept me though.

 

Don't be perfect. No one is, no one can be, and it builds expectations you can never meet and contributes to negative self-image. Be you. Be perfectly you.

 

Pretty sure a quick google search will tell you no, you are not eligible for direct enlistment, BUT go to a recruitment center, learn more about it, find out if there are exemptions. Practice there as if it were an interview. On another note, I don't think the culture of the military takes disabilities very well, this may not be the best option, but instead of discussing it internally, go out and check it out!

[the_lost_1]

I'll try to be okay, but when I talk to people or when people talk to me, I think that often the conversations are very confusing and probably awkward between myself and others. It's not very convenient but it does annoy me. For example I hate saying "sorry?" to catch what he or she really said to ensure that I understand, and I hate doing that. Seriously. I hate this effort but....

 

Obviously it's easy for you guys lol, and I just -- like, I'm still experimenting sound programs on my CI and it's been like that for years. I just can't catch a break but I will try to be okay.

 

Thank you for sharing your powerful stories.

[the_lost_1]

As for military, I just have to prepare for the aptitude test which I'm scared of. My basic math is so rusty

[SammySammy]

It's not easy at all.

 

It's very difficult. Difficult to try to communicate when you didn't hear or understand what somebody said. Difficult to ask people to repeat themselves. Difficult when people are rude and insensitive. Treat you like you're less than them because of a disability. Difficult when you read lips and people think you're staring at them. Difficult. Awkward. Embarrassing.

 

But, that's the hand you were dealt. You have to play it to the best of your ability.

 

Fortunately, most people are good people and understanding. Our insecurity and self-consciousness can make us overly cautious sometimes.

 

Yes, it's difficult but that's what makes you strong. The strongest in the gym are strongest because they lift the most weight. You know?

 

Be bold. Face, attack, and overcome any challenge you come across unapologetically. Unapologetic because you didn't ask for this. But, you're strong enough to overcome it.

[mon.]

I'm sorry you're feeling down.

 

We've all been there for several reasons and it sucks. But the good thing is that it fades, if you let it. Understanding is the key to leave the black hole. Understanding that you need help and support, understanding that there are things you may need to change in your life...

 

You have hearing issues, your neighbour can't walk, the girl next door finds herself ugly, someone out there is mourning a loss, some people don't have jobs, some are refugees. Everyone has their reasons to feel bad, and who's to say what hurts more? Pain is pain, no matter the cause.

 

But the thing is, for all reasons to hurt there is a way out. Even for the pain "for nothing", as in people with mental and emotional disorders, there is a way out. You just have to UNDERSTAND, accept the facts in your life, and build your path around your circumstances.

 

When you do that, you'll love yourself, and that will make it easier for the love of others to come in, and you'll be able to give love as well.

 

 

All the best!

[preraph]

I mean, I guess the reason I keep talking about it is because it bothers me, you know? Like, it can't stop bothering me because it's the reality I face on a daily basis.

 

For example, I met this girl from dating site and I really liked her and we would text with each other a lot and everything until we meet in person and she drops her interest. Why? Because of the way I speak and hear.

 

Or maybe because you did not tell her before the date. Is that possible? Either way, most people don't hit it off on first dates so you have no way to know that even if you heard perfectly and spoke perfectly, she still wouldn't have rejected you because that is what happens 90 percent of the time anyway.

[the_lost_1]

It's ok forget about that girl, thanks for caring. She wasn't very much understanding or supportive anyway.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Best of luck for your test! Whatever the outcome, you should feel really good about taking positive steps forward.

 

Keep focusing on the positive things that you can work towards.

[the_lost_1]

So to understand my life better -- let me tell you how it is, I basically live a life where pretty much no one cares about me so ya that's how I was raised, with no one caring about me or anything idk what's it good for living. Yes I have family but no friends or close friends or anything.

