Found out ex is a whore, abusive night

[aares]

Ok...last night was a f***ing mess. Well I dont know if anyone remembers but I am the guy who mentally abused my gf over the course of 5 months. Nothing horrible just the usual crying and ****. The ex and I have been broken up for about 3 1/2 months now. We were talking and everything was starting to become perfect again. Three nights ago, we talked about how much we loved each other, about how great everything was when we were together, about how we were going to have kids and everything. We never stopped talking...the longest period we had of NC was for about four days so we talk alot, for being apart.

 

We made this agreement that we would not have sex with anyone for the time being we were apart. I f***ing held up my end of the deal...I met so many new women that want my dick, but I held off. I told all of them I do not want anything right now. One girl did jump on me and shoved her tongue down my throat but I pushed her off.

 

Anyway, last night....me and my ex's friend (we will call her 'Jen') went to see another friend of the ex's (we will call her Casey) just to hand out cause she is about to have a kid. I told the ex that Jen and I were going over to Casey's house to hang out, she got pissed because casey used to hang over me all the time. Jen and I went to Casey's house and talked for a while. Casey and my ex down get along, so of course Casey will tell me anything to make me pissed off at my ex. Casey then tells me that she thinks this guy ('Dan') and my ex f***ed (right then my heart sank-I cannot stand that feeling) and I blow it off. She also tells me that she hung out with this other guy who doesnt really matter, but just that my ex hung out with him after we broke up and he is 28 yrs old, has 7 kids (my ex is 18) so whatever. I get nauseated from thinking about this, so I tell Jen that we must leave. I drive 45 min away with Jen to Dan's house to confront him. After tricking him into telling me that he f***ed my ex, he just admitted the whole thing. Again, my heart sank even more, I started shaking, I wanted to break down and cry but for some reason, I couldnt. I immediately left Dan's and told Jen what happened. I needed to talk to my ex, so I went to her house. I got there, talked to her and her parents, biting my tongue to not mention anything about anything. The ex hugs me, tells me she loves me, then takes my hand and leads me into her bedroom. There she tells me how much she loves me, how she believes that if we got back together, we would work everything out. I think "yeah stupid slut you are pathetic and worthless" but I didnt say anything. She gets into the car with Jen and I and I drive away. I told the ex we were going to go drop Jen off just so she would come with us.

 

I go to a grocery store which was closed, and I parked on the side of the building where we were out of view. Here is what happened:

 

Me: Get out of the f***ing car now!

Her: (laughing) what? (she thought I was joking)

Me: Get your ass out of the f***ing car now!

Her: What are you talking about?

 

I get out of the car, walk around to the front passenger and open the door. I took her hand and pulled her out of the car. She didnt fall or anything yet.

 

Her: What is your problem?

Me: So...who did you spread your legs for?

Her: What?

Me: OMFG you are going to deny it? Who did you f***???

Her: What? No one!

Me: Tell me the f***ing truth you are a f***ing slut.

Jen: (still in the car) Just tell him the truth.

Her: I had sex with one person...Dan.

 

At this point my heart sinks again, and a rage comes over me. I start calling her every name in the insult book...everything, until she started crying...just like before. I f***ing went to a therapist for this s***...but I guess I was so angry that I didnt even think about anything other than what was going on. After like 5-6 minutes of calling her names, she tries to reach in and grab her purse, probably to call someone. I push her shoulder away, then she started to hit me on my chest. I took both hands and pushed her hard, and she fell and started balling. I walk up to her while she was still on the ground:

 

Me: I cant believe this bulls***...all I ever did was love you and have to go spreading your legs like a cheap whore and f*** everyone you see.

Her: (crying) I love you too I made a mistake.

Me: MISTAKE? How the f*** do you make a mistake like this? Here I am acting like a f***in retard, pushing every girl that wants me away, believing that you could keep your legs closed. You are worthless.

