My boss and my co-worker are making my life miserable [UPDATE]

[amkxoxo]

So I started at my job two years ago. I was fresh out of college and I have learned so much in this time. I started feeling confident in myself and my work as time was passing. My office is small, 6 people, and they have been all really supportive of me. The secretary of the office and I were close. She was in her 30s and I saw her as a wise role model. I didn't have a problem with my boss until recently. Firstly, I have started noticing all of my ideas starting to become his. I brought up a ton a great marketing ideas when I first arrived. Most of which seemed too over his head and most of which were turned down. This year however, my boss and I meet one on one, and he brings up ideas. The same ideas I brought up as changes I think needed to happen. He brings them up as if he thought of this brilliant new thing we should be doing and he wants me to execute his vision. Once is a coincidence, but now it has been time and time again. All the while he got a promotion and raise this year, and I saw nothing more.

 

Unfortunately this past March our secretary sprung on us that she got another job making more money. She was the best secretary and I think my boss was dying that she was going to leave him. He was freaking out. I don't think he knew half of the stuff she did or how to do it.

 

Two weeks later she was gone and he was looking for replacements. He told us we had all summer to look and he wanted us all involved with whom was chosen to make sure it was a good fit.

 

Our office was known as one of the better ones at our company so we got a lot of applicants. What I started noticing was my boss was barely looking at all the resumes and interested candidates. I had friends of mine apply, and they had all the right qualifications. I even suggested they call him in person to inquire, as my boss loved people who called, and my friends were told that they were being "considered". I don't think they were ever considered. He never interviewed them. The first 5 or so applicants were interviewed. He had us spend our work time talking to them and interviewing them, like he really are about our input.

 

I think my boss was lazy. One applicant was great. She worked temporarily for a larger, more high pressure corporation. She was very professional and smart. She ran their internship program, so worked with college kids. We had interns too, so we needed someone who was used to that. My boss said she wasn't the right fit with him. She "didn't fit with his personality." I started noticing he was looking for someone he could control. Someone who would do anything he said and who wasn't a strong woman.

 

We interviewed a woman my age. I was excited thinking someone 23 would freshen up our office with me, since the other workers were my parents age. She wasn't polished or professional. She worked doing marketing for a small organization. She wasn't a secretary running an office. My boss loved her. I was shocked. He hired her weeks later, because he felt she clicked with him personality wise. As much as he said he wanted us involved, in the end he picked whom he wanted. We kept getting great applications in and he wasn't even considering them. He rushed and hired someone.

 

She started in June. So much for spending the summer finding someone good.

 

Ever since its been a nightmare. I liked her at first. We chatted and she seemed nice. A week into her working our organization offered a cheap deal for a summer trip to europe for employees. I was considering it. She went in asked my boss for the 8 days off for the trip. The trip was in a month Who goes on a vacation a month into working somewhere, when it wasn't pre-planned? I was shocked. Who starts working and asks for time off one week in? Let alone a trip through work to europe. It wasn't pre-planned. Nor she and I ended up going, but I found it very strange on her part. I earned the time. I would have never been so forward to ask him that after one week.

 

Then I started hanging out with her at lunch. The way she talked and acted was off. She acted privileged and entitled. Talking about the certain places she shopped for work clothes, expensive places like those were the greatest places to go. I wasn't poor, but I had to bargain shop because I didn't have that luxury. I looked nice no matter what. She would talk about her life and some of it was a little bragging. Everything was too great and happy and fake. I was raised very humble and hard working. I hate people who act like she does, but I continued to try and be friends. I was still riding the new young co worker high.

 

She invited me a party at her house. I was so excited.

 

I wanted to meet new friends. When I went there, it was horrible. People were not friendly. They didn't care to talk to me or know me. I tried to talk to people and be friendly, but they didn't keep the conversation going with me and they would just get up and walk away. At times, I was left by myself. I was so disappointed. These people were entitled acting too. They all were. Not my scene at all.

 

After that things have gone downhill with her. My boss had me doing the old secretary's work until we got someone new, but it was poorly communicated what or when I should start giving the work to the new girl. At times, I would be doing a task and my boss had her doing it too, without either of us knowing. Then it started getting a bit competitive, whom did it better.

