BRHW Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 hello BrainRightHeartWrong here, i can't retrieve my password or obtain a new one by email like I requested... anyhow... last night got home from work there is a message on my answerphone, an ex (my first love) I was with for one year I hadn't heard from her in say 5 years or more as she didn't want to speak to me anymore ( obviously!) she said hello its me here, i'll give you a ring back later, (she didn't though) i was talking to her aunt back in May and her aunt said she was talking about me recently and that I should give her a phonecall what is that all about? Link to post Share on other sites
shesays Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Wow, BRHW, I feel for you, that's pretty out of the blue. You're asking what her actions mean, but ohmygosh it could be almost anything. And ignore the aunt, relatives meddle in misguided ways sometimes. 1) She might want to get back together with you. But her motives could be not-so-great: Time fades the memories of the incompatibilities of our first loves, and so she might think you guys would be better together now. She may have just gone thru a horrible breakup, and might want reassurance that someone would still love her if she wanted them to. 2) She might want to try to be friends now. If you two were in love, you were probably best friends as well, and she might be at a place in her life where she needs someone to be a good friend to her. She might also have learned what a mistake it is to throwaway a friend. 3) She might want to apologize to you, and talking a little bit first would make that easier for her. If you were young, she probably treated you in ways that she regrets or feels bad about now that she's older/wiser. Maybe you feel the same way. I look back at some of the trivial crap that I picked on my first love about, and wish that I had treated him with more respect. I recently contacted him after years of no contact and we caught up and once we were comfortable talking again I apologized for how I treated him. 4) If she's still bitter about the breakup, she might want to rub in your face how "fantastic" her life is now. 5) She might have heard that Gwen Stefani song "Cool" and just wanted to do a little walk down memory lane with you. It could be any of these, or many others I'm sure if I thought about it longer. More than likely it's some combination of things; where first loves are concerned, there's always a mixed bag of emotions. By the way, what does your username refer to? Keep me updated if you eventually talk to her. I'm curious now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BRHW Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 thank you shesays!!! I have thought about most of your points already and they all seem to make sense, it could be one or a combination of them all (except number 4) , it definately isn't about bitterness as they wasn't any between us anyway she had a lot of problems, it wasn't the poor girls fault, she had a rough time in life and therefore was very much scarred I would never get back with her and I would be shocked if that is why she is contacting me, i'm pretty sure it isn't! We were 24 and 20 years old back then, I am now nearly 31 I have had 3 relationships since anyhow so I am well moved on! I am currently with an absolutely fantastic girl who I love to bits, I've only known her 2 months but for certain this is the girl i am going to marry, I've never felt so certain before, she is brilliant in every way, she is beautiful, no baggage, no problems, comes from a great family! I told my girlfriend about her calling me and she said I should speak to her all for now, BRHW ps. i made that name up as I came to loveshack heartbroken, confused and very depressed after a breakup... I knew logically in my brain that I shouldn't have felt that way as the girl was horrible but I still felt bad in my heart so hence the name! it really was her loss and my gain... especially if you seen and met my current girlfriend... she is magic beyond belief!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 can i just say, this has been very interesting to me to read... i was just browsing through here, trying to read up on any situations that i wonder about in relation to my own current relationship. i think that is highly noble and open and trustworthy of you to tell your current girlfriend about your ex gf calling you. some (most?) people wouldn't be that honest and forthcoming. sometimes i wonder if my current boyfriend would get a call like that out of the blue from his ex gf. not that i'm thinking it *would* happen, i just wonder. (i tend to think too much haha). his ex has been out of the picture for about 5 years. recently we were on a road trip together and he saw her (randomly, saw her passing, she didn't see him) and didn't tell me (until two months later).. i would have been interested in seeing what she looked like. i know that is getting into a different subject altogether. anyway i applaud your being open with your girl. i guess what i'm wondering is, does anyone have any advice for someone who (me) has been physically compared to (and on the losing end of the stick) to an ex gf? i am not an unconfident person, however ever since then i have been so insecure. (which is why i think i wanted to just see her?) i don't hate on her at all, i just wondered, curious. maybe i can finally let that worry/insecurity go if i could just hear someone else's take/opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
