Ms./Mr. Right or Right Now

[eddpad]

I just have to ask. Are more people looking for the RIGHT person. Someone who can be seen to have the potential to have a good future with. Or do most people put that ideal on hold and just choose to shoot for the person that best fits RIGHT NOW.

 

I can't help but ask because it seems those pastoral days of when marriage was all about love and being happy with that person. I look at so many married couples today and a mjaority of them are plagued with infidelity, disrespect and unhappiness. I walk down the street and I see an 80 year old couple still holding hands and I think to myself that those standards of long ago are completely gone. Nothing can be simple anymore, everything has to be powered to the nth degree. Ypu just can't have smoeone who is good to you, you need someone who is good and comes with all these other accessories. With there being an influence on being young and not concerning yourself with your perfect guy, no wonder true love these days hardl exists anymore.

 

Of course I'm not saying that your youth should be sacrificed for your love, but let's face it, you CAN have fun and still be with someone. But because of this ideaology that has become more and more aware of tself, most people jsut pickup and go from a good person or relationship because they feel they must get out there and do crazy stuff with all different types of people or they will NEVER be happy with themselves. I almost broke up with my grilfriend after two years in our relationship because I was new to college and I just wanted to party and hang with my friends. I didn't break it off though because I knew that I loved her and that I had a person who loved me and in the end I would ultimately regret it.

 

What does everyone else think? Maybe I should have put this in another forum.......ooops

[lostinmymind]

Originally posted by eddpad

...people jsut pickup and go from a good person or relationship because they feel they must get out there and do crazy stuff with all different types of people or they will NEVER be happy with themselves.

 

The exact reasoning my ex gave me when breaking up with me. We were totally happy, but everything convinced her she needed to "go out and have fun, be young, date around, have flings, make mistakes". These are some of her exact words. She cried and debated and wouldn't let me go for weeks and weeks saying "you are soo good to me" "I wish I didn't love you so much, this wouldn't be so hard". She used her cousin who is married to the guy she was with since 16. Her cousin now bar hops and cheats on her husband, even though she has three kids. My ex thinks it's because her cousin didn't date around and now feels she needs to do it in her 40s. I think it's because her cousin is an inconsiderate B**** with issues who obviously doesn't value her husband or children.

 

I think she forced herself to leave me, I could see it in her eyes she didn't want to the whole time. It kills me inside, we were SO good for each other and so good to each other. Everybody saw that and nobody knows why she left me. She is such a 'safe' person, so I don't know what made her want to go out and put herself in the open like this. Whatever. I'm still devestated, but I'm living.

 

My situation seems like it completely supports your theory. Whether its true or not I don't know, but I agree myself.

[Opium]

After a certain age you don't look for MR/MRS. Right Now, you look for stability and happiness. I totally agree with you that the morals and values that come with love, true love at that, have diminished. I love it when I see an old couple holding hands as if they are still young and much in love.

 

It depends on type of person also. Some people just have a commitment fobia and don't like to be tied down, and then their are those who love to be an a relationship and have someone to share every moment with them. Most people make the mistake of thinking the grass is greener but in reality and from experiences it's NOT!

 

It's really really really hard now-a-days to find that special someone that loves to do the things you like to do. I think that's the problem today in society. People tend to be with someone of the complete opposite of what they like or want. Of course if you're the type to go out and have drinks once in a while and your SO is the quite "lets go watch a movie" type eventually it's not going to work.

 

The person you're with needs to have the same spirits and likes as you if not theirs going to be a lot of compromising that sometimes leads to one particular person giving more and not receiving. We all get scared when we think "oh man I'm getting old I need to enjoy my life" or "I'm still young what am I doing tied down in a relationship" but what they are missing is the whole picture. You should be with someone who's well rounded and balances you out as a person and compliments you.

 

I think it has to do a lot with age, in my opinion!

[lostinmymind]

Originally posted by Opium

It's really really really hard now-a-days to find that special someone that loves to do the things you like to do.

 

That's true. Opposites do attract, but they aren't necessarily able to sustain a long, healthy relationship. I think people often create their own unhappiness by seeking only those not like themselves. They do this probably because they think it is what will make them happy, or they just don't know themselves in the first place. I think most people figure this out eventually, some much later than others though.

[eddpad]

Hmm, I don't know, there is a reason opposites attract. Too many compatibilities can create too much blandness between two people, not only in an intimate relationship.

 

My ex's cousin is what you would consider an attractive lady, she is only 29, but she is good looking. She is very social and likes ot go to clubs and do social things. Her husband works int he art department for a video game publishing company. His room isa homage to video games and cartoons and he's not really the type to go out to concerts, clubs or bars even. He isn't anti-social, just not as social as others.

