single, bald and feeling lost

[smackie9]

Where's the OP? Is this one of them post and dash?

[despairingbuttrying]

Thank you for all the replies so far.

 

I agree with the majority of you that it's my attitude towards the baldness itself that needs to change not being bald itself. I have a constant goatee and trim it as and when so I do as much as I can physically to stay looking as sauve as possible.

 

I don't know, I still feel that online dating can be harsh on us bald guys because on there women can't sense the level of confidence in someone they haven't actually met in person. Obviously sometimes your profile as a whole can express a certain confidence, or not.

 

Anyway, I'm trying my best to meet more women these days but it's pretty difficult at the moment. I think besides online dating, I think the best way is introductions through friends. Looking into a new church where I know some people, maybe that'll help. Other than that, I think maybe the baldness issue is just one of many frustrations for me. As in the real issue is that I just feel left behind and lost. More of my friends are moving on, in long term relationships and getting married, where I'm stuck at square one.

 

On MPB, it is largely genetic. Obviously there are other diseases can that cause it but generally speaking it runs in families. As I said all my uncles on my mothers side are all bald and went bald fairly young like myself. It is common amongst Caucasians, infact I read somewhere that after Germany, the UK has the highest percentage of MPB within Europe. It affects South Asians and blacks to an average degree and Far eastern asians to a lesser degree.

What is interesting, is that there are ethnic groups where MPB is very rare and almost non-existent. It is known that is non-existent amongst the native red indians. Also when I was in South America, I noticed that it's extremely rare amongst Latinos. Men in Peru and Bolivia may not be too tall but they all seem to have great hair even in middle age and upwards. I saw possibly only 2 or 3 bald men during my time there in those countries (and they may have been tourists too!)

Edited August 15, 2017 by despairingbuttrying

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I suspect it has something to do with the relatively 'controlled' population/genetic migration over the 100+ years. Overwhelmingly caucasian, but even the ethnic backgrounds within the predominant population is not that varied. I am NOT suggesting inbreeding or anything like that, rather, the predominant ethnic groups coming in were probably not too diverse.

 

Oh, ok, you were talking about men going bald, not men choosing to be bald. For some reason I thought you were referring to men shaving their heads and there being some kind of motivation behind that. Gotcha.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Ideally, I would prefer a man not to be bald but it's not a deal breaker.

[tetrahedral]

I think that one thing I've noticed over years is that if you don't respect yourself for any reason (can be anything stupid: like not having the education you want, not having hair on your head, being short, being a virgin, etc), then other people won't respect you either. But if you accept yourself properly, then you are always coming from a position of great strength.

 

And women sniff out your weaknesses the same way dogs do. It's the mental weakness that is often the issue, rather than the whatever the thing is causing the mental weakness.

 

A M E N.

 

When you don't respect yourself, you're essentially telling people "I suck, take it from someone who knows".

 

Over time, you realize that people in general want to like you. They're shy and need you to lead the way.

 

IMO, a lot of low self-esteem people don't understand how dodgy their behavior comes off as.

[JuneL]

If you are balding, then shaving your head to make it completely bald would be the way to go. Most guys can look pretty nice with a completely bald head (bald head doesn't look as good on a typical East Asian guy though).

[angel.eyes]

Buried deep in your OP, is a brief mention that you're looking for a job and a list of your other personal challenges.

 

Lack of gainful employment (plus your attitude) are way bigger stumbling blocks in dating than your baldness. Many, if not a majority of men, particularly in your age range, shave. So there are haired, partially haired, and hairless men walking around, rocking the bald look.

 

Who we attract in dating is largely a function of what we bring to the table. You can focus on getting a decent job or better yet, career, and getting your life in order. Or you can use baldness as an excuse to do nothing about moving towards a better version of yourself.

[No_Go]

Seriously if you think your date-worthiness is linked to your hairstyle.... I don't know if the baldness is the real problem. Sounds like much deeper confidence issues to me.

 

If someone likes you you can wear a clown nose all day long and they'll still think you're hot.

 

I started losing my hair as early as 26, however the hair loss was mainly on the crown and hardly visible at the front. For the next 8 years or so, it started falling out fast. Now at almost 34, I am bald.

