porn abuse!!!!

[pisces1303]

ok so yeah lately I've been looking at more porn then usual. I actually shouldn't be looking at it since it sometimes makes people depressed and stuff. My friend told me not to because it's not good and I didn't know what he meant so i did it anyway. Now I'm getting bad images when I think about girls and I only see them in one way and stuff. I feel so horrible that I think this way. I need to get my good sense back how do I do it???

 

 

 

--Mark

[Neptune]

Just say no to porn Really, it is addictive. Now, I don`t know exactly what you are looking at. But, it is as simple as not looking and sticking to it. By the way, this is almost a uniquely male phenomena. Women generally don`t get it. and it is impossible to explain. But, you are going in the right direction to realize that this is not a good thing. It wastes time and energy. If looking at hard-core stuff it is demoralizing. If just looking at beautiful women, it seems to just depress most men ultimately.

[pisces1303]

I just don't want dirty thoughtsd. If someone says anything to me I assume in my head it could be sexual even though it wasn't. I hate it!

 

So will these bad thoughts and stuff eventually go away and I'll go back to who I was if I stop looking at it?

[Neptune]

Absolutely, the eyes are the windows of the soul. But in the meantime try to seek out that which inspires you. The good thing about staying away from porn is that you are all the more headed in the right direction. Oh, and know that there are a lot of people, ministers, husbands, the president? that are into this. It is rampant because access is so easy with the internet.

[pisces1303]

Does this mean I can't masturbate at all now? Well I'll have mental images and yeah..

[cleareye]

Well, I had a severe porn addiction that took me 4 ever to kick.

 

I havent viewed porn in 2 years now.

 

The images are still in my head, but I have to try real hard to bring them up. They dont force themselves into the front of my mind like they used too.

 

For help in quitting tryhere: http://www.ipornfree.com

 

Good luck.

[pisces1303]

Well, I had a severe porn addiction that took me 4 ever to kick.

 

I havent viewed porn in 2 years now.

 

The images are still in my head, but I have to try real hard to bring them up. They dont force themselves into the front of my mind like they used too.

 

For help in quitting tryhere: http://www.ipornfree.com

 

Good luck.

 

What was your secret to success?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Marker, I just wanted to say that I applaud your efforts to get back in control of your situation. Many people are in denial of addictive behaviors, including excessive use of porn. I think too many people use it as a form of escapism, but it really can become a problem if it becomes a hinderance in romantic relationships, loss of time (too many hours viewing porn), spending too much money on it, or if it begins to warp ones views about women or healthy sexual relationships. I had a boyfriend that was in complete denial about how his $2,000+/year porn addiction was affecting our relationship and his life. He didn't see it as a problem, even when he would complain about not having enough money to save (then why spend so much on porn subscriptions?) Anyway, there are some excellent books out there on how to break the addictive cycle of porn, and plenty of websites as well. If you can't do it alone, don't be afraid to talk to a therapist who specializes in addiction.

[New_Wife]

Marker,

 

Your post touched my heart. My oldest son, who is a teen, has struggled with this same thing for a few years now. He goes through the same self-doubt, and disgust. Even as he wants to quit, the urges are so strong, and it's hard to un-ring that bell (once you've found the ez access to porn online).

 

I wish I had ready answers for you on how to conquer this. If we find any, I'll pop back on here and let you know.

 

In the meantime, I think you are doing yourself a great favor by acknowledging your concerns and trying to find answers. If you have a trusted family member, or school counselor - it might help to have someone you can check yourself with for accountability.

 

Good luck to you. Just know that truly bad people don't have bites of conscous.

[pisces1303]

Thanks for your comments. I used to do it and still sort of do it just so I can relax. I've heard that from others but they don't all use porn. I do get depressed sometimes and feel like I need to let of some stress. I get depressed because of a whole social thing thats been a problem for me for a long time now. I go to a private school and always have since third grade or so. The one I am now in which is high school, is about 35-40 minutes away. A lot of the kids that go there are from NY or further away in NJ. I couldn't solialize with any of them on a regular basis. I left my best friends in middle school since they all went to their own high schools. I sort of feel alone now and I have only one good friend who is basically my neighbor. We play xbox a lot (halo) and we just hang around some. He goes to the high school in my town... I only know a few of his friends and rarely see them. I know that if i had people my age to be with on a regular basis I wouldn't feel so down all the time. I wasn't down in middle school because I had good friends and I wasn't aware of where my life was there. So it's a bit of a drag to grow up heh.

