How to dump a "friend" from your life who still texts you

[CoolJoe]

I have this "friend." I don't see her as a friend anymore. Mainly because in hindsight, she treated me like crap. However, now that I've switched jobs, I no longer see her. But she still occasionally texts me. I think she's used to my attention (I often sought her out at work to vent, share, etc.). Now that I'm working somewhere else and reevaluating all relationships in my life, she is someone I want to cut off. But she still texts me. Never asks how *I'M* doing, though. I think she craves the attention.

 

I don't want to make it awkward and say "this isn't working for me anymore. Please stop texting me" or anything like such. What do I do?

 

Do I just resume replying to her texts in a very general way where she slowly gets the picture and fades out herself? I never engage her further in my replies. It's always like "oh cool." Or "haha yup."

 

It's totally different from my past texts where I would always follow up with a question.

 

Like I said, she has treated me poorly and tends to treat me poorly. Can't handle my sarcasm but always acts sarcastic toward me. Dishes it but she can't take it. Also doesn't feel like a real friend. There's always been this weird cloud hanging over us. Now that I no longer work with her, I feel free.

 

I'm betting too that she'll text me soon "What's up? Something wrong?"

 

At which point I may answer "That's the first time in forever that you've asked me how I'm doing." But I'll probably go the safer non confrontational way "Nothing, just busy with my new job."

 

Any thoughts or tips on my situation? Maybe if I give it time she'll just fade out, but I have a feeling she will send me the odd text for the next few months or so. I guess it doesn't hurt to wait and see for now.

[darkmoon]

awkward for who?

[CoolJoe]

awkward for who?

 

For both of us. She's the type to blow stuff up and try and make you feel bad for. Very passive aggressive and immature.

[darkmoon]

block her and you will never have the prob again

 

I do know what you mean, that she will "blow stuff up" so ride that out, do not collude, do not be bothered

 

the blow up will stop eventually, if you leave her to faff with no reaction from you, amd that is the key - no reaction

[elaine567]

Is it really worth the drama of cutting her off dead - she only texts you occasionally. is it such a big deal?

Be superficially friendly but do not get too involved. She'll soon get bored and fade away.

It is best not to make real enemies of people, especially people you have worked with, you never know when they may pop up again and you find that the next time you work with them, that they are your boss... or they may be able to get you a job.

Networking is always good, so best to keep people on side.

Edited August 18, 2017 by elaine567
removed quote

[preraph]

Download free app Mr. Number and block her on it.

[Whodatdog]

Either block her or just answer her with vague simple one-word texts. Dont text back right away, wait an hour or two. She's texting for the attention, if she doesnt get it she'll stop texting.

[CoolJoe]

Is it really worth the drama of cutting her off dead - she only texts you occasionally. is it such a big deal?

Be superficially friendly but do not get too involved. She'll soon get bored and fade away.

It is best not to make real enemies of people, especially people you have worked with, you never know when they may pop up again and you find that the next time you work with them, that they are your boss... or they may be able to get you a job.

Networking is always good, so best to keep people on side.

 

Good point. I'll avoid drama show and just respond vaguely and after an hour or two.

[havehope4291]

hi there, i think the best thing to do is the thing youre not doing, TALK to this person. once and for a short time and honestly.

 

if after what you have said fails then you have every right to just walk.

 

unfortunately, it sounds like cuz youve been frightened and not said what you needed to say, this has been blown up and is getting you down now.

 

you sought this person out on different occasions! so you did have things to talk about then and now youve left you are cutting them dead....hmmm...maybe this person still feels you are mates and your fear has made things worse for you.

 

i dont think this person either realizes or knows how you feel and if i am honest with you, im not sure you know or really can see thier point of view...and all becasue you need to talk and are not talking.

 

im not having a go at you, i just feel that talking honestly with this person can help you get your message across in a more concise way.

 

were you honest when you left or did you just leave and think that you woiuld never hear from them again as you had moved on?

 

if so, then that was an assumption! if you want to stop the games and drama and manipulatiuon then you have to talk.

