After a week, venting

[kfey]

Back story

 

This was one of those flings that burned very brightly, then ended abruptly.

 

Since she initially told me she wanted to end it (I/we moved too fast, she didn't feel a sexual connection despite having sex with me multiple times without protection) we texted for maybe 45 minutes and I didn't manage to totally shoot myself in the foot before I decided to stop. Two days later I texted her saying she was right about moving too quick, and that I'd said some things I should not have. No response. So I haven't contacted her in 5 days, she hasn't contacted me in a week.

 

I'm not having trouble staying NC. On the two forms of social media I use, she disconnected from me on one and I from her on the other. She added me on Facebook pre-break (which I don't use) but noticed she hasn't deleted me there.

 

I have a good friend ten years my senior. He's been divorced, and has advised me very well in prior breakups/relationship issues. I haven't asked him for advice really, but told him most of what happened. He thinks it's all weird, and that she'll contact me again. He's hypothesized there might have been another guy before me (there was really no time while we were together she could have seen anyone else, we were in touch and together that much). He initially thought she just was having cold feet and needed some time to get used to the idea of being in a relationship again. He still thinks she'll get back in touch, the more he knows. Maybe it's because of facts like how she wanted to meet my mother, invite me on a short camping trip with her friends, and trusted me enough to have unprotected sex so quickly (plus she's a scientist, an educated person about health and diseases, not someone reckless and impulsive). I haven't really talked with him much about this because he and I hang out, I don't necessarily want to talk about it. But it's worth mentioning I guess.

 

Again, having no trouble being NC. I would like to be together with her, but I'm willing to give it several weeks. I have some anxiety problems regarding sex I need to get some help for and part of me feels that until I'm in a better place with that, shouldn't even be with her regardless. That could take some time of course.

 

I reached out to a woman I saw months ago who to be honest, I wasn't really that into. Our relationship was really only about sex. We started talking again and probably will start hooking up again. She knows I just got dumped, wants to hear about it, and hook up. This isn't a great way to cope probably. But I guess I'll follow through.

 

I would certainly drop it in the however-unlikely event my fling/ex/whatever contacted me about reconciling, and would re-establish something with her, taking it slower. I had kind of put her on this pedestal and feel like I realized many/all the mistakes I made with her. I don't like what she did, but I understand it and I'm sort of moving on. I have these feelings for her which probably will linger, and maybe that means I shouldn't date other women.

 

Just writing thoughts down really.