 

Looking back I've had a severe case of male pattern baldness as my mothers' brothers are all bald. So I knew it wasn't going to work out well! Losing what's left of your hair is a difficult period although I went through various phases of feeling very down about it to not feeling so bad. Now, I am totally bald and I still go through those same phases of feeling ok with it to spending the day wishing I could have hair.

 

Anyway, my main concern with all this is probably the most common for a single guy - how it impacts on dating and attracting women. I've had a fair few relationships in my life but still no luck in finding that one person. I think I used to be a great looking guy when I had hair and even with a buzzcut 3/4 years ago where I still had a little hair. Now, as a totally bald guy, people still mention I'm a decent looking guy and some say I even look better without hair than with hair but I've lost confidence. What does help is that I'm 6"2, dark skinned (dark brown) and have the exact right head shape for the bald look. Even then, I don't think it's enough and I would give anything to have at least some hair again so that I could have my buzz cut again.

 

As I'm still searching and looking for love, I'm getting the impression that baldness is an issue for women. I've heard the usual "it's confidence that they find attractive etc." "women are more interested in other qualities" This of course may well be true to varying degrees but what kind of women do you see the bald guys with? Women never say what they really mean, so they may say baldness is not an issue but then you have to look at the reality. Look at the men they end up dating and marrying. Whenever I see a couple where the guy is bald, his gf/wife is not exactly anything special physically speaking. How many bald guys do you honestly see with hot chicks? It's rare. Studies have been done proving the obvious that women do prefer men with hair overall.

 

On dating websites too, I don't have the same luck as I had before when I had that buzz cut and some hair. A good looking guy with hair more than likely will get more attention. And then there are some women who simply don't want a bald guy regardless even if you can pull it off. I find I'm not attracting the women that I want. The women that do seem to be attracted to me are the ones that I don't find attractive.

 

I'm not the confident man I used to be and I believe the lack of hair/being single has played a significant part in this, combined with being hurt/trauma in some of the relationships I have had, struggling to find work due to being uncertain, battling depression etc. There is only so much you can do to change your circumstances and I have always done as much as possible and will continue to do so.

[Space Ritual]

I started losing my hair as early as 26, however the hair loss was mainly on the crown and hardly visible at the front. For the next 8 years or so, it started falling out fast. Now at almost 34, I am bald.

 

Looking back I've had a severe case of male pattern baldness as my mothers' brothers are all bald. So I knew it wasn't going to work out well! Losing what's left of your hair is a difficult period although I went through various phases of feeling very down about it to not feeling so bad. Now, I am totally bald and I still go through those same phases of feeling ok with it to spending the day wishing I could have hair.

 

Anyway, my main concern with all this is probably the most common for a single guy - how it impacts on dating and attracting women. I've had a fair few relationships in my life but still no luck in finding that one person. I think I used to be a great looking guy when I had hair and even with a buzzcut 3/4 years ago where I still had a little hair. Now, as a totally bald guy, people still mention I'm a decent looking guy and some say I even look better without hair than with hair but I've lost confidence. What does help is that I'm 6"2, dark skinned (dark brown) and have the exact right head shape for the bald look. Even then, I don't think it's enough and I would give anything to have at least some hair again so that I could have my buzz cut again.

 

As I'm still searching and looking for love, I'm getting the impression that baldness is an issue for women. I've heard the usual "it's confidence that they find attractive etc." "women are more interested in other qualities" This of course may well be true to varying degrees but what kind of women do you see the bald guys with? Women never say what they really mean, so they may say baldness is not an issue but then you have to look at the reality. Look at the men they end up dating and marrying. Whenever I see a couple where the guy is bald, his gf/wife is not exactly anything special physically speaking. How many bald guys do you honestly see with hot chicks? It's rare. Studies have been done proving the obvious that women do prefer men with hair overall.

 

On dating websites too, I don't have the same luck as I had before when I had that buzz cut and some hair. A good looking guy with hair more than likely will get more attention. And then there are some women who simply don't want a bald guy regardless even if you can pull it off. I find I'm not attracting the women that I want. The women that do seem to be attracted to me are the ones that I don't find attractive.