 

if you were in thier shoes (ok so your more rational...so you tell us) wouldnt you like to be told in a kind and honest way how things no longer are the same. its only fair to explain yourself in a Mature way then you might get a mature response from someone we may or may not know for sure is either not informed how you feel about this or maybe is mature.

 

if you dont want to be manipulated then you have to talk and put your view across.

 

blocking someone can also be seen by others as passive aggressive and a bit immature.

 

just talk to this person, give it one last try and listen to what they say. if its mature and they are also mature they[ll accept your point, and if your mature and hoenst and willing to talk and listen to them then they will accept your point more willingly than playing further games of vague one word answers and blocking mind games...it is just as bad as sounding off in someones face or on text etc.

 

its no good wating for texts in months, do the kind thing and do it in a mature way and hopefully she or he will respond in a more peaceful mature way.

 

you gotta talk!!!!!!!!! or your gunna end up mailing us again in another few months.

 

blocking, fear, mild assumptions and passive games from one or both of you have lead to this situation.

 

it can be sorted quickly if you are willing to face your own fears, issues with this old freind and be in a more peaceful place.

 

i cant think this mate that once was of yours likes this anymore than youdo do they? regardless of that...JUST TALK TO THEM....if you are serious to get on you have to try to be heard before you slam them.

 

we only have your word for this, this person may see things a bit differenlty. but we can only suggest, but by talking you can show you are wanting to sort this out properly and in a fair not one sided way.

 

just think how you are treating this person now....clear the air and you may find out things that they accept and apologise for ...but unless you try you wont move forward with this.

[CoolJoe]

hi there, i think the best thing to do is the thing youre not doing, TALK to this person. once and for a short time and honestly.

 

if after what you have said fails then you have every right to just walk.

 

unfortunately, it sounds like cuz youve been frightened and not said what you needed to say, this has been blown up and is getting you down now.

 

you sought this person out on different occasions! so you did have things to talk about then and now youve left you are cutting them dead....hmmm...maybe this person still feels you are mates and your fear has made things worse for you.

 

i dont think this person either realizes or knows how you feel and if i am honest with you, im not sure you know or really can see thier point of view...and all becasue you need to talk and are not talking.

 

im not having a go at you, i just feel that talking honestly with this person can help you get your message across in a more concise way.

 

were you honest when you left or did you just leave and think that you woiuld never hear from them again as you had moved on?

 

if so, then that was an assumption! if you want to stop the games and drama and manipulatiuon then you have to talk.

 

if you were in thier shoes (ok so your more rational...so you tell us) wouldnt you like to be told in a kind and honest way how things no longer are the same. its only fair to explain yourself in a Mature way then you might get a mature response from someone we may or may not know for sure is either not informed how you feel about this or maybe is mature.

 

if you dont want to be manipulated then you have to talk and put your view across.

 

blocking someone can also be seen by others as passive aggressive and a bit immature.

 

just talk to this person, give it one last try and listen to what they say. if its mature and they are also mature they[ll accept your point, and if your mature and hoenst and willing to talk and listen to them then they will accept your point more willingly than playing further games of vague one word answers and blocking mind games...it is just as bad as sounding off in someones face or on text etc.

 

its no good wating for texts in months, do the kind thing and do it in a mature way and hopefully she or he will respond in a more peaceful mature way.

 

you gotta talk!!!!!!!!! or your gunna end up mailing us again in another few months.

 

blocking, fear, mild assumptions and passive games from one or both of you have lead to this situation.

 

it can be sorted quickly if you are willing to face your own fears, issues with this old freind and be in a more peaceful place.

 

i cant think this mate that once was of yours likes this anymore than youdo do they? regardless of that...JUST TALK TO THEM....if you are serious to get on you have to try to be heard before you slam them.

 

we only have your word for this, this person may see things a bit differenlty. but we can only suggest, but by talking you can show you are wanting to sort this out properly and in a fair not one sided way.

 

just think how you are treating this person now....clear the air and you may find out things that they accept and apologise for ...but unless you try you wont move forward with this.

 

You don't know her like I do. It's simply not worth it. She would take anything I say very negatively and push back. I've tried in the past. Learned my lesson the hard way -- multiple times, even. Not anymore!

[SammySammy]

Boundaries and standards time.

