SammySammy Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 He sent me a message on Instagram: "You're driving me crazy, you know that?! I want to fight so badly for you even though you dont want to be fought for. I truly believe that the chemistry is there and we cant let it just fail becuase of a sub par first date. I want a rematch. I want a second first date. I think we should go out for some drinks. I never drink, but YOU are that special occasion that is worth drinking for. I want to celebrate YOU. I'll even bring you a bottle of sparkling rose (I said I liked rose on the date). Give it some thought. I dont need an answer right now. I'm just not a quitter and I refuse to give up so easily when I know that something is there." smh This is so sad. I think you had steeled yourself to give him chance physically. But this behavior killed him. It's going to kill him every time. Oh well .... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) Didn't read the whole thing...Guy just sounds like a friggin goofball..... You don't owe him anything and did what you could....End of story.. I dunno, but there is one thing...And I am not faulting you, just seen it more than a few times on here and IRL...Seems like some women "entertain" guys that if they thought long and hard, aren't ever going to be their type..Then they wind up in this predicament...I dunno...I guess there is no harm in trying to see if something evolves, but I just think it's better (especially for women) to really know what you want and screen someone out more thoroughly, before it gets to that point...I say its more important for women, because some guys get stupid and wind up as stalkers and creeps ...That usually wont happen to guys that ghost out on or reject women...They never really have to be concerned about their safety or anything...I also like what another poster mentioned...You shouldn't be talking about sex (explicitly, no less) with a guy you don't know really well...That could be a dangerous move..and believe it or not, most guys would find that to be a bit off, anyway, under the circumstances you were in before the "date"...... Me, personally? I know within 5 minutes of talking to someone if they are my "type" or not..I don't care what they look like.. Put him in the rear view.... TFY Edited August 20, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 He sent me a message on Instagram: "You're driving me crazy, you know that?! I want to fight so badly for you even though you dont want to be fought for. I truly believe that the chemistry is there and we cant let it just fail becuase of a sub par first date. I want a rematch. I want a second first date. I think we should go out for some drinks. I never drink, but YOU are that special occasion that is worth drinking for. I want to celebrate YOU. I'll even bring you a bottle of sparkling rose (I said I liked rose on the date). Give it some thought. I dont need an answer right now. I'm just not a quitter and I refuse to give up so easily when I know that something is there." Oh dear! That's the kind of message I get after unsuccessful meet ups from OLD and I never discuss anything sexual. I think he probably would have done this even without you having done that. I hope you haven't replied Dis. It's just best not to I have found. Any response means you're giving him attention and that message was designed to get a reaction from you. He's not respecting your feelings or wishes at all and doing that at this early stage means he never will. If you changed your mind then any type of relationship with him will be all about him, not the both of you. Have you replied in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 You need to block this guy immediately---block his profile, block his number, and block any other possible means of contact. I would also forward the message to a friend as a heads-up. Yes, there's a 99% chance that he's just inexperienced and needy, but the 1% chance that he's seriously unstable is reason enough to take precautions. This is not normal. A healthy person who strikes out on a first date doesn't launch a frantic attempt to "fight for" a stranger. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 So what happen to the real estate guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) . This is not normal. A healthy person who strikes out on a first date doesn't launch a frantic attempt to "fight for" a stranger. Yeah i thought this too...Cray Cray...but then they had all those drawn out messages and talking about sex... Just trying to see why he might have gotten it all so wrong...(of course I guess maybe he might just be crazy) How much future talking, etc, went on Dis? Definitely stay clear of sex talk with strangers going forward. And there isn't a time and place to be a tease. To flirt, yes. Edited August 20, 2017 by joseb 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CoolJoe Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Haha that instagram message. Yikes. That's beyond awful. Some people just have no clue. I take back whatever I might have said to defend him. I would not reply to him anymore or simply say "Ok, now you're being really dense. No means NO. It didn't work out -- it happens. Good luck on your journey. Don't message me again or I will be forced to block you. Your behavior is crossing boundaries." But really, block him and be done with it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 Yeah i thought this too...Cray Cray...but then they had all those drawn out messages and talking about sex... Just trying to see why he might have gotten it all so wrong...