Almost there - thanks Tony (and everyone else)

[ReallyConfused]

Well, today I got up the courage to talk to a lawyer. Thanks to everyone (especially Tony) for making me realize that I can't go on living my life only to make other people happy.

 

Now my question is this; when is the best time to sit down with her and break it to her? She comes back from visiting family tonight very late. However, Sunday is Mother's Day and so I really don't want to ruin this weekend. She'll have to talk to her family & my family on Sunday and I just don't think the timing is right. (we don't have children of our own so it's only the two of us)

 

But I don't know when the timing will ever be right..... I know it's a cop-out to say that.... I just wish it could be done and over with in 1 day.... but the lawyer said the best you can hope for in my state is 90 days....

 

I really feel horrible.... but the most telling part is this - I don't feel sad.... I haven't shed one tear since deciding this course of action...

 

Thanks for the words of hope and encouragement. I know I can get through this.

[Sweety80]

Thanks for your advice, and i hope that everything works out for you too. i know this is hard for you..i can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone that i didn't love. i'm just confused as to why this happened so suddenly(he kept up the "i love yous" until like, a few days before he left). i'm glad i found this site though..

Well, today I got up the courage to talk to a lawyer. Thanks to everyone (especially Tony) for making me realize that I can't go on living my life only to make other people happy. Now my question is this; when is the best time to sit down with her and break it to her? She comes back from visiting family tonight very late. However, Sunday is Mother's Day and so I really don't want to ruin this weekend. She'll have to talk to her family & my family on Sunday and I just don't think the timing is right. (we don't have children of our own so it's only the two of us) But I don't know when the timing will ever be right..... I know it's a cop-out to say that.... I just wish it could be done and over with in 1 day.... but the lawyer said the best you can hope for in my state is 90 days.... I really feel horrible.... but the most telling part is this - I don't feel sad.... I haven't shed one tear since deciding this course of action...

 

Thanks for the words of hope and encouragement. I know I can get through this.

[ReallyConfused]

with someone that i didn't love. i'm just confused as to why this happened so suddenly(he kept up the "i love yous" until like, a few days before he left). i'm glad i found this site though..

Truthfully, I did the same. And, I do love her - but I just don't love her the way I should love a wife. When she's gone, I don't miss her.... I'm not even sad that this is happening - I'm just very worried about her and what will happen to her.

 

I'd do anything not to hurt her, but living my life to only ensure she is happy is wrong. And I can never give her everything she wants in a husband.

 

Maybe in your situation, he truly does love you the way you should love a wife, but he is simply afraid of what that means.... it is a big step to love someone in a deep, committed fashion - you don't ever want to screw that up. (belive me) Just let him decide for himself - I was pushed into my marriage from many different angles and you can see where it has gone....

[Tony T]

I agree that this weekend would not be an ideal time to break this news. At the same time, you shouldn't let the emotion of mother's day affect the decision you have made.

 

Wait until mid week and then let your feelings be known. Be gentle and kind, but be firm as well. Don't let her put a guilt trip on you. Let her know you care for her and will make this as easy on her as possible. However, let her know exactly why you're doing this and that it's for HER benefit as well as your own.

 

Good luck!