 

I don't think it's wise or necessary to remove friends from our lives. Someone who is making an effort to be a friend to us.

 

However, it's always time to remove poor treatment. Disrespect. Abuse.

 

My point is adress the behavior, not the person. Let her know that you can't accept the way she treats you anymore. Boundaries. Either you all will be kind and supportive of each other or you can't be friends. Standards.

 

Then stick to that. If she treats you well, then you have a good friend. If not, you have to disassociate yourself from her. Because you've raised your standard about how friends should treat each other.

 

Some people will respect your wishes. Some won't. At least they'll know why you had to let them go.

 

Having standards and setting boundaries is necessary in every relationship. Never be afraid to set and enforce appropriate boundaries with people. And that starts with not tolerating disrespect and being mistreated.

[havehope4291]

cool joe, I know I don't know her the way you do, that's obvious. but unless you talk to someone and let them know the score and how they make you feel and maybe try to put it right before you walk then its all been for nothing.

 

 

I don't get the whole posting what I said back to me, its there for everyone including me to look at?

 

 

I agree totally with Midnoghtdreams 100%very wise advice. and the mature way to go about this. hope you find the courage to let the truth speak to this person and to listen to what they have to say in response to you.

 

 

I don't know you or them, but if you ask strangers for advice, advice is what they will give surely? peace and love for this situation.

 

 

but talking is more a realistic and quick way to know the real outcome and how to progress with this.

 

 

so before you trash it all..."HAVE HOPE" maybe?

[IndigoNight]

You could try not replying to her texts, and when she sends you the "What's wrong?" text simply reply "Busy" the following day. Maybe she will get the hint. Then again, some people never do.

 

If you aren't willing to tell her the truth, and that you just want to be done with her, you may have to put up with occasional texts. Or, you could tell her the truth, deal with some drama, and (hopefully) be done with her. If you opt to tell her the truth, don't feed her drama. If she texts you with drama, block her if you can.

 

You can say "No" to being her friend. It is entirely up to you on who you are, and are not, friends with. If you reversed the situation, how do you think she would handle it? Would she confront you, ghost you, or would she just hope that you faded away over time?

[CoolJoe]

update: so she hasn't texted me back since a few weeks ago. and this is indicative of the "friendship." I always reach out and she invariably mocks me in some fashion, putting me down and making me question myself or feel worse about myself in some way, shape or form.

 

That is not a real friend. It's one thing to rib someone or tease them, but her mocking crosses a line (she's done it in public too) so I'm just done with her.

 

Notice also how I started a new job and she hasn't once checked in "Hey how's the new job going?" A real friend would check in, especially when we were coworkers at the same company not even 3 months ago.

 

So that tells me everything I need to know. Good riddance! Not burning any bridges but I'm done reaching out and have now transitioned her to acquaintance territory, where she firmly belongs.

[havehope4291]

well you tried and no one can ask anymore than that.

[Purrrfect]

This woman is a crappy friend. I would ignore her texts and she will eventually get the hint.

[CoolJoe]

This woman is a crappy friend. I would ignore her texts and she will eventually get the hint.

 

I am not the type to downright ignore though, especially given our "history."

 

So she texted me a few days ago and asked how things were going at the new job. I said things are good and then she asked about my dating life. Seems like she likes to keep tabs and hear my dating stories as I've "failed" at many during the time I've known her, and she is amused by my dating failures.

 

So it felt so good when I told her I now have a girlfriend.

 

She congratulated me but I could almost feel the "burn" on her end like "damn, I'm still single but Joe isn't anymore... WTF" lol.

 

I then asked how her dating life was and she said at a standstill but that it's ok for now because of blah blah blah.

 

I then told her I don't stay up late anymore and that I wish her to have continued success at her job (my old company).

 

She didn't even bother to text me good night back, lol. No hard feelings on my end -- it's whatever, but that's indicative of what a bad friend she is. I think she checks up on me once in a while just to hear "bad news" and reassure herself that Joe is still Joe. I always felt that feeling from her. Now that my life is on the upswing, I can sense a sort of sorrow coming from her. Like I've moved on and won't put up with her crap anymore!