 

Another reason why I get depressed is the fact that I haven't been around many girls in my life... Haven't dated but would of liked to with this one girl from middle school but she's just a good friend. (hardly see her now). So that gets to my head as well. I'm shy and nervous and what not when it comes to girls. All comes from the private schools heh.

 

 

I do have a psychiatrist for just other things... He didn't say to me that porn was good or bad when somehow the subject got brought up. But he said that masturbation was ok for anyone. It filled fantasies I believe he said. I really don't know if I can say this is a good or bad thing at this time....

[pisces1303]

by the way im 16 : /

[cleareye]

What was your secret to success?

 

I am a creature of habit. It took me years of looking to get into the gutter, so by starting a new behavior pattern of not looking, thats how I kicked it.

 

At first it was a lot of white knuckling, and I slipped a lot, but eventually I was able to go for a long time with out looking at porn.

 

Slowly over several years, the mental images faded. They are still there, but I have to dig to make them come into my minds eye.

 

My solution was to not touch a computer for a year. It was really tough, because I had to use them for my job. So I changed jobs, didt even touch a computer for 1 year. In that period of time, I had enough willpower built up to stay away.

[pisces1303]

I am a creature of habit. It took me years of looking to get into the gutter, so by starting a new behavior pattern of not looking, thats how I kicked it.

 

At first it was a lot of white knuckling, and I slipped a lot, but eventually I was able to go for a long time with out looking at porn.

 

Slowly over several years, the mental images faded. They are still there, but I have to dig to make them come into my minds eye.

 

My solution was to not touch a computer for a year. It was really tough, because I had to use them for my job. So I changed jobs, didt even touch a computer for 1 year. In that period of time, I had enough willpower built up to stay away.

 

 

I need the computer for school. I can't do homework without it. Plus I need to chat with friends and such...

Hm...

[New_Wife]

I would suggest that you find a club, sport, or other activity at your school that you like. It's a less-threatening way to meet new people than just walking up and saying: "Hi, will you be my friend?" or something like that (I know you wouldn't say that -btw- was just a generalization). Most schools have a lot of different activities, football, drama, chess, debate, choir, you name it.

 

If not that, maybe go to a YMCA for an event, or a Boys & Girls club or teen center if you have one nearby. I know it's hard to make new friends, but try to think outside the box a bit & start doing some things you think you might enjoy.

[pisces1303]

Well I'm in a youth group thing for kids who want to see what it's like to be a police officer. It's only Monday nights so far.

 

Um..... If I don't look at porn can I still....

[New_Wife]

Masterbate?

 

I think all guys do, hon.

 

My husband still does from time to time (or more, what do I know). I think that's pretty normal.

 

The only reason there's such a stink about it is because it's sexual. Think of it like picking your nose. No one really admits to doing it, but we all do. Just be sure it's not something others see & go on about your business.

[pisces1303]

Masterbate?

 

I think all guys do, hon.

 

My husband still does from time to time (or more, what do I know). I think that's pretty normal.

 

The only reason there's such a stink about it is because it's sexual. Think of it like picking your nose. No one really admits to doing it, but we all do. Just be sure it's not something others see & go on about your business.

 

 

I think I "should" hold off on it because I have mental images which is not appropriate. I don't think it should be good now because it'll change how I think of women but it's very hard to resist masterbation somtimes.

[New_Wife]

Do what you feel is best for you then.

 

But a little hint here - there aren't really any "appropriate" images to do that particular activity to. If you were thinking of appropriate things (fluffy bunnies, little kittens), a person would REALLY have to worry about you!

[pisces1303]

Do what you feel is best for you then.

 

But a little hint here - there aren't really any "appropriate" images to do that particular activity to. If you were thinking of appropriate things (fluffy bunnies, little kittens), a person would REALLY have to worry about you!

 

is it possible to give up masterbation? Especially at this age.

[New_Wife]

I've not heard of anyone doing it with any real success. I suppose it's theoretically possible. Shoot, it's probably within the realm of possibility to chew off your own arm. But I'm not sure it's the best plan ever.

