jacobs1972 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 (edited) hi can i have some advice i split with my ex last year after finding out his engaged im still in love and very much attracted to him the thing is in january he contacted me we chatted and kissed i know shouldnt of but we did, from february we been sleeping together meeting up sometimes weekly than drifter to fornightly and than monthly i saw him june 5th got odd text off him so thought ill try and move on i been going on dates with another guy but im not 100 percent into him i dont get excited when he texts but im hoping it grow on me anyway my ex suddenly contacted me after 2 months of not seeing him 3 weeks of no texts and i dropped everything to go spend time with him this passed weekend i text him yesterday ive had no reply again hes 20 yrs older than his fiance(she lives with mum still) has not got a house/flat he rents a single room out but always doing something on his car, is unemployed too but he went and bought 10 by 8 shed and im like why get one them with no home lol he has promised his fiance kids and a home together but told me he dont want anymore kids he has 5 already from 2 different mothers he also knows im sort of dating someone but ive not told him its not going well heads all over the place at moment Edited August 17, 2017 by jacobs1972 more infor Link to post Share on other sites
AriesDude Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Wow poor fiance. She probably doesnt even know he is making so many promises to other girls. You should definitely tell her about yourself. Then you can have him all to yourself and not worry about the fiance...and then he can focus on buying a house for you and him. ....this is just an opinion.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 ive got my own house ive spoken to his fiance thats why i broke up with him last year but he contacted me again after 9 months and it just happened again Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 hes also met my kids and ive met his youngest child but he never stays over mine he always picks me up about 11pm and brings me home about 4 am i just think why is he cheating on her i have told him hes going get married one day hes said no hes not and even if he does he dont want this to stop its like he gets into your head said he got a degree in counselling dont know if it truth or not ive been a victim of abuse from age of 6 yrs old says he cares and wants make sure no man ever hurts me or he will get involved Link to post Share on other sites
AriesDude Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 He wants to make sure no man ever hurts you...but he cheats on you and wants to keep you close to him when he gets married and sleep with you again. So you will get diseases. You must share his love with his wife. You must always sneak around and just open your legs when he picks you up at 11pm and then be happy when you go home at 4am. You can never call him a fiance or husband. He will be your boyfriend only until you are 90 years old.........How do you think this is okay? He is definitely not a therapist or counsellor. They are not as pathetic and selfish as that believe me. Im actually kind of begging you. Go for the "not 100% sure yet date" This will only kill you in lots of ways 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 hes also met my kids and ive met his youngest child but he never stays over mine he always picks me up about 11pm and brings me home about 4 am i just think why is he cheating on her i have told him hes going get married one day hes said no hes not and even if he does he dont want this to stop its like he gets into your head said he got a degree in counselling dont know if it truth or not ive been a victim of abuse from age of 6 yrs old says he cares and wants make sure no man ever hurts me or he will get involved Do you not see the irony? He is currently the man hurting you, so we're he a man of his word than he would get involved and remove himself from your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 • He has five children with two former sexual partners. • Now he has promised more kids with his fiancé while he is cheating on her. • He is engaged with a woman twenty years younger than him. • He is on and off cheating on her--long before getting married. • You said you split with him after finding out he was engaged--which means he was actually seeing her behind your back--so he was actually cheating on you as well. • He is unemployed. • He doesn't have a house, but promised to buy a house and now buys a shed!?! • He picks you up at 11 pm and drops you off at 4am--so not even to actually spend the night with you and wake up with you--just to have sex. You are the lucky one here--because he is not picking you. What a pitiful waste he would be in any relationship. His fiancé--being 20 years younger, is the ultimate victim; the level of manipulation he is capable of applying on her to damage her is immense. He already has and will continue to farther destroy this poor woman. Be thankful that you are not his first choice. As far as his fiancé is concerned: I do strongly believe that you should tell her EVERYTHING you know. She is getting set up by him for an incredibly unfortunate and painful future. While she is not your problem, out of consideration and compassion, I DO think she should know what she is up against. Emotional connections are hard to get rid of. Yes you feel a lot for him despite of his despicable actions and will do so for a while. Right now all your other dates will seem less significant because your mind is all wrapped around him. But making a deliberate effort to cut all contacts with him is the best you can do--for now and for future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 i told her last year thats how i found out but she said she didnt believe me than wanted proof so told her than she believed me but as she asked him and he denied it she decided to stay with him shes vulnerable too with special needs dyslexic and other problems i do feel for her when we did finish last year and i asked about his fiance and why did he do it he just ignored me and ghosted and disappeared i just stopped texting him i wasnt expecting to hear off him again 9 months later, i thought i never see him again, when asked him this hes reply was why would you think that i do not believe im the only one hes with as hes on multiply dating sites stating his single but why propose to her why not get a flat/home for them both why buy a shed ? why is his 14 yr old daughter keeping quiet shes met us both i have stopped texting him again as only hear off him every 2 months now it seems Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 but why propose to her To keep her thinking he is the real deal and to make her disregard any subtle or obvious sign of his unfaithful character. A marriage proposal to a woman is an incredibly powerful promise filled with hope and trust. This way, he can keep her on a leash, while he is "exploring" other adventures, like you and his other dates on the dating sites. why not get a flat/home for them both Because that would be actual commitment. None of his behaviors suggest that he wants to commit to anyone in any meaningful way, but keep using multiple women at the same time. Plus he is unemployed and clearly is not willing to apply himself to financially take responsibility for himself and another person. why buy a shed ? As an emotional insurance for his fiancé, as part of a mind game; when she sees him buying a shed, that assures her that he