(of course I guess maybe he might just be crazy) How much future talking, etc, went on Dis? Definitely stay clear of sex talk with strangers going forward. And there isn't a time and place to be a tease. To flirt, yes. No future talking on my part. Some on his part. I've learned from past dating/relationship experiences that things can go south at any time. For any reason. No matter how much we might want to pretend and create a fantasy just for the sake of it, its a bad idea I know I shouldnt be a tease but I'm super sexually frustrated. If I could have FWB, I wouldnt. But I dont think I'd handle that well Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 I know I shouldnt be a tease but I'm super sexually frustrated. If I could have FWB, I wouldnt. But I dont think I'd handle that well You might want to take a look at this. The guy probably thought you were invested in having a relationship because of sex talk. Though you didn't "future talk" for many people talking about sex like that IS future talk. If you are able to relieve your sexual frustration by talking sexy on the phone maybe try straight up phone sex with a stranger rather than a guy you may or may not actually be interested in dating. I'm sure that can be arranged. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 If you are able to relieve your sexual frustration by talking sexy on the phone maybe try straight up phone sex with a stranger rather than a guy you may or may not actually be interested in dating. I'm sure that can be arranged. Hahaha! Do you want to set that up for me? I dont want to have phone sex with a stranger but if its a person I at least know a little, I'd consider it Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 The right one always comes along when you least expect it. You will be fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 No future talking on my part. Some on his part. I've learned from past dating/relationship experiences that things can go south at any time. For any reason. No matter how much we might want to pretend and create a fantasy just for the sake of it, its a bad idea I know I shouldnt be a tease but I'm super sexually frustrated. If I could have FWB, I wouldnt. But I dont think I'd handle that well Sounds like he just read to much into it. If you are just looking for sex then im sure you can get that pretty easily. Just use tinder and meet up.with some guys. Avoid any that come on too strong. Maybe your definition of tease is different...to.me.its someone who let's on they want sex but doesnt... Sounds like you just need to have some fun for a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 Sounds like he just read to much into it. If you are just looking for sex then im sure you can get that pretty easily. Just use tinder and meet up.with some guys. Avoid any that come on too strong. Maybe your definition of tease is different...to.me.its someone who let's on they want sex but doesnt... Sounds like you just need to have some fun for a bit. I really need some release but I dont know that I could just hook up with someone just for sex I've always been a monogamous type person. I get emotionally invested and I've already been hurt too many times looking for a ltr I dont know if I can be sure I would be ok with casual sex? And if the guy is only looking for sex, whats wrong with him coming on too strong? Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 So OP, what exactly is the issue meeting guys to date? You're not exactly hard on the eyes here. I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 So OP, what exactly is the issue meeting guys to date? You're not exactly hard on the eyes here. I'm confused. Awww thank you! I think it might be because I dont have a super active social life. I go out when my gfs can but they have kids so they're not free a lot. When I do go out, guys never approach me. Just a lot of stares. Same at the grocery store etc. While I'm in nursing school I dont work and I havent met anyone from school except this married guy that clearly wanted to cheat on his wife with me. Nope! Other than that, I really dont know what I'm doing wrong and THAT drives me nuts! I wish I knew what I could do differently! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 (edited) I really need some release but I dont know that I could just hook up with someone just for sex I've always been a monogamous type person. I get emotionally invested and I've already been hurt too many times looking for a ltr I dont know if I can be sure I would be ok with casual sex? And if the guy is only looking for sex, whats wrong with him coming on too strong? I've never done casual sx either but just want to chime in my Tinder XP earlier this year. It's actually hard w to get casual sx. They all want to date first and put off by girls coming at them like that. The only ones who like that are the really ...uhhh thirsty? ones.(I get that's hypocritical)I tried on Tinder and with the guys who messaged me just telling them no thanks to dinner, just casual and they were like " Nice try, Jeff. I know this is a trap " I doubt I could have gone through with it any way, so that's for the best Edited August 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I really need some release but I dont know that I could just hook up with someone just for sex I've always been a monogamous type person. I get emotionally invested and I've already been hurt too many times looking for a ltr I dont know if I can be sure I would be ok with casual sex? And if the guy is only looking for sex, whats wrong with him coming on too strong? Cause they are either a. way too "thirsty" - so will be sleazy, creepy, etc b. too into you, so they will want a relationship I use tinder. I've had a few one night stands, and several short term things (a few meets, a couple of months). I have yet to act sleazy on their once. I never bring up sex with anyone I haven't met. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Awww thank you! I think it might be because I dont have a super active social life. I go out when my gfs can but they have kids so they're not free a lot. When I do go out, guys never approach me. Just a lot of stares. Same at the grocery store etc. While I'm in nursing school I dont work and I havent met anyone from school except this married guy that clearly wanted to cheat on his wife with me. Nope! Other than that, I really dont know what I'm doing wrong and THAT drives me nuts! I wish I knew what I could do differently! Ok, I see. I doubt you are doing anything wrong, OP. It may just be that guys assume you are taken or feel they don't have a shot. Question for you...what do you do when you catch a guy looking at you that you find attractive? Do you smile? Or even if you see a guy you find attractive that wasn't looking at you, if you can catch his eye and give an encouraging smile, you may find that is all he needs to approach. There's a way women do this that is unmistakable. There is something in the eyes as well. It's like a green light. