deadsoul Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I know I would be labeled the site azzhole, especially here. DS, I've followed you since you came, in fact I've followed just about all of you posting on this thread. When I read your stuff I hear avoid, I avoid, I'm an avoider. At first I'm thinking, she may as well save the effort Because she will fail, no doubt. Yet here you are, still fighting and working, and for that I'm proud of you (not that it matters to you much). It actually does, thank you very much. I do appreciate that. You've been hard on me and it's okay because you've also made me think, even when I disagree with you. I do need to say that when I say I avoid, I am not saying that to make excuses. I'm saying it to acknowledge that I do that and I'm working on changing that. It's not easy, as I've been avoiding for a long time. 5 years...it took my wife five years to get where she is after her affair. Sadly, I couldn't fight with her, it wasn't in my makeup. Not relevant... Something you said here on this thread really stuck me. You said you wouldn't forgive if the roles were reversed. That is where you are hung up. It seems like you are remaining in self protect mode because a large part of you expect your husband can't or won't get past it. Maybe he will, maybe he won't, I do know this, trying to convince yourself that your confused as to not wanting it enough. Haha, you have to see this for what it is. Your working hard. Most times in life when you work hard you see results. This isn't linear, so keep your head down and working on yourself, one day you will look up and say "I like me" maybe your husband will be at your side, maybe he won't, you really have no control of him leaving, not forgiving you, growing himself or whatever. Nice catch. Yes... this has been a huge topic in our household and I've been told I'm "Putting words in his mouth" when I say that. So you are exactly right. I am working on myself... because I don't have any control over H right now nor do I have that right to. This is probably one of your best posts to me. It's insightful, helpful and truthful. Thank you. And go figure, you aren't blowing sunshine up my ass, you are giving it to me straight. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 ^^^^^THIS EXACTLY!!! I echo DKT3's thoughts and I wish/hope/pray you will forgive yourself Soul. We all have made mistakes in the past.... We all will make mistakes today... We all will make mistakes tomorrow.... We all will make mistakes for the rest of our lives... It's what we DO with the learning opportunities from our mistakes that matters... Some mistakes we will repeat over and over....by choice. Some mistakes we will never ever repeat....by choice. You've held yourself accountable for your actions Soul.... Now it's time to heal. The saying goes "..You can't love others until you love yourself..." You're worthy Soul.... You'r worthy of H's forgiveness...and your damn worthy of your own forgiveness. Don't forget.... But DO forgive. (can someone give me a mic so I can drop it...) *hands mic* BOOM! BTG has left the building, yo.... Thanks for this. It's hard for me to read and believe this, but I believe this will be copy and pasted into my journal entry tonight... I'm doing better. It is such a cycle, like Jenkins said and it is so hard for me to push through and get to the other side. That cloud likes to follow me, but I'm working hard to get rid of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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