Starlightsfall Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 (edited) I need some serious help regarding a relative that has been quite negative since the beginning of our arrangements. The sly comments she makes has been testing my patience and I'm not sure how much I can take before erupting. My fiance and I did things kinda..ass backwards in a sense..we looked at rings for a while before him purposing and discussed marriage. We figured it would be easier to decide instead of waiting, with the excitement and anticipation growing..it just happened this way! The first comment she made when he was going to purchase a special engagement ring and sent me a photo before hand was "That doesn't mean he is buying the ring.. Okay.. -sly facial expression- That ruins the surprise and makes it more depressing when he DOESN'T purpose." To which, I responded "Actually..it feels more exciting and I'm always more thrilled than the next when it isn't time yet." I have no clue why she would make this comment.. (Btw we are the same age and have grown up together) On a separate issue my fiance and I have discussed not having my negative and verbally abusive Mother at the wedding. He doesn't want her there and though I do love my Mother, I sadly have to agree. We don't want to pay thousands of dollars to have it go badly or brought down through **** talk or rumors, this would be a waste for both of us and his Mother who is paying through her business startup fund. (She offered this to us, we didn't ask..) I am also paying as well.. A few days later my relative makes another comment saying "My marriage was ruined, because my bride maid didn't show up." (I'm apparently to blame) She only had 2/3 mo to plan her wedding and with her Mother's help, it was very nice..so she did have a good wedding. (My Mother) Who didn't come because she was asked not to bring her Husband who also, is more verbally abusive and extremely confrontational. Her Father who has been in a few altercations with him requested my Mom leave her Husband at home to attend or not to participate at all..I had NO baring on this! I left my Mother at 18 because the living conditions were becoming unstable and I seriously was close to suicide from it all. (We haven't spoke in almost 4 years since, total 9 years, she had 4 chances to forget the past) I still struggle from the abuse and screaming, my anxiety and OCD is beyond my control sometimes from it, my fiance works with me on this. My relative then says "Are you going to bring you Mother or let her know? You should just get married in Vegas, I wish I did since, my wedding was ruined." I went upstairs and slammed my door, my Grandparents then spoke to me after she left and reassured my concerns. They also said that my relative is starting to see the true colors of my Mother's negative behaviors. My Mother also never bought me a toothbrush, barely had toothpaste and the damage was over $17,000 of rotting teeth from neglect. The past gets worse.. My relative the next day brought over a lip stick sample that I found very strange. She could had done this just to be kind but, the labels on the makeup seemed odd. One was called White Lie, other Copy Cat and other snarky names. It made me feel great knowing she was being thoughtful, but it irked the hell out of me! She had to of known the names prior to getting the sample, my question is was she aware? Finally....today she made yet again, another comment that made me clench my teeth. After marriage my fiance has to live an hour/2 hours away because he can't get transferred for work in a nearby city. (We tried) I also have to attend college and can't work at the same time because I need assistance at the school for a learning disability. It would be so difficult for me emotionally and exhausting physically with my tourettes. We agreed for me to stay with my Grandparents till then, just to get half through or 1 year before graduation so I'll be able to work. My relative then says very snarky "What is the point of you two getting married, if you don't live together? Haha..I mean its pointless and getting married is just a waste...that is just my opinion, its weird!" She also has said "You shouldn't do a honeymoon, I mean..we didn't have one.." Afterwards I started typing this thread, I can't take these comments and if this is how it will be up till our wedding I'm going to tell her off. She also has been known to be aggressive and it could lead to a physical fight. (I am not like this!) Can anyone PLEASE give me advice on how to calm the fire or solve this? I just bought my wedding dress today and it is drop dead gorgeous, I don't want her to take away this moment in my life..I'll only have it once.. It makes me hate my Mother, which I don't want to.. Someone help me? She also doubts my capability of planning a wedding and to top she is my brides maid.. Edited August 11, 2017 by Starlightsfall Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starlightsfall Posted August 11, 2017 Author Share Posted August 11, 2017 Hmm..anyone? What can I do here?? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 (edited) Why would you not invite your own mother but ask this dreadful person to be a bridesmaid? Edited August 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 (edited) Why do you spend time with her? And I wouldn't imagine that she's jealous.....more likely just a mean person. Eloping could have been a good choice Edited August 11, 2017 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Why is she in your wedding party at all? What did I miss? Why would you give an absolutely toxic person front-row access to a very exciting but supremely stressful part of your life? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Eloping could have been a good choice It still can be! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Tune her out. You can't stop her from making dreadful comments but you can stop listening. If she's that bad, uninvited her. If you have the hutzpa to not invite your own mother, excluding this woman should be a no-brainer. I also don't see why you have to hold your tongue. It's your wedding. At the next snarky comment you say that her comments are hurtful; you don't want to hear them & you really wish she would keep her negativity to herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 My husband and I eloped because our moms were being crazy and I didn't want negative relatives at our wedding. A lot of people were upset when we eloped but we didn't care. Kick your "relative" out of the wedding. Consider eloping. It's much cheaper and less stressful. Link to post Share on other sites
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