The L Word

[Shanex]

When is it too soon to drop the L word? Is it ever ''too soon'' anyway? How long did it take you before you say it - in person to your now husband or wife or life partner?

 

I only used this dreaded word carefully and without regrets as I was actually quite fond of some exes.

 

Discuss.

[littleblackheart]

I don't know if there's a rule for that. Why not say it when you mean it?

[CptInsano]

I simply said it when I could no longer bear to not state the obvious.

[RecentChange]

No rules.

 

Personally I have said it quickly, I didn't hold back.

 

On the same token though..... I have told only two men, because I have only felt it twice, and first one didn't nearly share the intensity of the second.

 

Infatuation is one thing, but for me, the real deal? Quite a rarity

[Gaeta]

To me love and infatuation are 2 very different things. I tell someone I love them when I want to spend the rest of my life with them.

 

My ex-husband 7 months

My latest ex 1 year

My current boyfriend 5 months

[ZayKayWill]

For my first serious girlfriend oddly enough I didn't say it until our parents broke us up...I was like you and was always pretty hesitant to use those words as well but once I knew, I knew. I can still remember the look on her face when I finally said it. She was shocked and couldn't say anything for like a minute if that tells you anything.

 

For my most recent ex I said it pretty damn quick but granted I knew her for a while and always had a thing for her years before we got together...

[fred123]

To me love and infatuation are 2 very different things. I tell someone I love them when I want to spend the rest of my life with them.

 

My ex-husband 7 months

My latest ex 1 year

My current boyfriend 5 months

 

Does that mean ur more into this new guy than ur ex? Im just wondering if ur ex would feel like **** knowing he had to wait a year for u to say it knowing u ssid it at 7 monthw before

[RecentChange]

To me love and infatuation are 2 very different things. I tell someone I love them when I want to spend the rest of my life with them.

 

My ex-husband 7 months

My latest ex 1 year

My current boyfriend 5 months

 

Funny, while I feel the same way.... I have known it quicker I guess.

 

Took about 4 months with my first "love" but we were still teenagers (split up to go to different colleges). I cared for him, but I would call it more of a puppy love looking back.

 

And it was even faster the second time I said it - I reciprocated when he said the L word after 2 short months.

 

That was over 15 years ago, and we still say it every day.

[preraph]

I'm uncomfortable tossing the word around in the context of anything less than entering a new phase of commitment.

[Bastile]

I thought you meant the show about lesbians

 

There is definitely a too soon on this subject. I remember saying this with a girlfriend whilst we were both on ecstacy during sex after about just one month. She initiated; I reciprocated, both of us in the moment. We both regretted it the next day. It was just an awkward development/escalation, too soon, and chemically induced.

 

I think the time to say it is on a realization of the situation. After you both already know that you do, anyway. It's pretty obvious.

 

I think that deeper connection takes time. A good 6 months or so at least (for me). It's more infatuation of her looks/vibe at first. But chipping away over time, a woman's sweet nature creeps it's way insidiously inside your poor little soul.

[central]

Lust? Sometimes on the first date!

[OpenBook]

I only used this dreaded word carefully

 

Why do you dread using the word?

[Bastile]

Why do you dread using the word?

 

Because it can be a trap!

 

Women change their moods a lot. Consider the example I gave above. It was a tricky moment, and I got pulled into her mood swing.

 

I should have said something clever. I should have Han Soloed it...

 

 

Instead, I jumped headfirst into tomfoolery.

[Shanex]

I simply said it when I could no longer bear to not state the obvious.

 

A very good one-liner as a response and I 100% agree.

 

Why do you dread using the word?

 

Bastille has replied for me bellow, before I could.

 

Because it can be a trap!

 

Women change their moods a lot. Consider the example I gave above. It was a tricky moment, and I got pulled into her mood swing.

 

I should have said something clever. I should have Han Soloed it...

 

 

Instead, I jumped headfirst into tomfoolery.

 

Agreed.

 

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies.

[dichotomy]

Sorry to be cynical... But the "word" is meaningless to me. In short - because it (love you) means different things to different people.

 

I have had someone say it the first time we had sex after dating 4 weeks - and other say it while they were lying and cheating on me.

 

Myself - I wanted/"felt" like saying it after I was with someone for 6 months (they were saying it all the time) but I did not say it until I though I understood how they loved.

 

Love is as love does... and not as it says.

Edited August 16, 2017 by dichotomy

[Kellens]

I think you should say it when you feel it. I usually don't like to be the first person to say it but I think I usually say it in the infatuation period because I feel so much and I just need to try to get it out in words. I've told 4 people that I loved them, which is the amount of boyfriends that I've had in my life, I'm 37. I don't recall the exact amount of time before I used "the L word" with each one of them, but I know it was pretty early.

 

I told my current boyfriend that I loved him after a month even though I wasn't in love with him yet. I definitely loved him as a person but I think it was way too soon to say it. I probably genuinely felt it around the 4 month mark. I told him this later on and he said that I was a jerk He said that he knew he loved me after a month.. everyone is different.

[No_Go]

I've said it three times, all too fast. Once at maybe a month. 2nd time on our 6th date (at maybe 2 weeks). 3rd time... At 6-7 weeks. All these were initiated by the guys. I don't think that they *really* meant it, and neither do I. It was more like a confirmation we're entering a committed relationship.

 

I held it back few other times. One was particularly strong but I didn't say it because of the circumstances. If I've said it I'd have meant it 100%.

 

Now....... that makes me think L word doesn't mean much, said or not said. Next time I'm hoping words&feelings to align.

[Gaeta]

Does that mean ur more into this new guy than ur ex? Im just wondering if ur ex would feel like **** knowing he had to wait a year for u to say it knowing u ssid it at 7 monthw before

 

It means nothing at all about my feelings. It just means those relationships evolved differently and I was a different woman each time. I was 17 when I met my ex-h, I was 35 when I met my last ex and I was 50 when I met my current boyfriend.

 

As for the rest of your question I don't care about my exs and how bad they feel. How I handle my relationships after them isn't their business. How quickly my feelings evolve for another man isn't their business either.

 

Fred: We are all unique individual. With 1 person you can feel it quickly and with another it can take a longer time, it does not mean the feelings are less intense. My bf told me he loved me at 5 months, if we break up and he tells the next girl at 2 months I don't give a heck. She is not me, their relationship is unique to them, it has nothing to do with me and the relationship we had together.