 

Then I was still trying to lead her and tell her how the office and company worked. She is new still. She hasn't experienced any event planning or how the organization worked. When I started, the old secretary did that for me, and I learned so much from her.

 

Recently, this new girl ignored me. I was trying to tell her something important and she literally didn't acknowledge me.

 

When I hear her talking about doing something I know our company cannot do, I will pipe in and try to tell her we aren't allowed to do it. She doesn't thank me or acknowledge me half the time. Its tense. I think she thinks I am trying to tell her what to do, but I am just trying to tell her how things work, so nothing goes wrong in our office. Customers will come in and sometimes she will give them the wrong information. I will pipe in to correct, and again things are tense. She makes things up to tell people in person and on the phone. Its not professional. Giving them information she thinks is right. I've heard her on the phone questioning if we can offer the person on the phone a certain service. She will tell them we can't, I will pipe in trying to be helpful and tell her that we can and to let them know. She seems to get annoyed by this.

 

I don't think my boss knows what is going on with her either. She knocks on his door all the time asking him questions. She acts like she knows it all, but she doesn't. She is supposed to coordinate the office, but sometimes when she leaves his office she will come over and question my work and what I am doing. Sometimes she even tries to tell me what to do. She isn't my boss. I think my boss is asking her to find out things as the office secretary, but he should be asking me himself. I get frustrated and angry when I find her checking in on me. She has only been here for a few months. I know what I am doing. She doesn't respect me. I hate it. The atmosphere has gotten so negative for me. I am unhappy. It makes me so upset. I love my job. I love my other co workers. I used to work in such a great environment. I don't want to leave, but I hate working with her.

 

I feel like I am sweeping up after her and she doesn't care and no one sees how much good I've done.

 

Then she preaches all her marketing skills and computer skills. Well thats my job, not hers. She is a secretary and that is the job she took. Now I have been noticing my boss adds her to some of our email conversations. He mentions her to me all the time like he might want to use her marketing skills. It makes me upset. Thats my job. I'm not worried about my job, I just don't appreciate feeling like chop liver like she will replace me.

 

Then recently I noticed some weird instances between her and my boss. Like I mentioned she is my age, 23. She has a serious boyfriend of 4 years and they live together. She brags about him, whats new. But claims they will most likely get married. My boss, 40 years old, is married with two kids. Recently we were having a meeting. She was sitting across the table from him. I was sitting across from our other male co worker, whom is like my father. We were all talking. She and I both and our cell phones on the table in front of us. He suddenly doesn't say anything and he reaches way across the table, grabs her phone, unlocks it by swiping, and is looking at the screen. I had my eyes wide like saucers at his forwardness. I was shocked. He then put it back and claimed he was checking the time. It was awkward. Like he couldn't have just asked she or I to check it for him on our own phones.

 

Another day saw her out at her desk. He came out and they were talking about something work related. She he was leaving I literally saw him put his hand on her head and pat her like a dog. It was like someone who patted a dog for being good. It was so weird.

 

Today was the kicker. She was wearing this green sweater. He went over the her desk, which is in full view from mine. He was leaning against it talking to her about work stuff. I tuned most of it out hearing it was work. Then suddenly my ears perk up because he suddenly says "Wow you sweater matches your eyes."

 

I was so creeped out. He's looking into her eyes? It was so odd. She was eating it up too. Like she put her hand under her chin and posed for a minute and batted her eyes and thanked him for the compliment. It was so gross. It made me uncomfortable being around them.

 

I try and be a nice person. I just like being myself. I'm down to earth. I feel like since she's been here I haven't been able to be myself. My parents tell me to watch my back around her. I hate feeling like a prisoner at my work. So closed off. The other day she was telling MY intern what to do. I mentioned to my boss how I don't want my intern getting confused about his work, by others telling him different things. He agreed, and reassured me that I am the boss of my intern and thats that. But every email conversation he and I have about my intern and work he's doing, he attaches the secretary to.

 

Then she also annoys me because she copies me. I have been talking about taking classes to get a masters degree free through the organization for years. After two years I felt ready and I felt I had been there long enough to feel good about getting them for free. This girl talked to my boss and now she is taking marketing courses too, at the same school for free. She's a secretary, why does she need those? I do marketing.