 

She stands up and I grab her wrists and pull her close to me. She tells me to leave her alone, but my mind was in rage mode and I didnt let go. Again, I said "why did you do this, I just loved you to death". Jen walks behind me with my ex's purse, and gives it to her. She takes it and starts walking away. I walk up to her and grab her shoulder and spin her around and she punches me in my head, so I push her again and she falls again.

 

Jen: Stop you are going to hurt her and you are going to get into trouble!

 

At this point the ex is still on the ground and I walk over to the building and face the wall and I break down. Everything is running through my head and I just down know what to do. I start crying and I hear footsteps, so I look to my right and my ex is running. I snap again and I run after her, catching her. I wanted to beat her face in, but instead I grabbed her purse and chucked it like a 100 yards and everything fell out. She went to pick everything up and Jen comes over to me and tells me I need to calm down, that she is sorry that my ex did this and whatever. I lay down on the ground, start crying again. I hear footsteps again, so again I snap and run after her. I grab her wrists and again, I tell her that I love her and ask her how she could do this to me. I start calling her names again and I said something that really pissed her off, I think it was about how her whole family is the same because her mom is a slut and her sister is a slut. Her dad cheats on his wife all the time. She clocked me in my eye (im suprised I dont have a black eye) and then knocks the wind out of me. I push her away and she trips over a concrete car stopper and hits her head. I start calling her names again and Jen runs over and pushes me away and tells me to stop, that this is over with. I look at my ex in the eye, and I say, "slut".

 

I walk back and get into my car while my ex and Jen walk away. Jens house was less than 1/4 mile away so they started walking there and i pulled up and asked if Jen wanted a ride. She said no she has to give my ex a ride home. I turn around and go home. Jen called me and told me that my ex kept saying that she was scared and that she couldnt believe I did this. I think to myself "well I cant believe you cant keep your legs closed". I get home and I talk to several of my friends about everything and that was that.

 

I am so f***ing lost now...part of my still wants to be with her, and then I will think about him and her f***ing, then I just want her to die. Five minutes later, I will want to be with her, then I will think about him and her f***ing, and I want her to die. This is all that I have been thinking ever since I went home last night. What do I do? I am so confused. Why do I still want to be with her? I know I am going to get s*** from everyone because of my actions, but I now I believe she deserved it. I dont think many people, in that situation, could jsut say, "I cant believe you had sex with someone else" an just leave. I am lost...I love her so much but yet I am so angry.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Calling a woman you care about words like slut and whore is abusive..

 

No wonder you 2 are no longer together..

 

 

Get some help..

 

You need anger managment before you hurt someone and go to jail for DV

[Jlmic1]

Gee, you sound like such a wonderful person. Can't imagine that your EX would want another man.

[thegoodhubbie]

Son, you need psycological help, possibly medications.

[Craig]

Aares when I read your story I found myself feeling the pain that you might have been feeling and then I read what your response was--what you did to your ex.

 

What you did to your ex was wrong, abusive and violent. You had no ethical, moral or legal right to do what you did and I am only sorry that I don't know your ex because I would have been the one calling the cops on you.

 

You already know you have anger management problems, please find yourself some help like an anger management class.

 

Here's something that you don't know. You don't love your ex. Love doesn't manifest itself in abuse and violence against someone you supposedly love. What you have is a fear of loss of control that creates an insecurity in you that you obsess over and it eats away at you until you can't take it anymore and then lash out at the only people that will put up with your s***--the ones closest to you.

 

Call a domestic violence center in your area and ask to talk to a counsellor because you think you may need some help working through things. Tell the counsellor what you told us and go from there.

 

Of course you can chose to do nothing, thinking that you can handle this yourself but if you are somewhat normal you either won't or can't because you don't have the resources to do so. If you don't address these issues now you will go on repeating the same mistakes over and over again until you find a woman that won't walk away. She'll call the cops, she might exaggerate what you did to her and might even add some self inflicted injuries to herself and then you stand a good chance at starting a new career as a prison wife. Or she could just shoot you in self defense. It happens everyday and the courts are very sympathetic to abused women so she would probably be treated like a hero.

