Larryville Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) The bottom line of article: “Numerous popular books advise people not to display their affections too openly to a potential romantic partner and to instead appear choosy and selective. When people first meet, it may be that popular dating advice is correct: Keeping people in the dark about how much we like them will increase how much they think about us and will pique their interest.” This clearly does not jive what many (man and women) complain about, countless threads discussing it here. Is there anyone that agrees with this? Also how to you act disinterested in someone you clearly are interested in. Things like eye contact, body language, touching, flirting ect. Curious… From this article: [] Edited August 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator link removed ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Well, it's kind of useless because the giveaway is that if you're asking them on a date, they already know you're interested. So maybe this works for just hooking up, but not too many women want to just have a steady diet of hooking up with guys they're not even sure like them or they like. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 I read it more as playing games. Not returning calls, being unavailable etc. Judging by some posts here, there are a number of people who are sucked in by game playing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Larryville Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 You know that's the thing I'll let mitt when I'm at work during the day and its slow I read all kinds of stuff all day. I'm kind of an information Junkie. I'll read this site look at the different threads and then I'll get on some of these other sites like the one I posted and it has all of this contradictory advice and so much of it is absolute nonsense. I always wonder if you were somebody and you were relying on all of this advice from all of these sources your head would explode and that would make the dating scene and the relationship scene that much harder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Larryville Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 You know that's the thing I'll admit when I'm at work during the day and its slow I read all kinds of stuff all day. I'm kind of an information Junkie. I'll read this site look at the different threads and then I'll get on some of these other sites like the one I posted and it has all of this contradictory advice and so much of it is absolute nonsense. I always wonder if you were somebody and you were relying on all of this advice from all of these sources your head would explode and that would make the dating scene and the relationship scene that much harder. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) It's a fine dance to have interest without being obvious about it. It's subtly noticing someone and sizing them up and making mental notes mostly so if they know that you're digging on them you're completely doing it wrong. Interested is not gawking. That's more like lusting after. Edited August 16, 2017 by amaysngrace 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) Playing hard to get works for its given purpose--to build attraction in the initial stages of dating before any commitment is established either by actions or words. The basic idea is essentially the same as the Law of Supply and Demand. By decreasing the supply (your availability), you will increase the demand (your attractiveness). However, mutual interest must exist for it to be effective. I think most people complain about folks blowing hot and cold. That is a form of gamesmanship where the goal posts keep changing. Playing hard to get is distinctive from hot and cold in that, once you roll it out, you do not roll it back. Examples of playing hard to get: Person A asks person B on a second date, although person B is available tomorrow and the day after, a date next week is offered. Another example, person A calls person B to ask for a second date, person B does not drop everything and call back immediate but instead calls back within a reasonable amount of time. Playing hard to get is not offensive if one continues to make oneself increasingly more available as the relationship progresses. Blowing hot and cold is offensive because someone makes him/herself available immediately and then proceeds to blow the other person off. This pattern repeats in a cyclical fashion. Also, playing hard to get does not mean being a jerk or standing someone up. An appetizer is only appealing because you know the entree is coming. If you sent out an appetizer with nothing to follow, it would be better to not eat anything at all. Edited August 16, 2017 by OneLov 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) That's such a vast and interesting subject that I'm not sure what to even say. I'll start with women Some women hide their interest so well that it really is quite amazing to me. It's men's escalation that can't be deterred. That's what reveals interest. One particular technique which has gotten on my nerves is "mirroring" - which is a form of gashlighting made mainstream and popular. I've had women of different ages, cultures, and social backgrounds do this. It's very predictable, and I just accept it now. I think it's the standard technique, because it fits a woman's more passive role in the courtship. Referring people coming somewhere like here, they are already on the hook. I remember the girl who finally got me looking into some stuff online, and I was head over heels for her. If a person has you looking up stuff for the very first time, chances are that you've fallen, I think [] Edited August 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link removed ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 It makes sense to me. People have deep desire to be accepted esp by the people we want to associate with /are attracted to. When those people do not readily accept us their 'value' goes up and we see them as out of reach, better because we want their validation, but they don't need/want ours. Idk just my theory Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 One particular technique which has gotten on my nerves is "mirroring" - which is a form of gashlighting made mainstream and popular. okay i'm confused enough when people use 'gaslighting' to mean 'any time your partner disagrees with you about anything' (as opposed to concerted attempts to make you feel crazy) but I really don't get how mimicking your body language is supposed to be a form of gaslighting now. or does 'mirroring' have a new definition now than it used to in the "how to attract a man" books I read when I was a teenager? Link to post Share on other sites
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