 

Then I have been going to the same vacation spot with my family for over 20 years. She has never ever mentioned it. I don't even think she's ever been there in her life. I went this summer again with my family. Everyone at work was asking about it and I was telling them all about how fun and great it was. Suddenly this past weekend I see that her and her boyfriend went to the same exact place. It was kind of suspicious.

 

I got certified to be a workout instructor earlier this year. I got hired in the company gym. It was a great after work activity to make some extra money. She then starts talking about how she wants to do the same thing and asks me all about it. But she hasn't once taken a class of mine. She pays to go to some fancy gym near her house. I know this because at lunch she was calling all these fancy gyms seeing which ones would offer her free trial classes until she decided on one. It was so forward to expect free classes. I remember being quite surprised. Now I think she finally settled on one, because she used up all her free sessions.

 

Everyone around me says I should be flattered, that clearly that things I do are great and she wants to do them too. I like my individuality and hate that I don't feel as special as myself.

 

I don't know what else to do or think. I have stopped speaking up, because she doesn't appreciate any of my insight anymore and she makes me feel really bad for only trying to help. I an so upset. I blame my boss for not making her respect me more. She doesn't. I blame him for the atmosphere he has created. I feel low on the totem pole when I used to feel confident.

[crederer]

If your boss is taking all of your ideas and using them as his own, why don't you start your own business and use those ideas to be a successful business person?

[Tiger Lily]

I think you're in the process of learning very important lessons about work.

 

First, that it's important to create healthy boundaries between work and social life. Not that the two can't mix, but just proceed with a LOT of caution.

 

Second, people will take your ideas. Try to document what you come up with (in email). And just keep doing good work. It will get noticed, and it will pay off.

 

Third, you can't be everyone's friend, and not everyone will like you. And that's not your fault. You didn't hire the secretary...she's not there to voluntarily make you feel happy. She's there to do a job, and she seems like a very unpleasant person. Just focus on your job, be professional, and be careful around her.

 

Fourth, the male boss with the young, hot secretary is almost the oldest one in the book. It wouldn't be the first and it won't be the last time an inappropriate relationship formed at work.

 

And the list goes on. Work life can be a little depressing at first, because it's not like college (though it can feel like high school at times). There are good parts and bad parts, so you'll have to learn to navigate and thrive in the environment, which I'm sure you will be able to do (you seem like a very intelligent person!).

 

Best of luck.

[Miss Peach]

I've seen my share of corporate politics. I've had people literally try to sabotage me in the work place. There is a saying that people leave bad bosses; not bad companies. Now there are some managers who are better at figuring out what is really going on than others. There are managers who are better at keeping the pettiness in line and there are some who promote it to get ahead. You either need to learn to deal with your present environment or leave this office. Sometimes it's best to leave for your own sanity but you will likely find some variation of this stuff no matter what company you work for. It's sort of like dating IMO - figure out what flavor of crazy you can deal with.

 

For me, I prefer to just not interact with toxic coworkers. I keep my eyes open about them, act friendly, and be professional. But I don't go to lunch with them or chat about my personal life.

 

As for the inappropriate relationships, that is definitely a possibility. Let me just say it would take more than my hands to count all the married men who have tried to start affairs with me at work.

[stillafool]

If the new secretary was not the type you would have as a friend, why did you try to befriend her? Also you should have taken someone to the party with you as you cannot expect complete strangers to entertain you.

[amkxoxo]

I tried to be-friend her because I have been trying to make new friends that are my age, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt to see what kind of person she was. Now I think I know.

 

Today was awful. She degraded me and my intelligence. I've been in this role for two years doing graphic design. She makes it known she has a graphic design minor from college. I don't discredit her skills, but its not anything to do with her job, its mine. I often ask for opinion of my work by my boss, since he's the boss. I took a few graphic design classes in my undergrad, but since working at my job have been mostly self taught. I think I have a good eye for style.