 

I'm not the confident man I used to be and I believe the lack of hair/being single has played a significant part in this, combined with being hurt/trauma in some of the relationships I have had, struggling to find work due to being uncertain, battling depression etc. There is only so much you can do to change your circumstances and I have always done as much as possible and will continue to do so.

 

No...No...JUST NO!

 

You are being WAY too hard on yourself.

 

Look, I am in my early Fifties and I date women in their 20's and good looking ones too. I am in fairly good shape and still have a lot if not most of my hair, but I tell you from experience that those who you are worried about turning off are not ones that would have given you the time of day anyway.

 

I really have learned through trial and error that my secret for my success is

Twofold: First in being myself...second in not having unrealistic expectations about what I want or rather FEEL I want.

 

I simply date causally and more for the physical aspect than anything. And it is because I have accepted that these situations have a fairly short duration. By that I mean I know first and foremost that eventually myself and the younger lady I am dating will run short on things we have n common. Also I accepted that there will always be a guy to come along that is younger, better looking, has more money and a bigger dick.

 

I was cynical in my 30's too...until I just threw caution to the wind and realized that lamenting in being alone would not help me. Sure I get shot down plenty, but there is always one hottie around who won't mind a roll in the hay with an Old Schooler, especially if said Old Schooler can teach her a trick or two. Never give up...man I am glad I didn't. I'm banging away better than ever because I don't put too much credence on fin ding "The One".

 

And neither should you.

[Bastile]

I have seen plenty of women, attractive as heck, with bald men. I really feel that women are less interested in your crop than they are your height.

 

That's only because there are more bald men in general. You can't really compare it to height, because as I've said before, height is more of an outlier.

 

I see other bald guys all the time. I still haven't seen this 5 foot 3 man that people keep talking about. It's like the abominable snowman. There's a few internet enthusiasts that insist that he exists, but I'll going to believe it when I see it.

 

OP, get off of online dating, or use it as just a supplement. Join some meet-up groups, if you're just looking for a straight forward simple LTR. You'll likely be surprised how easy it is to meet people that way.

 

More of an investment, but just do things that you enjoy doing, and enlarge your social circle.

[rushed]

As I'm still searching and looking for love, I'm getting the impression that baldness is an issue for women. I've heard the usual "it's confidence that they find attractive etc." "women are more interested in other qualities" This of course may well be true to varying degrees but what kind of women do you see the bald guys with? Women never say what they really mean, so they may say baldness is not an issue but then you have to look at the reality. Look at the men they end up dating and marrying. Whenever I see a couple where the guy is bald, his gf/wife is not exactly anything special physically speaking. How many bald guys do you honestly see with hot chicks? It's rare.

 

Dude, really? With your looks now shot, one would think you'd learn some empathy. Good luck. Sheesh.

[despairingbuttrying]

Dude, really? With your looks now shot, one would think you'd learn some empathy. Good luck. Sheesh.

 

Well I was just pointing out the truth as I see it. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know

[KBob]

Well I was just pointing out the truth as I see it. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know

 

You are wrong.

[despairingbuttrying]

You are wrong.

 

So you say you're more successful now with women than you were before? What happened exactly? Why do you say this?

[bachdude]

Bald can look very bad a$$ if you do it right.

 

Besides, look how many young guys shave their heads these days when they have a full head of hair.

[KBob]

So you say you're more successful now with women than you were before? What happened exactly? Why do you say this?

 

Confidence, experience and skill. That should all increase with age, but you seem to have some complex about bald men not amounting to much. Not sure where you got that nonsensical idea from.

[Gr8fuln2020]

That's only because there are more bald men in general. You can't really compare it to height, because as I've said before, height is more of an outlier.

 

I see other bald guys all the time. I still haven't seen this 5 foot 3 man that people keep talking about. It's like the abominable snowman. There's a few internet enthusiasts that insist that he exists, but I'll going to believe it when I see it.

 

OP, get off of online dating, or use it as just a supplement. Join some meet-up groups, if you're just looking for a straight forward simple LTR. You'll likely be surprised how easy it is to meet people that way.

 

More of an investment, but just do things that you enjoy doing, and enlarge your social circle.

