Ladies, do you prefer guys who are cocky or humble?

[CptInsano]

Confidence is good but too many confuse it with cockiness and ego. [...]

 

Yes. Confidence is also not the opposite of humility, and neither is being extroverted. I have known many extroverted people over the years who were truly humble.

 

I agree with you that the question the OP gave is a false choice.

[knabe]

Confidence is good but too many confuse it with cockiness and ego. Somebody who truly has confidence in his or herself thinks never has to put somebody else down or bully another person to bring themselves up.

 

There is also a happy medium between a man who lives life as if he is apologizing for his manhood and a Trump like bully who likes abusing people. These aren't the only two options.

 

Yep. Don't be a wimp, and don't be a jerk.

[littleblackheart]

To me, cockiness is PUA stuff, and works on the same quality of women (emotionally damaged, immature).

 

I agree with this. On the flipside, the 'humble' card can also be played by very skilled emotional abusers as a way to catch an unsuspecting prey, when they are in fact 'covert' narcissists with a huge chip on their shoulder.

 

I've also met 'nice guys' who would actually brag about being 'humble' - a complete paradox!

 

The key is to watch people's actions and how they treat people around them and not pay too much attention to how they describe themselves.

[SammySammy]

"Be Cocky and Funny" was actually a basic rule from the early days of pickup artistry.

 

I changed it to Be Confident and Playful. Because there is little more pathetic than a beta walking around trying to act "cocky".

 

Being confident and assertive is much more natural and effective than false cockiness. False bravado. Put a positive spin on it and be real.

[preraph]

Humble 100% of the time.

 

Unfortunately I only attract cocky extroverts. I have even gone as far as to approach shy, humble guys when I was younger (thinking that they were not into making the first move), but they were never into me. Most humble guys like cocky, extroverted women.

 

It's not so much that you only attract them. It's that they're the only ones with enough nerve to make a move

[preraph]

My wish is that everyone I know be proud of themselves for something and own it.

[Woggle]

It's not so much that you only attract them. It's that they're the only ones with enough nerve to make a move

 

Another thing is that shy and humble men tend to be afraid of women. They are scared of speaking to the wrong woman and being treated as a predator making eye contact. A cocky guy with a jerky side would just laugh it off and keep it moving. We are desperately need a healthy version of masculinity that is neither the self flagellating type that apologizes for being a man nor the reactionary PUA type of phony alpha male posturing.

[Imported]

Another thing is that shy and humble men tend to be afraid of women. They are scared of speaking to the wrong woman and being treated as a predator making eye contact. A cocky guy with a jerky side would just laugh it off and keep it moving. We are desperately need a healthy version of masculinity that is neither the self flagellating type that apologizes for being a man nor the reactionary PUA type of phony alpha male posturing.

 

Bolded are usually the "humble nice guy" that don't know what to do.

 

"Cocky" guys don't use lines. They just go for it.

[Woggle]

Most people are already exactly what you say we need. Very few people out in the real world pay any attention to that PUA stuff, I know I don't.

 

It's not just the PUA stuff. It's that plus Trump and MGTOW and Red Pill and anything like it. It's what feminists like to call toxic masculinity which is a reactionary movement that creates the illusion of strength and self respect but it is just as unhealthy as what is reacting against.

[Woggle]

I know blaming Trump for everything is hip these days, but Trump has nothing to do with dating.

 

He is where he is in part as a backlash against the sensitive man that some have been trying to turn men into but in actually does nothing to turn on women.

[preraph]

Another thing is that shy and humble men tend to be afraid of women. They are scared of speaking to the wrong woman and being treated as a predator making eye contact. A cocky guy with a jerky side would just laugh it off and keep it moving. We are desperately need a healthy version of masculinity that is neither the self flagellating type that apologizes for being a man nor the reactionary PUA type of phony alpha male posturing.

 

There are some of those and they're all married.

[Woggle]

There are some of those and they're all married.

 

They weren't born married so all of them were available at one point in time.

[jay1983]

Perhaps people have different definitions of humble… and perhaps it comes with maturity. I suppose humble isn’t the way to bag 21 year old girls, but it may get you a woman who knows how to handle a man, not an immature boy.

 

I also agree with another poster who mentioned being humble when you have legitimate things to boast about.

 

And perhaps the humble I am thinking of is the “fake” humble. There is still confidence, an abundance of confidence, but no self fallacio in the way of a braggart, or arrogance, or “cockiness”.

 

I can think of two examples I ran across recently.

 

Someone was asking my husband about his bike competition experience. He was saying “oh yeah, I used to go to a lot of competitions and wasn’t half bad” then went on to talk more about his lifestyle at the time etc.

 

I butted in… “not half bad” if you think representing the US at the World Championships as not half bad.

 

He is humble about his competition experience, in the face of having accomplished things that he could be cocky about.

 

And the other, a guy highly accomplished in the world of finance. When asked what he does, he plays it down, “oh its really simple” and usually turns the conversation away from him. The same man has been named “_____ of the year”, holds a very high position with a huge firm, appears on various TV news shows etc as an expert in the area, has rung the closing bell etc.

 

But he acts like its no big deal, and doesn’t volunteer that info unless asked. He is humble about his accomplishments.

