is my wife cheating?

[bwebster]

8 years I've been married and I have my doubts about my cheating.

I might be just being daft I don't know. She is very very quiet person and hardly says a word to me. I've asked and spoke to her mum and sister about it, say has she always been so quiet, and serious. They just said yeah. Her other family members have said "your brave, marrying her" and laughed. I weren't quite sure what they meant by it.. mmm..

I heard she had a strict upbringing with her parents and had a **** 9 years with her previous boyfriend. And I think her confidence has been disturbed by this.

Its hard to sometimes to keep a cool when like we're out with a couple and they ask her something or try and speaking to her and she just ignores them, and I have to apologise and answer for her. It sounds funny but i think it's rude. She has never once grabbed me for a hug or kiss or has never told me she loves me to my face. I have learnt to accept the way she is and that's just the way she is. She can't show any love and effection due to lack of confidence I reckon.

I have had a really tough time living like this and only held on because I love her and have 2 lovely little boys now which I can't leave. They are my world.

I have tried everything to make her happy like holidays, pubs, clubs, sports and even spoiling her with gifts and hug which she says "please I don't like people touching me much" also I have never hardly seen her naked when we have sex and that. She won't go out her way to please me in the bedroom just me doing all the work. Just want to lay there while I **** her then get off. It's annoying after all this time. I want it to be fun and sexy and passionate.

She has no friends and didn't like my friends coming round or me seeing them which I don't no more. She even moaned about me going to see my mum and family so I stopped going up there as much just to make her happy. But funny now I hardly see a soul she is out everyday, I don't know where sometimes but goes to my mums he'll of alot now we have kids. But if I turn up there she jumps up and says "we were just going " I'm like what?

there is loads more information I can say but it's to long. Well I never see her phone, she has it on silent all the time. Most days when I get up she's gone out. She's always on her laptop but has passwords on everything. I never know how she feels, about me or kids or life itself. When she comes in I don't know she's there because she's never said hi I'm home, or has ever asked me how I feel or how was my day etc. I've asked her no ends of times how she feels she just quotes " ok, I'm fine " or do you love me and she says "yea" that's it but after a long hesitation. Well I'll say no more.

What do you think? Or do you know anything? Do you know her and what's she's like?

someone please tell me or help me and give me advice.

Edited August 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BluesPower]

Well I am wondering... Why in gods name you ever married this woman.

 

Were you just that inexperienced with sex and relationships?

 

There are some red flags here for sure but I don't even know why you care. I cannot imaging being with a woman like you describe.

 

No affection, nothing but duty sex from her, what is the point.

 

I can't even begin to understand...

[Raena]

It almost sounds like she's not even there. She's practically nonexistent in your life in any way. Why put up with that? What are you getting out of it?

[lolablue17]

I think a possible cheating is a minor problem comparing to your huge marriage problems.

[normal person]

Yeah, I need to echo the "why did you marry her?" comments. Not that I think she's a bad person undeserving of marriage, but because you sound totally incompatible. Cheating or not, you just gave a laundry list of complaints about her. What do you like about her and what does she like about you? Simply put, for what reasons are you married to each other? Do those reasons justify staying together despite all these problems you have?

[sandylee1]

I also have to ask why in the world you married her and reached the point of of having 2 kids with her.

 

What was your courtship like?

 

Does she work? Does she talk to other people?

Sounds like a miserable life to me. Yes, she could be cheating, but you guys don't communicate.... And why do you think her mum and sister would tell you if she was.

[Chi townD]

I agree with everyone else. You really don't have a marriage right now.

 

If cheating is your concern. Just ask to use her phone and say that yours just died. If she gets nervous about it or doesn't want you to use it or if you are using it, she won't let you or that phone out of her sight......then you might have a problem.

[smackie9]

It's very possible she has some mental issues like depression. Depression can isolate a person even more than just their quiet personality. You could encourage her to seek out some counseling by telling her you have known for some time that she is a very unhappy person in a general sense. Check your credit card statements to see if she has started up a gambling addition. I know of a few husbands where wives have gone off the deep end, taking the credit card and blowing money.

 

The only thing to start this rolling is straight honest communication. Let her know if she wants out, or wants things to change you are open to whatever she says.

[GoldenR]

Had a what for 9 years? I can't figure out what the asterisks are blocking...

[Space Ritual]

I sure hope the OP is for real......I have run into some dandys in my life, but if what you say is true there is probably nothing any of us can really say for certain...except we are pretty much in agreement that it was foolhardy of you to marry her in the first place.

 

That being said, regardless whether there is infidelity, it is abundantly clear that the marriage is dysfunctional at best.

 

It doesn't get much worse than that.

 

I would advise you that kids are pretty resilient and if anything I hope you take action to show your children that you are nobody's fool, and lead them by example.

 

It doesn't matter what this is...but this is about as good as it's gonna get, and you stand to lose a lot more if you don't just bail on this relationship.

 

Get out now, or you'll never get out.

 

Good Luck

[Chi townD]

I'm thinking this is a hit and run thread......

[kendahke]

When she's out, take the boys and go see your mum and stay all day. There is no good reason why they should be denied your company and also seeing their grandsons. Your wife is being selfish.

 

Hire a PI to follow her to see where she is going.

 

And meet up with the relative who told you "you're brave marrying her" at the pub, buy him a pint and ask him what he meant when he said that.

 

And when she says "I don't like people touching me", you need to tell her that you're not people--you're her husband that she took vows with and if she'd like to change that, she needs to speak up.

[sickubus]

Do you think she might have some form of autism or PTSD?

[Marc878]

You don't have a marriage. You do a lot and get nothing in return.

 

You put yourself in this spot so live with it or not.

 

I sure as hell wouldn't.

[anna121]

It's not like she's changed, right?

 

Why would you marry someone who doesn't talk?

 

I think you either learn to live with it, or cut your losses.

[Robert]

Seems the thread starter was a hit and run, if they come back and would like the thread opened then alert on my post and we will do so, thanks all who have participated and gave advice to help the thread starter.