Assessing your own Attractiveness

[amaysngrace]

People usually compliment my clothes and tonight, well last night really, I noticed the clerk in Target was checking out the underneath of my foot when I stopped to check out spandex capris.

 

So that's something.

[knabe]

Hmmmmmm.......it's weird. I THINK I look good in the mirror, but I hate myself in pictures. Ageing doesn't help, either, and (at the age of 45) I hardly get hit on, even though my friends (and they're my friends, so take it with a grain of salt) say that I am "beautiful", "stunning", "gorgeous", etc. I don't see it and I don't believe it.

 

The bolded is me. I look at myself and think "hey, not bad!" Then I see a picture taken 5 minutes later and think "Yikes, what the heck?!"

 

When I was in my 20's I checked more of the "pretty boxes" - size 4-6, hair perfect for the era, smoother skin, no glasses, thinner legs, smaller booty, perkier...ya know. But I felt invisible and average (or below).

 

Now I am fully aware I don't check as many at about 50. But I FEEL prettier and sexier. And I care way less about whether random people agree. I like me, my fiance thinks I'm gorgeous (bless him), and that's enough. I would probably rate a 5-7, depending on how much thinness counts to people. But when I am really who I am and I am with my love, I feel like a 10.

[Michelle ma Belle]

The bolded is me. I look at myself and think "hey, not bad!" Then I see a picture taken 5 minutes later and think "Yikes, what the heck?!"

 

When I was in my 20's I checked more of the "pretty boxes" - size 4-6, hair perfect for the era, smoother skin, no glasses, thinner legs, smaller booty, perkier...ya know. But I felt invisible and average (or below).

 

Now I am fully aware I don't check as many at about 50. But I FEEL prettier and sexier. And I care way less about whether random people agree. I like me, my fiance thinks I'm gorgeous (bless him), and that's enough. I would probably rate a 5-7, depending on how much thinness counts to people. But when I am really who I am and I am with my love, I feel like a 10.

 

Absolutely. Even in the early mornings with messy bed head, cobwebs and not a stitch of makeup my man always makes a point of reminding me how beautiful I am

 

Snap a selfie and I'd probably crack the screen of my phone but in that moment, lying there with him, I'm a super model and that's all that matters.

[carhill]

Having been married to someone whom the lens loved, and me decidedly not, I'd say somewhere in the average/forgettable but not offensive range and recognizable to the extent that some people remember me. However, since 'attractiveness' varies widely for people and personality can enter into it, my perception of history has recorded that with more contact, attractiveness stock appears to rise but that's just my observation over decades since I can't read other people's minds, and that covers global attractiveness, meaning how much people enjoy interactions and desire more, as opposed to pure sexual attraction. I would say, in pure sexual attraction terms, it's pretty low since women don't approach me for dates or clandestine sexual encounters. That's my assessment

[Larryville]

If you are attractive, you would already know.

 

I believe the easiest way to access your attractiveness is to simply access the quality of your relationships.

 

Looking back I have attracted mostly girls (early years), and women who were my equal in looks. However NOT just looks but in quality of person.

 

However in addition the overall quality of the women I pursued were the type of women I sought. Not just attractive but smart, engaging more personal and outgoing than I was.

 

Bottom line no need to care about (my) attractiveness the young ladies and women I have been with told me and that is all that matters.

[Southwardbound]

I believe the easiest way to access your attractiveness is to simply access the quality of your relationships.

 

Looking back I have attracted mostly girls (early years), and women who were my equal in looks. However NOT just looks but in quality of person.

 

However in addition the overall quality of the women I pursued were the type of women I sought. Not just attractive but smart, engaging more personal and outgoing than I was.

 

Bottom line no need to care about (my) attractiveness the young ladies and women I have been with told me and that is all that matters.

 

Exactly!

Certainly looks will get one the superficial glances. But, there is more to life than just looks, and looks fade with age. So, look deeper than just the surface when you're looking for a mate. Engage their mind, & everything else will flow forwards from there. Don't go for a mate who bores you. If she/ he bores you now, upon meeting in any way, it'll be worse thirty years onwards.

[rushed]

An old boyfriend and I were talking about looks once, and he was shocked when I told him, "I know I look good." I don't know if he was shocked because I'm normally easy-going and a goofball, never conceited, or if he was just shocked because a female acknowledged that she knew she looked good. (I like that experiment that was done when a guy would compliment a girl, and instead of tee-heeing and saying thank you, she would agree with him, and because of this he would turn mean on her.)

 

I'm aware of the the flaws I have. But I also know that I am attractive. It's not just compliments I get from others or the level of attractiveness of guys I can pull (although both are validating). I have a mirror.

[don't talk to me]

today i saw a plain woman with a super attractive guy walking hand by hand. they seemed like polar opposites in a way. she looked fragile and nerdy and he looked as if he played water polo and did modelling part time. it made my afternoon! <3

[jkeefer928]

An old boyfriend and I were talking about looks once, and he was shocked when I told him, "I know I look good." I don't know if he was shocked because I'm normally easy-going and a goofball, never conceited, or if he was just shocked because a female acknowledged that she knew she looked good. (I like that experiment that was done when a guy would compliment a girl, and instead of tee-heeing and saying thank you, she would agree with him, and because of this he would turn mean on her.)