she_9325 Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 ok i was a guest when i posted this earlier but i signed up. after browsing a bit more i realize maybe i should have posted my question seperate from this thread but oh well live 'n learn. i hope someone out there sees my question and helps with a response.. Link to post Share on other sites
StopNow Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 "I've only known her 2 months but for certain this is the girl i am going to marry." DONT DO IT!!!!! Sorry could not help inject my own personal bias post-divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
BRHW Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 "DONT DO IT!!!!!" haha don't worry it'll not be for a long time yet... all i'm saying is she is good for me and makes me happy and is the best girl I have ever met... and I have been out with 100's of girls! marriage sometimes works you know! my grandparents ( both sets ) were together until they passed away Link to post Share on other sites
shesays Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 My grandparents are also together, have been for over 55 years. However I wouldn't want to be in their place, as happiness and love weren't and aren't a priority in their marriage. I would rather have a marriage that was happy for 10 years than have their marriage for 55. I'm just saying that simply lasting a long time isn't my definition of marriage "working". I hope your ex calling mystery ends well; I think it's really great to be friends with ex-lovers, they're some of the best. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Keep me updated if you eventually talk to her. I'm curious now. right update... i'll keep it short as its not really important to me... around 7 weeks ago yes me and my girlfriend were chilling out in my living room when the phone goes and its my ex from all that time ago... so my girlfriend leaves the room as she obviously felt uncomfortable, i was just polite to her and asked her about how she was and I told her about what I was doing and all the things that had happened in my family since, she didn't ask me about my lovelife and I didn't ask her I ended the conversation thanking her for phoning me and told her I was glad things turned out good for her at last, i didn't ask her for a number or tell her i'd call her, I just said "I'll speak to you again sometime" my girlfriend was understanding but was worried about her intentions and she has recently been asking did she phone me after that in which I totally understand where she is coming from BUT she has nothing to worry about... I don't know what that was all about... not wanting to know me then suddenly phones up after 6 years but I think I did the best thing and I am totally upfront with it all to my gf and she respects me for this I was truly glad to hear she was doing well and sounded far happier than when I knew her ( she had a lot of s*** in her life ) and I felt good about this how strange life is! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Hey, been ages since I've seen you on the site. Good to see ya! Well, you definately handled it well! Who knows what the ex wanted. Probably to make sure you were still alive. Or maybe she just started thinking of you and took a chance to call to say hello. Leave at that and if she does happen to call again, maybe mention to her you're in a serious relationship and it's not such a good idea to keep intouch. Hopefully your girlfriend doesn't worry about this, she really has nothing to worry about, I highly doubt that ex was hoping to get back with you. You prob. would have picked up on some hint. Yup, life is strange! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 hello whichway, been posting here recently and thought i'd visit this thread again as maybe i don't have to worry anymore about my current gf/ ex gf regarding this situation my old ex knows i'm still alive as I was talking to her aunt, my latest ex said it sounded like she was fishing for info and if i asked for her number she would have seen it as a sign like i was interested in her again, don't know what the heel is true but she told me her aunt said i looked lovely as I have long hair now and she told me she got a boob job ps. this girl is a hot chick but she is not for me ! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 call me irrational, i don't know, as some of you may know i have broken up with my latest ex... yes the girl i wanted to marry as this post shows yes my ex from years ago contacted me, should i call her and just want to be friends? i don't want to go with her again, would it do me good to just talk to this ex again? its been 6 years since we were together and i am over her is this a good idea? i don't care if she is married or whatever, i hope she moved on Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Nah I wouldnt... Like you said earlier, she sounds happy, and you are totally over this women. You caught up and chatted not long ago so I cant see any possible reasons why you should call her... Unless you have broken up and feeling lonely? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 yes thats true, i am broken up and feel very lonely, i'm lying about the house trying to forget her i am totally over my old old ex so maybe i shouldn't phone her, she is happy now, i'm not , i'm glad for her so maybe i should just leave it b i would not have thought of this if i had not broken up Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Ughh that sucks. Just ignore her. I got a message from my ex too last week, he knows I am married now He didn't speak to me for 3 years, and now this? WTF is wrong with people? I'd ignore it. Plain and simple. Exes are exes for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
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