Found out ex is a whore, abusive night

[loony]

Originally posted by aares

What would you do if you were a guy and a woman when psycho and wouldnt stop smacking you? I would not just sit there and let the beatin be handed to me.

She didn't hit you, you ...

 

although her killing herself by hitting her head on the concrete would have sucked.

 

She said that she thinks im going to get pissed off some night and sneak into her bedroom and "beat the piss out of her". This is when I got agitated and basically told her that she is stupid for thinking that I would actually do something like that...I am not a lunatic, what happened, happened and that was it.

You do sound a lunatic.

 

I feel that my love for her is strong, and whenever I found out I was betrayed, I jsut lost it.

This is NOT love.

 

He went on telling me that its not too late for us and we can work it out, and I told him I really dont know right now because I dont think I can forgive her.

You're obviously confusing something, you should ask her to forgive you because only a very stupid self-loathing woman would ever get back with you. She should have called the cops on you, you're a danger for people and it just shows in your unapologetic behavior and the complete lack of remorse that you demonstrate. Not only do you not feel guilty about what you did, you think it's justified.

 

I am having more questions, do I contact her or not?

Please leave her alone. She has enough trouble with you and there's a reason why this relationship is over.

 

On second thought, im not going to contact her. I am still majorly hurt.

You know what, you're a self-centered egoist and that's why your relationship is over. It started with you treating her like crap. Whatever happened after that was just a consequence of your failure to control your emotions and to really develop a full understanding of what you had done, a full acknowledgement of your guilt. You're sitting here, whining about yourself, just like you did in your first thread. Nothing has changed. It's still the others who have failed and not you. Where's the part where you take full responsibility for the things you do?

[AndrewJ]

Give it to him peolples it needs to sink in!

 

You belong in a zoo

[sanne]

dude i don't know who you are but you deserve a damn good ass-kicking. what kind of pathetic loser hits a woman, i don't care what she did. you are a coward, beating up a girl. your a fscking loser in life, and you sure as hell won't get any advice other than to go see a shrink.

[aares]

I dont feel that I need a PFA filed against me because the next time I see her, intentionally or not, this will not happen again. This was a one-time situation.

 

Also, anything traveling at a high rate of speed will do damage. You do not have to be Arnie to kick someones ass. My ex knocked the wind out of me...a child can knock the wind out of someone...it doesnt take much to hurt someone.

 

We did have trust...everything just messed up after a while, but we were still faithful (hopefully) during the relationship.

 

Bronzepen: I know the answer would be to call the cops...I have done that before...but this was more of my initiaion of the fight that night than it was her. In all actuality, yes, I DID want her to say, "yes I am a slut, yes I f***ed up and yes I made an agreement with you and screwed that up". I didnt want to hear, "I love you too" because at that point I didnt care if she loved me or not.

 

For me to be at peace, I want her to confess to everything that she ever did, I want her to be completely honest with me about everything, like if she truly loves me, what the actual reason for everything was, I just want her to be completely truthful to me about anything I ask her. We were not together, I messed around a little and she messed around a lot. She always told me sex was about the passion...about two people loving each other and s*** and that is what I believe. What about now? There was no passion between them they dont talk or anything. I think if I know the reason why she did it, it might make me feel a little different about the whole situation, but how do I find that out? I dont want to call her but I do have questions for her still that I forgot to ask her.

 

Your "wonderful world of men" to me is nothing. I have slept with two women. She has slept with more than me, so your comment kind of diminishes because it doesnt apply to me. I must not be a real man, and about every other person I know must not be real men, either. Hell, some women I know must not be real women, either because I know of many cases just like mine, except everything is reversed and the guy was the one who did this, but that is okay for the woman to flip out and beat the **** outta the guy, right?

 

No, I am not for real. I am a forumbot who makes up delightfully interesting stories, all for the reason to make real people (like you) to waste their time.

