DevastatedJDC Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 (edited) Tomorrow will be six months since my partner of 11.5 years dumped me via a phone call on Valentine's Day. Yesterday was my birthday and I was stupidly holding out secret hope I might hear from him, even though I knew I wouldn't .... My intent here is to share what I've learned over the six months: - Time is the great healer - while it still hurts like hell that the person who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with could tell me he loved me every day for 11.5 years and then end it via a phone call never to be heard from again - time has greatly reduced the pain. - As I think back over the 11.5 years, I realize I was so ignorant about what love really is and have spent the last six months trying to figure out what about me made me believe his lies and made me willing to settle. - He is a narcissist - the relationship had to be ended on his terms and he had to make it clear he was the one in charge - my therapist has helped me understand that casual friends love a narcissist - they're the life of the party - they never see the horrible underside of them that can make the partner second guess everything in their life and feel miserable. Again - still working on self esteem issues that let me think he loved me and be willing to "settle". - During something like this you find out who your true friends really are and also come to rely on the love of your family - they have been fantastic and have helped ease the pain so much. I am soooooo grateful for them. - This is a journey - a long journey, but the thing that people constantly ask me now is "why would you want to be with someone who treats you this way" - I always thought we had the special bond/intimacy that would prevent him treating me this way but I now realize I was in so much denial. - Some people just have no soul - they make you think they do, but in the end - they don't. I'm making progress towards being able to trust again. - In comparison to other people that have relationships ended (especially with narcissists....), I don't have it so bad - cant' imagine if we were married with kids, etc.... I have gained so much empathy for people in those situations. - No contact is so hard but really is a great way to heal - the less you know about the goings on of their life the better - every thing you know is hurtful and not knowing is better. Thanks for listening. Edited August 14, 2017 by DevastatedJDC 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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