 

I'm sure my ex mighjt have generalized me as an anit-social person but I'm not. I just socialize better around some than others. Like the other one, I'm not really the club person but I don't mind going out for a drink somewhere and listening to some live music. It really depends on that person's maturity level and whether the two will make scarifices.

[Rocko]

Originally posted by eddpad

Of course I'm not saying that your youth should be sacrificed for your love, but let's face it, you CAN have fun and still be with someone. But because of this ideaology that has become more and more aware of tself, most people jsut pickup and go from a good person or relationship because they feel they must get out there and do crazy stuff with all different types of people or they will NEVER be happy with themselves. I almost broke up with my grilfriend after two years in our relationship because I was new to college and I just wanted to party and hang with my friends. I didn't break it off though because I knew that I loved her and that I had a person who loved me and in the end I would ultimately regret it.

 

I know what you mean. My ex left for the same reasons, and like LMM, I still can't figure out why. I read so many posts on here about how some boyfriends were abusive / controlling / restrictive and I can honestly say I am not that kind of person (Yes, it does sound vain).

 

If you really think values have changed about love and marriage, you should talk to your grandparents. You'd be surprised how values in their time still resonate in our time, although perhaps society on the whole has changed dramatically. I think these days there is a social pressure to remain single (Sex in the City, anyone?), not to mention her friends (can you remember if her friends were the "single and loving it" type? I know my ex's were, as they are still to this day my friends.)

 

Do any women have any past experiences with boyfriends who fell to this "syndrome?"

 

P.S. - For all you people out there with this problem, don't forget you always have the peace of mind that in the end, it is his/her loss.

 

EDIT : I also think that people with this type of problem tend to be a lot more mature and realisitic than their ex-SO. AKA "The Nice Guys." I wouldn't take it in such a bad way, since everyone tends to mature at different rates.

[eddpad]

Yup, Sex in the City, you hit it right on the dot. You see it everywhere. Britney breaks up with Justin. Now she goes from the cute girl next door to the bad and bold sexy girl who doesn't give a **** about anybody. It's realy dumb. I don't know.

 

You should check out a movie called "Seeing Other People". It deals with some of these issues and it's a pretty funny movie.

 

Either way, I hope in the long run my ex will recognize our greatness. I have hope, ubt must move on, after all, Vader came back to the light side, eh?

[Rocko]

Originally posted by Opium

After a certain age you don't look for MR/MRS. Right Now, you look for stability and happiness.

 

...

 

I think it has to do a lot with age, in my opinion!

 

I think it has more to do with experience and maturity than age. I have known some 30 year olds to be less mature than 17 year olds. I think women (and to be fair, some men) on the whole benefit more from meeting new people than others.

 

I can understand that school of thought, especially when it comes to determining the difference between Ms/Mr Right and Ms/Mr Right Now. How can we honestly say we were just Mr/Ms Right instead of Mr/Ms Right Now? Nothing except maturity and experience can reveal the differences. Since I would think we (Eddpad, LMM, and I) are all on the same experience level, it would have to rely on maturity level. I've also seen other posters (in particular women) say that these years (18 - 24ish) are changing years for women. Don't get me wrong, I love my ex dearly, but it is for that precise reason that we must respect their wishes to allow themselves to find "themselves."

 

Experiences such as these do serve as reminders that Love must always compliment Life, as it seems after situations such as these that we must learn how to live all over again. Although it does burn, I can see now that experiences such as these DO help us grow into the people we will be for the rest of our lives. I also think this teaches us about forgiving, which, for the faithful (in whatever beliefs / values you believe in), can represent an important lesson for the rest of our lives.

 

In the end, all we can do is Forgive, Let Go, and Move Forward in Life. Try not to let experiences such as these sunder your outlook on Life, and as IfIKnewThen said on another thread, "Live While You Wait."

 

[Apologies on the Rambling]

[lostinmymind]

Originally posted by eddpad

Yup, Sex in the City, you hit it right on the dot. You see it everywhere. Britney breaks up with Justin. Now she goes from the cute girl next door to the bad and bold sexy girl who doesn't give a **** about anybody. It's realy dumb. I don't know.

 

That sounds like my ex. Unfortunately, she doesn't play her new role very well. In my opinion it's just her insecurities speaking and she wants some attention. I can see right through it along with everyone else. We'll see what happens when she has to stop acting it and start living it...

[Rocko]

Commenting on the Opposites Attract Thing...

 

My Ex was a Great Talker, and I was (still consider myself to be) a Great Listener. Its not that I don't like Talking, its just that she's more the kind to walk up to a stranger and introduce herself without any valid reason. Roles such as these are very healthy because they can count as some type of bonding. I don't think two Talkers or Two Listeners would have an easy time communicating, because both of them either don't hear each other or don't say much at all. At least thats my opinion on it anyways