my gf beat me up

[lisa1993]

So my gf and I are a lesbian couple who’ve been together almost 3 years. We have always had a great, loving relationship up until this incident. We don’t live together but we’re always together. About a week ago when this incident occurred, she was over my place. We got into a stupid, petty argument over some girl commenting on her Instagram pics. Anyways the argument escalated and I said “Go kill yourself like your pathetic mother.” A little background info on my gf is her mom suffered from severe bipolar/depression, and drug abuse and killed herself a few years prior. So anyways after I said this, I immediately regretted it, but it was too late my gf punched me in the mouth. I tried fighting back but she’s much bigger and stronger. She basically beat the sh*t out of me. I was crying and screaming until she stopped and left.*

 

I haven’t seen her since this incident but we’ve talked on the phone. She keeps apologizing saying she blacked out, and it won’t happen again. I believe her cus she’s never shown signs of violence in the past. But I still don’t feel like I should just forgive and move on so easily. Please help. I’m at a loss.

[basil67]

Break up with her. And go and address your own appalling behaviour. There is zero excuse for you saying such a thing to her.

[BaileyB]

That is a really terrible thing to say to anyone, particularly someone who has experienced the traumatic death of a loved one.

 

You should break up. Both of you need to develop some self control and learn how to treat someone you love with respect.

Edited August 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
advocating violence ~T

[SevenCity]

Regardless what the argument was over, to say something so hurtful and despicable to someone you "love" is a sign of deep issues.

Edited August 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
comment advocating violence ~T

[preraph]

Yeah, I'm going to say you break up. What you said hit a deep nerve on her and she reacted because she has years and probably decades of pain built up and no doubt rage as well she's had to deal with. So what you said was unforgiveable and she should break up with you because you are that low.

 

And then you should break up with her because she had uncontrolled rage and you triggered it, and there's no guarantee at all that this won't happen again.

 

It's over. Both of you move on and break contact. Just because you're both sorry doesn't mean you should stay together, because neither of you have control over yourself.

[RecentChange]

Count me as another that doesn't condone violence.

 

But yeah, I would have probably blacked out in rage and kicked your ass as well.

 

What you said was unforgivable, can never be taken back, and shouldn't be said to your worse enemy let alone some one you love.

 

If someone had said this to a sister of mine.... I would be kicking their ass...

[No_Go]

That's past the point of no return. Trust me - once violence happens once, it WILL happen again. And you're also extremely cruel to her with your statement, this will always stay in her mind no matter what she says and will resurface in the worst time possible.

Take it from someone who knows ins and outs of physical and verbal violence...

This is just OVER. Leave before it gets worse.

[BaileyB]

It's not just insensitive. It was cruel. You knew that it would hurt... You knew that it would destroy her - and you said it. That, is why we are all saying that you are also at fault in this confrontation.

 

Physical violence is never acceptable. But, you can't purposefully provoke someone, do the one thing that will hurt the most, and expect that there will not be a consequence.

 

Those words can never be unsaid. She will never forget that comment. Sorry.

Edited August 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to deleted post ~T

[campeo]

You did no deserve to be hit, but neither did she deserve your horrendous comment. The only way past this is both individual and couples therapy. I am not morally equivocating verbal abuse with physical abuse. Physical abuse is worse given the possibility of maiming or mortality. But verbal abuse is bad, and you were verbally abusive. I don't believe you can apologize back towards a healthy relationship. Neither of you can feel safe. The only way is with reflection and professional help. But I would recommend that if marriage and kids were involved. Absent that, I'd walk and work on myself.

Edited August 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to deleted post ~T

[diddilybop]

you two need to breakup. what you said was emotionally abusive and cruel, and what she did was physically abusive and cruel. therefore, you both can't take it back. i also suggest that you both get your own therapists/seek counseling to find healthier ways to express anger and upset.

[BaileyB]

You were verbally abusive to your girlfriend. She was physically abusive to you. Neither of these behaviors are acceptable in a healthy relationship. Which is why we are all saying, you should break up and educate yourselves so that this kind of behavior never happens for either one of you, ever again. Grow from this experience.

 

I'm sorry that you were hurt. Hopefully, you are feeling better soon.

Edited August 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to deleted post ~T

[bachdude]

The problem with your comment is there are TWO hugely hateful things you said,

 

You used her mother's suicide to hurt her

 

You told her to do the same.

 

And this was over what you said was a "petty" argument. I'd hate to see what a legitimate argument would result in.

 

That having been said, your GF should be in jail for assault and battery.

 

Neither of you are ready for a long term relationship if a "petty" argument can turn into the most horrible thing I've ever heard anyone say to another followed by an all out physical assault.

 

Part ways

[preraph]

Both people were abusive in this instance. Both were wrong. Music violence is more extreme and therefore more wrong.

[GemmaUK]

You were emotionally abusive towards her.

 

I don't condone violence but in my brief abusive relationship I wish that it had been physical instead of emotional, physical heals faster.

 

You can be safe in the knowledge that your pain will be healed and gone much faster than hers will.

 

That was a despicable thing to say OP and particularly personal and cruel.

 

What on earth were you arguing about for you to think at the time this was an appropriate thing to say and that no consequences would come of it?

