Damaged

[mortensorchid]

I've been fighting feelings of depression about myself lately. I have thought about my bad track record, made bad friends, job troubles, etc. I've made my mistakes, I've been a good girlfriend in the times that I have been someone's girlfriend in LTR or STR, much better than the average I don't think. My looks are okay, my body's in good shape as I make a point to work out everyday because there is a mind/body connection.

 

I feel like I have been damaged by many bad friends and bad boyfriends in the past, I fight to stay positive. I am, in general, a happy person. I don't suffer and moan, I don't complain. I have a good personality if not great, I'm not jealous or demanding of attention. What's done is done, what else can you do but move forward and I DO move forward.

 

And ... I end up alone. True we have all made bad friends or been with bad bf/gfs who show their true colors after a while... What else can I do that I have not done before in order to MAKE IT HAPPEN? As in love. I have been dumped by 99% of men that I have been with. I say "He doesn't deserve me" and "I can do better" like everyone else does but ... It doesn't happen that way. I'm not too old for it to happen (at age 42) but ... It doesn't.

 

ANyone else fighting the damage within?

[carhill]

Contentment comes from within. IME, there is no universal roadmap.

 

Laughter is a great medicine.

 

We're never really alone. I remember when we were recently in Colorado enjoying a beer at a quiet outdoor bar in the shadow of the lovely Rocky Mountains, I shared a little tidbit of that path with my best friend's daughter back in California. I texted her 'When someone loves you you're never really alone'. It doesn't have to be in the everyday glued at the hip partner/spouse sense.

 

It's a pretty peaceful place, loving freely. I've found that it's rarely lonely, even when/if physically alone.

 

IMO, you'll find your path to the place that's right for you. Will there be some bumps on the way? Yup!

[AllyStrass]

I am sorry you are struggling. Glad you reached out! This life is hard and I don't think anyone gets out without being at least a little damaged ... You aren't alone in searching for that contentment with where our lives are now and trying to figure out why things have happened like they did.

I have found that contentment is found when we find our identity. When I found who I was, I was no longer depending on anything in this world to be happy and that made all the difference (no job, no relationship, no material possession). No one could make or break me- I am free and it's a great feeling (though sometimes I am tempted to put my identity in things of this world). I encourage you to think about identity and purpose- you are more than someone's girlfriend or whatever your vocation is. You are so much greater than that !

It sounds like you have great, healthy routines going!... working out is one of the best ways to help beat depression- enjoy the beautiful creation !

[Chilli]

Sorry your down ,life has a way of doing that doesn't it.

But look , the friends thing is a tough one. l don't think we can blame our people picker for that really . People are people these days, especially these days. I notice too all the time , not many people seem to be a real friend any more lt's like yeah l'm your friend , unless it gets tough, yknow.

oops ,sorry , l back stabbed you, or l would've been there for ya , but l was busy.

Seems to be the way these days.

 

the bf stuff , l dunno , 50 picker 50 the same as the friends mentality too these days l reckon.

lt's hard these days to find somebody that has what it takes. do you notice that mentality, it's everywhere . People always say it's the throw away world we live in now and me yeah l agree with that seems to go right through to people friends and love these days.

 

But hey 42 , your perfect, that's a great time to find the real thing these days , it's the new 30 , right,

l think the main thing there is use the picker, can't afford not to anyway as we get older.

 

Good luck with everything anyway.

[goldengirl11]

Sorry your down ,life has a way of doing that doesn't it.

But look , the friends thing is a tough one. l don't think we can blame our people picker for that really . People are people these days, especially these days. I notice too all the time , not many people seem to be a real friend any more lt's like yeah l'm your friend , unless it gets tough, yknow.

oops ,sorry , l back stabbed you, or l would've been there for ya , but l was busy.

Seems to be the way these days.

 

the bf stuff , l dunno , 50 picker 50 the same as the friends mentality too these days l reckon.

lt's hard these days to find somebody that has what it takes. do you notice that mentality, it's everywhere . People always say it's the throw away world we live in now and me yeah l agree with that seems to go right through to people friends and love these days.

 

But hey 42 , your perfect, that's a great time to find the real thing these days , it's the new 30 , right,

l think the main thing there is use the picker, can't afford not to anyway as we get older.

 

Good luck with everything anyway.

 

Sorry to interrupt - but re Picker you mean online dating?