 

Today, new girl came over to my desk and was showing me a printed out version of a flyer I made. She was explaining some changes my boss wanted on the poster. I understood. All she really did is need to tell me the changes and I could make changes myself. She didn't leave my desk. She proceeded to stand over my shoulder as I made changes and proceeded to tell me what to do. Again, I took it, but wanted her to get away from me. I grimaced a few times and revealed that I felt the flyer I made looked a little bare and had too much empty space due to the new changes. She then proceeded to say "Well maybe you should take some graphic design classes, because you would know that simple and plain is better, and thats what you would learn."

 

It was so degrading, and inappropriate. One of my co-workers is bad at using computers. I would never tell her to go take some classes so maybe she's be better at it. Its disrespectful. I was shocked someone would say that to me. Who was she to judge me?

 

She doesn't respect me. It makes for an uncomfortable work environment. I now fear that she is gunning for my job. Before she started I never felt this way. We never had tension in our office. We never had negativity. So clearly, this has all stemmed from one person. I was truly angry and appalled at what she said. I told her that I did take graphic design classes in my undergraduate college career and that my taste just happened to be different than hers. She isn't the queen of graphic design. The design I had was awesome digitally, just when it printed out the sizing of things skewed a bit and things needed to be worked to fix that.

 

It had nothing to do with my skills at all. She's a terrible speaker. On the phone and in person to clients. I had the nerve to tell her that maybe she needs some public speaking classes. But I have more class than that and I don't need to be someone's judgement. I can only speak for myself. I'm so angry. I wanted to slap her. Who tells someone maybe they should go take some classes, insinuating that you are unintelligent and not qualified for your job.

[UpwardForward]

IMO, what you're going through is called oppression. Sometimes this can be prevalent in a job environment.

 

It may give you confidence to try to override it by looking for other employment. Don't mention in interview regarding new employee or boss using your ideas as his. Just tell them it's time to move on.

 

Or, better yet - perhaps you could solicit for your own freelance business on the side.

[amkxoxo]

To be honest, all the negativity and tense feelings have made me start wanting to look for another job. I have fear I won't find anything with as good of benefits and pay though. I just feel like this isn't the right time for me to leave, and I feel like if I do start looking and get another job its like me almost letting her kick me out. When I leave, I know she will be doing my job. Its unacceptable. I almost don't want her to have the satisfaction. Literally, before her, I did not have any issues at work. We had a good environment. I feel we are all humble people, except her. She needs to drink some humble juice. Like anytime someone says something, its like she does it better.

 

She, I, and some female interns were talking about hair the other day.

 

She was saying how she doesn't comb her hair. Ever. That she doesn't even own a brush. That she doesn't even comb it when she gets out of the shower. She wants everyone to fawn over the fact that she looks naturally just that beautiful.

 

Her hair looks styled, like she combed it. Some days its more curly like she used a curling iron, which normally requires some sort of styling. I'm a girly girl, I know hair. Bull**** she doesn't ever comb her hair. Its way to neat to never be combed.

 

I take pride in wearing makeup and styling my hair. I don't need to feel like she's better because she's all natural.

 

Then she talks about how amazing her boyfriend is. Its annoying. It has no substance. I met him. Its not about him being good or not. Just the attitude she gives off is that her life is an A+ and its so fake to me.

 

One day my co-workers and I were talking about how much we pay for our once a year tax on owning a car. My car is old. Its reliable, just old and worn. But I maintain it and try to keep it in as good as shape as I can. I own it totally and pay no loans on it. I owe over $100,000 of student debt and never miss a payment. I laughed and was telling my co-workers I only pay about $35 a year for my car, because of its age and its so great. I can laugh about having an old car. I love my car. She has to come out and trump everyone and claim she is paying more than $300 a year in car taxes. She has a brand new car. I've seen it. Its nice. But she seemed to throw it out there almost to say she had an expensive car.

 

I have a humble family. My parents work hard. They gave me what I wanted in life, but taught me to save for things you want. They spoil me, but we are not by any means rich, so like I mentioned, I'm happy with my old car.

 

Anytime I come in on a Monday and my co-workers ask me what I did for the weekend, I will say relaxed, or saw a movie, saw some friends. She always has to say that she was out on her parents boat all weekend and it was just wonderful. I don't chastise her for having a boat, but I feel like she has no idea how the other half lives. She tries to act all upper crust society.

