Wife Always Miserable Trying to Get Pregnant

[BettyDraper]

I don't know about the mental illness part, but you're spot on about blaming her for her pain. It's never ok for anyone to place blame on another person for their pain just because YOU don't experience it or understand it. Part of emotional intelligence is recognizing this and being able to support someone even when you do not fully understand their pain/stress/sadness/struggle.

 

I mentioned mental illness because the OP's wife mentioned hearing voices.

I'm not sure if she was speaking literally or figuratively.

You are so right about emotional intelligence.

[BettyDraper]

Wow girls, back off and put your claws away :lmao:.

 

He isn't being a jerk, he is just posting his concern, and he is totally right to do so. No need to lecture him on how "guys just don't get it".

 

If his wife is channeling her anger into him, its not a nice situation to be in, and I totally get him regarding that.

 

Now as for actual advise, the best thing you can do is sit her down, tell her you love her, and explain to her that (as someone mentioned before) stress and depression can be harmful for fertility. You need to have a slow, loving and understanding chat about this with her, tell her you support her and will always be there for her, but that she needs to relax.

 

I suggest you tell her to take a pause regarding pregnancy. Like a 1 or 2 month pause. Take a small vacation from it, take her out on dates (movies/restaurants/etc). Then, when she is feeling better, you can start over.

 

Until she doesn't get relxed, she probably won't get pregnant.

 

By the way, how old is she?

 

The OP was "being a jerk" to his wife when he told her that her pain is self inflicted.

 

Just as women will never understand the gender specific issues which men face, a man can never truly comprehend what women go through emotionally and physically.

 

I have never tried to conceive a child but I have had many people question my femininity because I choose not to have children. Some of the comments were very insulting and hurtful. This is why I hate it when people are ignorant enough to ask women why we don't have children. A woman who is struggling with infertility and/or pregnancy loss suffers when idiots ask her questions.

[preraph]

Any doctor worth his salt would tell her to stop focusing on getting pregnant because pressure does nothing to help fertility and actually hinders it.

 

I wish I knew what to tell you. It's a very tricky situation you're in. I find it very frustrating when people get so focused on this that they will ruin themselves financially and mentally and make whoever is already in the family miserable because they're obsessed about it. It's not healthy or fair or wise. I'm sure you're probably broke from all the doctor visits, but if not, offer to send her to a psychologist where she can indulge herself on the subject without bringing down the whole family and also might learn something about herself in the process. If you can get her interested in anything else, like a hobby, do that. She shouldn't have her whole identity tied up in this one thing. If you have to offer to do joint counseling to get her to go, by all means go. You can maybe get some things off your chest in a controlled environment and the counselor will soon notice who has gone off the deep end and who hasn't. It might help. If nothing else, it will get her someone to really listen and pour it out to. maybe that will relax her some

[whichwayisup]

Hello,

 

Thank you for reading.

 

My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year. She had an ectopic (miscarraige) about 5 months ago and we're back at it again, trying however, she is absolutely obsessive about everything and is always crying about something. Seeing a baby, other couples getting pregnant, the two week wait. After her ovulation window is done, she just becomes a nervous wreck. This is every month, very predictable.

 

She came to me this morning, I had been awake only 5 minutes. She told me about how she was feeling and that it is so hard, and that she has 8 days before she can test etc.. she asked for encouraging words, which has just become part of this whole thing, like a pop quiz marraige challenge. "Well, anything? ..any encouraging words?" she'll say, and I calmly explained that maybe she has given herself an allowance or expectation of misery every month and that she doesn't need to do that. I said it's not good for you, it's not good for me or us.

 

She said I was being unfair and that I was blissfully unaware because I don't have to look at the calendar all the time. btw.. creative ways to call someone a moron without using the word "moron", and this is not the first time she's lorded pregnancy over me in order to knock me down a few notches. I got pissed and told her maybe we should just stop altogether because I can't keep living like this every month.

 

I used to pray for a child because I wanted to be a dad, now I find myself praying for a healthy pregnancy so that my wife will stop being unhappy. That's totally crazy right?!?! She wants to talk about fairness, I'm not even stoked on potentially being a dad anymore because of her all-consuming sadness.

 

I don't think I have a responsibility to be sympathetic to self inflicted, obsessive compulsive anxiety because it is not healthy and shouldn't be encouraged.

 

Any input is always appreciated and thanks again for reading.

 

You can only do so much and support her, she's emotional and hormonal. She needs other support and if that means her getting to a Dr and seeking counseling then try to gently suggest that to her. Or for her to reach out more to her woman friends so it's not just all on you.

[preraph]

It might be helpful for your wife to post on an online forum specifically for women who are trying to conceive.

 

Attending marriage counseling could be beneficial as well.

 

A group support was my first thought, but then if there's not a psychologist involved to guide the process, I am afraid it would end up just surrounding her with more people drowning themselves in worry and actually might make it worse. I bet she has already maybe looked online though. I think as a group without a moderator, they would just wallow in it more.