really IS committed to be with her--I mean after all, why else would he buy a shed? Ask yourself, IF you wanted to use someone, but not really fully commit, how would you convince that person of your lies? Buy something relatively cheap like a shed, which comes with the illusion of a promise of a house, but not really fully commit to get a place or a house itself. This keeps her hanging with hope. Brilliantly cunning but effective plan on his part, actually. why is his 14 yr old daughter keeping quiet shes met us both Because... First, she is ONLY 14! Just a kid--she neither is responsible nor is old enough to take on the burden of "fixing" an adult's adultery mess up. Second, as a child, how can she possibly be objective enough to fathom how corrupted her own father is? I mean, even his fiancé cannot face the reality of him being such a con artist and and you yourself fell for him even after knowing about his adultery, but you think that a young teenager could see all that in her own father? i have stopped texting him again as only hear off him every 2 months now it seems You need to do more than just "stop" texting him; you know he will be back again to mess with your head a few months from now, just when you have gotten yourself together again. That's his MO. All it will take is one call from him, and before you know it, your emotions will play against your better judgement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 ok thanks its helping me see things different but also when i found out his engaged why did he just ignore my texts when i asked what was going on i was at least expecting a sorry etc for one of us to officially end it not just to disappear with no closure and when i was with him last week he was sat saying he wants me find a decent man he wants me happy as i deserve that why say that, than say im not disappearing Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 he always picks me up about 11pm and brings me home about 4 am This should tell you everything you need to know. For him, you are a booty call. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 also can i say shes employed but no savings also i aid to him when you going get your own flat must be better than this room he said he hates but he dont want house he said he just wants a flat and has stated hes been looking just never found anything suitable yet as last place he looked needed too much work done to it and when i spoke to his fiance she said too me hes using you as you have a house and he wants a roof over his head she asked me how we met and i told her from dating site and told me he was single and he actually told me he cant remember what sex felt like and she said he was'nt saying that other night i just said ive gathered that now this was last year and wanted to know when me and him last did it i refused to tell her but they still engaged Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 ive got my own house ive spoken to his fiance thats why i broke up with him last year but he contacted me again after 9 months and it just happened again It didn't 'just' happen, you chose to let it happen. The guy now knows he can text/call you at any time and you'll welcome him back for a bootie call with open arms. I hope you find the strength to end it and stop talking to him completely. don't be his side fling. You deserve more than that, and with him that's all it'll ever be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 You're a booty call with a history in his eyes and that history makes you easier to bed. Run run run 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zanwalk Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 This guy is a predator on vulnerable women, he chooses his targets carefully and then feeds them a stream of lies. He is NOT relationship material. I know that you have feelings for him, but believe me he will bring you nothing but heartache. You have to try hard to go no contact with him, and even if the guy you are dating turns out not to be right for you, there will be others. Just one last word of caution, be careful when on dating websites, it is a happy hunting ground for men like yours, they can pretend all sorts of things in order to get sweet talking you. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 He's got LOSER written all over him. What a sleaze. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grammie Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 doesn't matter what HE does, why do YOU keep sleeping with him? You have kids? You are leaving your home at 11 pm and returning at 4 am? Who is with your kids????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 i only go over his when kids at there dads i told him im fed up being treated like this and he apologised saying hes never treated me bad but was all over me today texting saying good morning babe hope you have a good day and if need anything just ask him and was same last night with goodnight babe hes never done that before but only ever since i said ive had enough of it Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 You are leaving your home at 11 pm and returning at 4 am? its not always that time sometimes he picks me up at 8pm sometimes we go out for meal and i have slept over his before and came home midday next day but not recently though Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 ive got my own house Ok so why are you hanging about with this guy? He is trouble with a capital T. Unemployed, homeless, a liar and a cheater - a great dad for your kids... He is using you as a fwb. What on earth do you hope to achieve here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 a great dad for your kids... im not looking for a dad for my kids they already have one and i know he never be mine but i care about people even though what hes doing is wrong and i know i shouldnt be helping with that but i rather have his friendship than anything else but it always goes past that he said its not fwb its more than that and that he cares alot for me more i do know also he would protect me if anything was too happen to me as my previous relationships always had domestic abuse in and he knows that and thats one things hes against Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacobs1972 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 and wouldnt say hes homeless as he rents a room out shares kitchen and bathroom and he did have a job but got made redundant but that payout all went on a new car so hes looking for another Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 ...as my previous relationships always had domestic abuse in and he knows that and thats one things hes against OK I get it, You are accepting all this rubbish from him, as he doesn't actually hit you and he is 100x better than what you are used to, but that doesn't mean he is not just using you in different way. Previously abused women are easy prey to guys like this, they know it and you might as well go about with "victim" on your forehead.. He knows you are desperate for love and will put up with almost anything he throws at you to get that tiny bit of affection that you crave. He is not a good guy, you need to set your sights higher. Get therapy to sort out your head, being abused is no joke and you will keep making the same mistakes over and over again unless you get yourself sorted out. You will not be the first abused woman to get involved with a guy who "hates" abuse, that is until he hits you.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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