 

To me, cockiness is PUA stuff, and works on the same quality of women (emotionally damaged, immature). ACCOMPLISHED men who are still humble? Damn that’s a panty dropper for me.

 

You're speaking from the inside looking out. You know your husband and what he's done, what he's capable of. He's already got his woman on his arm, he ain't worried about nothing. You also know the Banker (or whatever he is) and know something about whatever exactly it is that he does on a regular basis. Well the majority of people they come across don't have this insight and ain't looking to sit through no lecture or hear anything other than "yeah, I got it, piece of cake". They're on the "outside looking in" Cocky works better when you're trying to sell yourself and I think you underestimate the age range and quality of women who go for that.

[Imported]

He is where he is in part as a backlash against the sensitive man that some have been trying to turn men into but in actually does nothing to turn on women.

 

No. Just no.

[Cookiesandough]

He is where he is in part as a backlash against the sensitive man that some have been trying to turn men into but in actually does nothing to turn on women.

 

 

I can't even

[William]

Save the politics and political figures for our very capable Political forum. Here we'd like to hear whether ladies prefer their man cocky or humble. Excellent question. Thanks!

[KityGlitr]

Humble. I want to discover how awesome a guy is, not have him tell me. The cockiest guys tend not to have a lot to back it up with in my experience.

[thefooloftheyear]

People mis characterize all the time, though...People draw a picture in their mind as to what cocky actually looks like more than what it is...Kinda like the woman with dyed hair, tattoos and a rockin body is seen as edgy and has loose boundaries or something...just hogwash...

 

Practically every guy with a really good body is seen by many women as cocky, even if they are shy and reserved...Its freakin nuts...People also see guys with hot sportscars and call them cocky as well...I mean sure...some guys buy fancy cars to be ostentatious, but that doesn't mean all are like that ...what about the guy that's just an enthusiast??

 

Even though the people that do know me, would never say this, Ive been called cocky by people that don't know me, ....The only way I could see how that's possible,is some of the things mentioned above, plus the fact that I never engage people I don't know....I have nothing to say to anyone, unless I am doing business with them..I don't view myself as any better than they are, I just don't do small talk..I also have a quiet confidence, but it comes from being accomplished and reaching a point where money means little to me...Everything in my life is paid for and I always have money in my pocket....It allows me to not stress over practically anything, and not put up with the same bullshyt the average guy cracking a big nut every month does....Huge difference in demeanor...

 

Point being, a guy could be the most humble guy around, yet also be a dolt and a loser with almost zero going for him...Its easy to be humble at that point...Its not so easy to label someone without all of the details..

 

TFY

[LostandLonging]

Ego is my biggest turn off, and cockiness is usually a huge sign of insecurity. Humble any day.

[preraph]

Ego is my biggest turn off, and cockiness is usually a huge sign of insecurity. Humble any day.

 

It isn't always a sign of insecurity. It might be a sign of someone overcoming their insecurity, though, and that's a good thing. Instead of wallowing in it.

[RecentChange]

You're speaking from the inside looking out. You know your husband and what he's done, what he's capable of. He's already got his woman on his arm, he ain't worried about nothing. You also know the Banker (or whatever he is) and know something about whatever exactly it is that he does on a regular basis. Well the majority of people they come across don't have this insight and ain't looking to sit through no lecture or hear anything other than "yeah, I got it, piece of cake". They're on the "outside looking in" Cocky works better when you're trying to sell yourself and I think you underestimate the age range and quality of women who go for that.

 

Perhaps that is true, to an extent.

 

When I first met my husband he was training for the worlds. He didn't come out and say "by the way I am a bad ass training for the world championship" he was more modest about it - mentioned he had a lot of training to do, and told me stories about his scars.

 

The finance guy? Similar story in that when I first met him I didn't know what he did. Perhaps he was bragging as we first ended up taking about the extensive world travel he did for work - being a charmer, he turned the conversation away from himself and instead wanted to know about me.

 

It wasn't until he gave me his card did I know of his position and accolades.

 

Again, if someone doesn't have accomplishments worthy of bragging, perhaps humble isn't effective either.

 

But for me, that super self assured confidence + a "it's no big deal" attitude, I find it very attractive.

 

Like someone else said, I tend to associate cockiness with insecurity.

[Imported]

Where do all you ladies meet "humble" men? Is it at the Man of the Year Award ceremony where he is down playing all of his achievements? Or is it in the streets where you don't look twice at him and hope he doesn't say a word to you?

Edited August 15, 2017 by Imported

[ZayKayWill]

It's always best to be humble IMO. Doesn't take long for people to notice that when you try to act cocky you're deliberately trying to look cool in front of everyone else. Isn't it cooler to not try and actively go out of your way to show people how cool you are and just let them notice your coolness naturally?

[GemmaUK]

I find cockiness cringe worthy and humbleness can be so closed off it's like getting blood out of a stone.

 

I'd prefer someone with a normal balanced personality please.

[ZayKayWill]

I find cockiness cringe worthy and humbleness can be so closed off it's like getting blood out of a stone.

 

I'd prefer someone with a normal balanced personality please.

 

What do you mean by closed off? As in doesn't talk a lo or express much emotion?