[thefooloftheyear]

Horrible move on your part.....I wouldn't raise a hand to a woman, but id flatten any guy that pulled that type of crap....

 

You will live...Just take your lumps...Violence is not the answer, but as the others have said, its probably justified in that instance....

 

TFY

[2much4]

I think there is no excuse for physical violence.

 

But wow. I don't know how you could ever say something like that to someone. You are in no place to "forgive her". If I told someone something like that I'd be so ashamed I'd let them beat me up.

 

What you said is enough to mess her up for several years.

 

Just apologize to her and go no contact.

[coolheadal]

So my gf and I are a lesbian couple who’ve been together almost 3 years. We have always had a great, loving relationship up until this incident. We don’t live together but we’re always together. About a week ago when this incident occurred, she was over my place. We got into a stupid, petty argument over some girl commenting on her Instagram pics. Anyways the argument escalated and I said “Go kill yourself like your pathetic mother.” A little background info on my gf is her mom suffered from severe bipolar/depression, and drug abuse and killed herself a few years prior. So anyways after I said this, I immediately regretted it, but it was too late my gf punched me in the mouth. I tried fighting back but she’s much bigger and stronger. She basically beat the sh*t out of me. I was crying and screaming until she stopped and left.*

 

I haven’t seen her since this incident but we’ve talked on the phone. She keeps apologizing saying she blacked out, and it won’t happen again. I believe her cus she’s never shown signs of violence in the past. But I still don’t feel like I should just forgive and move on so easily. Please help. I’m at a loss.

 

There is a way to bring her down but it's too late the damage is done, nonsense for me to teach how. LISTEN PLEASE YOU DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH SUCH A WOMAN Your a woman yourself she had bunched you in a terrible rage of anger, she kept bunching you and you told her to stop! She didn't! You could have her arrested for doing that to you know. Love can't save you two. She have to leave your relationship because she's violent she could kill you or do serious damage to you. You don't want that she needs to leave. Do not accept her back to not contact her no forms or means. DO NOT DO IT!

 

She's abusive physically to you and also sounds like verbal abusive as well. No get out find another woman who doesn't do this to you. Not easy, if you don't know their past as you can see her life is abusive one. No excuse saying she black-out that's BS excuse. You do not need that in your life as no one should ever go through that. I hope you have recovered and you are not too traumatize over this, but I am sure you are. Takes time to recover and you might not want to be touched in your face again after such trauma. Most women don't like too be touch in the face usually had some sort of physically abusive attack done to them.

Edited August 18, 2017 by coolheadal

[amaysngrace]

She was honest about showing you what someone posted and you got jealous enough to become cruel. She had no right to hit you but her pain probably goes much deeper than just a punch in the face.

 

I'm glad you two aren't together anymore. You don't seem like you bring out the best in each other.

[lisa1993]

She didn't beat me to the point where I was in the hospital but I did have a busted lip and black eye.

 

I know what I said was wrong considering I'd met her mother before and they were extremely close. We've both apologized, but I think it's been easier for her to forgive than me. b/c I don't think she should have taken it to that level.

 

I really do love her, and hope we can work it out

[elaine567]

We've both apologized, but I think it's been easier for her to forgive than me. b/c I don't think she should have taken it to that level.

 

Are you sure about that?

Many people having suffered both physical and emotional abuse believe that the emotional abuse is far more damaging.

Yes, she may have decided to patch things up with you but I very much doubt she will forget what you said in a hurry...

[Dannygeorge]

Was it right for her to beat you up? No.

 

However, I can guarantee that you will think twice before saying such horrendous things to anyone in the future.

 

This relationship needs to end. Lick your wounds and work on being a better person.

[William]

Folks, as a reminder this thread is about one persons unique situation.

 

Those wishing to discuss abusive relationships as a general topic should feel free to do so on one of the more generally focused threads so discussion here can remain focused on assisting the OP ~T

[amaysngrace]

She didn't beat me to the point where I was in the hospital but I did have a busted lip and black eye.

 

I know what I said was wrong considering I'd met her mother before and they were extremely close. We've both apologized, but I think it's been easier for her to forgive than me. b/c I don't think she should have taken it to that level.

 

I really do love her, and hope we can work it out

 

If you want to work it out maybe you two should consider anger management classes because it doesn't seem like either of you have a healthy handle of your own emotions I'm sorry to say.

 

And from someone who has been both emotionally and physically abused I personally find the bruises easier to heal but everybody is different. You really shouldn't discount her pain compared to your own because there's really no way to accurately measure it.

[sandylee1]

You don't need to forgive her. Ending the relationship is a good idea. I'm not sure how you could say what you did to anyone, much less someone you're supposed to love.

 

That's just out and out cruel and nasty.

[stixx]

If your are in a relationship then respect should be from both side for each other. Break up with her.

 

Yep, and real fast.

 

I had a girl punch me in the face one night. She liked to drink. I did not care and I put up with it on a certain level.

 

Booze is ignorant and makes ppl behave poorly...Maybe even it brings out the real person in them.

 

I hate ppl booze. Even if if your a good friend I will say buh-bye, let alone some female I met at Target that gave me a number.

 

Your done. Abuse is not accepted on any level. The verbal kind is the worse.

 

BYE BYE!