 

I know I was the one who initiated this...ordeal. I am not blaming her for my actions, I am blaming her for doing what she did, nothing else. I dont care that she hit me...I deserved it. My statement about what you would do if a girl started hitting you did not apply to this. I was just explaining how I think women are NOT defenseless and CAN inflict damage, just as easily as a man can. I understand that she didnt start hitting me until I pushed her so she couldnt get her purse.

 

Maybe no one understands what I am thinking. Basically...I love this girl. I was always against marriage until a few months after we were together, then every week I thought more and more that I could marry this girl and spend a life with her and be good to her. I would to almost everything for this girl...and her the same for me. I got controlling, and after a while I ended it. I got help for being controlling, I thought everything was fine. It was...we were talking about getting back together, hell we were talking about how many kids we wanted and about where we could buy a house. All of a sudden, everything collapsed upon itself because she did the unthinkable...she had sex with another guy. It really sounds like all of you dont give a s*** who your partner f***s at all, as long as they are with you, you are satisfied. I am the total opposite. I believe sex is for two people that love each other, or atleast care for each other on a different level...not for people who dont really know each other. When I heard that it happened, I realized that it wasnt a mistake. HOW CAN THIS BE A MISTAKE? How can someone who loves me, do something horrible like this to me? f***ing damn I should have played her the entire time. For almost a year, I could have played her and she wouldnt have known. If you love someone, how do you let this happen? She always told me she loved making love with me...but what was my tic-tac d1ck to small, or maybe I didnt slap her on the ass hard enough? Maybe I was horrible in the sac I dont know. I just cannot understand why this happened. WTF did she not think of me at all during that night, or was she too interested in the d1ck? Why did she want to be with me again, and why did she not tell me? This is waht I am thinking...I basically thought that we had a love connection, and that she would not let anyone interfere with that (aka not f***ing someone) because I felt that was for me to do because she loved me. What is there now? She f***ed some guy and thats it...there is nothing. Nothing special atleast...she was f***ed by another guy and I thought I was the only one who she would let make love to her.

 

Hahahahaha I belong in a zoo...which part of the zoo? I like elephants...maybe I can mate with an elephant and make her my new gf, but if she f***s another elephant and I do the same thing as I did to my ex, the new gf can just dirt-stomp me and I would be dead! I couldnt push her around...

 

sanne: Plz read the entire post. I did not HIT her. I PUSHED her. Big difference. If I HIT her she would have a bruise or possibly worse. I PUSHED her so she didnt get messed up. I am not looking for specific advise. I just dont know what to think. I did not ask, "how do I get back with her I miss her sooooo much" did I? I acted out of anger...nothing else. I am not like this any other time in my life.

 

What I do want to know, is what I am supposed to do about finding out WHY she did this. That means I need to contact her. Bronzepen has it right, I think if I found out why, then I can go on and go on from there.

[Outcast]

Yes, calling a woman a slut and a whore is abusive...but I believe she deserved it.

 

NOBODY deserves abuse and you may 'believe' she 'deserved' it but you, boyo, are dead WRONG.

 

what would everyone else do in this situation.

 

They would behave like sane, rational, mature adults. They would say 'what you did is unacceptable and we are through' and then they would walk away.

 

I couldnt just leave everything alone...I could not possibly just tell her that I knew she cheated, and just walk away.

 

Oh yes you could. IF you were a normal man, not someone with out-of-control anger issues.

I am not the violent type of person

 

Dude, stop lying to yourself and everyone else. You PUSHED her first. THAT IS VIOLENCE. Wake up and smell the denial.

 

What would you do if you were a guy and a woman when psycho and wouldnt stop smacking you? I would not just sit there and let the beatin be handed to me.

 

YOU PUSHED HER FIRST Hello?

 

I would never, never, never murder someone, although her killing herself by hitting her head on the concrete would have sucked.

 

Guess what, genius - violence is NOT JUST MURDER!!!!! You put your ugly mitts on somebody else because you're ticked off - THAT IS VIOLENCE.