 

She and her boyfriend even dressed up and went to a horse racing derby. She had the whole hat thing and everything. Like no one around here does things like that. My friends and I don't. We think its awesome when we can rent paddle boards which is like once a year.

 

I just can't figure her out. I think she might be threatened by me have been there longer than her and knowing more than she because of that and she tries to push me down. I don't feel her equal. I feel like a coach roach she keeps stepping on.

 

I'm strong, I've gone through a lot emotionally with men and I've turned out okay. I'm 23 and young. But its gotten to the point where I feel trapped with her at work. I can't escape it.

 

People keep telling me to try and stay away from her, but we work in an open cubicle office, my boss is the only one with a closed door office. She is always going in there and saying god knows what to him. Probably bashing me in some way. She and I have overlapping work sometimes so I can't avoid her.

 

I truly don't want to leave. I miss the way my job was. How happy I was at my job. Now it seems, I'm dwindling away. My confidence at work has plummeted.

 

I feel like I cannot tell my boss about anything with her, because I question if he has a crush on her. I don't trust anyone.

Edited September 17, 2016 by amkxoxo

[MuddyFootprints]

This isn't about your job. This is your ego and a personal dislike for a co-worker.

 

Nobody cares about either of your hair or make-up. Nobody cares about anybody's boyfriend.

 

You were hired to do a job and it entails making your boss look good.

 

Go in, do your job, and leave the high school crap on the playground.

 

You are a professional now. Act like one.

[UpwardForward]

This isn't about your job. This is your ego and a personal dislike for a co-worker.

 

Nobody cares about either of your hair or make-up. Nobody cares about anybody's boyfriend.

 

You were hired to do a job and it entails making your boss look good.

 

Go in, do your job, and leave the high school crap on the playground.

 

You are a professional now. Act like one.

 

Yes.

 

Demeaning your education, work, creativity is one thing. Especially since you feel you know more than she does.

 

But forget the personal stuff, if you can't identify with - or express interest in what she is saying.

 

A new car is nice .. If it is paid for. Regarding the boat: I may have been interested in if they went somewhere, the shopping, restaurants etc. Or food prep on the boat .. etc.

[clia]

You come across as being jealous of her. I'm curious, what do your coworkers think of her? It seems like you might be bringing some of this tension upon yourself. What do you care if she doesn't respect you? She's not your boss. Just do your job and be confident in yourself.

 

It strikes me, though, that you don't seem to have any respect for her either. You also seem to feel very threatened by her. You blew off her input on the graphic design and got annoyed about it, when she might actually know more than you. Also, you were competing with her on secretarial work? Why? When you found out your boss had assigned something to both of you, you should've dropped it and let her do it. Your own boundaries seem unclear.

 

Stop worrying so much about what she's doing -- when she's asking your boss questions, what classes she's taking, what she's saying to your boss. Interact with her professionally when you have to and ignore the rest of it. And if she's giving someone the wrong information or doing something wrong, just butt out of it. There's no reason for you to be piping up with your input. Let her sink or swim. if she screws up, she screws up.

[amkxoxo]

So I work doing graphic design for this larger company full time. I have been there for three years and have immensely grown, so have my skills. Last year our secretary of the office decided to leave, and she warned me that my boss is not a nice man. He had been nice to me up until this point, so I was confused as to what she was saying.

 

I come to find that she took most of his nastiness on herself, so I and others didn't have to. He hired this young inexperienced woman to take her place, a woman my age, 24, even though we had way more qualified candidates. At first I liked the woman, and he tasked me with training her, so she and I got along. But soon after I trained her, she started getting bolder and acting like she didn't need me anymore and she was superior to me. When I would correct her on things she was doing wrong, trying to help her and make the office better, she would roll her eyes or blatantly ignore me.

 

She and I grew to be more enemies now than friends. She kisses my bosses ass, and they have a very friendly relationship. I know she isn't sleeping with him, he's in his 40s, married with two kids, but I have witnessed on multiple occasions him engaging her in what be seen as flirtatious and doting behavior. She eats it up and continues to kiss his butt. One day he came out of his office, and we all work together in one big office outside of his, so I have clear sight on her. He goes over to her desk. He's leaning against it. They are talking about secretary things. I am eavesdropping while doing my work. He then leans close to her and says "Oh wow, your sweater matches your blue eyes." I remember thinking that I was witnessing a very inappropriate moment between them and feeling very uncomfortable. This is one of many. They will go to events for the whole company and stand together and giggle amongst themselves like they are best friends.