 

I'm aware of the the flaws I have. But I also know that I am attractive. It's not just compliments I get from others or the level of attractiveness of guys I can pull (although both are validating).

 

I agree, Rushed. I also know what I see in the mirror and it doesn't matter what others think, but you're right about the validation being nice. I also agree with that experiment 100% based on personal experience. I don't brag but if asked I will 'admit' that I know I'm extremely attractive, and not just guys but also girls will turn mean on me because of it, even friends. I remember one girl I worked with, who I was becoming really good friends with, who asked me once on our lunch break what I liked most about myself, and I told her that I really liked being young and beautiful and sexy, and knowing that every man that sees me is dying to make love to me. I guess in hindsight it did sound kind of conceited, but I definitely didn't mean it as such, but after that she never spoke kindly about me again!

[Mysterio]

My assessment on my physical looks is Fit/Boyishly handsome. A great guy someone you can talk to on a regular basis.

 

If I am rilled I will stand my ground. Other than that. No problems with me.

[thefooloftheyear]

One thing i will say is that guys are far more honest about their appearance and looks than women are...Guys will freely admit they are fat and/or ugly...Most own it and accept it...They know where they stand for the most part...

 

For some reason. practically every woman thinks she looks 20 years younger than she does, and "can get any guy I want"...etc..My guess is one of the most obvious factors here is that they gauge attention from guys to mean they must be attractive...They forget that most guys would bang a warthog if it gave them the chance..And unsurprisingly Ive known many conventionally unattractive women that get tons of male attention..More so than even very attractive women...Not because they are necessarily attractive, but give off the vibe that they are available or receptive..

 

TFY

[lovely81]

I think I'm pretty. I always have because I like the way I look in pictures and the mirror.

 

However, there was a long period when I was depressed about not finding true love, so even though I liked my looks, I thought there was something un-pretty about me, since I wasn't attracting my true love.

 

Then I got over that, and just thought I was pretty again. No more, no less.

 

I guess I think the whole thing is subjective. I always thought if I were a model or an actress, then I'd know for sure the world thought I was gorgeous. I'm not nor have ever been mistaken for one of those.

[bebe23]

It's depressing but I'm a middle aged woman whose peak in beauty has faded, and I AM struggling with it. I know it shouldn't bother me. I think I look younger than most other women my age, even the very skinny ones, besides the heavier ones. I'm going to be 48 this fall, and people don't think I look close to 48. I get this often enough that it MUST be true. It happens often enough. Heck, I even get called 'Miss' or some of the endearments that teenage girls get, like 'honey.' But no matter what, I see pics of myself taken this year, and I hate every single one. Even pics from 3-4 years ago, there were several that I still looked pretty in. I notice the aging a LOT. I hate the little 'parentheses' wrinkles! I never used to have them! And the purple spider veins on my legs. I won't wear shorts in the summer anymore.

 

I wish I had more self confidence and awareness when I was 22/23, 30-34, even just 7 years ago, so I could have enjoyed it when I was attractive. At the time I didn't pay much attention to the concept of looks. I always had my nose in a book, or I was busy with my kids when they were little. Guys were super-friendly to me back then, but I never thought of them as being friendly-friendly.

 

Since I married my college sweetheart (who I met at a young age), I really have no idea of what other men I could have 'pulled' at various stages and smaller dress sizes in the past.

 

But I remember my husband telling me years ago, after his work Christmas parties, that his boss thought I was really pretty and told him so. His boss was a well-built, much older, but still good-looking military officer with a high salary. My husband didn't like his boss saying that, it irked him because it was his superior. He might have felt threatened.

 

It makes me think of all the men I have crossed paths with who might have liked me once, but I never knew because I've been 'my husband's' since the age of 21. I'm starting to realize that yes, I was attractive for most of my 20's and 30's, even up to 40/41, but I was already 'taken' and so I never paid attention to men's smiles and friendly gestures. I thought it was just them being nice.

Now I do think about it. Because I'm no longer as attractive, I took it for granted, and 50 is right around the corner. I will never have it quite the same- even with weight loss. All I can do now and for the rest of my life is regular exercise, keep using sunscreen, use makeup, keep a cute hairstyle, dress nice, and smile at people and radiate "inner beauty," like they say.

 

If you want to know, yes my husband still calls me 'hot' and sexy, cute, all that. But he's my husband. I guess I really should be happy and he should be the only 'gauge' I should pay attention to, but I still have that inner niggling feeling- were there others? I will never know.

Edited September 2, 2017 by bebe23

[nospam99]

... I still have that inner niggling feeling- were there others? I will never know.

 

I think that for those of YOU in long-term relationships, never knowing may be a mystery. But for those of us who never had or have lost their relationship it hurts. I hurts because even if we have friends and family to validate ourselves as human beings there is something 'extra' about an SO that is missed. I am a recently divorced male. Societal norms being what they are, it is much less likely that a woman will take the initiative to make a romantic overature to me than the expectation that I would be obliged to take that initiative. In addition to the gender role factor, for the several years that I was in a committed relationship even if a woman I knew started to flirt I would have thought they were, as you say, just being friendly. And could there have been others who respected my marriage and thus wouldn't have expressed interest? I too, and other people in similar circumstances, will never know. Oh, and on topic, my aged mother says I'm attractive. I don't consider her opinion to be objective .