 

I did not HIT her. I PUSHED her. Big difference. If I HIT her she would have a bruise or possibly worse.

 

Sorry, Charlie, that doesn't fly. Abuse doesn't necessarily leave marks. The craftiest, worst abusers damage people so there's only internal bleeding and breaks but no bruises. You are an abuser in denial.

 

although her killing herself by hitting her head on the concrete would have sucked

 

That would not be 'her killing herself' - that would be MURDER because YOU PUSHED HER. Can you really be that clueless???

 

I did not hit her, I pushed her...there is a difference.

 

No there isn't. Were you not brought up to understand what violence means? Or were you beaten up by your parents so you are unable to comprehend why what you did is dead wrong.

 

She never answered my question...how many mistakes is one "allowed" to make? If we got back together and she cheated, then what?

 

DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER. You two are gasoline and fire.

 

Right now, I feel that she deserved it, but I wouldnt want to cause pain to her, like physical pain.

 

Tell you what, oh nonviolent one. You try falling backwards on concrete and hitting your head and then try to pretend it doesn't hurt.

 

He went on telling me that its not too late for us and we can work it out

 

He's an idiot. He should be protecting his girl from the likes of you. He probably shoves his own wife around too.

 

Drop her. Stay away. Get help. You need to learn how to act like a civilized human being before you get into any more relationships.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by aares

I dont feel that I need a PFA filed against me because the next time I see her, intentionally or not, this will not happen again. This was a one-time situation.

 

 

Spoken like a true abuser... Open your Fuc8ing eyes man you are the problem not her

[loony]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

Spoken like a true abuser... Open your Fuc8ing eyes man you are the problem not her

You're absolutely right.

 

And the differentiation between pushing and hitting is so lame. In the first case it's your fist that inflicts the damage and in the second case your push brings her head conveniently closer to the pavement and as it's the pavement that inflict the damage on her it's the fault of the pavement and not yours. Or maybe her head is the culprit for being so stupid to get too close to the pavement? -- What an ingenious defense, congratulation.

[sanne]

your a sick twisted fsck.

[aares]

Wow...ok. So how do I find out the answers for the questions I have? I feel I might be able to move on sooner if I find out why she did this to me. Some friends tell me to call her, and others say wait a while until everything settles down.

 

So she isnt the problem? Of course, I added to the problem, but she caused it. I just added to the fire, if you will, in a bad way on my part. It makes me feel awkward because it seems like she is perfect to you all...no matter what she did, she is pure. Is it "normal" for people to do s*** like this?? My dreams of everything turning out perfect were crushed...I believe that is why I acted the way I did.

 

I know the pushing was f***ed up. Im thinking maybe I deal with things differently...I cant jsut go home and cry in my bed like it seems most of you do. Im not saying that I have to be violent, I just cant deal with things by not confronting the person. Yes, I could have confronted her without the violence, but...I dont know. I felt I needed to get her to understand she hurt me on another level, not the same old bs that happens in relationships.

 

Lets see...not trying to be a smartass, I know you all understand the difference between pushing and hitting, but if not;

 

Push: To apply pressure against for the purpose of moving; to force

 

Hit: To come into contact with forcefully; strike, to deal a blow to

 

Now...lets say we are in court. Which is worse:

 

1. The defendant proceeded to push the plaintiff several times, each puch ending with the plaintiff falling to the ground

 

2. The defendant proceeded to hit the plaintiff several times to her chest and to her head, with the blows giving her a concussion

 

I am not trying to defend my self to the end, I am simply explaining that a push is much less damaging (if she didnt hit her head) than a hit. Simple as that. Both fall under violence, though.

 

Im a sick, twisted f***, huh? If im that, what are the people who kidnap people, rape them, torture them, then kill them or even let them go? Let me guess, they are still sick twisted f***s, but on a different level, right?