 

She's constantly asking him questions all day long, whereas I always worked more independently. I had no issues for years, but he suddenly started sending me nasty emails and accusing me of not being a good worker with terrible communication. I was so taken aback and shocked by this. I meet with him in his office weekly and fill him in on everything I am doing, so how could that be? I got overly stressed last year where the job I once loved, I hated waking up to go to. My hair was falling out, and there were many bouts of nighttime crying sessions. I was stressed and I felt I couldn't trust anyone. The girl still acts like she is superior to me, even thought my position is higher than hers. I think at one point, heck, maybe even now she is gunning for my job. She preaches to my boss all this stuff she can do, but none of it has to do with her secretarial job, it has to do with my job. He loves her. She never gets in trouble for anything, but the rest of us do.

 

She likes to make little comments about the graphic work that I make. Its rude and inappropriate. She needs to learn her place. I can't really say anything, because she is our bosses favorite. One time she told me "Maybe you need to go back to school and take some classes and then you will know what you are doing"

 

Who says that? I have a bachelors degree with a pending masters degree.

 

I am trained in meditation practices, so I work part time, after hours for another office in our building teaching them meditation. Everyone in my office knows about it, its great extra income, and I enjoy it. Recently, that same office came to me asking if I would do some graphic work for a few weeks, while they find a replacement worker. They said it would be after hours and they would pay me like I was teaching meditation classes, under the same part time umbrella, with a different paycheck etc...

 

I accepted and I started doing work. The next day my boss calls me in to speak with me. The other office boss had told him I was helping them out. He says I should have told me right away and asked him permission about doing this graphic work for them, and how it could be a conflict of interest. I was baffled and confused. I told him it is exactly like me teaching meditation there. He claims, "It isn't like that. You can't teach meditation here, but you can do graphic design on your computer during your work time here."

 

I was shocked. I had been staying after work specifically to do the work for this other office. He goes on telling me how double dipping is unethical. I literally was floored. He was almost accusing me of such thing. He goes on to tell me he will allow it. I was sitting there thinking to myself how I wasn't asking his permission, and he doesn't have any say on what I do after work hours. I could go work for any office as a part time job in my own time. I thought he was so out of line and rude.

 

I'm so frustrated with him, the girl, but specifically him and I feel like he is a power hungry pig. I'm trying so hard to deal with the stress, but its annoying me to even have to talk to him. I don't respect him as a man at all.

[Art_Critic]

Hi, sorry you are having a rough go of it..

 

It sounds like you might start getting your ducks in a row and look to take your wares elsewhere..

The only way this gets better is if the new girl leaves so if she doesn't this is going to go downhill.

 

As far as the double dipping.. if you are using his company's hardware and software to do that graphic work after hours then he has a point but if you are using the other company's hardware and software for the after hours work then he has no right to call you out for that... unless you have a policy manual stating second jobs are not allowed or a contract that prohibits that.

 

The problem lies though with that is that he is starting to look at you in a negative light and once an employer starts doing that it puts and expiration date on your tenor there.

 

Sorry I can't be of more help... maybe someone else that has dealt with a tough coworker can post to how to better handle the new girl.

[GemmaUK]

What made you decide to do that?

 

The new girl is the least of your problems and your boss has a valid point.

It's not necessarily just a hardware/software issue either.

 

What does your contract say about other work of the same nature?

Did you get any legal advice before agreeing to the side line work?

[amkxoxo]

Like I mentioned, I do work with that other department already monthly and they pay me for meditation sessions. When I first started at this company I originally started out in that department, and then I got a better position with my boss, which I have now, so these people know me. When they re-hired me and I walked in for my first shift the other day, they were so happy I was there to help them. When they asked me to help them out, after hours, with some work, and they would pay me, of course I was going to take them up on it. I always need more money. I'm swimming in student loan dept. Its only for like two weeks for a few hours only. They are providing me with use of their own software, and I have the software on my laptop at home so I can work there.