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Cause they are either I never bring up sex with anyone I haven't met. Then you have to go in with the presupposition that they might not want casual , right? If it isn't discussed they might assume you want to date them. So you'd have to sit through dinner/other activity/small talk. That's such hard work considering most guys don't make a move til like the 3rd date. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 He sent me a message on Instagram: "You're driving me crazy, you know that?! I want to fight so badly for you even though you dont want to be fought for. I truly believe that the chemistry is there and we cant let it just fail becuase of a sub par first date. I want a rematch. I want a second first date. I think we should go out for some drinks. I never drink, but YOU are that special occasion that is worth drinking for. I want to celebrate YOU. I'll even bring you a bottle of sparkling rose (I said I liked rose on the date). Give it some thought. I dont need an answer right now. I'm just not a quitter and I refuse to give up so easily when I know that something is there." This response isn't so crazy considering you said you talked to him on the phone for hours every day for a week, clicked like crazy, and threw sex in the conversations. He probably thought he had it in the bag. Not in the exact situation, but I've been this guy on a number of occasions. Took a lifetime of these types of hot/cold rejections (at least in my own head) to toughen me up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 Ok, I see. I doubt you are doing anything wrong, OP. It may just be that guys assume you are taken or feel they don't have a shot. Question for you...what do you do when you catch a guy looking at you that you find attractive? Do you smile? Or even if you see a guy you find attractive that wasn't looking at you, if you can catch his eye and give an encouraging smile, you may find that is all he needs to approach. There's a way women do this that is unmistakable. There is something in the eyes as well. It's like a green light. You make an incredibly important point bachdude I'm usually shy at first so when I see a guy looking, I usually look at him and then look away. I always have a very intense look on my face like I'm concentrating on something so thats not too inviting lol My gf told me the same thing you did, just to give the guy a green light by smiling a little and making eye contact. I think its so engrained in me to look away (I've been doing it for 31 years) so this will be an adjustment but a much needed one I think guys need that little hint or why would they want to say hi? I just need to come out of my shell a little bit So just smile and eye contact and that should work??? Seems oddly simple 3 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Then you have to go in with the presupposition that they might not want casual , right? If it isn't discussed they might assume you want to date them. So you'd have to sit through dinner/other activity/small talk. That's such hard work considering most guys don't make a move til like the 3rd date. Personally I think its a bit crass to talk about sex with someone I haven't met. For one, I have no idea if I want to sleep with them until I meet them. I honestly cant imagine discussing sex like that. and I've never had a girl start a discussion like that either, despite 100s of matches and a lot of one night stands. Maybe I'm picking the wrong ones?! But If I am interested, I definitely wont be waiting till the 3rd date to make a move. and I don't make a bunch of complicated dates, just meet for drinks, and if their is chemistry I will do something and it will either work or push them away 3 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 You make an incredibly important point bachdude I'm usually shy at first so when I see a guy looking, I usually look at him and then look away. I always have a very intense look on my face like I'm concentrating on something so thats not too inviting lol My gf told me the same thing you did, just to give the guy a green light by smiling a little and making eye contact. I think its so engrained in me to look away (I've been doing it for 31 years) so this will be an adjustment but a much needed one I think guys need that little hint or why would they want to say hi? I just need to come out of my shell a little bit So just smile and eye contact and that should work??? Seems oddly simple Yes totally! We need some hint. You don't need to stare, just hold the gaze a little longer than is comfortable, and give a little smile. To the right guy, that will be enough of a sign 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Thanks. TIL my strategy for trying to get hookups was really weird (Clearly not an expert at it) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Awww thank you! I think it might be because I dont have a super active social life. I go out when my gfs can but they have kids so they're not free a lot. When I do go out, guys never approach me. Just a lot of stares. Same at the grocery store etc. While I'm in nursing school I dont work and I havent met anyone from school except this married guy that clearly wanted to cheat on his wife with me. Nope! Other than that, I really dont know what I'm doing wrong and THAT drives me nuts! I wish I knew what I could do differently! Guys do not typically approach women in public.. does not happen often. Social media is too easy and rejection is too painful. Link to post Share on other sites
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