[sanne]

no your just a sick and twisted fsck. don't defend yourself, your only making yourself look worse. i'm surprised she doesn't have a restraining order on you.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I'm done posting on this thread.. I can't continue to bang my head on my desk any longer..

 

If you think everything you did was okay to do then why are you posting ?

 

If your girlfriend is the one with the problem then move on..

 

You don't seem to be able to accept the reality of your actions.. And that is what is making you dangerous.

 

Go ahead and push her.. Call her.. I see jail time in your future. or at the least a protective order filed to keep you at bay from hurting her any further.

 

Hope you can work it out .. Since you know it all

 

AFOTW

[bjs0409]

the girl cheated on him and they had an agreement... the agreement was that they still are in love with each other and will not have sex with anyone but together... first of all yes she ****ed up by sleeping with someone else and he was wrong by the way he acted... but most men actually all men if you would walk in or catch your girl sleeping with someone esle besides the one she is suppose to be with.. you would flip to so all your guys out there that are talking crap and actling like you are perfect pleaes dont even make a reply like hes dumb and needs help... im sorry i was married for 5 years had a good relationship and but when the bytched cheated on me with a 38 male and was getting video taped i think we got an issue does that make me crazy and need some help i beat the hell out of the due and went to jail for laying my hands on her she came after me and kicked me in my nutz BUT IM SORRY THERE IS NO BYTCH OUT THERE THAT WILL GET AWAY WITH THAT WITH ME IM SORRY!!!....

you women got issues too and im talking all you women but oyu love to **** with our males minds my man is not crazy hes just a typical guy that was in love and ****ing loss control when he found out that the women he loves cheated on him...

me personaly i would of done the same thing out of all honesty and respect......

[TUDOR]

Originally posted by aares

Now...lets say we are in court. Which is worse:

 

1. The defendant proceeded to push the plaintiff several times, each puch ending with the plaintiff falling to the ground

 

2. The defendant proceeded to hit the plaintiff several times to her chest and to her head, with the blows giving her a concussion

 

I am not trying to defend my self to the end, I am simply explaining that a push is much less damaging (if she didnt hit her head) than a hit. Simple as that. Both fall under violence, though.

 

 

The fact that you are trying to justify the lessor of two evils combined with your inability to show any kind of respect to a woman is why you will never get the answers you seek no matter what any one tells you. You need to take a big 10 or 20 steps back from all this and look at how you handled this situation. Would you be ok with it if another man handled the situation as you did but the woman was your sister or mother? Any outsider looking in is calling you out for your behavior and yet you continue to point the finger to her. Not only should you not call this girl or talk to her, you should walk away and go work out your issues before getting involved with any woman again.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

wow you said a mouthful .. Need a pill ?

[aares]

I am posting because I dont understand why i feel like this...I sort of still want to be with her because I too messed up a LITTLE during us being apart, but then I also dont want to be with her for what she has done.

 

Ok...what if nothing violent happened that night? What if I said, you are a stupid slut and you are ungrateful, and I left. Then what would you tell me?

 

I have been thinking...this was also a mistake on my behalf. It was a mistake because it happened once. If this was a recurring thing, then maybe it would be a problem. But what happens if this happens once? What happens if, for that one time, I went too far and I ended up pushing her a few times? People make mistakes. Is this a fair statement? Or maybe because I am this horrible man that beats women all the time maybe it isnt a fair statement?

 

 

Edit:

 

Thank you bjs0409...I guess someone actually can relate to me somewhat...it was not that I didnt love her...it was that the dream of her being with me and having a great life and having kids like we talked about was crushed like I said before. All of this was happening infront of my eyes and I couldnt go anything about it.

 

Also, if it were my mother that was in the situation, of course I would be angry at the dude...but the dude didnt beat her or anything and if was the first time he did it, WITHOUT BEATING her, I would just let it go and see if anything happens again. Of course I would come to her aid and be with her and support her, but I would tell her that she brought this upon herself.