[Teag]

I would have done more than just punch you in the eye if you did that to me, I would have called the police on you. You have MAJOR issues. So what she slept w/ some guy, you WEREN'T together, she made a mistake, EVERYONE makes mistakes, that doesn't mean she's a slut and a whore and certainly doesn't deserve to be treated like you treated her. I hope she is smart & stays away from you & is smart enough to know not to get back together with you b/c if you go off that easily about something that small when your NOT together you could end up REALLY hurting her if not worse. You really need to reevaluate the situation and get help before you end up hurting someone.

 

Let me tell you, my ex cheated on me the day AFTER I miscarried HIS child, do you think I acted like that?? NO, he CHEATED on me more than once & never did anything like that to him. I broke up with him but thats it & he did it DURING the time we were datng. Like I said you have major issues and I really hope you get some help before its too late.

[Outcast]

Get your ass to a shrink STAT. You have major problems and should not be with anyone unless you can get them fixed.

[shamen]

Originally posted by Craig

What you did to your ex was wrong, abusive and violent. You had no ethical, moral or legal right to do what you did and I am only sorry that I don't know your ex because I would have been the one calling the cops on you.

 

You already know you have anger management problems, please find yourself some help like an anger management class.

 

Here's something that you don't know. You don't love your ex. Love doesn't manifest itself in abuse and violence against someone you supposedly love. What you have is a fear of loss of control that creates an insecurity in you that you obsess over and it eats away at you until you can't take it anymore and then lash out at the only people that will put up with your s***--the ones closest to you.

 

Call a domestic violence center in your area and ask to talk to a counsellor because you think you may need some help working through things. Tell the counsellor what you told us and go from there.

 

Of course you can chose to do nothing, thinking that you can handle this yourself but if you are somewhat normal you either won't or can't because you don't have the resources to do so. If you don't address these issues now you will go on repeating the same mistakes over and over again until you find a woman that won't walk away. She'll call the cops, she might exaggerate what you did to her and might even add some self inflicted injuries to herself and then you stand a good chance at starting a new career as a prison wife. Or she could just shoot you in self defense. It happens everyday and the courts are very sympathetic to abused women so she would probably be treated like a hero.

 

Ditto! Craig is spot on!

[NiCoLe20]

damn man... u need to chill out and leave this girl alone.

 

you should never put ur hands on a girl/woman. its just wrong. i bet she's definitley afraid of even being around you now. u just ruined ur chances big time... u need help for your anger problems..

 

keep ur hands to urself. no matter how angry and pissed u get at a girl, never touch her. i doubt you want to be in jail for domestic abuse... you could've been yesterday if the cops were called. leave her alone and find another girl.

[pippen_2k]

Aares, yeah dude you acted wrong and way overboard, so the chances of her comming back now are preety much nil.

 

Not that you would want her back, cause like you said she is a Slut! She didnt make a mistake and all her words were just lies! She slept around and what you guys had is now gone.

 

No going back here, cause both of you will always have doubts about each other forever.

 

By the way..I wouldnt even try to contact her cause she is prolly scared of you now, and could possibly try to call the cops on you if you hound her.... If she dosent one of her friends might.

[Stash]

Thank you for sharing your view that the ex lover is a slut, sir. May I invite you to step into a shiny new millennium? Sleeping with another man does not make your girlfriend a "slut". Nor does the fact that she promised not to sleep with anyone else. It's clear from your post that you have been abusive to her in the past. Accordingly, it seems fair to suppose that any "agreement" you obtained from her would have been triggered by a certain amount of fear (on her part) as to what might happen if she didn't agree. If so, such agreement would be entirely meaningless.

 

Unless she has strong masochistic and exhibitionist tendencies, she would now be wise to isolate herself from you. She might also consider giving a very wide berth to "Jen" and "Casey", as they seem willing to further inflame an already nasty situation. I'm surprised to hear that Jen is a friend of your girlfriend's. From your account, it appears that she was more concerned with the prospect of you making trouble for yourself than she was with her friend's safety. Delightful loyalty.

