Work friendship

[Wisteria]

Hi all, I am a 50-something woman who has been in a longterm relationship that has hit some bumps lately due to many reasons (mainly general unhappiness on both sides).

 

Earlier this year I started a new job and got to know an older man who had just gotten into a new relationship (less than a year old) with a woman who also works here. This man and I don't see each other often, but basically email about personal things at least 30-40 times a day, almost always with him initiating. It turns out we're from the same hometown, and talk a lot about old times. He will also send light-hearted emails to our work group that seem kind of designed for me to respond, since I'm usually the only one who knows what he's talking about.

 

We're now friends on Facebook, and he will comment on all my posts, and tag me in many of his posts. He has never been overtly flirty, but has mentioned in passing that I'm attractive and told me when he sees me that I look nice. He seems very much in love with his current girlfriend, who is obviously extremely in love with him. At least he talks about her all the time.

 

I admit I've developed a serious crush on him, but I can't figure out if he s attracted to me as well, or if he's just being friendly. I don't even know exactly what I want out of this. He wants me and my BF to go out with him and his GF to socialize. We're supposed to do that next weekend.

 

The upside to all of this is that my boyfriend seems to notice a change in me, and has been extremely sweet lately.

 

Any advice?

[preraph]

You need to exercise some boundaries here. You are both taken. Not sure if you would leave yours for him, but the work guy sounds happy as is. Maybe if that ever falls apart, he would be interested but maybe not. Maybe he's wisely decide that an awkward situation at work was bad enough with one woman much less two.

[havehope4291]

if you dont know what you want then it is likely that you will hurt alot of people that are involved whether they are aware they are involved or not!

 

if you are with someone and still have a crush drop them (but i think you actually like them so may not be prepared to do that). if they drop the other person do you want to be with them and drop your partner.

 

if the answer is no, then breath a long sigh and keep things freindly and dont play with fire. there are lots of people that can get burned by these whims!!!

 

maybe you like the atttention and flattery, who wouldnt like that, but its not fair to keep these games going or flirty signals you might be sending if you are not going to do anything about them. thats the sort of thing that you see in clubs at the weekend, the difference is it stays harmless if you dont see these people again....does that help at all?

[spiderowl]

What you are both doing seems highly unprofessional. All these personal emails at work. Do you think your colleagues don't know what is going on? I am sure if emails are aimed at you but sent to all, the other colleagues would pick up on that. Both of you are taken and it sounds like he should not be flirting with you because he would hurt his girlfriend. If you are unhappy, it might be best if you got out of your present relationship rather than flirting with an attached guy. This all seems very muddled and not a good start to anything.