 

I'm 5'6 and I saw about ten men in the past 2-weeks who were shorter than myself. Hispanic and caucasian men. Stood next to most of them and spoke to some. Also, not talking about the elusive 5'3 guy or shorter. There are women who have minimum height requirements and I've seen profiles that will specifically state that requirement of 5'10 or 6'0, etc. So height is important to some women. No need arguing that and certainly not only talking about the extreme 'outlier' as you like to put it.

[preraph]

Two things may be at play here. One is that yes you're bald and therefore someone less attractive than you were before. But the other thing is that some years have passed and with yours passing everyone becomes less attractive so just remember that whatever attractiveness level you were able to date in your Prime will be somewhat less so now as the years have passed. Not trying to further depress you but we all get less attractive as we get older one way or the other.

 

The general consensus with baldness is to shave it all off and leave it off. Other than that the rules really haven't changed. The women who will talk to you and seem comfortable around you and friendly are the ones you should ask out. Good luck.

[despairingbuttrying]

To all those advising to shave it all off, I don't think you read my entire OP. I've mentioned that's what I do already, every 2 days infact. I've been doing it for the last two years as I have just too little hair now for any other hair style.

 

Anyway I do agree that we live in a world which was more accepting and even complimentary of the bald look, however I don't think there are any bald guys out there who wouldn't want their hair back if they had the opportunity.

 

Sure, my issue is more to do with confidence and overall perspective because if I did meet the right person then this anxiety would disappear.

[tetrahedral]

Anyway I do agree that we live in a world which was more accepting and even complimentary of the bald look, however I don't think there are any bald guys out there who wouldn't want their hair back if they had the opportunity.

 

And what's your point?

 

I don't think there are any short guys who wouldn't want to be a bit taller if they had the opportunity. I don't think there are any dumb guys who wouldn't want to be a bit sharper if they had the opportunity. I don't think there are any poor guys who wouldn't want to be richer if they had the opportunity. I don't think there are any dull guys who wouldn't want to be a bit funnier.......

 

Either define yourself by what you are, or define yourself by one particular thing you aren't. Your choice.

[staggerlee71]

I'm short and bald and in great shape. I'm dating and doing as good as I can remember.

 

 

Behaving confidently goes a long way but I am recently out of an on again relationship which destroyed my confidence , so although feeling better, I'm not my best confident self yet.

 

So what's working for me? I don't take rejection personally, I just move on.

I have limited expectations romantically. I'm looking to connect with good women who I like. I'm sincere, genuine, no pretext and most of all, I am focusing on myself, doing what makes me happy and if there is a connection great, if not, I continue my focus on my life.

[kazen]

Your problem is that you're trying to please all of the people, all of the time. You can never do that.

 

Sure some women don't like bald guys. Some don't like short guys, some don't like tall guys, some don't like fat guys, some don't like thin guys. All you can do is accept that you can't please everyone, and concentrate on those who do like you as you are.

 

Yes, women have different tastes but they all have one thing in common, they like money.

[mrs rubble]

My husband is bald, overweight and short. I adore him. He's kind, confident and treats me like a queen. I was a model in my 20's, so not exactly hard on the eye...some of us like a great personality more than hair.

[HarmonyDriven]

I love bald men!

 

Bald with a goat-tee or bald with a beard = bad-@ss sexy!

 

Jason Statham !! Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, LL Cool J, and the list goes on! The ladies love bald men! If they didn't you'd didn't have that many on the big screen.

 

Agreed ^^^^. Bald with confidence! So.....OP you are half way there.....just need the confidence.

 

 

I'm 33, bald and I'm more successful with women now than I used to be. Your hair is not going to come back the more you worry about it. It's time to accept it and buck up, because women like a bald guy A LOT more than they like a depressive guy.

 

 

^^^^ Yep! 100 per cent!

[preraph]

I'm short and bald and in great shape. I'm dating and doing as good as I can remember.

 

 

Behaving confidently goes a long way but I am recently out of an on again relationship which destroyed my confidence , so although feeling better, I'm not my best confident self yet.

 

So what's working for me? I don't take rejection personally, I just move on.

I have limited expectations romantically. I'm looking to connect with good women who I like. I'm sincere, genuine, no pretext and most of all, I am focusing on myself, doing what makes me happy and if there is a connection great, if not, I continue my focus on my life.

 

You are a great role model and inspiration for a lot of people on here.