 

Perhaps you should steer clear of the ladies altogether, until you have gained some control over your behaviour.

[JS17]

next time i think my ex is an a**h*** i'm going to reread your post so i can remember that it could have been worse. and i thought his emotional abuse was bad. i hope she runs as far as possible from you.

[smile95]

next time i think my ex is an a**h*** i'm going to reread your post so i can remember that it could have been worse. and i thought his emotional abuse was bad. i hope she runs as far as possible from you.

 

Ditto!

[Sal Paradise]

You sound psychotic. Actually you both do. I wouldn't want anyone I care about dating either one of you. Seriously get some therapy.

[clandestinidad]

Wow....you have serious problems

 

Your problems are so serious that it wouldnt suprise me to hear about you killing someone in the future...."accidently" of course,....yeah right

 

If I were her I wouldnt have sat there crying...I would have immediately started kicking your a$$

 

Someone needs to kick your a$$, actually.....where do you live? You should spend some time in jail, and see how those fellas treat you.....you WILL get what you deserve in the long run......get some help before you murder someone

 

Do you even realize that you'd go to jail for murder if she had hit her head on that concrete parking thing in just the right spot?!?!

 

Get some self control!! So what, ya'll werent together, and made an agreement that she didnt stick to.....THATS LIFE!!! People will break agreements/contracts....it happens! YOU broke an agreement too....granted it was an unspoken one.....an agreement to respect her and NOT BE PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE!!!!!!!!!!

 

You've lost.....and anyone with any shred of self-respect will stay far away from you

 

GET HELP

[TUDOR]

Ditto to what Kat said. What an assclown!

[loony]

No wonder your relationship is over. If I had been her friend I would have called the police on you. I understand your pain, but what you did can not be justified.

[AndrewJ]

U are either pulling our legs or u need therapy for ur anger.

 

Go on a holiday and chill u sound like a timebomb ticking away.

[aares]

Fly on the wall: Yes, calling a woman a slut and a whore is abusive...but I believe she deserved it.

 

Jlmic: The thing is that she doesnt want this other dude...she just f***ed him.

 

Craig: I am not 100% sure I have anger problems...what would everyone else do in this situation...just say, "thanks for doing this to me" and then leave? What does that do? I feel that it would do nothing at all. I wasnt planning on all of this happening...I was planning on calling her a slut and a whore and tell her that she is a f*** up.

 

Dyllusional: Mistake? A mistake is sepping on someones shoe...a mistake is spilling milk over someone on accident. A mistake is NOT taking off your panties and f***ing some dude you barely knew because you are a slut. I couldnt just leave everything alone...I could not possibly just tell her that I knew she cheated, and just walk away.

 

Nicole: Well, I am not the violent type of person...I RARELY get angry like this...infact something like this would be the only way that I know to get me this pissed. I dont totally agree with the not touching women though...if a girl has the ovaries to hit me and continue hitting me when I would push her away, then I would hit her. People take the whole "girls are defenseless" issue way too far. What would you do if you were a guy and a woman when psycho and wouldnt stop smacking you? I would not just sit there and let the beatin be handed to me.

 

kat23: I live in PA...and in all seriousness...for what happened, I would not have went to jail. I did nothing but push her. I already talked to a local cop and a constable about it. I would never, never, never murder someone, although her killing herself by hitting her head on the concrete would have sucked.

 

No, I am not pulling anyones legs. I had a call from her mother yesterday (morning after it happened) and she started b1tching to me. She said that I had no right to hit her, and I corrected her and told her that I did not hit her, I pushed her...there is a difference. She kept saying, "I have the police right here...I have the phone number right here all I have to do is call". She wanted to get a PFA on me and I was like wtf? She said that she thinks im going to get pissed off some night and sneak into her bedroom and "beat the piss out of her". This is when I got agitated and basically told her that she is stupid for thinking that I would actually do something like that...I am not a lunatic, what happened, happened and that was it. I asked to talk to my ex because I wanted answers. So, my ex gets on the phone:

 

Her: What?