 

Im still waiting for someone to explain how many mistakes are allowed before action is taken? So I cheat on her lets say, can I claim that as a mistake on the Cheaters 109a paper and everything will be good?

[TUDOR]

Originally posted by bjs0409

the girl cheated on him and they had an agreement... the agreement was that they still are in love with each other and will not have sex with anyone but together... first of all yes she ****ed up by sleeping with someone else and he was wrong by the way he acted... but most men actually all men if you would walk in or catch your girl sleeping with someone esle besides the one she is suppose to be with.. you would flip to so all your guys out there that are talking crap and actling like you are perfect pleaes dont even make a reply like hes dumb and needs help... im sorry i was married for 5 years had a good relationship and but when the bytched cheated on me with a 38 male and was getting video taped i think we got an issue does that make me crazy and need some help i beat the hell out of the due and went to jail for laying my hands on her she came after me and kicked me in my nutz BUT IM SORRY THERE IS NO BYTCH OUT THERE THAT WILL GET AWAY WITH THAT WITH ME IM SORRY!!!....

you women got issues too and im talking all you women but oyu love to **** with our males minds my man is not crazy hes just a typical guy that was in love and ****ing loss control when he found out that the women he loves cheated on him...

me personaly i would of done the same thing out of all honesty and respect......

 

bjs meet aares.....there now that whole fear of dropping the soap in the jail showers won't be so scary for you two when you are cell mates!

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Push: To apply pressure against for the purpose of moving; to force

 

Hit: To come into contact with forcefully; strike, to deal a blow to

 

 

"To come into contact with forcefully...." THIS IMO IS THE DEFINITION OF f***ING PUSHING!!!

 

You also seem to have the definition of "mistake" confused with "accident". She didn't accidentally sleep with the other guy. She slept with him on purpose and because of the consequences inflicted on her by YOU, she told you it was a mistake....and if she is with you she will always tell you what you want to hear because she is afraid of you.

 

This has got to be the most frustrating thread here.

[clandestinidad]

Guess what..........not only did you PUSH her more than once, you also grabbed her wrists and wouldnt let go, grabbed her shoulder to make her turn around, CHASED after her TWICE when she was trying to get away.....etc!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Who in the hell CHASES SOMEONE!?!??!?! a PSYCHO, thats who!!!!

 

We're trying to help you. Thats why were all here, to give and get advice. And when someone on here does something terrible, we're going to tell them about it

 

Trust us....you absolutely MUST get help. That behavior is NOT normal, even for someone who's been treated like crap like you were

 

We're not siding with her. She shouldnt have slept with another guy b/c yall agreed that you wouldnt. But thats not our concern right now. Right now we're concerned for you and the person you've abused. We're concerned for your mental health, b/c something is wrong

 

You keep asking how could she have done this to you. Perhaps its b/c she didnt really love you as much as you 'love'/obsess her. If she went against the agreement, then the agreement and relationship w/ you wasnt that important to her. When someone's truly happy and in love, they wont sleep with someone else. Face it, she doesnt love you that much.

 

Now, please address what you've done. Its not something to take as lightly as you are. It is extremely serious that you'd have THAT big of a reaction. Now you know what you're capable of, and you need to talk to a counselor/psychiatrist/psychologist about it, b/c this WILL happen again.

[JS17]

omg, you two are psycho. you both need help.

you NEVER lay a hand on a woman, i don't care what she does.

[Outcast]

I just cant deal with things by not confronting the person.

 

Oh yes you absolutely can and not only can you, but you MUST. The others are right. This is not about her. She shouldn't have cheated but that is no excuse whatsoever for your behaviour. NONE. If you can't trust her, leave her. I don't think sleeping with someone is a mistake but all that means is that you end the relationship, not beat her up.

 

You need help because your thinking is twisted. You think you were entitled to do what you did and that it was her fault. This is how the abuser thinks. You think that if she'd died from hitting her head when you pushed her it would have been her fault. That's sick. And you didn't just push her once, either.

