how do you know if you're with the right person?

[Kimber]

I've been dating and now engaged to a wonderful kind,thoughtful,respectful man..I've had an abusive marriage 15 years ago and then a not so great relationship after that.I feel the "spark" is missing,I'm hoping i don't have that "spark" feeling confused with the "oh no what's next" feeling you get in an abusive situation...I call it a bad chemistry,that keeps the adrenalin going...anythoughts?kay

[Paulie]

That initial "rush" that you speak of generally fades after the initial year of so of most healthy relationships. i.e. when people become "real" to one another.

 

I don't think that the fact that you no longer feel that "rush" that you may have felt in the initial stages of your relationship is missing is really a problem, in and of itself. What I question is if that is actually the problem.

 

If you're having doubts about this relationship, GET OUT! It's not too late. Better off now than after you marry this poor guy. Marraige won't bring that spark back, in and of itself.

 

I suggest you feel this out on your own and do some soul-searching. Ultimately, you and you alone will know if he's the guy for you.

 

Paulie

[sparkle]

I know that "spark" you're talking about...and yes it often is the one you experience in an abusive relationship. Hope that you never feel that spark with another guy again.

 

But the spark that you feel when you first fall in love with someone, or of excitement or happiness you feel to be with that person...that all has to do with how you two get along and focus on this relationship as an important part of your daily life. You do have to put in your share of effort to bring that feeling initially and to make it last.

 

If you feel comfortable and TOTALLY SAFE with this guy, you love him and care about him and his well-being, it's a really good possibility that you're with the right person.

[Tess]

I know that "spark" you're talking about...and yes it often is the one you experience in an abusive relationship. Hope that you never feel that spark with another guy again. But the spark that you feel when you first fall in love with someone, or of excitement or happiness you feel to be with that person...that all has to do with how you two get along and focus on this relationship as an important part of your daily life. You do have to put in your share of effort to bring that feeling initially and to make it last. If you feel comfortable and TOTALLY SAFE with this guy, you love him and care about him and his well-being, it's a really good possibility that you're with the right person.