Why Dating Is All Just A Game For Men (And A Hard Game To Learn)

[ManOfLove123]

When you think about it, dating is all a game. First off, you have to find a place to meet women. Maybe at school, maybe among your circle of friends, or even at a local meetup group. Now you see a girl you think is cute and want to get to know her better, the problem is you don't even know her and she has no idea who you are. You're going to have to figure out a way to approach her and start up a conversation, without coming off as creepy, needy, or just plain boring. Let's just say, you manage to approach her and start a conversation without coming off as a weirdo, now you have to find a way to keep the conversation going without it fizzing out. Maybe you crack a joke, ask her questions about herself, talk about yourself for a bit.

 

Now you will probably want to see her again so now you have to ask for her number, her snapchat, or her Facebook information to keep in contact. Now that you have a way to contact her, then you have to send a first message and it has to be at the right time after your real life conversation. If you send a text to her a week later, she will likely not respond as it has been too long ago. If you send a message too early, she will likely think you're overly needy and not respond. You have to keep a conversation going with her for a few days before asking her out. If you ask her out too early, she will think you're coming on too strong too soon. If you ask out too late, then you didn't escalate soon enough and she likely is talking to other guys so you've missed your chance.

 

So eventually you ask her out on a date over Facebook, Snapchat, text etc and she says yes. Now the problem is that you have to make sure she doesn't flake. You have to text her in between the time you ask her out and before the date. If you don't text her at all before the date, then she will most likely flake. But if you text her too much, then you won't have much to talk over once you meet up in real life.

 

 

So let's just say she doesn't flake and you meet up with her. Now you have to make sure that you like her in addition to her liking you well enough to want to see you again. You have to think of ideas of places to go, how to keep the conversation going without it fizzing out, how to incorporate humor, how to flirt, and eventually in future dates how to go in for the kiss.

 

 

 

And every step of the way, you're risking yourself of brutal and painful rejection.

 

 

The only reason why men subject themselves to the gruesome process of dating, and finding "the one" is because most guys are horny. We literally cannot help being obsessed with women and beauty, so that's why we subject ourselves to rejection. We're basically a bunch of slaves, which makes sense because if we werne't horny, then there would be no incentive to approach women.

 

And since shy guys get no love, it basically forces a shy man to "man up" and talk to girls.

[5x5]

I guess it's not unreasonable to think dating as a bit of a game.

 

That said this idea that dating is hard for men to learn, or is otherwise particularly difficult for men is a misnomer.

 

Like some other men without having to think about it, I've always found it has been easy to attract women, have sex with them, date them and even marry some of them. So it's certainly not a problem for men as a collective.

 

As to rejection if you appreciate the fact that people can't help who they are or aren't attracted to, you might not take it so personally when someone rejects you.

[Imported]

Life is a game. Some people suck at it.

[SammySammy]

It is a game.

 

That's why men good at dating are often said to have good "game".

 

All of life is a game. Politics is a game. Business is a game. It's the game of life and it's survival of the fittest.

 

There's no time to complain about how difficult it is. Or how someone may have been dealt a better hand than you. Winners tend to be those who consistently play their hand to the best of their ability. Continuously learning and growing. Getting better and stronger. The losers ... play poorly.

 

"If you're good to the game, then the game will be good to you."

 

That's the beauty of it.

 

Be good to the game. And it'll be good to you.

[Popsicle]

You could always date girls that you have more of a rapport with and see more often.

[AriesDude]

I resent the whole "only because we're horny" thing.

Some guys just wanna cuddle and hold hands and have someone to do things with. Intercourse is a bonus.

Yeah which is contradictary as decent guys are seen as weirdos because they haven't manned up for the game yet right?. Or "too nice" or "not wild enough in bed even though he is nice"...etc.

 

Worst of all is it's because of everyone turning it into some game/competition of who can build the most rapport the fastest, that women out there auto-assume every man out there just wants to get laid and will do absolutely anything else to get it...no other motives or intentions...ever.

 

To all the decent guys out there....buy a mail order bride. Best advice ever. Lol

Just my opinion

[OatsAndHall]

What you are describing isn't dating; it's trying to land a date.That's the simplest part of the "game" when you get down to it. I meet a woman I am interested in some setting, I make the effort to open up a conversation with her and then I ask her out. Sometimes I get shot down but, more often than not, I get dates. I don't waste my time dancing around with social media or finding the 'right time' to ask for a date; I just do it. Honestly, a woman has decided whether or not she is attracted to you within those first few minutes so you might as well ask her out.

 

The actual 'game' of dating kicks into play when you're out with a woman. And, even that part boils down to two things; reading people and being a good communicator. Pay attention to her affect, her body language, her tone of voice and the little thing she says. Keep conversation flowing and make her laugh as much as possible. Keep the date as fun and relaxing as you can and things will be fine. She's already interested enough in you to date you so now comes the hard part; keeping her interested in you. And, that's assuming YOU are still interested in her.

 

 

And, at the end of the day, if she's not into me, she's just not into me. So be it; I have enough self-confidence to move forward from it and not take it personally.

[normal person]

That said this idea that dating is hard for men to learn, or is otherwise particularly difficult for men is a misnomer.

 

Like some other men without having to think about it, I've always found it has been easy to attract women, have sex with them, date them and even marry some of them. So it's certainly not a problem for men as a collective.

 

Yeah, I've got to agree. It's not without it's nuances, but let's be honest, it's not rocket science. Most guys figure it out eventually.

 

And every step of the way, you're risking yourself of brutal and painful rejection.

 

OP, I think part of your problem might be the fact that you assume every woman is somehow "above" you, and that their affection is only gotten through running through some gauntlet. If that's been your attitude this whole time, I'm not surprised you haven't found much success yet. If you stepped back a bit you might realize that woman like men too and that if you work to develop some marketable attributes (intelligence, humor, strength, savvy, athleticism, personality) then you'll flip this hypothetical script and you'll have a lot of women trying to figure out how they can get you.

 

And since shy guys get no love, it basically forces a shy man to "man up" and talk to girls.

 

This isn't that novel of a concept. Shyness is a fear of social situations. Fear is the opposite of confidence. Women like confidence because of biological implications. This is sort of like saying "and since overweight girls get no love, they have 'take care of themselves' to get a man to be attracted to them." Men like thin women because of the biological implications. Women don't want weak men and men don't want unattractive, overweight women. It's biology, it's not some cruel trick being played on you.

 

Most people, both male and female, aren't dealt a perfect hand. You should learn to play yours to the best of your ability and you might have some success. The only way you'll definitely lose is just by complaining how much you hate the so called "game."

[CptInsano]

And, at the end of the day, if she's not into me, she's just not into me. So be it; I have enough self-confidence to move forward from it and not take it personally.

 

Thats essentially it. To the OP: Don't try to overthink this. Continue to chat up women, or allow women to contact you. Don't try to think in schemes of how dating should work or not. It my experience it matters very little what you say exactly, and women will very quickly take an active role in all of this if they like you. Learn to handle rejection, be open to all ways of meeting a woman, and just keep on going.

[JustGettingBy]

Something I've learned (that's helped me at least look at it better) is that when you ask a woman out, and she says 'no', as long as you don't push her, she wouldn't hold it against you, or think less of you. I used to be afraid of asking thinking I'd annoy her, but once I get a couple of 'no' answers from acquaintances, who continued to treat me the same way, I'm now asking more often.