 

This new office hired me as an outside contractor, for a part time temporary job. I could go work at the cafe in the building, which again, is the same company after work, and I don't think it would be any of his business.

 

The way our company works is very casual. Not that we don't have rules, but we get perks of working in a company that has lots of resources. I get free internet security, Microsoft products, and deals on computer things for my own personal use. We get to use the mail room for personal packages sending and receiving. So its not like we work at a very strict place where nothing intersects. They are always promoting connecting with other offices and creating those relationships and helping each other. I saw what I was doing, was me stepping up to help another office in need in my spare time. I think my boss is controlling and wants to feel powerful. At the end of the conversation with him, he even gave me his permission to do the job. I never asked him and I had already started. I didn't go in there to ask him at all. I am doing it in my time at my home. And even if I did stay late at my desk, I have the programs and software there, that I need and use everyday for my regular job, so I don't think its a big deal if I am using it after hours to help an office across the way, apart of the same company that pays for us to have all of the programs.

[amkxoxo]

Like I mentioned, I do work with that other department already monthly and they pay me for meditation sessions. When I first started at this company I originally started out in that department, and then I got a better position with my boss, which I have now, so these people know me. When they re-hired me and I walked in for my first shift the other day, they were so happy I was there to help them. When they asked me to help them out, after hours, with some work, and they would pay me, of course I was going to take them up on it. I always need more money. I'm swimming in student loan dept. Its only for like two weeks for a few hours only. They are providing me with use of their own software, and I have the software on my laptop at home so I can work there.

 

This new office hired me as an outside contractor, for a part time temporary job. I could go work at the cafe in the building, which again, is the same company after work, and I don't think it would be any of his business.

 

The way our company works is very casual. Not that we don't have rules, but we get perks of working in a company that has lots of resources. I get free internet security, Microsoft products, and deals on computer things for my own personal use. We get to use the mail room for personal packages sending and receiving. So its not like we work at a very strict place where nothing intersects. They are always promoting connecting with other offices and creating those relationships and helping each other. I saw what I was doing, was me stepping up to help another office in need in my spare time. I think my boss is controlling and wants to feel powerful. At the end of the conversation with him, he even gave me his permission to do the job. I never asked him and I had already started. I didn't go in there to ask him at all. I am doing it in my time at my home. And even if I did stay late at my desk, I have the programs and software there, that I need and use everyday for my regular job, so I don't think its a big deal if I am using it after hours to help an office across the way, apart of the same company that pays for us to have all of the programs.

[darkmoon]

you're not the boss, he is, sadly, you need to be obedient, even if he is wrong, do not cross the boss ever, he holds the high cards, tbh, he let it go this time...

Edited August 18, 2017 by darkmoon

[amkxoxo]

I'm not trying to cross him. I was pleasant and agreed with everything he said in his office. I know that is what he wants. I am just venting, because I think it was out of line for him to take that kind of control over me. What I do in my spare time is my own life. And I felt it was very inappropriate for him to give me permission. I hate being around him, because he is a scum bag and I feel like I am acting pleasant and like a kiss asss, but in reality I hate his guts. And the fact that he likes the other bad co-worker, the young girl, and he hired her, didn't train her, and there is a huge lack of communication between all of us, ever since she started, makes me angry. I love what I do. I am smart, and I feel like he is egotistical and gets off on controlling an office full of woman. He likes to exercise his control. There is four of us woman, and we have one male co worker. He treats him differently than us for sure. When vacation season came around my boss took what time he wanted, and let the other guy take whatever he wanted. But he made us four woman figure out our schedules amongst ourselves, so that two people were always in the office between the four of us. Shouldn't it be the six of us? Its definitely sexist. Our guy co worker is not very organized. He struggles in that department because he used to have his won secretary at his last job, but doesn't here. My boss gives him a pass on a lot of things, but the minute I am not organized or communicative enough, he reams me for it.

[introverted1]

This is confusing.

 

Are you doing side work for another office (aka department) in your current company OR are you doing side work for another company?

 

Most companies have policies about not using work equipment for personal reasons (including and especially side work). Just because the atmosphere is generally casual doesn't mean there aren't lines that shouldn't be crossed. Many companies also have non-competes or similar policies that prohibit employees from doing side work.