 

If you don't get your twisted thinking fixed, you will continue to think it's just fine to shove or grab (and soon it will be hit) people who don't do what you think they should do. And you WILL end up in jail or worse.

 

So go see a shrink and get your head fixed because you are not thinking the way a healthy man should be thinking.

[aares]

Maybe it came across wrong, but I didnt mean that if she had died from the fall due to the concrete, that it wouldnt have been my fault. It would have been an accident, because I didnt mean for her to be killed. I would assume the consequence for doing that, had that happen.

 

You say you dont think sleeping with someone is a mistake...what do you mean by that?

[clandestinidad]

Probably meant that when you sleep with someone, you usually intend on sleeping with them. Its not a mistake, like "oh gosh, I didnt mean to...what an accident". Sure she might regret it, but she knew what she was doing....and bottom line is that if she felt more for you then she wouldnt have done it

 

Besides that, I wanted to point out that there you went again focusing on HER rather than what's wrong with YOU....and I'd really rather talk about YOU

[Jlmic1]

Aares, It seems to me as though you are obsessed with this woman. The whole thing is a bit scary to me. I agree with the rest of the posters, you need help, SERIOUSLY.

 

The whole idea that you were broken up at the time she slept with another man, BUT made an agreement not to sleep with other people, is a form of control. That was your way of saying, Ok we're broke up, but your ass is still mine.

 

What is the point of being broken up if you aren't allowed to do with your life as you choose?

 

I'd die laughing hysterically if my husband ever said to me " I want a divorce, but you can't sleep with other men"

 

I wouldn't even ever THINK to put that stipulation on an EX of any kind, boyfriend or husband. Once you're cut loose, you can do what you want.

 

In my opinion, her sleeping with that guy was her way of rebelling against you for attempting to control her. You cannot control a girlfriend, let alone an ex.

 

The only reason she probably agreed to not to sleep with other people was because she was afraid of you.

 

Think about it.

[InLimbo2]

Originally posted by aares

 

Im still waiting for someone to explain how many mistakes are allowed before action is taken? So I cheat on her lets say, can I claim that as a mistake on the Cheaters 109a paper and everything will be good?

 

Um, dude - you are asking the wrong question. All the hoopla here isn't in in regards to quantity of mistakes allowed/made - it's about the ACTION you DID take - which was totally inappropriate - even once. She may have had sex with another guy - but honestly - it's you coming off looking like a psycho and an abusive man. And this girl is all of 18? And this must be cyclical - cuz if any man ever laid a hand on my daughter - he'd be facing criminal charges.

 

Bein pissed is fine. Yelling - ok - I'd expect my guy to yell too if I did that. Leaving her forever because you feel betrayed - you bet ya.

 

Here in MD - you grabbin her wrists and holding her there - assault/battery/false imprisonment. You pushing her and her falling - assault/battery. You chasing her - that's assault (you made her be in fear - battery is the actual touching). When she fell, had she hit her head and died (it happens) - manslaughter at the least. Murder requires premeditation and malicious intent - manslaughter doesn't. I would know - local bar here few years back - two guys pushing - one falls and hits his head - manslaughter and prison. Involuntary Manslaughter - ya killed em, ya didn't mean to kill em, but ya did by 'accident' - you did something that caused the death even though you didn't intend to. Consider yourself damn lucky that she didn't hit her head - and consider it a wakeup call to get some help. Take some anger management classes - cuz if she gets a restraining order or you get hit with crimnal charges - you'll be ordered to anyway.

 

You have a chance here to make sure this NEVER happens again - are you man enough to be up to that?

 

You do have a problem - but people who have the problem can never see it in themselves. Tell ya what - go to a licensed mental health professional - see what they have to say - not a bunch of strangers on a internet board.

[thegoodhubbie]

This guy is obviously a TROLL