Me: So wtf was up with you breaking our agreement?

Her: It was a mistake...people do make mistakes you know, not everyone lives a perfect life like you.

Me: A mistake is not when you take your clothes off and get ass f***ed. I never said I dont make mistakes...I make mistakes but not one like you made, because that wasnt a mistake, was it?

Her: I am not a slut...

Me: How not?? You barely knew this retard and you f***ed him so lets see, yeah you are a slut.

 

Her mother gets on the phone and says, "what no blowjobs or having sex...come on". I tell her that one girl shoved her tongue down my throat and that was it...I pushed away everyone else before anything could happen. The ex gets back on the phone:

 

Me: So what about this agreement? You fvkcing told me repeatedly: "if you have sex with someone else, I dont want you back" so wtf is up with that? You can go f*** 100's of guys but I cant to anything with anyone, not that I need to btw.

Her: If you did anything, I would have forgiven you.

Me: BS! No way in hell you would forgive me.

Her: Yes, I would have forgiven you

Me: Whatever, I know you, and I know for a fact you wouldnt have been ok with it.

Her: If you loved me you would look past this.

Me: How can I look past this?? You broke a promise that I kept on my part...you f***ed it up royally. Is it THAT hard for you to keep your legs closed?

Her: (gets angry) No its not I am not a slut it was just a mistake.

Me: Yeah, ok. So...how many "MISTAKES" is one allowed to make? Say we got married in a few years and during the marriage, you had an affair. Well, that is a mistake, right? So, how many mistakes are allowed?

Her: I have to go I have s*** to do today.

 

She never answered my question...how many mistakes is one "allowed" to make? If we got back together and she cheated, then what? Is that another mistake and should it be forgiven? What gives? I feel that some people have it backwards...I feel that my love for her is strong, and whenever I found out I was betrayed, I jsut lost it. Right now, I feel that she deserved it, but I wouldnt want to cause pain to her, like physical pain. I also talked to her dad, and to my suprise he wasnt pissed off that much. He told me that he doesnt appreciate me pushing his daughter around, and I told him I understand and I apologized and I explained to him how I am not a violent person it was just the situation of being decieved from someone I love and he responded by telling me that he knows I am not violent and he knows that I am a good guy. He went on telling me that its not too late for us and we can work it out, and I told him I really dont know right now because I dont think I can forgive her.

 

So no one thinks this was sluttish at all for her to do? I am having more questions, do I contact her or not? I am totally suprised she talked to me on the phone...I never thought that would happen. On second thought, im not going to contact her. I am still majorly hurt. Could you look past this feat of deception, if you love someone?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Dude.. Your not going to get advice about keeping this relationship..

 

You have an anger problem.. Nobody deserves what you did to her.. Sorry ..

 

What you need to do is seek help.. by the time you are 100% sure that you have aproblem it will be too late.

 

Normal loving relationships don't include the kind of abuse that you spew..

 

SEEK HELP .. Not advice on how to keep her.

 

Show some balls and admit that you abuse her and she doesn't deserve to be hurt by you and then maybe you will get some advice you can use..

 

The first step in getting help is admitting you have a problem

 

The fact that her parents are considering a protective order ought to be a huge red flag in your mind..Why don't you see that ?

There is nothing good that can come from this.. Move on.. before your life is changed forever

[NiCoLe20]

whoa... im surprised you said that if a girl had the balls to hit a guy, you would hit her back?

 

i dont agree with that and neither would the police. if u leave marks on a girl, imo- that isnt a man. girls are a lot weaker physically then men, unless they're a bodybuilder.