 

Bottom line is that it is difficult to be successful if you don't have a good relationship with your boss, and IIRC from your other threads, this is not your first run-in with a colleague. Sounds like you might be advised to objectively evaluate your situation and possibly even look for a new position elsewhere.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Recently, that same office came to me asking if I would do some graphic work for a few weeks, while they find a replacement worker.

 

There is your solution right there. Apply to be the permanent replacement.

[GemmaUK]

For a start did you not think it fishy when the side work said they would be putting this other work down as meditation? Like, not at all fishy?

 

Will everyone be covering this up with the IRS (assuming you're in the US) and facing a possible hefty fine?

 

I've known people be given a cardboard box and frog marched out for less.

 

He is your boss, if you are not happy there you should seek new employment if you're not prepared to honour your contract (which I suspect you haven't in this instance).

[preraph]

You need to be looking for another job since your boss hates you.

[stillafool]

I'm not trying to cross him. I was pleasant and agreed with everything he said in his office. I know that is what he wants. I am just venting, because I think it was out of line for him to take that kind of control over me. What I do in my spare time is my own life. And I felt it was very inappropriate for him to give me permission. I hate being around him, because he is a scum bag and I feel like I am acting pleasant and like a kiss asss, but in reality I hate his guts. And the fact that he likes the other bad co-worker, the young girl, and he hired her, didn't train her, and there is a huge lack of communication between all of us, ever since she started, makes me angry. I love what I do. I am smart, and I feel like he is egotistical and gets off on controlling an office full of woman. He likes to exercise his control. There is four of us woman, and we have one male co worker. He treats him differently than us for sure. When vacation season came around my boss took what time he wanted, and let the other guy take whatever he wanted. But he made us four woman figure out our schedules amongst ourselves, so that two people were always in the office between the four of us. Shouldn't it be the six of us? Its definitely sexist. Our guy co worker is not very organized. He struggles in that department because he used to have his won secretary at his last job, but doesn't here. My boss gives him a pass on a lot of things, but the minute I am not organized or communicative enough, he reams me for it.

 

You need to start looking for another job. You jealousy of the other girl and your hatred for your boss is taking up too much of your mind space. You would be happier else where.

[amkxoxo]

So something new has happened at work and I feel stuck and need advice.

 

So one of my co-workers announced he is going to retire and leave in two weeks. Now one week. He then said how he would like to go out to eat with all of us for dinner his last day. Then the evil girl says out loud "We should all go to 112"

 

Its a restaurant nearby, I had never heard of. The retiree knows it, gets excited, and they settle on the place.

 

So then they decide to surprise him with a gift from all of us. A round of tennis, which he loves. They say it will be $16 a person. I live totally independently, with all my own bills, car, apartment and tons of student debt. With the student debt, I am sort of poor. My other co worker, a woman in her 60s is my friend, and she too is always counting pennies. She then tells me how the restaurant they chose is so expensive and I could end up dropping $50, because most likely we will all split and cover the retiree. I started getting nervous about this. I pay over $1000 a month in student loans, so my money is precious to me.

 

Now the evil girl and another co worker say how they thought it would be nice to buy two rounds of tennis, because he could take someone with him. I put my foot down. I told them how I am comfortable with one round for him, because of my finances.

 

They say okay, but I feel stupid being the poor person. My co worker friend, then says how about we do the double tennis gift, but order some pizzas in the office that day. No one was a fan of the idea. So it was agreed upon that we give him the one round, $16 a piece, but we are still eating at the fancy place. I saw that the cheapest dinner was $23. Then drinks, tip. My co worker was right. And my other co workers like rounds of drinks. I feel trapped into going. Everyone is going. And the guy who is retiring, whom is like a father figure to me, wants everyone to be there. I feel trapped, but I cannot afford it. I don't want to say anything, because the people who can afford it, are so excited, including the guy who is leaving. I also don't want to seem like a super poor person again.

 

I don't know what to do!

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Simple.. pull a sick day. If you aren't there at work, no one will expect you to be there for dinner. That way all you'll have to pay for is the tennis gift.

 

Don't stress yourself out over it or make a big deal about money issues in front of other people at work, it will only cause more tension.