 

Who do you talk to about your questions? Besides on here? Do you have a trusted older brother, cousin, friend? I think an honest conversation with a normal male role model might be just the thing for you. I'm only able to give you my experience as a female and a mother of boys.

 

There's got to be some sort of public health information line or planned parenthood in your area that you can anonymously ask questions of?

 

I'm not trying to turn you away at all though, I just want you to know that I'm only qualified to answer from my somewhat limited perspective.

 

What I told my son is that it's pretty natural to figure out how your equipment works, and at his age (15), it's pretty normal to pay attention to it pretty often. My little brother, at his age, would get erections if the wind changed directions. It was embarassing for him because he felt like that six ounces of flesh ruled his life for a few years.

 

But, like all changes, he grew out of it, and seems to be a pretty normal guy in that respect now. I'm quite sure my son masterbates - but I don't ask. Don't really want to imagine it - he is my son - after all. But I don't want him to feel like a freak because he does.

 

I'd much prefer he handle things himself than let all of his sexual energy build up and make me a Grandma too soon.

 

I think, however, that there's an important distinction between thinking about a thing, and doing a thing. If you think sexy thoughts now and then, especially when you're doing the things boys do alone, so be it. Shoot, I often think about winning the lottery, but I've yet to actually DO it. (sad, but true). Sometimes, when I'm driving, I think about ramming the butthead who just cut me off on the freeway. Of course, I don't actually do it. The point is - just because you have thoughts, doesn't mean they rule you - or that you are a bad person for having them. It's what you do or do not do with them that really defines you.

 

If you think about looking at porn, but don't - well - then you've just shown yourself that you have more restraint than that. If you think about things you might like to do with a lady some day, but don't actually do them - that's your private day dream (like me ramming the car in front of me) and no harm done.

 

I hope that helps.

[pisces1303]

No I don't really have anyone to talk to thats useful.

 

I'm just afraid that I could act on such feeligns or thoughts. I know I have good sense but I don't want the addiction to over power that.

 

Yes you are helping. Thanks

[New_Wife]

Glad to hear it.

 

Well, I have lots of thoughts I don't act on. Most of them would get me arrested

 

At some point, you ARE going to have sex. Whether that is when you are older and married, in a deep relationship, or by accident sooner than that - is not something you can know just now. I think that thinking about it - just like you probably thought about driving a car before you could - is a pretty normal thing.

 

Being young and lonely, it makes a lot of sense that you'd fantasize about young ladies a lot. Females are more nurturing, and it's easier to get acquainted with them than males - in a new situation. Fantasizing about playing video games with the fellows might feel a little odd to you.

 

I'm glad to read that you're involved in a group on Mondays - I think it would be advisable to find a second group or activity as well. I'm confident that as soon as you occupy your mind and time with other pursuits, a lot of the immediacy and urgency to the porn and fantasies will fade.

 

You're obviously intelligent and well-spoken, have you considered a debate team? It's a great way to meet people because you have to interact by the very nature of the activity. Not to mention it's fun to pick a position (or be assigned one) and then argue it.

 

My son plays his guitar when he's stressed out, or sometimes he beats the punching bag. Both are good activities to take his mind off of things it really shouldn't be on - and he's joined a teenage band now after honing his skills on the guitar. This is just an example, but it does give him something else to do, and feel good about doing.

 

He still hits the old porn now and then. Like I said, it's hard for him to un-ring that bell. I have to ground him from the computer for it (I don't much like to, but action and consequence is one of those distateful parental things we've got to teach), and he puts forth more effort to avoid it for a longer period the next time. It's about progress, not perfection. Try to remember that - not just in regards to porn, either.

[pisces1303]

Is it okay to masterbate to non-nude women?

[Outcast]

I think the safest and most normal thing to do is to look at nude women or maybe partly clothed women. I suppose you can use women in clothes but the healthiest idea is to associate sexual feelings with things which are supposed to be sexual.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I think the safest and most normal thing to do is to look at nude women or maybe partly clothed women. I suppose you can use women in clothes but the healthiest idea is to associate sexual feelings with things which are supposed to be sexual.

 

Use?!?!! Oh yeah, that's healthy.