Ahurtgirl Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I read very often about both affair partners and betrayed spouses advocating to out the affair to the wife or to the husband. Before deciding to do this, you need to be well informed of the legal implications of doing so. Depending on the state or country you live in, adultery is considered a crime. There are also lawsuits that can be pursued against the cheater for alienation of affection by the betrayed spouse against the other woman or other man. Read on how the laws in your area regarding infidelity. Most of those who cheat and also those who have been cheated on are not aware of all the laws in place to protect families who have been affected by infidelity. Think twice before you tell his wife/her husband or tell the spouses when you learn of your wife/husband affair. Do you really want to spend thousands of dollars to fight a legal battle when his wife sues you for sleeping with her husband or the state you live in prosecuted you for having an affair because it is illegal where you live? This really does happen. Educate yourself so you know exactly what could happen legally if anyone ever learns about your affair! Please don't make the mistake I did. Contacting his wife for whatever reason, can cost you $$$! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Now you have me curious. Texas isn't one of the few "alienation of affection" states, and although I'm not sure whether adultery is on the books as a crime (I'm pretty sure it's not, but not absolutely sure), but even if it was I be very surprised to see a case prosecuted. Has spilling the beans cost you money? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 (edited) Yes, Texas has lawyers that will pursue a lawsuit against the the other man/other woman. I'm proof! Yes, it has cost over 4k so far. When the exMM and his wife team up against you... this is what happens. Never call the wife! He blames me because I contacted her but HE was the one that pursued me from the start. Messy situation. Edited August 17, 2017 by Ahurtgirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 (edited) Legally the betrayed spouse has exactly one year after the end of the affair to pursue emotional damages caused to him or her by the affair partner. I think most don't go to court. It's a settlement action to avoid further litigation. Edited August 17, 2017 by Ahurtgirl Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress? Seems like a tough case to win but yeah, unfortunately you have to spend money defending, anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Shouldn't the advice be don't screw someone else's spouse? The crime isn't in the telling. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 I'm sure him and his wife will be going on a nice vacation from the settlement. Learn from my mistake. Just because he gives you a diamond ring, proposes to you, pursues a future with you, takes you to look at houses together, plans out child custody and future finances, even gives you copies of his current home value for selling, his 401K and pension values, does not mean he really wants a future with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 Shouldn't the advice be don't screw someone else's spouse? The crime isn't in the telling. Yep... He shouldn't have been screwin me. I told him that from the start. I didn't want to be involved with a married man. He pushed even harder. I fully believe that men use manipulation and charm to destroy womens lives. Then he makes it look like he was the victim to his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 My exMM is wealthy, so he can afford to allow his wife to pursue a case against me if it makes her happy and they do this together. It's probably cheaper then marriage counseling for him and it gives his wife the ego boost of feeling like she wins. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Yep... He shouldn't have been screwin me. I told him that from the start. I didn't want to be involved with a married man. He pushed even harder. I fully believe that men use manipulation and charm to destroy womens lives. Then he makes it look like he was the victim to his wife. And you shouldn't have been screwing him. Accept responsibility for your choices. Just because he gives you a diamond ring, proposes to you, pursues a future with you, takes you to look at houses together, plans out child custody and future finances, even gives you copies of his current home value for selling, his 401K and pension values, does not mean he really wants a future with you. Good advice. Married = Unavailable. You learned a very expensive lesson. Is it possible that you were a little bedazzled by his wealth, and the life you thought you could have with him? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 (edited) Ha... nope. I was not bedazzled by the life I thought I could have with him. It's funny that you say that. I think that is what his wife thought too. I have a very good life as well... I keep it discreet, however him and his wife flaunt it. He was the one that was flaunting what a good life he could give me. I could have cared less about his finances. He shoved it in my face. Again, this topic was warning others to think before giving advice to out the affair and also to those in affairs, to understand the legal system in regard to affairs... not about what the advise should actually be. Been down that road. Not going there. Edited August 17, 2017 by Ahurtgirl Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Shouldn't the warning really be : "Don't get involved with a married person" Instead of "don't tell anyone you're involved with a married person" I'm glad you're out of your affair but your posts over time show that you still don't really seem to take any responsibility for your part in this mess. You're an individual and you could have chose not to listen to all the things you blame him for doing to suck you in. I know that you are just bitter right now but I hope someday you can see that you could have stopped all of this yourself from the first hint of it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Good advice... but you still seem very angry and bitter about the affair. And I agree with the others that you need to own your part in this mess. Use this as an opportunity to grow and become better. He didn't "force" you to have an affair with him. He sounds like a total douche and he really did a number on you. But your posts imply that you do not take responsibility in this mess, though I'm sure that's not true. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CloudyHead Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Some states do recognize adultery as a criminal act and you can be charged with it. It is usually a misdemeanor. And, some states have civil claims wherein a spouse can sue a third party for damages. In my state, we have alienation of affection and criminal conversation. Alienation of affection is an allegation that the third party alienated the love and affection of MM (or MW) from his/her spouse. Criminal conversation is the act of having sex with someone who is married. I was sued as well. I was very aggressive with the suit and it was dismissed by the betrayed spouse. Oftetimes these cases are used to get more in a divorce settlement. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I think you have to be on high alert when a married man who is still living with his wife proposes to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I must say though, it seems very foolish to pursue an AOA claim when you are still married to the person and he voluntarily had an affair for many years. In order to be successful in her claim, she would need to prove that they had a very loving marriage beforehand and that you stepped in and diverted the love from her toward you and It's quite difficult to prove, but costs a lot for both parties. It really is about not getting involved with a married person, not really about not telling them, because the result could be the same. Even if you didn't tell, she could have found out another way and still sued you. Link to post Share on other sites
CloudyHead Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I don't think anyone really thinks about the legal ramifications of having an affair while in the affair because the relationship exists in a bubble - at least that is my opinion. When you are in the bubble, all is perfect and well and full of love in the bubble. You really separate yourself from reality. It is difficult to understand or comprehend unless you've experienced it. I never thought I would have an affair. But, I did. I acknowledge it was a very bad decision and I suffered consequences. My exMM continues to go from woman to woman. He learned nothing from his affairs and his behavior never changed. Me - it was the worst mistake I ever made. But, it is in the past, I have finally forgiven myself and have moved forward. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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