[preraph]

The military currently doesn't take deaf people, though they might if you're only partially deaf. Didn't find anything about that in particular. There have been bills trying to let deaf people serve so maybe someday.

[the_lost_1]

The military currently doesn't take deaf people, though they might if you're only partially deaf. Didn't find anything about that in particular. There have been bills trying to let deaf people serve so maybe someday.

 

That's fine, I just gotta take physical/medical test as well so we'll see how it goes. It depends on a person i suppose

[the_lost_1]

Disability put aside, as someone who has never had a girlfriend ever before, I think that I'm very cautious and skeptical about finding "the one". Basically, I am and always been fully aware of possible situations, repercussions, consequences, everything, and I've been shielding myself from all that my life.

 

In a nutshell, I'm very strict about myself and my intentions.

 

So yeah. I guess that makes me one of the rare ones. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[spiderowl]

I think you are being really hard on yourself OP. It is not easy coping with a disability and the struggle does cause stress that maybe others do not understand. It is only right to acknowledge that. You obviously have great strength and experience though, having learned how to manage. You have achieved a great deal.

 

One thing is for sure, there are many couples out there, of all kinds, all age mixes, ethnic mixes, size mixes, health issues, you name it. There really are people who find their partners and someone just right for them. Just be honest about your hearing and speaking straightaway so that anyone you might date knows the situation from the start. The right girl will be interested and will not be put off.

 

I can understand this feeling of 'no-one will want me', because I have health issues that make me feel like that too. But if I talk to others, they seem oblivious because my health issues are hidden (pain/fatigue/over-sensitivity). I look OK to others and they do not understand the struggle. So I can understand where you are coming from. But we are assuming everyone will judge us badly - because we are feeling worn down and demoralised - when in fact most people are more welcoming and kind.

 

Try to work on the basis that your view of yourself is based on feeling down and low in mood and is not the view that others might have of you at all. Question all your assumptions about yourself. You can bet there will be people who would love to get to know you but who may be put off by your seeming uninterested or gloomy about them. They will assume you don't want to know them. I know it is easy to say; treatment for depression might be more helpful to you.

Edited August 15, 2017 by spiderowl

[the_lost_1]

Yes, you're right. I have noticed that people would tell me that I'm hard on myself all the time I guess that's how I was raised and grew up.

 

They will assume you don't want to know them.

 

I think I might have huge issue with this. I think you're very right with this part. I may I need to work on this.

 

But again it seems like pretty much no one cares about me or anything.

 

Again, thank you for your words.

[Mysterio]

I think you have to believe in yourself and also take a break from wanting a GF. I think a lot of us here. Including me. Its not about Love. Its about ego.

 

Its more about an aquition than about connecting with a loved one. Some how your mind has been tricked to think that having a GF, is the best thing in life. Some of us are going to have to accept that its not in the cards for us.

 

From my view. Its all ups and downs in a relationship. Its not like. Having a GF is going to be happy and blissful. I think you need to take a break either way. Just enjoy your life without it. Better to be happy alone and at peace with your life, than be sad about what you don't have.

 

I also think that modern day society put too much pressure on us to couple up all the time. It can't be done in an ideal way for the most part.

[dangerous]

OP. How about taking up exercise. Get fit, it will keep you busy, make you feel good and have something to aim for.

[amaysngrace]

Yes I try to be positive but I don't think you understand how hard this is. I get rejected a lot and what I really need is a job, where I may actually have the opportunity to socialize.

 

Are you American?

[don't talk to me]

I know how hard it is to have hard of hearing. In my case its very slight and I shouldnt complain - but people often don't understand how hard it is to participate socially when you use 99% of your energy to just listen. I hate parties for that reason.

 

No one should be excluded because of an illness. Many workplaces suck! But not always. Keep trying and don't even think about giving up. And when it comes to girls, you just need body language for that No need to think in extremes. Being open doesn't mean you've made up your mind about someone. It just means giving them a chance and getting to know them.

 

(shoot, I should follow my own advice)