 

All the best to you OP. I feel I've been in a similar situation to you too, definitely.

[alphamale]

I've been fighting feelings of depression about myself lately.

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad about yourself. I hope you feel better soon. Have faith in God. At 42 you still have half you life ahead of you. Be glad to be alive and have your health, so many people don't. Chin up

[carhill]

Be glad to be alive and have your health, so many people don't. Chin up

 

Indeed, nothing like watching loved ones drop away to disease and death to drive that message home. Time and health are wonderful gifts to be thankful for and share through love.

[Chilli]

Sorry to interrupt - but re Picker you mean online dating?

 

All the best to you OP. I feel I've been in a similar situation to you too, definitely.

 

Hey gg, nah it's not that , it just means like choosing the people we pick to spend our time with whether friends or a relationship.

[CptInsano]

[...]

And ... I end up alone. True we have all made bad friends or been with bad bf/gfs who show their true colors after a while... What else can I do that I have not done before in order to MAKE IT HAPPEN? As in love. I have been dumped by 99% of men that I have been with. I say "He doesn't deserve me" and "I can do better" like everyone else does but ... It doesn't happen that way. I'm not too old for it to happen (at age 42) but ... It doesn't.

 

ANyone else fighting the damage within?

 

It is not true that everybody has been betrayed by their friends or spouses. I certainly haven't. I also don't think that most women get dumped by their boyfriends. From what I know about you so far, I'm very certain that you are not a bad person, but it seems to me that you sometimes have a problem reading other people and end up with the wrong crowd.

 

Just out of curiosity, how do you decide that a guy is worth giving a shot?

[mortensorchid]

It is not true that everybody has been betrayed by their friends or spouses. I certainly haven't. I also don't think that most women get dumped by their boyfriends. From what I know about you so far, I'm very certain that you are not a bad person, but it seems to me that you sometimes have a problem reading other people and end up with the wrong crowd.

 

Just out of curiosity, how do you decide that a guy is worth giving a shot?

 

First he must show interest in me, obviously. If he doesn't it's done of course. But ... No one is interested in me. I feel like no one wants me. I'm not one of those people who IT happens for.

 

I keep struggling in life on the job, teaching is rough in many ways and it causes you to be a hermit. I'm glad I was ready for that feeling of solitude because it's the loneliest job on Earth. But that's another story...

 

I have a wide circle of friends and aquiantance. I am always on the go, I try new things but... Nothing ever happens. I just keep struggling because that's how it is. I'm tired of the struggle.

[mortensorchid]

And to clarify - this year has been bad. There was that guy who I threw out because I found out about his sordid past and shady present. The few times I attempted to OLD the ones I made connections with said I was not their type or they said I wasn't pretty enough for them. One actually said if he could attract someone as great as me he must be able to attract someone EVEN BETTER YET. No really, he said that to me. How horrible is that to hear? I'm just not.

[the_lost_1]

Laughter is a great medicine.

 

This, have you considered taking laughter classes? I remember there was a story about classes you could join in and laugh together with people in my city, I don't know if there are like that in your city OP but try considering laughter classes.

 

Might help improve your spirit and mind.

[CptInsano]

First he must show interest in me, obviously. If he doesn't it's done of course. But ... No one is interested in me. I feel like no one wants me. I'm not one of those people who IT happens for.

 

I keep struggling in life on the job, teaching is rough in many ways and it causes you to be a hermit. I'm glad I was ready for that feeling of solitude because it's the loneliest job on Earth. But that's another story...

 

I have a wide circle of friends and aquiantance. I am always on the go, I try new things but... Nothing ever happens. I just keep struggling because that's how it is. I'm tired of the struggle.

 

I very much get that your job has less than stellar opportunities to meet men. And you also work on the side, so that cuts into your free time, too. What puzzles me is that you have a wide circle of friends, go out a lot, but nobody is interested. I mean, I have an idea of what you look like, and you have yet to show any horrible disqualifying traits in the conversations here in LS. I have to admit that I cannot tell why nobody is interested in you. Do you get feedback from your friends in this regard?

[spiderowl]

Sorry you are feeling down. It sounds like you have been mixing with some shallow people. If a guy can't say something nice to you, what kind of guy is he? Shallow and rude! You sound an lovely and intelligent person. Perhaps you are just not noticing the genuine guys and are more interested in those with red flags? Just a thought. Always worth looking at patterns and habits if the same results keep recurring.