 

yea, what she did was wrong... but im sure she doesnt regret it now b/c of the way youve been talking to her...her mom will probably get an order of protection or a restraining order against you, so, ithink you better start practicing on keeping away from her... let her run wild and do her thang...and you have fun with ur boys and meet other girls... theres PLENTY out there..beleive that... you'll run into alot of bad eggs, but youll eventually find the one thats right for you...

 

also, i dont think this relationship has what it takes to make it last a while. the #1 thing you need is trust. BOTH of you dont have that with one another, so this relationship will never work. find someonne you can trust 100% and find happiness with them.

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by aares

 

Nicole: Well, I am not the violent type of person...I RARELY get angry like this...infact something like this would be the only way that I know to get me this pissed. I dont totally agree with the not touching women though...if a girl has the ovaries to hit me and continue hitting me when I would push her away, then I would hit her. People take the whole "girls are defenseless" issue way too far. What would you do if you were a guy and a woman when psycho and wouldnt stop smacking you? I would not just sit there and let the beatin be handed to me.

 

There's your red flag right there.

 

Until you understand that touching another person when they don't want to be touch is wrong and illegal, you will continue to have problems.

 

To answer your question. If a woman or man keeps smacking you and punching you then you run away and call the cops.

 

I know it's hard to control your testosterones/ego but with practice and discipline you will overcome your problem.

 

Follow the legal system instead of your first impulses.

 

It's ok to be angry, how you act on that anger reflects on what kind of person you are.

 

Your hurt so now you want to hurt her back, whether verbal or physical.

 

In the end it changes nothing.

 

Think about it.

 

What do you want her to say or do?

 

Do you want her to say "Yes, I was a slut, whore, etc... I was totally wrong and it was not a mistake, etc..."

 

Then what?

 

Will this make you feel better? Will this solve your issue with her?

 

What is the ultimate end, if any, that will make you say "OK, now I am at peace."

 

Your hurting and angry now and that is normal.

 

Only time will heal your pain.

 

 

In the end you will come to realize that there was nothing you could have done to have prevented her from doing what she did and it's not your fault.

 

You don't have to agree but at least try to understand why she did it.

 

Every scenario is diffrent.

 

Based on that understanding you will have your answer as to where you want to go from there.

 

Good Luck.

[Teag]

Dyllusional: Mistake? A mistake is sepping on someones shoe...a mistake is spilling milk over someone on accident. A mistake is NOT taking off your panties and f***ing some dude you barely knew because you are a slut. I couldnt just leave everything alone...I could not possibly just tell her that I knew she cheated, and just walk away.

 

People do make mistakes, like I said before you two WEREN"T together. And it doesn't make her a slut. It would be different if you were together and she did that (although treating her like you did is unacceptable to matter what) I love that its ok to call a girl a slut when she they have only slept w/ 5 people and a guy is a hero if he's slept w/ 30.The wonderful world of men. No matter what you think it was NOT ok for you to act that way and you thinking that it was only confirms that you need serious help. I don't think you need to be with anyone until you get over whatever issues you have. Like what someone else said noone is going to agree that what you did was ok and talk you into getting back together w/ her. You need to leave her alone & let her go on w / her life as do you.

 

Oh and if you were a real MAN you would have just let her know you knew about the guy she screwed (she didn't cheat since you WEREN'T together) and told her you don't ever want to see her again and leave it at that. Normal people don't explode like that.

[thegoodhubbie]

This guy can't be for real.

[seachange]

I dont totally agree with the not touching women though...if a girl has the ovaries to hit me and continue hitting me when I would push her away, then I would hit her. People take the whole "girls are defenseless" issue way too far. What would you do if you were a guy and a woman when psycho and wouldnt stop smacking you? I would not just sit there and let the beatin be handed to me.

 

Except she ran to get away from you and you chased her down. Twice. She didn't hit you until you pushed her. She fell because you pushed her.

 

I would never, never, never murder someone, although her killing herself by hitting her head on the concrete would have sucked.

 

Jesus H. Christ. She tripped and fell because you pushed her. I don't understand why she answered your call, either.

 

This is scary, so I really hope you are a troll.